Nubcake Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 It's been almost 2 months and I still think about my ex all day and deeply love her. I even cry at work sometimes. I'm even crying right now. It was a 2 year relationship and at the time of the dumping I still loved her since day one and felt fulfilled with her. She made it clear there is zero chance and has cut all ties completely and hooked up with someone a week later. I'm miserable everyday and she is on my mind constantly which causes me grief and pain. It felt like the world stopped every time I held her tight in my arms. My feelings towards her are as if she was my wife. I never bonded with my family and only have one friend. My ex was the only person I ever bonded with and shared my emotions and feelings with. She was the only person I could talk to now I have no one except posting my problems anonymously to strangers on the Internet. This is my first heartbreak and was wondering when do you usually go back to normal? I can't take this everyday and I really don't see it happening anytime soon if ever.
mammasita Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 It takes time, and it will pass. We've all been there. The main thing you need to do is to work on you. Find things that make YOU happy. Your life can't revolve around another person, your happiness has to come from within. I know it sounds SO cliche, but its so very true. 2
Lizrd3000 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Let me tell you something, everything you've said, I can relate. Everything. I also never bonded with anyone else besides my ex. She even made me open up to my mother, whom I never had a bond with. Anyways, I don't know how long it'll last. I'm a month a some days into the BU, so you're ahead of me. Just letting you know that you're absolutely not alone in this, we even share the same story. I also only have 1 close friend and a few others who I can go to but not really enjoy to go to... so yeah. 1
Author Nubcake Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) Ya I'm taking the long hard lonely road of time healing my wounds instead of replacing her with another woman because I'm somewhat of a loser/loner and can't just go out and hook up with someone. I don't know why, but it is a little comfortable knowing many share what i go through. I read some threads here and some people are in the year+ and still hurt which is just great...... Edited November 5, 2013 by Nubcake 2
Lizrd3000 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Ya I'm taking the long hard lonely road of time healing my wounds instead of replacing her with another woman because I'm somewhat of a loser/loner and can't just go out and hook up with someone. I read some threads here and some people are in the year+ and still hurt which is just great...... Not everyone is the same, who knows, you might heal in just 3 months. It depends on how you manage your thoughts, really. The road you take isn't the ''hard'' road, because eventually you'll feel the hurt anyway. I don't wanna hook up with another girl either, I prefer sitting out the pain. Even though I know there's a girl in my class who just got out of a 3 yr relationship and is interested in me being her rebound, I couldn't care less. I don't want to mask up my hurt, I'll face it head on. Good to know you do the same, hang on!
Author Nubcake Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) Not everyone is the same, who knows, you might heal in just 3 months. It depends on how you manage your thoughts, really. The road you take isn't the ''hard'' road, because eventually you'll feel the hurt anyway. I don't wanna hook up with another girl either, I prefer sitting out the pain. Even though I know there's a girl in my class who just got out of a 3 yr relationship and is interested in me being her rebound, I couldn't care less. I don't want to mask up my hurt, I'll face it head on. Good to know you do the same, hang on! You're right I don't know when for sure, but being alone makes thoughts of her always there so we will see. I can't hate her either because my love for her forgives everything. Hmm I think finding someone else does alleviate the hurt though. I guess it depends if your undying love was for the ex or for the feelings of love you gave/received to/from your ex (which can't be separated obviously). I think in my case it leaned more towards the feelings of love even though there were many cute individual moments we shared I don't know. I just feel if I fall for someone else then my ex won't even be a second thought. Hell, even after the break up she told me she didn't want to lose me completely and be friends then 3 days later of texting normal conversations she stopped texting and ignored me stated she is cutting all ties because she got the hots for a co worker. If I was in your situation I probably would pursue your classmate if She was someone I would be interested in because that's pretty much the only way I'm going to hook up with a woman is when she comes to me (my only two relationships, I never went after anyone). I would take it very slow since like you said it will be a rebound relationship if it happened. Edited November 5, 2013 by Nubcake
ayudorama Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 My feelings towards her are as if she was my wife. I never bonded with my family and only have one friend. My ex was the only person I ever bonded with and shared my emotions and feelings with. She was the only person I could talk to now I have no one except posting my problems anonymously to strangers on the Internet. This is my first heartbreak and was wondering when do you usually go back to normal? I can't take this everyday and I really don't see it happening anytime soon if ever. Sigh. I can relate to a lot of the things you're going through, with some minor differences - I tend to be extremely guarded, so I have very few close friends, but I'm grateful in a sense that I am very close to my parents. I can tell them anything, and know that at the end of the day, while they may get mad at me, they'd accept me all the same. I, like you, regarded my ex as more of a 'husband' than a boyfriend. Perhaps it was the apparent connection that made it easy for us to share our honest feelings about things. He was also my first love (first heartbreak) so when things got ugly, and I never got the amicable break-up I asked of him, things spiralled. It's been almost 8 months post-BU and NC, and I will share with you that it does get better - remarkably better. I'd be lying if I said I don't think of him anymore, I do, but markedly lesser than before. I still do miss him, but I have come to accept that the person I love, whoever that entity was, is just.. no longer alive. Sometimes we need to understand that if our exes loved us as much as we love them, then they would have at least tried to make things work. And that was how I moved on, because there is no point in me trying to keep someone who no longer wants to be with me. Then I often had dreams of being ignored by him. Mind you, even when we were together. I pushed them all aside, only to see my nightmares realized. Of course I do get the occasional dreams of him ignoring me, still - but when I wake up from these dreams, I no longer feel the need to cry, or to vent my frustration. Because it no longer