ponchsox Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Isn't it true how the dumpers tone of voice changes to apathetic and condescending after a breakup instead of empathetic and sorrow? That is the ultimate sign that they are takers and narcissists. They no longer need you and you are nothing but a stranger to them at that point. 3
Mariposa10 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 First of all, I don't think it's fair to say "all dumpers act as x." Haven't you broken up with someone before? If things are not working out, you don't have to stay with that person. I know I wouldn't want my partner to stay with me just so that he wouldn't hurt me. I think there are different types of dumpers... Anyway, my ex was still being really sweet to me until the very end of the day when he dropped me off. The following week, he started acting kind of angry. So I guess the first two weeks he was kind of angry, mad at me. After that, he started being really sweet again. But then again, he kind of wanted to keep me as a backup plan, and we were together for a long time.
Author ponchsox Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 First of all, I don't think it's fair to say "all dumpers act as x." Haven't you broken up with someone before? If things are not working out, you don't have to stay with that person. I know I wouldn't want my partner to stay with me just so that he wouldn't hurt me. I think there are different types of dumpers... Anyway, my ex was still being really sweet to me until the very end of the day when he dropped me off. The following week, he started acting kind of angry. So I guess the first two weeks he was kind of angry, mad at me. After that, he started being really sweet again. But then again, he kind of wanted to keep me as a backup plan, and we were together for a long time. I don't mean all dumpers. I have dumped before and I can tell you it was one of the hardest things I ever did. I mourned with them. I'm talking about the dumpers who show no emotion, if anything they act like they never cared about you in the first place. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Assuming at some point the dumper did actually like & care for the dumpee, it's hard for that person (the dumper) to see & hear the dumpee in pain. Thus the dumper steels their own heart & perhaps it comes across as cold. Time & distance will soften the acute pain. 2
aybc123 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I read something about here that generally the way dumpers act during breakups makes them seem like they have BPD and the way dumpees acts makes them seem needy and codependant. You see these stereotypes so much that you have to think that it's just basic human behaviour and how people deal with the emotions of being in each role. It doesnt mean that the dumper is actually a sociopath or the dumpee a needy loser though, you cant really judge a persons personality by how they act during a breakup in that way. Because these behaviours dont last, 6 months down the line the dumpee will be feelings themselves again and the dumper likely to be less forcibly cold/ hostile too. And honestly i guess i have acted coldly during a breakup and i've also felt needy and codependent, it doesn't mean i'm actually either of those things. 1
lindsay1990 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 My break up was anything but clear cut but if I have to be honest, my ex was only an as.shole if/when I begged him to reconsider or started hashing out old sh*z. Otherwise he would have been cordial and shown me pity. He actually showed me a lot of pity (which was pretty patronizing too) but I figure he had to be cold as ffff because I was not taking no for an answer, so there's that.
AnyaNova Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Well, after the breakup, my dumper was very sweet indeed. Until the last meeting. And then all he has been, is very, very silent indeed.
lindsay1990 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Well, after the breakup, my dumper was very sweet indeed. Until the last meeting. And then all he has been, is very, very silent indeed. *shudders* It's this. Ugh.
AnyaNova Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 *shudders* It's this. Ugh. Could you elaborate on that? I mean, it blows goats entirely, I get that. But...?
haggard969 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 i have knoticed this, i have never dumped any one, i stopped seeing and contacting girls when i was young, but it was not a serious commited relationship like my past 2. yes, they were both sweet and full of love, but then they turned cold and evil, mean, acted like i was some dead beat loser, even though i did everything i could, the reason why they do this is because they are trying to scare you away. they want you gone because you and them were stuck in a dejaview loop, you werent unhappy, it was just the same thing everyday, most of the time they date someone else asap too to get you to f off, its the wrong thing to do, n it will bite them in the ass 1
Arty54 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 They're are many different senario's where it seems the dumpers are cold and heartless, chances are they moved on emotionally way before they dumped you so don't feel remorseful, others may do it because they see no real way forward in the relationship but may still care for you and may very well indeed mourn the loss of what they have lost but dump you to suit themselves and their future happiness. 1
Sugarkane Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Can completely relate. Have only ever asked for a reason why they've ended things. But the dumper acted like a complete Ahole and preferred to end things badly. I've never begged, pleaded or contacted them after. But they still acted like a jerk! Good riddance! Even had a dumper gloat about his "new life". I always hope someone will do the same to them.
