woolgather Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Was in a very intense 11-month relationship. We got married 6 months in. I thought he was a recovered sex- and drug-addict, but turned out neither was the case (can confirm the former, only have conjecture for the latter). We both had mental health issues, but he ended up in the hospital twice since we first met (he ended up in hosp the two times when we were broken up--he wanted the break up). We met in a mental hospital, actually. Anyway, the more unhealthy our relationship got the more scared I was to leave. Finally, after many break-ups and make-ups, I found out he was looking for prostitutes, which I can guess he did to make me leave him. It's been less than 2 weeks. I have not really spoken to him. No closure or anything. Yesterday I got really depressed. I was fantasizing about him calling me. I am pretty jealous because there is this girl he has thought was pretty since he was a young boy, and he calls her when we are broken up, because, in his words, "she makes me feel better." I just hate it because they have spoken a handful of times, and I have been the person REALLY there for him. It makes me feel useless. She is his fantasy, his dream girl. Whereas I was at some point, but then I became the reality, and that just wasn't good enough for him. She will always remain his dream girl, because she would not be so foolish as to have a relationship with this person. I wish I remained his dream girl, and he my dream. Our reality was just too ugly. I want to sleep all the time. My therapist says I should right now. She believes that I have the capacity to self-harm right now, and that at least sleeping will temporarily keep me from that. I don't know what to do. I called him when he was in the mental hospital last week, and he was not interested in speaking to me at all. Feel so discarded. If I were that girl that he's known since his childhood, he's be chipper to hear from me. Why does someone else always seem to have more to offer? Anyway, divorce lawyer getting back to me this week. Very nervous. But mostly, I am so depressed--what do I do?
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