Weightlesswings Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 My now ex boyfriend and I had the best 9 months together. However, he does smoke a lot of pot and have anger issues but we were trying to fix that and help him get through that together. I was there for the good and the bad times and never gave up hope on our relationship. About a week ago he became friends with an old friend (I don't have a problem about him hanging out with friends) and this friend about three months ago caused us to break up because he would lie about who he was with and where he was going because he was going to get high. Due to this he was kicked out of home and lost his job and his life was basically a wreck. He finally came back to his senses and we got back together. Last Monday I caught him lying about where he was and after a lot of arguing he promised he would always tell the truth and we calmly began to discuss how that communication is the key and it will save a lot of arguments. Yesterday (Monday) was our nine months and he said he didn't have any money to take me out and I said I didn't care as long as I spent time with him. As I have exams coming up I went to his house for a bit and he helped me study. Later that night I found out he went clubbing and to the strippers and pretended he was just at a mates house. Once he realised I found out he told me there's nothing he can say or do to make things better and he doesn't want to make things better because I deserve someone better than him and I'm never going to hear from him again but he still loves me and he knows I'm a gorgeous princess and I deserve to be treated like one. I asked him why it had to be this way and why we couldn't be friends because I still clearly care for him and he never text me back. I never wanted to break up! I want to give him another chance and I just want him to wake up and realise how good I am for him and partying and risking his job is not the way to go. I have to get money back from him tomorrow and I don't know how to go about it. I want him back and I don't know how
Haydn Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 You dont need this guy. He has treated you terribly. Its seems that many of us here have supported a sick or a partner who cheats only to be dropped later and we are left to pick up the pieces. You should really try to move away from this one. Everything you have said sounds like you have given everything and received nothing back. Take time for yourself. 2
Uwaae Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Seems like youre being more of a mother type to him than a girlfriend. You should have the courage to leave him if you dont accept what he's doing 1
Sugarkane Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 You dont need this guy. He has treated you terribly. Its seems that many of us here have supported a sick or a partner who cheats only to be dropped later and we are left to pick up the pieces. You should really try to move away from this one. Everything you have said sounds like you have given everything and received nothing back. Take time for yourself. Can this be pinned at the top?!
headinthecloud Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Please leave him. The lying is grounds to justify leaving him as he doesn't respect you enough to tell you the truth. Trust is the cornerstone of a relationship and he's broken yours repeatedly and you continue to let him. He will cheat on you, if he hasn't already. You deserve better. Forget the money, you'll never get it. My ex lied to me repeatedly, and I justified his lies and continued to stay in his life. In the end, I'm much better off. You don't need someone in your life you treats you poorly (no matter his words, it's his actions that count). Have the courage to move on and let go of him. He won't change, that I can guarantee. You deserve to be loved, he doesn't love you. You're just an option to him until he finds better. 2
AlmostFrench Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 My recent ex smoked pot too, but we didn't have the same issues with him lying about where he was. When I moved to his country this year he was smoking everyday, last year when I lived here with him he only smoked a couple of times a week. 4 times I asked him to cut down, cos it got to the point where he would come straight home from work and smoke and I felt outcasted. Those 4 times he broke his promise in cutting down and I was upset about it, he said his feelings had changed and he wanted to break up. I think he was too addicted to the pot to give it up, and chose that over me. Someone who is getting high all the time is not in a place to know their emotions I think. I think your man has done the same. He saw you asking to quit as you taking his freedom, so he thought 'I'll show her" and went out behind your back. I don't think there is anything you can do. Smoking pot is now a deal breaker for me. I thought it was ok if someone only does it once in a while (I hate it personally) but now I have realized people like that are usually using it as an emotional crutch because they can't deal with the real world, their thoughts and emotions. A good friend of mine was married to her boyfriend (so they could live together) they were together 8 years and she moved to the UK for him. When she went on a vacation he dumped her via Facebook. She moved back home and she said it was really weird because he was the nicest guy before. 3 months later he chased her down. He said he had quit pot and think it had screwed him up, he was confused about everything and didn't know his feelings when he was on it. I think a pothead has to make the decision themselves to quit. There is nothing you can do to change his mind or make him quit. My ex wanted to marry me, but I think his feelings changed when he thought he would have to give up pot for me. Your ex has taken his smoking a step further, his whole life is a mess now. Get your money off him if it is a big sum, if it is small forget about it. Disappear and leave him in his mess of a life. Don't give him support or try to be friends and help him sort it out. I don't think you will want him back by the time you move on. He was not a good guy to you! The only thing that would make him change his mind is if he woke up to himself, quit and got his life in order. But who knows how long that will take? Don't wait around for it to happen. Try writing a pros and cons list of him and your relationship. It helped me think a bit more rationally when my emotions got the best of me. Post it here if you want too xo 1
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