Author ponchsox Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Can completely relate. Have only ever asked for a reason why they've ended things. But the dumper acted like a complete Ahole and preferred to end things badly. I've never begged, pleaded or contacted them after. But they still acted like a jerk! Good riddance! Even had a dumper gloat about his "new life". I always hope someone will do the same to them. My dumper called me "loony" and told me to get a therapist. I'm a calm person, and while I'm not proud of it (I hardly ever use foul language), my last text to her was to go f herself. Funny how she called right back after I said that. It's ok for her to say hurtful things but the minute I defend myself she goes ape*****. 2
Purepony Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Funny this thread is on. I just sent my ex an email after almost two years. I don't have her new email address I send it through a network media site and she closed the media site
Riou Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 My dumper showed indirect sadness on social media and her friends think she's the dumpee/victim. Yet in direct contact she says she's very happy now and acts mean towards me.Seriously,i don't even know if she is acting mean and happy or acting sad.She's a compulsive liar i have realised.She lied about small things and probably big things too.
Brokenguy22 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Assuming at some point the dumper did actually like & care for the dumpee, it's hard for that person (the dumper) to see & hear the dumpee in pain. Thus the dumper steels their own heart & perhaps it comes across as cold. Time & distance will soften the acute pain. This.. my ex is doing this to me right now. Gets me so sad and makes me angry... ugh.
rec88 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Interesting thought. Mine definitely spoke with a much different tone than I was used to hearing. I'd describe it as indifferent, but not condescending. Though she did say some pretty condescending stuff like "I'll do what I can to help you get over this." Oh really! Where the **** was that effort two months ago? ...But I digress lol. It's likely they're just emotionally burnt out from it which could be mistaken for apathy. We as dumpees are also more likely to perceive something as 'colder' than it was intended because of our state of mind immediately post-breakup. 2
imissyoudear Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Yes i agree, but not only voice, you can see it in the eyes, they look so cold, they look through you.
Haydn Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 If i may add my round of drinks to this one. My ex was a cold fish most of our relationship. Issues...I won`t bore you with details you can find it on my first horrific thread. The last time we spoke 3 months ago, she was exactly the same as before she dropped me. But she did try to blame me which was a bit of a shock to me. (Yes naive fool i was). She cried and told me i was the man she had wanted to marry, have my ring on her finger etc.....Of course at the time i was so stupid to take it any other way and blame myself. She wanted to shift everything to me for her own shortcomings and i needed need stoke her ego one more time. So i would say, looking back it was pretty much as i expected her to be. I have dropped girls before (Some i really wish i hadn`t, but i blame the vaguries of youth for that one). I always tried to keep it nice and short and not cause anymore pain. I don`t hate my ex but i don`t really like her anymore and i wish i had handled being dropped in a better tidier way than i did. (Off topic sorry) Nice thread.
LifeIsGreat Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I'll never understand these types of posts (unless you're a teen that lacks maturity and experience). People make break-ups way more complicated than they need to. If you have been dumped, it simply means the person does not want to be with you......PERIOD!! Why does the reason even matter? Maybe, by gnereal standards, it's a good reason or maybe a bad reason. Whatever the reason, it's THEIR reason and you don't need to understand it. I also don't understand why people say "the love of my life broke up with me". NO.... that was not the love of your life. If it was, they would not have broke up with you. Yes, it hurts like hell to be dumped. But that's life and get used to it. Learn how to deal with loss in a mature healthy way and you WILL feel better and you WILL meet a person that won't be so quick to dump (a.k.a.--the love of your life). As to how you were dumped or how they acted after dumping. Doesn't matter either. We're all different and I feel positive we have all at one time been a complete douche to other people and didn't even realize we were doing it. Mature people forgive and move on. 2
Lizrd3000 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 To be honest, as the dumpee, I'm acting condescending. It's my way of doing things, I suppose. don't hate on it..
