iceisles Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 I just wanted to get some thoughts from you all. My ex broke up with me in early October. I am over her, and I'm positive she is over me. We have both expressed an interest in remaining friends, though we haven't spoken much since the breakup (perhaps 4 or 5 brief, informal conversations). Do you think giving her a quick call on Christmas Day would be a good idea? To me, if I want to reinforce that I'd like to remain friends, there is no better day to do it on. I also sent her family a Christmas card to wish them a nice holiday, a gesture that I hope will show my ex that I have put the past behind me. I do not want to get back together with her, but I certainly do want her to be part of my life nonethless. I know it's tough to offer advice without all the details and complexities of our relationship/breakup, but any general thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Merin Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 IF you are BOTH over things and keeping a friendship is important.. then I can't really see any harm in wishing her a nice holiday on EX~Mas (LOL sorry had to say it!) Just be sure your intentions are ONLY to wish a FRIEND well on the holiday and there aren't any alterior motives.
alphamale Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles I do not want to get back together with her, but I certainly do want her to be part of my life nonethless. My belief is that exes should never stay friends unless they have kids together. But apparently some disagree about this.
Author iceisles Posted December 15, 2004 Author Posted December 15, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale My belief is that exes should never stay friends unless they have kids together. But apparently some disagree about this. Well, we spoke for over two years before ever meeting, then dated 14 months before breaking up. We clearly were great friends before we started dating, and I just don't want to throw away a friendship just because our relationship didn't work out. I totally understand the argument about how exes should not remain friends, but I do think every situation should be looked at on a case-by-case basis. With her, I'm over her romantically, and wouldn't take her back even if she came crawling to my door. However, that doesn't mean that I have stopped caring for her. If you all don't see any harm in a quick call to say "Merry Christmas", I just may do it.
Teag Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 My belief is that exes should never stay friends unless they have kids together I do disagree with this, one of my best friends is an ex-boyfriend. We were best friends before we dated but things didn't work out & I'm glad we were able to remain friends. Now I am happily married w/ a beautiful daughter and he is with someone w/ a beautiful little girl & hopefully our children will also be close. Our spouses have no problem with this. So I don't see any problem calling your ex on the holidays. If you are remaining friends she may be upset if you don't call her.
beejsea2 Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 I see no harm calling her. I'm another one that believes that ex's can remain friends. In fact one of my best friends is a guy that I use to date...we realized that we were better friends than lovers and stayed freinds!! So you can remain friends with an ex...well at least IMHO.
theone44 Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles I just wanted to get some thoughts from you all. My ex broke up with me in early October. I am over her, and I'm positive she is over me. We have both expressed an interest in remaining friends, though we haven't spoken much since the breakup (perhaps 4 or 5 brief, informal conversations). Do you think giving her a quick call on Christmas Day would be a good idea? To me, if I want to reinforce that I'd like to remain friends, there is no better day to do it on. I also sent her family a Christmas card to wish them a nice holiday, a gesture that I hope will show my ex that I have put the past behind me. I do not want to get back together with her, but I certainly do want her to be part of my life nonethless. I know it's tough to offer advice without all the details and complexities of our relationship/breakup, but any general thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks. any man or women who still want to remain friend with an ex.......still are having romantic feeling for him or her---screw that. Why settle for less,where you can have the best.
Author iceisles Posted December 16, 2004 Author Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by theone44 any man or women who still want to remain friend with an ex.......still are having romantic feeling for him or her---screw that. Why settle for less,where you can have the best. I still care about her, but that doesn't mean I have romantic feelings. So, are you saying that if you were friends with a girl for 10 years before dating, you wouldn't talk to her again if a serious relationship didn't work out? That seems a little ridiculous to me. Lots of relationships fail - does that mean we are to erase from our memory each and every person we meet where things don't quite work out? This is Christmas, the season of caring, and I'm trying to express my commitment to a friendship as much as I can.
