Inviv_girl Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 OK, after sometimes away I really need to go back here and seeking for advice as I really dont know where to run and who to ask for advice. So, after 11 months of my broke up with my ex-, finally now I could open up my heart and give a room for a new guy, it was hard at the beginning but now we are started dating for few months already, we are in a relationship and happy.. Somehow things up all of sudden and he has this job offer that required him to leave the country. He says he loves me and wannabe with me. But this job promising better future for him and he wants to take it, and with long distance its not gonna work for both of us. Now he tell me he wants to sort his mind and wanna "break". Im confused, I'm stunned. I haven't give him any reply for that, is this going to happen again to me? the break up? and I have to crawl back to zero in a heart break? to be honest Im hurt with all of this situation. Please advice anyone. What should I do, what should I say to him, what should I do to myself.
Fufu Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 OK, after sometimes away I really need to go back here and seeking for advice as I really dont know where to run and who to ask for advice. So, after 11 months of my broke up with my ex-, finally now I could open up my heart and give a room for a new guy, it was hard at the beginning but now we are started dating for few months already, we are in a relationship and happy.. Somehow things up all of sudden and he has this job offer that required him to leave the country. He says he loves me and wannabe with me. But this job promising better future for him and he wants to take it, and with long distance its not gonna work for both of us. Now he tell me he wants to sort his mind and wanna "break". Im confused, I'm stunned. I haven't give him any reply for that, is this going to happen again to me? the break up? and I have to crawl back to zero in a heart break? to be honest Im hurt with all of this situation. Please advice anyone. What should I do, what should I say to him, what should I do to myself. I understand your confusion. The relationship seems to be going well and both of you are happy. And here comes an unexpected situation tat required him to leave the country and this relationship becomes a LDR suddenly. I personally think that it is normal for him to want to re-evaluate this relationship because is it true that LDR is very different from a relationship that both individuals can see each other on a more regular basis. My personal advice is to accept his decision that he wants to sort his thinking out first. First of all, you will want to be in a relationship with a man who is firm in who he wants to be (no hesitation or doubts). And also it is important to give him the space to think it through. Don't rush and don't force him for an answer now. Of course, while giving him the space, it also giving you the space to think whether are you really alright in being in a LDR? LDR takes a lot more commitment from both individuals, do you have the trust in him being overseas and not able to see him on a regular basis? 1
Haydn Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I am sorry to here this. Him saying he wants a break probably means the LDR wont work for him as well. But you haven`t broken up as such? I think you can sit down and talk it through with him. If it won`t work for both of you then it really could be over. Best of luck. OK, after sometimes away I really need to go back here and seeking for advice as I really dont know where to run and who to ask for advice. So, after 11 months of my broke up with my ex-, finally now I could open up my heart and give a room for a new guy, it was hard at the beginning but now we are started dating for few months already, we are in a relationship and happy.. Somehow things up all of sudden and he has this job offer that required him to leave the country. He says he loves me and wannabe with me. But this job promising better future for him and he wants to take it, and with long distance its not gonna work for both of us. Now he tell me he wants to sort his mind and wanna "break". Im confused, I'm stunned. I haven't give him any reply for that, is this going to happen again to me? the break up? and I have to crawl back to zero in a heart break? to be honest Im hurt with all of this situation. Please advice anyone. What should I do, what should I say to him, what should I do to myself. 1
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 I understand your confusion. The relationship seems to be going well and both of you are happy. And here comes an unexpected situation tat required him to leave the country and this relationship becomes a LDR suddenly. I personally think that it is normal for him to want to re-evaluate this relationship because is it true that LDR is very different from a relationship that both individuals can see each other on a more regular basis. My personal advice is to accept his decision that he wants to sort his thinking out first. First of all, you will want to be in a relationship with a man who is firm in who he wants to be (no hesitation or doubts). And also it is important to give him the space to think it through. Don't rush and don't force him for an answer now. Of course, while giving him the space, it also giving you the space to think whether are you really alright in being in a LDR? LDR takes a lot more commitment from both individuals, do you have the trust in him being overseas and not able to see him on a regular basis? Hey thank you for your kind words, I do trust him for that. We had the conversation about our relationship and we express each other feelings, he said he loves me and wannabe with me. He also said he doesnt wannabe in a LDR. I'm confused here what it is exactly that he wants, he says really wants to sort his mind and wanna break maybe a week? I still havent respond to him about that, and he send me sad smiley
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Any other input anyone? please..