Sugarkane Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Because often the dumper makes things more complicated than it should be. Going silent without an explanation, sending breadcrumbs months later and trying to get into your pants months later. This gets confusing when they claim they don't want a relationship with you. I'll never understand these types of posts (unless you're a teen that lacks maturity and experience). People make break-ups way more complicated than they need to. If you have been dumped, it simply means the person does not want to be with you......PERIOD!! Why does the reason even matter? Maybe, by gnereal standards, it's a good reason or maybe a bad reason. Whatever the reason, it's THEIR reason and you don't need to understand it. I also don't understand why people say "the love of my life broke up with me". NO.... that was not the love of your life. If it was, they would not have broke up with you. Yes, it hurts like hell to be dumped. But that's life and get used to it. Learn how to deal with loss in a mature healthy way and you WILL feel better and you WILL meet a person that won't be so quick to dump (a.k.a.--the love of your life). As to how you were dumped or how they acted after dumping. Doesn't matter either. We're all different and I feel positive we have all at one time been a complete douche to other people and didn't even realize we were doing it. Mature people forgive and move on.
Haydn Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Do you think that teens are more complicated? Or do you think we get get more complicated with age. I am just in my 30s but i wish i had the problems of youth compared to now. Now i know what i want or wanted. Past i never knew. I suspect it gets harder. Ok, Permission to destroy me. Haydn I'll never understand these types of posts (unless you're a teen that lacks maturity and experience). People make break-ups way more complicated than they need to. If you have been dumped, it simply means the person does not want to be with you......PERIOD!! Why does the reason even matter? Maybe, by gnereal standards, it's a good reason or maybe a bad reason. Whatever the reason, it's THEIR reason and you don't need to understand it. I also don't understand why people say "the love of my life broke up with me". NO.... that was not the love of your life. If it was, they would not have broke up with you. Yes, it hurts like hell to be dumped. But that's life and get used to it. Learn how to deal with loss in a mature healthy way and you WILL feel better and you WILL meet a person that won't be so quick to dump (a.k.a.--the love of your life). As to how you were dumped or how they acted after dumping. Doesn't matter either. We're all different and I feel positive we have all at one time been a complete douche to other people and didn't even realize we were doing it. Mature people forgive and move on.
aybc123 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) There is a coldness or whatever with my ex but i think its just because they start talking to you again as they do to other people that are not friends, so it feels cold but isnt really. Then of course she started ignoring me, i semi-wonder if she thinks I'm a crazy-ex or something because i asked her to work things out and thats why she's silent. It would be pretty dumb though, i mean she literally had to be committed to a mental hospital for several weeks due to our first breakup which i initiated, would've expected a little bit more understanding from her, not sure how she manages to rationalise my not treating her like a crazy person for that but her treating me like i have leperosy just because i asked to work things out...not that i'm bitter at all.. Edited November 5, 2013 by aybc123
crederer Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I don't know if I'd use the same description but I hear what you're saying. The first time I bumped into my ex that dumped me we talked for about a half hour. One thing she said that really bothered me was "do you hate me?" I said, "no, why would I hate you? You didn't really do anything bad it just didn't work out" and she goes ".....for breaking your heart?" It just really bugged me. Like.....wtf get off your high horse and don't feel sorry for me. I ran into her again a month later and she was super drunk at the bar. She was giving me the stink eye so I went over to break the ice and reduce the awkwardness but she snapped at me "why are you even talking to me?" I just said "ok, nice chat" and left. Then as she left the bar she came up to me crying hugged me and then ran out. WTF? Then there was a funeral, saw her, she was cordial towards me and acted like the last incident a few weeks prior didn't even happen.
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