Lizrd3000 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I hate you, but I love you. And I hate feeling this way. I know how you feel, we're each others ''drug''. We're junkies, drug addicts. I wish I never met you, but then again, I wouldn't be the person I am today. You say I don't know how you feel, but I'm the only one who desperatly wants to know how you feel. I hate that you think that I don't care, I'm in tears, every time I imagine the things that you've said. I know you love me, and I know you think that I don't love you, because I'm not replying to your messages anymore.. But I do. I hate how I imagined my future with you, because all of that is in pieces now. You've told me not to have high expectations in life about anything, but that's what kept me going. Now that you're not here anymore, I begin to realize that this way of thinking only backfires in the end. I wish I met you early on in life, so that I could've protected you back then, and you wouldn't be so broken like you are now. I wish I wasn't as broken as I am, so that I would have a heart you would be able to wrap around and feel safe. I know how you feel, don't you dare saying I don't anymore, I hate it. 4
AnyaNova Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I hate you, but I love you. And I hate feeling this way. I know how you feel, we're each others ''drug''. We're junkies, drug addicts. I wish I never met you, but then again, I wouldn't be the person I am today. You say I don't know how you feel, but I'm the only one who desperatly wants to know how you feel. I hate that you think that I don't care, I'm in tears, every time I imagine the things that you've said. I know you love me, and I know you think that I don't love you, because I'm not replying to your messages anymore.. But I do. I hate how I imagined my future with you, because all of that is in pieces now. You've told me not to have high expectations in life about anything, but that's what kept me going. Now that you're not here anymore, I begin to realize that this way of thinking only backfires in the end. I wish I met you early on in life, so that I could've protected you back then, and you wouldn't be so broken like you are now. I wish I wasn't as broken as I am, so that I would have a heart you would be able to wrap around and feel safe. I know how you feel, don't you dare saying I don't anymore, I hate it. Sorry. I read it. I wish that my ex had written this. I wish my ex had said this. I wish my ex meant this. 2
Author Lizrd3000 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Sorry. I read it. I wish that my ex had written this. I wish my ex had said this. I wish my ex meant this. Hey Anya, how're you doing? I forgot which day you were going to see your therapist, but have you seen him yet? I'm curious how it went. Keep me updated on this!
Author Lizrd3000 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 I'm happy I made this post, I was on the verge of texting my ex, oooh god. Stupid brain. I'm OK now.
Nubcake Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I'm happy I made this post, I was on the verge of texting my ex, oooh god. Stupid brain. I'm OK now. Hopefully I resist like you did and don't text her on her birthday which is coming up.... I'm sure she will ignore me anyway but it won't help if I did.
maiden555 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I wish I wasn't as broken as I am, so that I would have a heart you would be able to wrap around and feel safe. Ooh. Wish my ex would say this. I think he would if he could find the words.
AnyaNova Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hey Anya, how're you doing? I forgot which day you were going to see your therapist, but have you seen him yet? I'm curious how it went. Keep me updated on this! I still find it absolutely eerie, how everything you said in the OP could apply to my own situation. I really do wish that my ex had written that. I mean, even if he didn't want to have any more contact for whatever reason, just the assurance that he did care, and would always care at least a little bit, so it wasn't complete and outright rejection, and also because I know, just given who I am, I will always on some level care about him. Even if down the road,, it is just a little bit. So, anyway, back to my therapist, I just saw him this afternoon. He thinks that I do not actually have the full blown disorder, not really because of any less symptomage or functional disturbance, but more just because it is really rare for someone who has it to recognize it. As much as I wish I could say, "yippee" I don't really have it and I just have some similar and strong traits of it (because that would have a much better prognosis), the patterns are pervasive enough in my life, that I am still think it is likely that I do. The sick thing, of course, is that I look for avoidant traits in my romantic partners. And that is what registers as "safe" to me.
sam-confused Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 everyone has said that they wish their ex had said this ... including me. it would be nice to know that my ex feels something instead of covering it all up (with another girl). It's amazing how every word in the op can be matched to most peoples situation and it makes you feel like your not alone. 2
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