headinthecloud Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hey thank you for your kind words, I do trust him for that. We had the conversation about our relationship and we express each other feelings, he said he loves me and wannabe with me. He also said he doesnt wannabe in a LDR. I'm confused here what it is exactly that he wants, he says really wants to sort his mind and wanna break maybe a week? I still havent respond to him about that, and he send me sad smiley I'm sorry you're going through this. He has been very clear with you, he does not want a LDR. Some people just aren't capable of doing them. You have to respect his wishes and let him go. This "break" is in fact a BU, he's just trying to let you down easy. I know this is truly hard to hear. I didn't want to accept it either when people told me to let it go. But I did and I have and it was the best thing I ever did. The pain is real, and it's terrible. But it does pass. From a positive perspective, he loves and respects you enough to tell you the truth. In my opinion, that is a comforting thought. But let go of all hope that you will work it out between you. If you don't let him go then you are not respecting his wishes and things will go sour anyways. He made the decision, he has to live with the consequences of losing you. Be strong and follow through. Let him go and wish him happiness and success in his new life and job. Go full NC. I found this breakuprecoveryguide helpful while going through my BU (Breakup Recovery Guide). Good luck and post here as often as you need to. You're not alone. 2
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through this. He has been very clear with you, he does not want a LDR. Some people just aren't capable of doing them. You have to respect his wishes and let him go. This "break" is in fact a BU, he's just trying to let you down easy. I know this is truly hard to hear. I didn't want to accept it either when people told me to let it go. But I did and I have and it was the best thing I ever did. The pain is real, and it's terrible. But it does pass. From a positive perspective, he loves and respects you enough to tell you the truth. In my opinion, that is a comforting thought. But let go of all hope that you will work it out between you. If you don't let him go then you are not respecting his wishes and things will go sour anyways. He made the decision, he has to live with the consequences of losing you. Be strong and follow through. Let him go and wish him happiness and success in his new life and job. Go full NC. I found this breakuprecoveryguide helpful while going through my BU (Breakup Recovery Guide). Good luck and post here as often as you need to. You're not alone. Thank you, Im reading the link now. I dont know.. I just cant out my head together for the moment!
Fufu Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hey thank you for your kind words, I do trust him for that. We had the conversation about our relationship and we express each other feelings, he said he loves me and wannabe with me. He also said he doesnt wannabe in a LDR. I'm confused here what it is exactly that he wants, he says really wants to sort his mind and wanna break maybe a week? I still havent respond to him about that, and he send me sad smiley Give him the one week break and let him sort out his mind. If he wants LDR, I rather he really wants it than having any second guesses. Just thought of this, have you tried asking him what are his issues or fears on LDR?
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Give him the one week break and let him sort out his mind. If he wants LDR, I rather he really wants it than having any second guesses. Just thought of this, have you tried asking him what are his issues or fears on LDR? Hey no I haven't ask him about his fear etc.. but he just told me it just won't work for the LDR. His company will send him overseas slightly next year at the end of the year and he thought about the whole stuffs now I asked of there is someone else he swear to me no.
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Arghhh I just cant get my head together, he just told me he is upset he wants time to think. Any other input anyone? please...
Anethen Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 The best thing you can do is give him the "break." Don't text or call him during this time. If he comes around, then you will know that he truly wants to be with you and work it out. And if not, well it's better he told you now then lead you on for several months until he leaves. The hurt would be much worse if it happened months down the road. Be thankful it happened now. 1
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 The best thing you can do is give him the "break." Don't text or call him during this time. If he comes around, then you will know that he truly wants to be with you and work it out. And if not, well it's better he told you now then lead you on for several months until he leaves. The hurt would be much worse if it happened months down the road. Be thankful it happened now. Yes I'm doing it and giving him the space he asked for. The night we talked about everything was he stated very clear that he loves me and definitely wannabe with me. And then the next morning he says he wants time for himself to sort his mind. I dont understand.. So what kind of "space" he actually needed? do you think he thinks of way to break up with me?
hestheone66 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 If not then you should end the relationship. It gives you more power than waiting for his decision, as though yourlife and certainty is less important than his. Option 3..give him all the space he needs but dont promise to be exclusive. If someone better comes along then you are free to pursue it ..
