NRG Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hey there, here is a long story, but might be entertaining hopefully. So let's get started here. I met this girl at a bar back in mid August(15th). We talked for awhile, and we immediately hit it off. So much so, that I had asked for her number. I almost never ask for numbers right off first meeting someone in my area. Anyways, we started texting, became Facebook friends and chatted through that. I will admit, I was not in the best position of my life at this point, nor am I right now(license suspended, can't drive, struggling at the business). However, we headed into hanging out, and we did it soon. We grew emotionally close very quickly. Then one night we were out(September 20th), her Ex shows up where we are at. He seemed pleasant to talk to at first, but I had known better as he had beat her, and gave her two black eyes which is why they were split(happened end of July). Anyways, he starts becoming aggressive towards me. I tell the bar staff to keep an eye on this guy. Anyways the hostilities continue, and the irl suggest we ALL leave. I tell her there is absolutely no way I am going to get in the car and go home with him in the car. She leaves with him, leaving me to walk. I tell her to never talk to me again, as I am pissed off. Later on, she tells me that she was just trying to get us all home. I was like the right thing would have been to left him there, not me. I begrudgingly accepted talking to her again, and we began hanging out again. We both are pushovers when it comes to forgiving. Anyways, things started to pick up again with us. Then out of the blue, came a request for "space". I have been down this road, this typically means space for other people. Sure enough, she winds up back at my house, with bruises from being beat by the aggressive ex. She stated that she was foolish to go hang out with him(I agreed in the back of my mind, but didn't say it). I asked her to promise me to never talk to him again, she had pinky swore me. So I decided if he is out of the picture, then I would be willing to invest more time in it. As we did, 2 weeks had progressed, and she was telling me that she was confused, that one minute she loved being around me, the next she was just wanting me gone. I read this as a typical reaction to leaving an abusive relationship. Well, things were going well except that whole love you hate you thing. But she kept at it, hanging out with me, texting me, calling, etc. Fast forward a little(Oct. 7th), and we make plans to go watch some college football. Then we went to a concert. While we were at the concert, I notice she is texting the abusive *******. I pat her on the shoulder, and tell her I tell her I am going to go talk to my friends over there her a little, and enjoy her conversation. She flips out, and starts lashing out at me. Just trying what I would guess out of defensive reasons. She insists on leaving. She gives me ride to an event that my friend's bar was hosting, and got out of the car. A patted her on her head, and said maybe you will learn some day. Again, she flips out, I ignore her, and tell her to have a good night. She leaves The following morning, I get a call from her "adopted" mother, and she asks if I was with her last night. I said I was till she dropped me off at the bar in a fit. Then the news is broken to me, that she was in the hospital, and the abusive ex was in jail. She had multiple bruises, and 23 stitches in her arm. I felt terrible for her. I was there for her, to tend to her wounds when she was home. She felt terrible, as I am sure anyone would. Well, this time, she is "truly" done with him. I again foolishly accept this as the truth and we move forward. Throughout it though, she is still saying she is confused, not sure she wants a relationship, she doesn't deserve my love, I deserve better. Move forward to another couple of weeks, and I keep getting requests from he for space, I give it to her, she contacts me the following day asking me what I am up to. I talk her, in hindsight, I should have ignored it. Anyways, we start hanging out again. But I keep hearing that I am texting too much etc. Problem is, she always reciprocated. When I gave her the space, she would come along the following day. Friday night(Oct 26th) we are talking a little through text whole she was off at a bar. I was at home. I leave her alone for so she can sit while she is there and enjoy herself. About 1235a she texts me, and tells me we need to talk. She comes by, and she was crying on the whole way here. She tells me that she needs to let me go, she feels as if she is losing her best friend. She says that she is going from one minute loving my company, to hating me and that she just wants me gone. She tells me I should see if I could work things out with my Ex-Wife(10 years together, and my first true love), who I still talk to but been divorced from for 2 and a half years, or maybe see if I can work things out with the girl I saw before her(who I still talk to). She tells me it would probably be best if I didn't talk to her anymore. I really did not have an interest in any of these girls, just the present one. I accept pretty much everything she says, but ask for her for one more night with her before we call it quits. She agrees. We have a great time while we are out, and we go back to her place and have sex. The following morning, I give her a hug and a kiss, and say good bye. I leave, and don't talk to her till Tuesday(Oct 29th). I hit her up through Facebook, and just say hello. She is happy to hear from me. I ask her if she misses me, she says she does, I tell her I miss her as well. I asked her what she was up to, she said she had gone out the night before. I ask her if we could do something during the week a little later. She agrees, and thinks it would be nice. She offers Wed or Fri, I say Friday. She says we need to both quit standing still with our lives. I agree, that I need to get some of my stuff worked on. She need to get some of her stuff done as well. On the 30th, she was visibly upset on Facebook, ranting. I left it be for a little, as I was a little busy, but ... we were bantering back and forth on Facebook posts. I know she had a rough day, so I ask her if she wants to meet up for a beer. She agrees. We have a pretty good chat. She tells me that she loves, loves me, loves me. But I am overwhelming in that I pester her sometimes to stay longer than she wanted, she gives in, has a good time, then hates herself for it later. I did notice a new fella calling, which I hadn't heard of before. She ignored the call. I didn't mention it. I also had heard that she was out 2 nights in a row, Sunday and Monday, but she offers no details on this. I told her I would only ask once, maybe twice. Then from there we went along. We got along real well, but I did not go home with her. Thursday(Oct 31st), we had alot of playful banter, as we always had. She says she is going to hang