petitefleur Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) Hello everybody I'm new here and I'm a 27 year-old virgin hispanic girl. Why? Because growing up I was told many times that if I had sex with a boyfriend he would quickly lose interest in me, that sex is all they're after and once he gets tired he would go find somebody new to sleep with. I was never told sex is bad though, just to value myself and make men respect me. My family isn't religious, it's just what my mom told me growing up. I've never had the chance to sleep with a guy either. I can be introverted at times and I'm also extremely picky, so picky that I have never had a romantic relationship in my life. I've never been kissed, never really fallen in love either. I'm online dating now and I've had three first dates this year and finally one of these dates seems promising. We're going out again this weekend. The guy is ready to settle down and while I may not yet, I know he's not looking to play with me and is not expecting me to sleep with him asap. I can't help but wonder though how will he take the fact that I'm so inexperienced. Any guys out there... is this a big turnoff? I'm deadly afraid of just picturing him kissing me but I want this so bad... Help? Edited November 5, 2013 by petitefleur
ScreamingTrees Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Explain yourself, similarly to how you've explained your unique circumstances to us. It's only as big of a deal as you make it out to be.. What if the guy were a virgin as well? You'd learn together. If I was the guy, I could care less about that, honestly.
Author petitefleur Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Thanks for your replies. I do plan on telling him of course, I'm just extremely afraid. I fear he may think I'm too much work but in the other hand, he may think it's a good thing...? since he says he's tired of women who don't want a serious relationship and he also said he likes the hispanic culture because of our family values and he's dating to meet the one and eventually marry and have a family. Also, I should add I wasn't raised here in the US. In my country, socioeconomic level and in my old days teens didn't start exploring their sexuality so early. *Sigh*
ThomasD Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 My wife and I were both 23, and both virgins, when we married. I hoped that my first sex partner would be my life partner. Above that, I hoped she would also be a virgin - though I thought the probability was pretty low. For both of us, our partner's virginity was a very desirable and positive thing rather than any kind of turnoff or negative characteristic. As for the "experience" factor, it was never a problem. Admittedly, we learned together but even if there had been a significant difference, we were committed to each other, and helping each other grow and learn as people; we were not committed to impressing each other with our sexual performances. 1
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 The guy is ready to settle down and while I may not yet Any guys out there... is this a big turnoff? I'm deadly afraid of just picturing him kissing me but I want this so bad... Help? Big mismatch in goals here. If I'm looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with... Young women and virgins are not high on my list. They generally tend to not have a clue what they want.
Knucklehead1050 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 You should be honest and truthful up front. For some, this is not a problem, for others, it might be. Either way if they know on the front end, you both can make the decision together and hopefully you both will get what you need in a relationship.
Necris Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Any guys out there... is this a big turnoff? I'm deadly afraid of just picturing him kissing me but I want this so bad... Help? I'm a virgin myself in my twenties and a guy, definitely wouldn't be a "turn off" for me, more of a "turn on" imo.
Fufu Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hello everybody I'm new here and I'm a 27 year-old virgin hispanic girl. Why? Because growing up I was told many times that if I had sex with a boyfriend he would quickly lose interest in me, that sex is all they're after and once he gets tired he would go find somebody new to sleep with. I was never told sex is bad though, just to value myself and make men respect me. My family isn't religious, it's just what my mom told me growing up. I've never had the chance to sleep with a guy either. I can be introverted at times and I'm also extremely picky, so picky that I have never had a romantic relationship in my life. I've never been kissed, never really fallen in love either. I'm online dating now and I've had three first dates this year and finally one of these dates seems promising. We're going out again this weekend. The guy is ready to settle down and while I may not yet, I know he's not looking to play with me and is not expecting me to sleep with him asap. I can't help but wonder though how will he take the fact that I'm so inexperienced. Any guys out there... is this a big turnoff? I'm deadly afraid of just picturing him kissing me but I want this so bad... Help? My dear it's not a turn off at all. It's your choice of staying as a virgin and there's nothing wrong about it. And if this guy you are dating is seriously taking this as huge turnoff, then my advice to you is to RUN! If a guy really loves you, he loves you for who you are. (Not about whether you are experienced or not) 1
Uwaae Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Remember that this is your first "venture" out too, so I hate to say this, but dont fall "in love" too fast. and dont be in a rush to get kissed
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Do not make this big announcement so early on. Continue to get to know this man before you trust him with this kind of information. 1
Kate9292 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 You don't have to disclose it. If I were you, I wouldn't. Your sexual past is none of their business. You can tell them if relationship evolves and you are sure they won't judge for it. My bf doesn't even know most of my sexual past, he knows I wasn't a virgin, and pretty sure he knows there's been more than one guy, but that's it. He doesn't ask and I don't feel the need to tell him. And I don't know his and don't care. We're both clean. 2
Lansing Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I think you should keep waiting for the right guy... the right guy will feel special that you waited and that you want to be with him. I was also a super late bloomer.... and turns out the girl that I wanted to share more physical things hadn't been really experienced either. Well, I didn't tell her about my lack of physical experience until after because she had already told me she was inexperienced and I felt like I wanted to be the confident one and lead her through that. The guy will probably get the vibe that you are inexperienced but he COULD also think that you aren't interested based on certain behaviour so I think it is better at some point to tell him you are interested but want to take things slow/etc.