Fufu Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Hey no I haven't ask him about his fear etc.. but he just told me it just won't work for the LDR. His company will send him overseas slightly next year at the end of the year and he thought about the whole stuffs now I asked of there is someone else he swear to me no. Not everyone is cut out for LDR as there are people who fear of "out of sight, out of mind". I think you should just give him the time to think over it but at the same time if really doesn't want any LDR, do tell yourself to move on from him (unless you are able to travel with him)
Fufu Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 The best thing you can do is give him the "break." Don't text or call him during this time. If he comes around, then you will know that he truly wants to be with you and work it out. And if not, well it's better he told you now then lead you on for several months until he leaves. The hurt would be much worse if it happened months down the road. Be thankful it happened now. And I agree with Anethen, if he doesn't want LDR, it's best he let you know now then several months down the road, it will even be more hurting. 2
emi Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Im so sorry you have to deal with this, i know you are feeling very bad right now, why everything seems to be so perfect and now its end suddenly for something you cannot control. But to be honest, you have to see things for how it really are : he just doesnt love you enough. Yea i said it. Why? You can just to go the Long-distance pages. There are many people have the same dilemma, or even worst. Like him,they dont want long-distance relationship, they dont want to be apart, but however they have no choice but to hang in and wait for the end date to be together because they decided they dont want to live without their partner I know its hard but try to put it this way. If its were you who get the offer to work oversea for better future, will you drop him because you believe long distance wont work? or you try everything to be together first before give up Go google, go read this forum, there are so many living proof that LDR can work ! I guess you are both financial stable. You can make visits. If you guys want, you can still pull it through, not just bail out when things get tough. Many people want their relationship to go smooth : date, lovey-dovey jealousy and get married, but to be honest, life dont work like that, everything is a struggle. If you guys can survive this trial i can sure guarantee you that your relationship will get stronger. Now i would suggest you to answer him say that you are willing to give it a chance, thats he meant much to you and if vice versa, you guys give its a shot. There is a saying goes like '' Distance is to love like wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small and kindles the great!'' If he turn it down, then there is nothing left to say. You gone through break up once, you know how to deal with it. You gonna survive this and love again. 3
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 If not then you should end the relationship. It gives you more power than waiting for his decision, as though yourlife and certainty is less important than his. Option 3..give him all the space he needs but dont promise to be exclusive. If someone better comes along then you are free to pursue it .. I'm giving the space he needs, and wait for him to initiate the contact. I want to go with him but this is not going to be easy. Should I contact him just to tell him Im giving the space you want but this is not fair to put me on hold and I will move forward? or just keep NC and just go along with my life? I dont even know what our status are right now if we are still together or not with this a week "break" that he requested
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Im so sorry you have to deal with this, i know you are feeling very bad right now, why everything seems to be so perfect and now its end suddenly for something you cannot control. But to be honest, you have to see things for how it really are : he just doesnt love you enough. Yea i said it. Why? You can just to go the Long-distance pages. There are many people have the same dilemma, or even worst. Like him,they dont want long-distance relationship, they dont want to be apart, but however they have no choice but to hang in and wait for the end date to be together because they decided they dont want to live without their partner I know its hard but try to put it this way. If its were you who get the offer to work oversea for better future, will you drop him because you believe long distance wont work? or you try everything to be together first before give up Go google, go read this forum, there are so many living proof that LDR can work ! I guess you are both financial stable. You can make visits. If you guys want, you can still pull it through, not just bail out when things get tough. Many people want their relationship to go smooth : date, lovey-dovey jealousy and get married, but to be honest, life dont work like that, everything is a struggle. If you guys can survive this trial i can sure guarantee you that your relationship will get stronger. Now i would suggest you to answer him say that you are willing to give it a chance, thats he meant much to you and if vice versa, you guys give its a shot. There is a saying goes like '' Distance is to love like wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small and kindles the great!'' If he turn it down, then there is nothing left to say. You gone through break up once, you know how to deal with it. You gonna survive this and love again. Hello Emi, thank you for your kind words. You are right about some stuffs and I do believe LDR can work. It is hard for the moment to give this "space" he wants to sort his mind. I dont know if he really sort his mind or finding a way to break up with me. I stay positive that he will come back and work things out and find solution. Saying I love you is just a word I understand action speaker than words.
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Just put him on restricted list on my facebook, I dont want him to see what I posted and all stuffs. I dont want to delete him.. yet
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Just want to vent some more here. I miss him dearly but Im still fighting with the urge to contact him. Im really sad! we saw each other online the whole time but he doesnt want to initiate the contact just a "hi or how are you" maybe..
emi Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I know this hard but you should try to move on as fast as you can. When a guy wants to be with you, he will make a move, if he doesnt or hestitate about it then sorry, he just not that into you. I know it sucks. I learn to accept it in the hard way also. But there is nothing else you can do except to move on
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Hey just an update, I would like an input from you guys in here. I might sound desperate, I really am lol.. Im so confused!! So We had talk today, he said he love me very much but with the fact he has to leave is tearing him apart and he doesnt know if we can stay together or not and he doesnt want to wait until the day he has to leave. Im totally- totally confuse.............
headinthecloud Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Hey just an update, I would like an input from you guys in here. I might sound desperate, I really am lol.. Im so confused!! So We had talk today, he said he love me very much but with the fact he has to leave is tearing him apart and he doesnt know if we can stay together or not and he doesnt want to wait until the day he has to leave. Im totally- totally confuse............. It sounds like he wants to breakup now, not later. It's purely circumstantial. I would let him go and start NC so you can heal.
Author Inviv_girl Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 I woke up in the middle of the night and cant sleep again, I was really anxious, Im really weak as I cant leave him alone, I called but no answer, then I sent him messages saying good night and whatever, I know he was out partying with his friends. I got messages back at 5am he sent me a kiss and that was it. I dont know what is that mean, was he really love me and just confuse or what? I really hope we can talk it out and work on things tomorrow as what we already schedule. Guys please help me out what should I say to him
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