She lied about breaking up with fiancee and cheated with me. Do I tell him the truth?

[bananapanda]

We were in school together (nursing program) and became real close friends. I knew she had problems with her fiancee, but I was never really interested in her that way. Eventually, they had a falling out and she gave back the ring. She had always liked me. She had to make sure we called/txt everyday. Always asked me questions that were obvious like class notes, study guides, etc. Gradually we became closer and closer and approx a month after their breakup we had our 1st date. We then became a couple.

 

Everything was wonderful. Always spending time together, saying "I love yous". Honestly, it was some of the best times of my life. We did everything together whenever we would see each other. I really loved this girl. It was this way from March until the end of August. But she was always a bit discrete because she didn't want anyone thinking our relationship was scandalous.

 

Early in our relationship she invited me to her OBGYN appointment. After her appointment, she came storming out crying into the lobby. I asked her what was wrong, she said ovarian cancer. I was devastated.

 

Come June, we had our finals and she didnt pass due to an error on her scantron. Theres 100 questions and she missed a space after question 17 so everything after that was marked wrong. This was her reason. She was depressed. I found out later this was a lie, I spoke with 1 of my professors. All along, she had been failing.

 

Late August is when she broke up with me after her trip to Costa Rica. She told me it was for her friends wedding.

 

I believed everything she told me, even when things didnt quite add up. I gave her lots of leeway because I believed she had cancer and failed the program. Now to clear things up, she claimed to had lived with her room mate who was also happen to be her sister in law. So she would never let me come over because she said if the sister in law found out that she had gotten a new man quick, things would get bad.

 

To try and summarize quickly, I found out the trip to costa rica was their anniversary trip. The place where they live, the fiancee has been living there all along. She does have a medical condition, but it isnt ovarian cancer. Alot of this was cleared up when I went to her house and spoke to the sister in law while my ex was working. When I introduced myself, I stated that I was in the LPN program with her during school. The sister in law replied "I thought she was taking her masters". I concluded my conversation with the sister in law and as I was walking back to my car, my ex calls me immediately and tells me "How could u invade my privacy like that. U made it so awkward for her. Promise me youll never do that again" She sounded so scared.

 

Im so angry. To think the whole time I was going out with her she went home to her fiancee every night. I was led on like a puppet. There were some signs, but I never payed it much mind because I believed her to be so sincere. There's something wrong with her ovaries, but it isnt ovarian cancer. I know this for a fact. I wont explain it here but it isnt true. If she can lie about cancer, then what cant she lie about? You just dont do that to people.

 

I dont want to get back with her at all. Im better off. The lies.. all the lies... Ive been lied to this whole time and I cant let it go. Its been 1 week now and Im still as mad as before. Come next week, I plan on going to her house and telling the fiancee the truth about EVERYTHING. Her lies cannot be without any consequences. Advice guys, any at all please. Im so distraught, Ive never been hurt like this before. To be the rebound guy is harsh... but add on all these lies makes it even worse. If the bleeding doesnt stop, more and more will get hurt. It needs to end at some point and I feel as if its NOW.

[bananapanda]

Ive got text messages, voicemails, pictures, gifts. I even have her old debit card that she left at my house when she slept over. But to break it all down to him, from what I've heard hes a badass. I can see why she used me now, because I was the nice guy. Nonetheless, he still needs to know. Me and a friend of mine (girl classmate) plan on going to her house while shes at work and explain everything to him.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, I'd tell him. Provide the proof. Don't let her know you're going to expose her. She's lying on a deeply disturbing level to many people, including those she supposedly loves most. She is a sick woman and needs to understand that she cannot float through life doing whatever she pleases with zero consequences.

 

Just one thing - be prepared to discover more lies. This could be just the tip of the iceberg.

[CptSaveAho]

just move on

 

nothing good will come out of telling her fiance what happened

[Fondue]

just move on

 

nothing good will come out of telling her fiance what happened

 

I have to honestly disagree with this statement.

 

Nothing good will come out of NOT telling him. Can you imagine if this man carries out with the wedding and marries this girl?

 

Can you honestly tell me that if you were THAT guy, would you NOT want someone to tell you?

 

OP, please tell this man everything. I think 99.9% of us would like to know if we were in his shoes.

[Col1]

She sounds mentally ill. I wouldn't be involved any further in her life. That includes not communicating with the fiancee. It's her mess. Plus you questioned what she can lie about. What if, as a result of you tattling, she claims you did untrue things to her. She could make your life a mess. The fiancee sounds blind to what she's doing, so he'll probably not believe you. No good deed goes unpunished.

 

Move on with your life. Most women aren't crazy like this. Best wishes to you.

[CptSaveAho]

yes because going to tell a "bad" ass that his fiance is/was cheating on him with you is going to end well for you

 

if some loser came to my door and told me that my fiance was cheating on me with them, my first reaction would be to break their knee caps and maybe their nose

 

then i would dump my fiance and make her move in with them

 

you guys are complete and total morons for even considering this...