newmoon Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I don't agree with the 'be open and disclose it' advice. If you've waited this long you are obviously waiting for a special relationship, for whatever reasons. And you're probably not going to find that with someone you've only been on a few dates with. I would bet that when it comes right down to it you're going to wait for something far more serious and worthwhile. I don't even want to say how old I was when I lost my virginity, but I was older than 27 (although had been kissed/dating tons and whatnot, just no sex). And I only told my partner when we had been together 6+ months and I KNEW he was committed to me and would be very accepting. I told him when we were in the heat of the moment and I just said something like 'you're going to need to go slow and be gentle because I'm not very experienced.' I didn't even use the word virgin. It's a very private thing and a very private matter and when it happens for you, you will know how to say it, but I certainly wouldn't announce it before the time. Most men = don't care and will gladly be kind about it, especially if it's a love relationship, which it should be for the first time. 3
Author petitefleur Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Big mismatch in goals here. If I'm looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with... Young women and virgins are not high on my list. They generally tend to not have a clue what they want. Me not knowing what I want has more to do with my indecisive nature more than with my lack of experience. I know I want to meet the right guy and I'm very sure I want to marry and have a family but I don't want that right now. But I'm up for it in the next few years. You sound perfect to me. Maybe he's a guy like me and greatly appreciates other cultures. If he's not, then find one that is. Trust me, a female from hispanic culture is HIGHLY sought after here in the US. You'll be fine. Awe that is very sweet. I haven't had much luck being a female from hispanic culture in the US, lol. I'm not that attractive but I'll dare to say I'm not so bad either Thanks for your input. My wife and I were both 23, and both virgins, when we married. I hoped that my first sex partner would be my life partner. Above that, I hoped she would also be a virgin - though I thought the probability was pretty low. For both of us, our partner's virginity was a very desirable and positive thing rather than any kind of turnoff or negative characteristic. As for the "experience" factor, it was never a problem. Admittedly, we learned together but even if there had been a significant difference, we were committed to each other, and helping each other grow and learn as people; we were not committed to impressing each other with our sexual performances. I would feel more comfortable in a situation like yours, obviously, but I don't mind experience. I just fear rejection I doubt he's looking/expecting to find a virgin, I can't tell if he'll find it desirable or not...
Author petitefleur Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 You should be honest and truthful up front. For some, this is not a problem, for others, it might be. Either way if they know on the front end, you both can make the decision together and hopefully you both will get what you need in a relationship. I wouldn't keep it from him for long but I don't see myself just blurting it either. I guess I will have to wait for the right time. I just dread thinking that he may expect me to sleep with him after a few dates as it's not so uncommon for other women... It's not fair for him either. I'm a virgin myself in my twenties and a guy, definitely wouldn't be a "turn off" for me, more of a "turn on" imo. Hehe, I doubt he's a virgin though My dear it's not a turn off at all. It's your choice of staying as a virgin and there's nothing wrong about it. And if this guy you are dating is seriously taking this as huge turnoff, then my advice to you is to RUN! If a guy really loves you, he loves you for who you are. (Not about whether you are experienced or not) I guess so, I just met him so I guess I need to date him a bit more to find out where this is going and how he feels about me Remember that this is your first "venture" out too, so I hate to say this, but dont fall "in love" too fast. and dont be in a rush to get kissed I didn't mean I really want to kiss him, I mean I really want this whole thing. I'm tired of being alone and such a weirdo for not having ever been in a relationship at this age I don't think I'll easily fall in love with him either, as I said before, I'm very picky and even the slightest thing may make me lose interest in a person, which isn't right at all but it is my biggest flaw. Do not make this big announcement so early on. Continue to get to know this man before you trust him with this kind of information. I won't. Not until I get to date him a bit more, thanks! You don't have to disclose it. If I were you, I wouldn't. Your sexual past is none of their business. You can tell them if relationship evolves and you are sure they won't judge for it. My bf doesn't even know most of my sexual past, he knows I wasn't a virgin, and pretty sure he knows there's been more than one guy, but that's it. He doesn't ask and I don't feel the need to tell him. And I don't know his and don't care. We're both clean. I just think he'll just find out. I know it'll be obvious I mean I don't even know how to kiss... I think you should keep waiting for the right guy... the right guy will feel special that you waited and that you want to be with him. I was also a super late bloomer.... and turns out the girl that I wanted to share more physical things hadn't been really experienced either. Well, I didn't tell her about my lack of physical experience until after because she had already told me she was inexperienced and I felt like I wanted to be the confident one and lead her through that. The guy will probably get the vibe that you are inexperienced but he COULD also think that you aren't interested based on certain behaviour so I think it is better at some point to tell him you are interested