home, but if I wanted to go grab a bite to eat she "might" come by and pick me up to go. I told I couldn't, and maybe we would just do it on Friday as we had originally planned. She agrees. I already had another date lined up for that night, but I did not tell her. Friday(Nov 1st). We are a little distant. She comes by to get me, and she is not her usual self for some odd reason. Not as talkative. We go to the bar to shoot the **** for a little, and she is just mum. Very little interaction. She seems to be upset, but isn't saying a word about anything. She is now texting that fella I noticed earlier in the week. I don't say a thing at the time. But she is taking phone calls, etc.. She livens up a little after a few drinks at the bar, and we start communicating like we typically do. Then on our way out I mention to her, asking who Josh is. She states he is just a friend. I blow it off, no big deal. On the car ride home, I go to give her a kiss, and she just offers me her cheek. That stung a little. She tells me that she loves me, I tell she doesn't. She says yes she does, I don't argue about, but someone that loves you would not be treating me the way she has been. She accuses me of letting her pay for the bill, whole I split it with her(I was miffed about the texting while in front of me, which I felt was rude). I tell her I paid half, and we are even. She tells me that I don't give her enough time to miss me. That she is overwhelmed. That I push things too far. I get a ride from her, we talk in the drive way for a little, and I thought things ended ok, not ideal of course. Saturday, I avoid her, and don't initiate any contact that day. Plus, I had another date all day. Sunday morning I wake up, and noticed that she checked in with the new fella around 130a on Sunday morning. I kind of flip out. Tell that is sucks to see a check in, and that I loved her deeply, and this, with the texting at the bar made me feel like ****. I told her not to contact me me anymore, as I can't handle this. She responds with an angry text to me, telling me she doesn't owe me anything, that she doesn't have to answer to anyone, and for me to go #$*k myself. I ignore the text till later in the eveving, and sent a large Facebook IM that in sum says; I love her, respect her, that I was made to be insecure in the relationship with all this up and down, and on and off. That if maybe we had made a commitment to each other to be exclusive, I might not have been so upset about everything. I told her that I could not talk to her right now, nor hang out, as I love her too much, and me just being an option is unacceptable. I said what I want is some commitment of some sort is about the only thing I would accept. Since then, I have softened my stance in my head, to the point if she is going to be out seeing guys, I will do the same. But if we are gonna have sex, we commit there, if not, then there really isn't any point. I also admitted that since we aren't together per say, that I really didn't have a right to be mad. I am guessing since we professed love to each other, that is where the feeling came from. I feel a little hypocritical in the fact that I felt the way I did, with me being out etc. I guess I am upset for the Facebook post, as I would not have done that to her. Nor would I have been texting at the bar in front of me. tl;dr: Very intense short two month relationship, with commitment, space, neediness, abuse from former partner, that just had way too many ups and downs. Now we are at a stalemate, not really talking to each other, but still "Friends" on Facebook. What is your all's read on this, and what would you folks think I should do? I think I should just keep my distance for at least a week then check in with her.
imissyoudear Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hey man, quite long story there. I wasn't sure till the end what would be your question. You asked what should you do. I am not very good at this, but here is what i would do if i would be you. 1. Figure out what you want from that girl really It could be just Sex you need, improve your self-esteem by beeing better that some guy she likes, or maybe just time with her (if she is really that fun). I dont know figure it out yourself. Because to me it is not so clear that you "love" her. For example you wouldnt go on a date just the day after you saw her if you truly love her, cmon. 2. After you did Step 1 if its about self-esteem then **** it, nc her. You probably wont be able to get that from her, she probably wont give you the recognition you need. Not because you are bad, but just some people match less and like eachother less. Find new one. If its anything else, wich i doubt, go on, give her time, next time she writes you go hang out and somehow try to find out what she really needs from you. Which i think is not that hard to see, because she treats you with disrespect. Now compare what you both need from eachother and if it can exist and you are ok with that, go on. If not, just cut her loose. Its not that bad of a situation my friend, you will get better very fast.
Author NRG Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) Hey man, quite long story there. I wasn't sure till the end what would be your question. You asked what should you do. I am not very good at this, but here is what i would do if i would be you. 1. Figure out what you want from that girl really It could be just Sex you need, improve your self-esteem by beeing better that some guy she likes, or maybe just time with her (if she is really that fun). I dont know figure it out yourself. Because to me it is not so clear that you "love" her. For example you wouldnt go on a date just the day after you saw her if you truly love her, cmon. 2. After you did Step 1 if its about self-esteem then **** it, nc her. You probably wont be able to get that from her, she probably wont give you the recognition you need. Not because you are bad, but just some people match less and like eachother less. Find new one. If its anything else, wich i doubt, go on, give her time, next time she writes you go hang out and somehow try to find out what she really needs from you. Which i think is not that hard to see, because she treats you with disrespect. Now compare what you both need from eachother and if it can exist and you are ok with that, go on. If not, just cut her loose. Its not that bad of a situation my friend, you will get better very fast. Hopefully the read wasn't too long, and at least a little informative. Thanks for the information. I do love her, but because of the instability of the relationship, I was laying groundwork for a transition out. I feel that I do love her, the way my mind is. The issue is the date was set before we started talking. I wasn't about to deny her over that, when nothing was really set in stone with the other. Thanks for the info. I am inclined to give her time. Edited November 5, 2013 by NRG
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