[bananapanda]

Lol... well Im not a loser... I do well off on my own. Im a nice person but def no push over. As far as her claiming things me doing untrue things to her, she has no evidence. After I provide cold hard facts and proof to the fiancee... if he still chooses to believe her, well then they deserve each other. I have everything since I saved everything. Thank God for iPhone backups. I have completely nothing to hide and have evidence and people to back me on this.

[Fondue]

yes because going to tell a "bad" ass that his fiance is/was cheating on him with you is going to end well for you

 

if some loser came to my door and told me that my fiance was cheating on me with them, my first reaction would be to break their knee caps and maybe their nose

 

then i would dump my fiance and make her move in with them

 

you guys are complete and total morons for even considering this...

If your only reason for avoiding telling the guy of her wrong doing is that you're afraid, then I simply have no words. That is quite sad. WHatever happened to brotherly love and helping out your fellow man?

 

If you're afraid of the dude, at the very least assemble all the evidence (print it out, or whatever), then put it all in a nice manila envelope, put it by his door, and ding/dong/ditch the house. He'll pick it up, review it, and make his own decisions on the subject.

 

Whether or not he finds out it was you shouldn't be a big deal. What's he gonna do, hunt you down for revealing the truth?

[bananapanda]

If your only reason for avoiding telling the guy of her wrong doing is that you're afraid, then I simply have no words. That is quite sad. WHatever happened to brotherly love and helping out your fellow man?

 

If you're afraid of the dude, at the very least assemble all the evidence (print it out, or whatever), then put it all in a nice manila envelope, put it by his door, and ding/dong/ditch the house. He'll pick it up, review it, and make his own decisions on the subject.

 

Whether or not he finds out it was you shouldn't be a big deal. What's he gonna do, hunt you down for revealing the truth?

 

Nope nope Im not afraid. I want to do this in person so he sees how serious and sincere I am about all this. She already suspects me of telling him as she called some of my friends and asked, "Is he mad? Is he gonna tell my fiancee?". I gave her enough time to apologize and come clean. Thats never going to happen. She has to protect herself from the painful reality of her lives. Itll be to much for her ego and selfesteem to come out with the truth. Especially with such deep matters.

[CptSaveAho]

the only reason op wants to tell is revenge plain and simple

 

he's hurt... posted a long post about it

 

most normal sane guys dont date women that will cheat on them with nice guys so that leaves the losers/bad asses

 

the problem is no one here thinks about the consequences of their actions

 

"oh lets date a woman whos not over an ex" yup like thats going to work out... no offense but thats on the OP 100% instead of taking responsibility like a man and just moving on he wants to rat out her

 

learn your lesson, focus on your life, move on

 

the reasons/motives/opinions for ratting her out behind this are not sound and based off fear and projections of fear "if i was dating someone I would want to know" common sense is to date people that wont cheat in the first place

[bananapanda]

I dont understand your rationale. I entered this relationship giving trust. Its only through risks and time that you find out what a person is really like. Obviously if someone is a known cheater, then you're asking for trouble. If I had known shes was a compulsive liar, then yes I wouldve never dated her....

[CptSaveAho]

thats your lesson to learn

 

nice guys finish last for this reason... too trusting... women tells you something you believe it with your heart

 

most rational sane guys and even women know when they talk... 90%+ of it is hot air.... blah blah blah (maybe something of relevence here) then more blah blah blah blah

 

learn this lesson, move forward

[Maxtor]

Hey man, something very similiar happened to me, she had to go home every night because....she had to. Well, i still like her, i'm still hurt, so please, do yourself a favor, and start the healing process right away. She wont change and she lied to many times. Just let it go.

[bananapanda]

I most definitely will. It will happen sometime this week

[dreamingoftigers]

I had a friend like this in high school.

The lies only got worse after and they got much weirder, including cancer.

 

But it but her in the ass a bit.

 

She won a student award for her "struggles" mostly due to fighting "cancer" which she didn't have.

 

So there it was in black and white, permanently.

Her parents had no idea. She passed it off as a "mistake on behalf of the students committee."

 

But she accepted the award.

 

I distanced myself from her after I started working for another friend of hers. The problem with compulsive liars is that they need to keep the people in their lives separated.

 

She tried to get me fired. But he knew much better and showed me the email she had sent him. She denied it to me and told me a few more lies about him, on speakerphone when she didn't know he was present. Then right after she called him back and completely lied about what was said between her and I.

 

Diabolical. So we started talking more and things that I had suspected and he had suspected rung true. She had a big problem. And we both had years of texts/emails/Facebook etc. to back it up.

 

We never confronted her, we just let her go. I heard some things in the wind about me from her, but it was rather inconsequential.

 

As for the friend of hers I was working for, I worked for him for four years. He was part of my wedding party and we still chat (he's moved about 3 hours away).

I moved closer to the liar at one point. I saw her last when I was pregnant with my daughter. She had a lot of "victim of circumstance tales of woe" to tell. All about how "this person made it so I couldn't renew my contract here" and "I quit here because they accused me of this when it wasn't true and how could they do that?" "I'm going to sue X because of Y."