matters to me how he feels, I'm all about me now. I know it is impossible to see through this fog right now, but I promise you, if you hang in there, give it time, stick with NC and face your feelings head-on and let them envelop you, when it has done its time, you can let go of these feelings and you'd feel much much better. Heartbreak, loss, grief - they kinda change a person. Normalcy, depending on how you see it, is no longer being the same person as you were before you met your ex. I've accepted that the heartbreak changed me irrevocably, and I've grown stronger for it. As for my feelings towards my ex after 8 months, I'm no longer curious about how he's doing, what he's doing, who he's with, but I no longer feel the urge to give him a piece of my mind, or to try to get him back. I don't hate him, but I have accepted that a small part of me will always love him. He was my best friend and confidante for a few years, and we did have many happy moments together. I guess what I'm getting at here is that my feelings for him no longer has any bearing on what I can or cannot do. You'll get there too someday, keep the faith mate 2
Author Nubcake Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 (edited) Well she did try to make things work at first. At one time she did considered me a future husband and was dead set on keeping it that way before her love slowly eroded away. Im the one to blame for the most part casuing that so I really dont deserve any sympathy I brought it all on myself. Its a situation where I know what I did wrong and what I should have done and honestly know for sure things would be different if I did said things. I took a girl who was deeply in love with me more than anything ever and caused her to feel the exact opposite over a span of 1-2 years. I will never be able to top that failure in my lifetime. I know what I could have had with her and how I actively blew it. This is why I feel It will be a very long time if ever I will get over her, but I know only time will tell. I dont know what I want, all I know is holding her tightly erases every bad thought/feeling temporarily. Edited November 6, 2013 by Nubcake
Dumped85 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Ya I'm taking the long hard lonely road of time healing my wounds instead of replacing her with another woman because I'm somewhat of a loser/loner and can't just go out and hook up with someone. I don't know why, but it is a little comfortable knowing many share what i go through. I read some threads here and some people are in the year+ and still hurt which is just great...... I wss with my ex for only 8 months, and unfortunately have trouble with being a lonee. I made her my world aswell. Its been almost five months post BU, And I still dream of her, I hate it. I hate her. I had a bit of a panic attack this morning over her. Found out she moved on aswell about a month ago. Maybe some people are only made for one relationship. Im starting to feel that way.
AnyaNova Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Ya I'm taking the long hard lonely road of time healing my wounds instead of replacing her with another woman because I'm somewhat of a loser/loner and can't just go out and hook up with someone. I don't know why, but it is a little comfortable knowing many share what i go through. I read some threads here and some people are in the year+ and still hurt which is just great...... I am liking this post, because I like that you are taking time to work on yourself and make yourself healthier and stronger. But stop calling yourself a loser and a loner. You are nothing of the sort. And I would bet you that there are women out there that would love to go out with you. If you don't think that's true, consider this. I have a great AvPD trait-dar. The men that I have been in a relationship with, considered being in a relationship with, or even feel safe to be in a relationship with, all have some set or combination of avoidant traits. To a one. Now, the likelihood is probably that you don't have traits of, or a severe personality disorder, which definitely raises the chance that there are women out there who would definitely view you as a viable partner. And even if you do, I can't be the only woman out there with funky personality issue hang-ups with the men I choose. And if you are feeling particularly low and self-depricating, consider how many women stay with abusive jerks. Most likely you are not an abusive jerk. You are head and shoulders above abusive jerks. Therefore, there are plenty of women who don't want abusive jerks, and plenty who are sick of the abusive jerks that they have already come across in their lives. That is a lot of women. Part of getting stuck on your ex, I think is seeing a lack of viable partners, where there isn't one. I know that since I declared to myself that unless something in my real life surprised me, I was going to take a dating moratorium (I say that like I've been on so many dates since the breakup-one only), I've slipped back into more feelings of loss and regret over my ex. I am hoping that stage passes soon. Because I do need to work on myself.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Everyone is different, Nubcake. My turning point was around the 2 month mark. I'm 3 months post BU and I'm doing really good. I've lost weight, got my appetite back, reconnecting with old friends and am enjoying life again. Before then, I was on a roller coaster of emotions, sick, sad, angry, hopeless... you name it. I still think about my ex every single day and I know it will be while longer before I get over him but I am no longer waking up with a heavy heart or going to bed anxious and feeling utterly alone. I can now think about my ex without feeling pain and sadness. I no longer want to be in a relationship with him and am to the point where I am thankful that he had the cojones to break up. I've accepted that he was/is not the right man for me. I did everything I could to propel my healing but I can't say there was one thing that helped more than another. It feels amazing to be able to breath fully and laugh again. You too, in time, will get here. Do the best you can and know that everything you're feeling and going through is normal. You will break out of it someday, though. Have hope bc IT WILL GET BETTER.
cavalier99 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Took me 7 month pure pure NC to get about 98 percent indifferent. Started dating again then it was 100 percent over. I thought the suffering would never end but it did. Rock on! Cav
Author Nubcake Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Thanks for replies, some days are worse than others. Knowing she is indifferent towards me since day one of breakup will help me feel the same way.
Blastoplast Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Takes a while. I was with my EX 7 years -- took me about a year to stop thinking about her daily. Now it's maybe once a week, and it grows less and less with each passing month. When you start dating somebody else, pretty much all your energy will be devoted to your new interest. I'd lie if I don't think about my EX at all, usually it's just a passing thought wondering what she's up to. But I don't think about what we were, or what we could have been.
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