rams10 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I've been dating my boyfriend 4 months, he's introduced me to all his friends, met my parents, and now we live together- only for 1 month because of a long story with my apt situation. We never, ever fight but he's very withdrawn. Last week he told me he has a few problems involving work stress & his family. I said, "I feel like you're always pulling back from me," and he kept insisting the problems have nothing to do w me, he just doesn't see the point in burdening me w them. And it's not like he just acts withdrawn a round me- he hardly ever leaves house to see friends- EVER. He's working night shift tonight. I got home 2 hours before his shift, he kissed me hello & immediately went into den to study for his promotion test. Right before he left for the station I said "what's wrong? I feel avoided- it would've taken 2 minutes for you to ask me about my day." He immediately walked over & tried to be all sweet & then ask questions about my day. I'm furious. This should've come naturally, and even if he has multiple "problems"/stressors, why is he withdrawing and not wanting t o interact with me? But he's obviously not upset at me because then he wouldn't have immediately tried to be sweet when I mentioned I was bothered- he would've brought up his problems w me instead. Help!
todreaminblue Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Give the guy some space, let him know you are there for him when he needs to talk,you have to let them come to you , he has told you once,it is not you trust that, give him space, to work himself out,dont cling to ship with a hole in it....dotn ask again if its you, he let you know already.Be secure in yrouself eh will coem to you when he needs to and is ready.He is showing affection.Think about what he may need which is a little breathing room and dont be caught up in your own self doubt.Do things you love to do, you don't need him to validate your worth, validate yoruself and be at peace.You know it dont you? What youa re worth , that calm influence ready to lsiten when soemoen is ready to talk. Be calm dont stress, or it will take you some place where it isnt worthwhile to be wont help you or him or th erelationship to stress abotu what you mean to him.You already know he told you with that quick kiss and it isnt you dotn ask for more than he can give in the moment if you truly care for him..Good luck
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Years ago when I 1st moved in with my EX, I was very freaked out initially. Although I loved him, he was always THERE. I felt like I had no space, no privacy, no time to decompress after work before I had to be "on" to be his girlfriend. I was miserable & cranky. I finally told him I needed to be left alone when I first got home. He started working later so he came home after me & it was better. You haven't known this guy all that long yet here you are . . . .24/7. It's a big adjustment. Back off & let him come to you. 1
FitChick Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 What's with women expecting a man to ask about their day? Do men do this? Not that I've noticed. I worked with a woman who would pout on Monday if her boss didn't ask "How was your weekend?" If you want someone to know something about you, tell them.
Author rams10 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 I don't know what's wrong with me. Why my boyfriend would rather withdraw than hang out with me for half an hour a day. And then pretend to care by coming over & kissing & talking to me after I say I'm bothered... Instead of saying, "you suck."
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I don't know what's wrong with me. Why my boyfriend would rather withdraw than hang out with me for half an hour a day. And then pretend to care by coming over & kissing & talking to me after I say I'm bothered... Instead of saying, "you suck." What's wrong with you is that you aren't giving the guy credit for what he is doing. First, he gave you a place to stay. Four months into a relationship, that's HUGE. Second, you two are just still learning about each other. He can't read your mind to know that you want him to ask about your day. Third, you aren't paying attention to his stressors; you said he has a test coming up. Support him; don't berate him. The fact that after you said something he immediately came over to you & did what you wanted shows that he cares & he listens. Yet, you are still complaining about it. This is exactly the kind of crap that women pull that makes men crazy.
tunaluna Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 What's wrong with you is that you aren't giving the guy credit for what he is doing. First, he gave you a place to stay. Four months into a relationship, that's HUGE. Second, you two are just still learning about each other. He can't read your mind to know that you want him to ask about your day. Third, you aren't paying attention to his stressors; you said he has a test coming up. Support him; don't berate him. The fact that after you said something he immediately came over to you & did what you wanted shows that he cares & he listens. Yet, you are still complaining about it. This is exactly the kind of crap that women pull that makes men crazy. +1000 couldn't agree more. 1
crederer Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I am in a similar situation as your guy. I have a lot of things on my mind and it doesn't mean I have no respect for my girl but it's emotionally exhausting and I have nothing left beyond civil interaction. It doesn't mean I don't care about her or the situation but I'm just spent emotionally. It'll pass sooner or later.
Recommended Posts