lots of odds

[pippin]

i became a member of this today, as i am in need of advice from someone who understands, as everyone i know judges cause they have never been through anything like this before, so here is my story...i am a 23 year old female who has been in a relationship for 6 years, and am currently ending it, i met a man that lives just a few cities away online, heres the catch, he is 45...2 kids aged 16 and 17, and going through a seperation with his wife right now...we have been dating for 6 months in secret, we see each other almost every second weekend for the full weekend staying in hotels, we are very much in love with each other, he has asked me to move to his city and we could get an apartment together, i am just so confused, his wife knows nothing about us, he says that once i agree to tell my family and ex he will tell his and we will do it together, the problem is whenever we dont get the chance to talk, and i know he is at home i get worried about what may be going on, i get jealous thinking about him and his wife, and i worry sometimes that he is not being honest with me, i have no reason to not believe what he says, or to doubt him, is it normal of me to do so...what we deal with in our relationship is 1. i am 23..he is 45...2.he has two kids and is not yet divorced...3.it is currently a long distance relationship...should i deal with heartache and move on, would that be best for all involved..or should i deal with the baggage because i am ery much on love?

[Moose]

Pippen,

 

I don't agree with cheating period....everyone here knows that. I don't know what's happening with his marriage, so I'll let that one go for now. I'm going to assume that it's irrepairable and tell you what my opinion is.

 

This ultimatum about you tell your family first, then he tells his family second is a crock of $hit. If he's truly serious about moving in with you, he shouldn't be placing you in a situation to where you make the first move. The thing is that he's not willing to leave his wife until he has the security of someone else, (you), right there waiting for him. That just tells me he's got some insecurities.

 

If I were you, I'd tell him that if his marriage can't be fixed, then he's to get his divorce, the apartment or house he wants, on his own.....then, and only then will you agree to move in with him. (I would also lay down expectations from him to, what bills he pays, what bills you pay.....etc.).

 

Don't fall for this nonsense. You could wind up telling your family about this wonderful man you want to spend your life with and wind up in a strange town, with an apartment you can't afford.

 

Good Luck!

Moose

[LucreziaBorgia]

he says that once i agree to tell my family and ex he will tell his and we will do it together

 

 

If you want to see how sincere this guy is, call his bluff and tell him that you would like to set a firm date for doing that and insist on sticking to it. Tell him if it is not done by that date, then he can consider that a "goodbye".

 

I expect you'll get an answer, but it probably won't be the one you want. You never know though, stranger things have happened.

[Saving Grace]

I have been in your shoes~

 

I am 1 week going into a divorce trying to save my marriage. One I destroyed by having a secret relationship. I am 7 months pregnant and do not know which if my H or the OM is the father, both know the possibility exists it's his.

 

Why are you ending a relationship that has lasted for 6 years for something that has only existed for 6 months?

 

If you are so in love it shouldn't be a secret.

 

And you do have every reason not to believe or doubt him because he is doing it to his wife..How do you know he wouldn't do it to you?

 

I know this is difficult. I believe(d) the the OM is my soul-mate. But my H is the one my life was intended to be with, it was the path that was created for me.

 

All relationships have a very wonderful beginning but just like everything else that to does fade. My jealously got in the way of both my relationships and has destroyed both of them. Now I am alone yet I am not, they are both still a part of my life just differently.

 

If he loves you then it shouldn't matter when you tell your friends and family so that he can tell his. He is merely protecting himself.

 

Be careful my friend~Love isn't supposed to hurt....

 

Age has no bearing on love, my parents were 17 years difference. That fact he is married is something of relevance. If your truly unsure give him a deadline, give him an ultimatum, you obviously aren't married but destroying any relationship is difficult. Unless your 6 year relationship has no potential it should matter when you leave him, because you don't really want to be with him do you? Tell your 6 month partner he need to s#it or get off the pot if he really loves you~

[pippin]

Thank you to everyone for the advice i have been given so far...just to clear up a few issues...to Moose yes his marriage is irrepairable, and it has been decided on both ends that they will divorce, or so he tells me and i do believe, i would not pursue a relationship as the other woman, secondly my 6 year relationship has become more of a brother sister relationship for me, he is my best friend, the person i can be the most comfortable with, i just have to passion or lust, with my new boyfriend i am in love and lust.....its just all so confusing as i dont want to be the naive younger girl that is just there for pleasure, i mean we have been through alot, fights, health issues, we really are a support system for one another, and in love and in lust, i guess i am just scared...

[Owl]

Pippin-

 

I'm also a well-known "dont cheat ever" person. So, like Moose, with that being said...

 

You don't know that his relationship with his wife is irreperable. You only know what he's TOLD you about that relationship. News flash friend...people involved in affairs LIE! They lie to everyone...to their spouses, to their lovers, to their friends...there is no reason in the world for him to tell you the truth if his marriage is fine, is there? If he did that, you wouldn't want to be with him, would you? So, instead, of course he's going to tell you his marriage is on the rocks...its what MOST of the MM do in this kind of circumstance. He's going to make his marriage seem horrible to you...when he still goes home to her at the end of every other weekend, doesn't he?