but want to take things slow/etc. I don't intend to sleep with him without being in an exclusive relationship first, what I'm wondering is whether it would be unfair to keep it from him and how he may react. And yeah, I assume he will get the vibe, he also thought I wasn't very interested at first, I had to assure him I am because I'm not even that flirty, it isn't in my nature Poor dude, lol. I don't agree with the 'be open and disclose it' advice. If you've waited this long you are obviously waiting for a special relationship, for whatever reasons. And you're probably not going to find that with someone you've only been on a few dates with. I would bet that when it comes right down to it you're going to wait for something far more serious and worthwhile. I don't even want to say how old I was when I lost my virginity, but I was older than 27 (although had been kissed/dating tons and whatnot, just no sex). And I only told my partner when we had been together 6+ months and I KNEW he was committed to me and would be very accepting. I told him when we were in the heat of the moment and I just said something like 'you're going to need to go slow and be gentle because I'm not very experienced.' I didn't even use the word virgin. It's a very private thing and a very private matter and when it happens for you, you will know how to say it, but I certainly wouldn't announce it before the time. Most men = don't care and will gladly be kind about it, especially if it's a love relationship, which it should be for the first time. Thank you. I find interest though how guys tell me to tell him and girls say it's sensitive information I should disclose when we're closer... As a woman I agree with you gals, lol, but I'm trying to see it from his perspective too. He says he's tired of games and dating with no purpose, he wants to settle down so I think he's not just trying to date me to get in my pants but to know me better and see if I may be what he's looking for. I somehow feel like he deserves to know so he won't waste time on me but then again, I think he's not just looking for sex...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Hello everybody I'm new here and I'm a 27 year-old virgin hispanic girl. Why? Because growing up I was told many times that if I had sex with a boyfriend he would quickly lose interest in me, that sex is all they're after and once he gets tired he would go find somebody new to sleep with. I was never told sex is bad though, just to value myself and make men respect me. My family isn't religious, it's just what my mom told me growing up. I've never had the chance to sleep with a guy either. I can be introverted at times and I'm also extremely picky, so picky that I have never had a romantic relationship in my life. I've never been kissed, never really fallen in love either. I'm online dating now and I've had three first dates this year and finally one of these dates seems promising. We're going out again this weekend. The guy is ready to settle down and while I may not yet, I know he's not looking to play with me and is not expecting me to sleep with him asap. I can't help but wonder though how will he take the fact that I'm so inexperienced. Any guys out there... is this a big turnoff? I'm deadly afraid of just picturing him kissing me but I want this so bad... Help? You really should tell him early... as a way of effecting your own, eventual experience being the best you could hope for. This isn't about your having or not having to tell him at all, but instead it makes the most sense to help the experience be right for you. There is nothing amiss with being a virgin at 27. Everybody is different, both in terms of virgins, and when is the right time, and in terms of how they might respond to learning about their partner's virginal status. But what you don't want, later on, is to have gone through with the experience, with him perceiving you to be some sexual tigress, only to later make it clear that he was misled by your statements/lack of statements. And don't let anybody talk you into rushing past the goal line in any big hurry. 4
Author petitefleur Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 You really should tell him early... as a way of effecting your own, eventual experience being the best you could hope for. This isn't about your having or not having to tell him at all, but instead it makes the most sense to help the experience be right for you. There is nothing amiss with being a virgin at 27. Everybody is different, both in terms of virgins, and when is the right time, and in terms of how they might respond to learning about their partner's virginal status. But what you don't want, later on, is to have gone through with the experience, with him perceiving you to be some sexual tigress, only to later make it clear that he was misled by your statements/lack of statements. And don't let anybody talk you into rushing past the goal line in any big hurry. Thank you! I hadn't seen things this way!
crederer Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I wouldn't disclose it early in the relationship. To me, being about the same age as you, this would weird me out if I didn't know you very well. Reasons are that for 1, at your age, to be a virgin, I'd assume (rightly or not) that it is due to some issues. Another thing would be that girls tend to get ridiculously attached to the guy they lose their virginity to. And finally, I'd be worried that being your first guy, your "GIGS" syndrome would kick in sooner or later. With all that being said, if I got to know you and liked you, I'd likely be willing to overlook these assumptions of mine. Also, I'm sorry that your parents made men out to be a bunch of sexual deviants. I'm sure they were well intentioned but I have a feeling this has had a bit of negative impact on you overall.
truth_seeker Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Any guys out there... is this a big turnoff? Not at all! The only thing I would question is if once you start having sex, you'll then want more and be curious to have it with other people. You might go haywire Seriously, it wouldn't be an issue with me.