 

What's her profession? She's a guidance counselor.

Five years, five contracts not renewed.

 

Expose your ex. She fully needs those consequences.

But truly she's such a terrible compulsive liar that it will always be difficult to have long-term friends, except for the most naive people.

 

I think there was a reality-TV show girl named Oma Rosa or some such name that had the same issue.

 

My father is a compulsive liar too.

I worked for another one that claimed to work for the UN and bilked thousands of dollars in client funds in a short period if time from a group home I worked at.

 

These people have almost an addiction to "looking like they are this amazing person that just gets screwed over." It really gives them something. Exposing them doesn't last forever because they replace people BUT it will at least give you the satisfaction that you weren't an accessory to this crap.

 

At least with my friend and I she was only screwing over the both of us, and not some innocent dude.

[CptSaveAho]

/patiently waits for "ex's fiance beat my ass and now im posting about it from the hospital on my cell phone" thread

[ascendotum]

/patiently waits for "ex's fiance beat my ass and now im posting about it from the hospital on my cell phone" thread

 

Yes it can happen when you screw a badass guy's gf behind his back. I've known of some savage beat downs. Often the guy's don't blame their gf (oh that would mean they are less desirable and not good enough for their gf and lose face) but sheet home the blame on the dirty prick of a guy who tried to steal his woman....who in some cases may be totally clueless the woman had a bf (like in the OPs case). I think if meeting with the bf goes down as MrDF outlined it should greatly lessen the bf impulsively losing his head over it and taking it out on the OP.

I have mixed feelings on whether a person should seek revenge in cases of cheating were they were the OM/OW but did not realize it.

[StanMusial]

Did you ever meet anyone who knew her at least halfway while you were dating her?

 

I don't understand how people get so mixed up with these characters.

 

Anyway I agree with the posters who say to drop it. You're only going to get more tangled up in her web of lies if you don't.

 

People like her have a way of manipulating situations and other people. I understand the need for revenge but I have a feeling it will only make things worse for you. If you could somehow blow the whistle anonymously I'd say go for it. But she's going to know it was you.

[FitChick]

If she is such a liar, she might say you raped her. Then the fiance would kill you. He will believe her, not you, a stranger who had sex with his woman.

[lino]

 

Lucky fiancee.

[bananapanda]

If she is such a liar, she might say you raped her. Then the fiance would kill you. He will believe her, not you, a stranger who had sex with his woman.

 

Like I said, I have all the evidence. Shes chosen to keep me hidden for him for the last 6 months. Im the one providing the evidence that she was in fact in a relationship with me for that time period. There's also many other lies I can prove wrong. If after all this he chooses to believe her, then so be it they deserve each other.

[deathandtaxes]

Let go. Move on. Do not tell. It is not your place nor your responsibility.

[happywithlife]

In all honesty, do not communicate with the fiancé. Do not ever communicate with your ex either. She is mentally ill. Unfortunately, she can also do a lot of damage to your life in a very short amount of time. And trust me, people tend to initially believe a woman saying she was the victim of abuse or rape because people do not want to look like an @ssh@le and tell a woman she is lying about such a serious crime, even if she is lying. You have a professional license that can be revoked if she starts a story about you raping, beating, etc her. Think of how she got you to believe her stories. . . . now what if friends, coworkers, your boss, or even worse a judge believes the stories. . . . your life is screwed. What you think is proof may not be enough to save you in court.

 

Her fiancé probably already knows she is a liar and chooses to live with it or else he is just as mentally ill as her and they feed off each other.

 

By communicating with the fiancé you will turn your ex against you even more. She will become vicious. Change your phone # and email, block her from Facebook/social media, and then move on with your life and go no contact.

 

It will be hard. You have been hurt. Forget about her, she will crash and burn on her own without your help.

[truth_seeker]

In all honesty, do not communicate with the fiancé. Do not ever communicate with your ex either. She is mentally ill. Unfortunately, she can also do a lot of damage to your life in a very short amount of time. And trust me, people tend to initially believe a woman saying she was the victim of abuse or rape because people do not want to look like an @ssh@le and tell a woman she is lying about such a serious crime, even if she is lying. You have a professional license that can be revoked if she starts a story about you raping, beating, etc her. Think of how she got you to believe her stories. . . . now what if friends, coworkers, your boss, or even worse a judge believes the stories. . . . your life is screwed. What you think is proof may not be enough to save you in court.

 

Her fiancé probably already knows she is a liar and chooses to live with it or else he is just as mentally ill as her and they feed off each other.

 

By communicating with the fiancé you will turn your ex against you even more. She will become vicious. Change your phone # and email, block her from Facebook/social media, and then move on with your life and go no contact.

 

It will be hard. You have been hurt. Forget about her, she will crash and burn on her own without your help.

 

^^ Please follow this advice OP.

 

The right thing to do is tell the fiancee, but the safer thing to do is delete her from your life. Just know if you tell the fiancee, he will tell her and then she will come after you for ruining her life. This woman sounds sick and will do anything to enact revenge.

 

If you need to get over this, seek counseling.