theone44 Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles I still care about her, but that doesn't mean I have romantic feelings. So, are you saying that if you were friends with a girl for 10 years before dating, you wouldn't talk to her again if a serious relationship didn't work out? That seems a little ridiculous to me. Lots of relationships fail - does that mean we are to erase from our memory each and every person we meet where things don't quite work out? This is Christmas, the season of caring, and I'm trying to express my commitment to a friendship as much as I can. Ok, this is coming straight from the horses mouth again. Well what happen between me and my ex,she broke up with me,so we didn't talk for a couple of months. Then we start talking again,and decided to remain friend,and we became very close afterward,but you know my happen,my feeling for her came back,and i start expressing it again,and i believe i ran her off for good this time. Remember this,women have the upper in any type of relationship. What i'm trying to say is,you never lose the feeling or love for the person to use to be involve with. People who say they do are lying. God did not design for men and women to become friends,the purpose of of a man and woman is to become husband and wife, and the rest will follow.
Author iceisles Posted December 16, 2004 Author Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by theone44 Ok, this is coming straight from the horses mouth again. Well what happen between me and my ex,she broke up with me,so we didn't talk for a couple of months. Then we start talking again,and decided to remain friend,and we became very close afterward,but you know my happen,my feeling for her came back,and i start expressing it again,and i believe i ran her off for good this time. Remember this,women have the upper in any type of relationship. What i'm trying to say is,you never lose the feeling or love for the person to use to be involve with. People who say they do are lying. God did not design for men and women to become friends,the purpose of of a man and woman is to become husband and wife, and the rest will follow. That is true. I don't expect my efforts to be successful, but I figured that I will make one last stride before we reach '05. I realize that it's all academic, for if she wanted to be friends like she said, she would have made more of an effort to do so already.
theone44 Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles That is true. I don't expect my efforts to be successful, but I figured that I will make one last stride before we reach '05. I realize that it's all academic, for if she wanted to be friends like she said, she would have made more of an effort to do so already. When a woman decided she want to be a friend after a break-up,that is the biggest lie on the woman part. She just want to justify her break-up and not feel guilty on her part. Why do some men want to be friend with an ex-friend i could never figure out,unless they got kids like alphaman say. You being a friend to your ex,why the other guy is being a friend,her lover and he is getting all the benefit,why you just being a friend"Hell naw'. If they dump you as a lover,they will also dump you as a friend.
Jock Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Personally, I'm not in to keeping in touch with an ex. It may send the wrong signal. This may also indicate that you have feelings for her. Stronger feelings than you're telling us. Otherwise why contact someone on Christmas Day. I split from my g/f 18 months ago and she has initiated contact on 4 occasions and I can only assume she's looking for a way back in as we weren't friends before we dated and parted in an unpleasant fashion. Watch out but good luck
Author iceisles Posted December 16, 2004 Author Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by Jock Personally, I'm not in to keeping in touch with an ex. It may send the wrong signal. This may also indicate that you have feelings for her. Stronger feelings than you're telling us. Otherwise why contact someone on Christmas Day. I split from my g/f 18 months ago and she has initiated contact on 4 occasions and I can only assume she's looking for a way back in as we weren't friends before we dated and parted in an unpleasant fashion. Watch out but good luck I don't have romantic feelings for her, at least not on any conscious level. I would like to preserve a friendship, if possible, because true friends - ones that will always be there for you, are hard to come by. I know this could be emotionally risky if my feelings for her return, but I'm banking on me being able to shut that down pretty quick. I've learned that you can't dwell on the past and live in the present at the same time.
Author iceisles Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 I wouldn't be surprised if she blows off my birthday tomorrow. It amazes me how fast people can just forget about you like you are yesterday's news. Even if she doesn't e-mail me or anything tomorrow, I will still make my Christmas call. That will be my last offer at retaining a friendship, and it will be a generous one at that. After that, the proverbial "ball" will be in her court. Agreed?
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