 

You can't win in this situation, no matter what the outcome. Cut your losses and walk away NOW. You should seriously consider asking the moderators to move this post to the "The Other Man/Woman Forum", btw. That way you'll get input from a lot of others who have been in your shoes.

 

Good luck!

[Ladyjane14]

You're very young Pippin. Slow down a little. Time is on your side.

 

If it's meant to be, it'll wait until the details are alot less murky. If his wife doesn't know anything about you, then I doubt you have all the facts. Call me cynical.

 

Why not have a nice chat with her? Check out his story. If he's been truthful, he might be momentarily peeved, but he'll get over it.

 

If he has not been truthful, well.......better to know now rather than later.

 

[desparate]

Pippin...he is lying. As a man I can tell you he is lying. Why would he still be with his wife if the marriage is irrepairable? He should be ending his marriage not because of you but because his marriage is over. Don't fall for this...he is toying with you. In the end I think you will lose. Don't base any of your decisions on lust or weekend rendezvous'. You have to consider the possibility that things don't work out and you wind up alone...will you be okay with that??? Cheating is wrong under any circumstances!!!!!

[Miss Perfection]

Originally posted by pippin

i became a member of this today, as i am in need of advice from someone who understands, as everyone i know judges cause they have never been through anything like this before, so here is my story...i am a 23 year old female who has been in a relationship for 6 years, and am currently ending it, i met a man that lives just a few cities away online, heres the catch, he is 45...2 kids aged 16 and 17, and going through a seperation with his wife right now...we have been dating for 6 months in secret, we see each other almost every second weekend for the full weekend staying in hotels, we are very much in love with each other, he has asked me to move to his city and we could get an apartment together, i am just so confused, his wife knows nothing about us, he says that once i agree to tell my family and ex he will tell his and we will do it together, the problem is whenever we dont get the chance to talk, and i know he is at home i get worried about what may be going on, i get jealous thinking about him and his wife, and i worry sometimes that he is not being honest with me, i have no reason to not believe what he says, or to doubt him, is it normal of me to do so...what we deal with in our relationship is 1. i am 23..he is 45...2.he has two kids and is not yet divorced...3.it is currently a long distance relationship...should i deal with heartache and move on, would that be best for all involved..or should i deal with the baggage because i am ery much on love?

 

 

 

 

WOW, "YOU DATE WHO YOU ARE" both of you are cheaters and deserve whatever happens.

No sympathy from me....people like you make me sick. I'll stop typing before I say more crap.....

[indigo_moon]

This dog is old enough to be your father, and you're young enough to be his daughter. He's likely approaching some midlife crisis and was online looking for a young, naive girl to make him feel young and virile. Don't believe for one minute that he's "truly" separated..........for if he really was, you and he wouldn't be a secret.......he'd be settled in the decision to end his marriage and he wouldn't want to keep "moving on with his life" (read: you) a secret.

 

Bet you $20 you don't have his home phone number.....bet all you have is his cell # and office #.......................and why do you think that would be ? Because he still lives with his wife, despite what he says (which is a crock).

 

And the only reason he's giving you the ultimatum that if you tell your current b/f and family about "you two", that he'll then tell his people is to buy him time..............because he knows telling your boyfriend of 6 yrs isn't going to be easy............and it will likely take you some time..........and in the meantime, that buys him time should you ask him why he's not told anyone.

 

For all you know he's got 5 other women he's met "online" on a string.

 

Do you really want to be with someone who would cheat on his wife like this, and betray not only her but his children? That's the kind of man you'd RESPECT and want to give up a 6 yr relationship for?

 

He sounds one step above a pimp....no wait, he's worse because at least a pimp is upfront............this guy is trying to be smooth and charming, taking advantage of your naivete.

 

He'll never leave his wife and family....................you are his delicious little side-dish. Don't throw your life away with this predator.

[pippin]

I just want to clear something up cause everytime someone on here says i am cheating or he is cheating i feel i explained myself wrong, i am ending a 6 year relationship, my ex-boyfriend is aware that our relationship is over, he is aware we are no longer together as a couple, we are just in the process of moving apart...our belongings and what not, his wife is aware they are divorcing, they have been meeting with lawyers and signing papers and doing all the legalities, the only thing is neither of us feel ready to tell our ex's at this point, so no i am not cheating...that is important to me that you all know.....the issues we are facing now though for those of you who do understand where i am coming, early in the year back in february he and his wife had bought tickets for a trip to Flordia with the kids for Christmas, now that they are seperated.....they have these tickets, he says the kids would rather go with him then her, and he tells me that either way it is only going to be him and the kids or her and the kids...not the both of them.....in my heart i believe that it is true, but as a young woman i cant help wonder if maybe they are both going and taking the kids too.....?.....but at any rate i just wanted to clear up the fact that i am not cheating on anyone......

[douglovin]

23 ... 45.... in a few years when he can't get it up no more, what then?