Author petitefleur Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 I wouldn't disclose it early in the relationship. To me, being about the same age as you, this would weird me out if I didn't know you very well. Reasons are that for 1, at your age, to be a virgin, I'd assume (rightly or not) that it is due to some issues. Another thing would be that girls tend to get ridiculously attached to the guy they lose their virginity to. And finally, I'd be worried that being your first guy, your "GIGS" syndrome would kick in sooner or later. With all that being said, if I got to know you and liked you, I'd likely be willing to overlook these assumptions of mine. Also, I'm sorry that your parents made men out to be a bunch of sexual deviants. I'm sure they were well intentioned but I have a feeling this has had a bit of negative impact on you overall. I would tell him why, of course, same reasons I listed here. I can't help biology so I assume I may become attached to the guy I lose it to, lol, but I wouldn't sleep with him right away. My mom is well intentioned, what has kept me from dating are my own insecurities and ridiculously high standards. I'm 27 years old and I just realized this year that I'm flawed, that I'm not perfect and that I need to give people a chance. Also that I'm less attractive than I thought I was nobody told me this, I just realized it after being lonely for so long. Not at all! The only thing I would question is if once you start having sex, you'll then want more and be curious to have it with other people. You might go haywire Seriously, it wouldn't be an issue with me. LOL. Then he will have to keep me busy!
mortensorchid Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Depends. If you meet someone and you feel the person out (a playboy vs. an evangelical Christian who is also of the same mindset), it's appropriate to share it. Otherwise how else would people know unless you tell them? If it comes to the point where you have to tell the person, and they ask why this is the case, explain what you just said about how and why. If the man is a good guy, he will understand to a degree. If he's bad then he will walk away or demand something. Acid test of personality.
Author petitefleur Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Depends. If you meet someone and you feel the person out (a playboy vs. an evangelical Christian who is also of the same mindset), it's appropriate to share it. Otherwise how else would people know unless you tell them? If it comes to the point where you have to tell the person, and they ask why this is the case, explain what you just said about how and why. If the man is a good guy, he will understand to a degree. If he's bad then he will walk away or demand something. Acid test of personality. He's looking for something serious, he isn't very religious and def not a playboy. We'll see. Thanks for your advice.
Author petitefleur Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 next point. inexperience shows. Oh, I know. I'm almost like a feral cat, if a guy tries to touch me I flee, lol. This has nothing to do with being prudish but is more related to my intimacy issues
Author petitefleur Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 your a girl. males like inexperienced girls. that isn't a problem. what is a problem is you flee when a guy tries to touch you. I know . I'm working on it.
f1asr88 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Hello everybody I'm new here and I'm a 27 year-old virgin hispanic girl. Why? Because growing up I was told many times that if I had sex with a boyfriend he would quickly lose interest in me, that sex is all they're after and once he gets tired he would go find somebody new to sleep with. I was never told sex is bad though, just to value myself and make men respect me. My family isn't religious, it's just what my mom told me growing up. I've never had the chance to sleep with a guy either. I can be introverted at times and I'm also extremely picky, so picky that I have never had a romantic relationship in my life. I've never been kissed, never really fallen in love either. I'm online dating now and I've had three first dates this year and finally one of these dates seems promising. We're going out again this weekend. The guy is ready to settle down and while I may not yet, I know he's not looking to play with me and is not expecting me to sleep with him asap. I can't help but wonder though how will he take the fact that I'm so inexperienced. Any guys out there... is this a big turnoff? I'm deadly afraid of just picturing him kissing me but I want this so bad... Help? Don't worry about it! To be honest I would prefer a girl to be similarly experienced to me. (I've had one girlfriend and I'm 25) I'm not bothered about a girl being good in bed etc. right away, I'd love to teach/ learn about it more with a girl I cared about, and to whom it really meant something Sex shouldn't be used as a bargaining chip, but at the same time, by being more conservative in that respect you've now found yourself a guy who you think is genuinely into you, for you as a person, and not just for your body. When you're sure about him, and comfortable and ready, go for it Honestly, this wouldn't be any issue at all for a caring, genuine guy
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