Scoot Scoot Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 hi, so lately i've been feeling down. asking myself all these questions, that i really want to ask my ex, but know its not right. its really driving me insane. -when i asked for a 2nd chance, she decline because she gave me plenty of chances before. while i was given those chances she was distant and cold, and i was doing all the work trying to make things happen, but i was just wasting time because she didn't put any effort in. it takes two to make a relationship work and she wanted it to work out, but did nothing to contribute. -she keeps on saying i wasn't honest. i really don't know what shes talking about, i don't recall lying to her about anything. she's using it as a scapegoat. theres a bunch of other things thats bothering me, and i don't expect you guys to know the answer to them, so i'll let it be. but i'd appreciate any advice so i could keep my mind at ease.
Chi townD Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 It's the other way around dude. She wasn't honest with you. With these chances that she was talking about. You stated you put in the effort, but she didn't. It was at this time when she started to wean herself off of you, she started to disengage herself from the relationship while she was still with you. SO, when it came time to leave, she was strong enough to do so. Because she already mourned the loss of you and the relationship while she was still with you. So, it was her on being honest. 1
LostOne08 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Most people on these boards will tell you something to the effect of: "It doesn't matter what her reasons are. She doesn't want to be with you. No contact and move on." It's cold and it's harsh, but you know what else it is? It's absolutely correct. I was looking back on some of my posts from two months ago when I first joined the forum after my breakup. I was going through the same emotions as you: "I miss her. I just need another opportunity. Her reasons don't make sense to me. If I can just talk to her one more time I can make this make sense to her." That all seems perfectly rationale and logical in your mind (it did for me). I told people I wanted to contact my ex and everyone told me not to. I didn't listen and I wish I had. From my own experience, you will contact her and she will eventually get fed up and it will make matters much worse. If you feel like her reasons weren't legitimate because you were always honest with her and she says you weren't, that's something you can use to strengthen yourself going forward. "I'm a great guy, I was honest with her, etc. She made a mistake." That's what I've had to tell myself over and over. As far as she's concerned, though. Nothing you say or do can change her decision. Not right now. Maybe eventually she'll realize the mistake she made. Maybe she won't. If she does, it's a decision she has to come t
Author Scoot Scoot Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 It's the other way around dude. She wasn't honest with you. With these chances that she was talking about. You stated you put in the effort, but she didn't. It was at this time when she started to wean herself off of you, she started to disengage herself from the relationship while she was still with you. SO, when it came time to leave, she was strong enough to do so. Because she already mourned the loss of you and the relationship while she was still with you. So, it was her on being honest. i don't really know. what i'm feeling is that the whole 2nd chance opportunities i had in the past were totally unfair. she was hoping for the best, but during those times and i was only putting in as much as she was putting in. she was basically bombarding me while we were suppose to work it out.
LostOne08 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Most people on these boards will tell you something to the effect of: "It doesn't matter what her reasons are. She doesn't want to be with you. No contact and move on." It's cold and it's harsh, but you know what else it is? It's absolutely correct. I was looking back on some of my posts from two months ago when I first joined the forum after my breakup. I was going through the same emotions as you: "I miss her. I just need another opportunity. Her reasons don't make sense to me. If I can just talk to her one more time I can make this make sense to her." That all seems perfectly rationale and logical in your mind (it did for me). I told people I wanted to contact my ex and everyone told me not to. I didn't listen and I wish I had. From my own experience, you will contact her and she will eventually get fed up and it will make matters much worse. If you feel like her reasons weren't legitimate because you were always honest with her and she says you weren't, that's something you can use to strengthen yourself going forward. "I'm a great guy, I was honest with her, etc. She made a mistake." That's what I've had to tell myself over and over. As far as she's concerned, though. Nothing you say or do can change her decision. Not right now. Maybe eventually she'll realize the mistake she made. Maybe she won't. If she does, it's a decision she has to come to on her own. You can't make her "see the light" by confronting her on her reasoning. If and when she wants to have the conversation, she know how to find you. Until then, don't stress over wanting to speak to her. Trust me, any contact does more harm than good.
AlmostFrench Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I read your other threads. The only insight I can give is that she does not know what she wants! I gather this from what you said about her sending you a msg saying you should be chasing her and fighting for love, showing her she is a queen etc, and then saying she needs space. You will never get any clear answers from her, I promise you that. If you contact her you will not get any answers, and even if you get some, you will end up with more questions and the cycle starts again. Do you have an obsessive personality? I do I think to an extent. But you are obsessing about the same thoughts to which there are no answers. Turn that obsession into something positive, a new hobby or interest for example. Read a lot on a topic you have always wanted to learn. You will never get answers. You cannot be friends while you still have feelings for her, it will only hurt you when you find out she is with someone else.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Most people on these boards will tell you something to the effect of: "It doesn't matter what her reasons are. She doesn't want to be with you. No contact and move on." It's cold and it's harsh, but you know what else it is? It's absolutely correct. I was looking back on some of my posts from two months ago when I first joined the forum after my breakup. I was going through the same emotions as you: "I miss her. I just need another opportunity. Her reasons don't make sense to me. If I can just talk to her one more time I can make this make sense to her." That all seems perfectly rationale and logical in your mind (it did for me). I told people I wanted to contact my ex and everyone told me not to. I didn't listen and I wish I had. From my own experience, you will contact her and she will eventually get fed up and it will make matters much worse. If you feel like her reasons weren't legitimate because you were always honest with her and she says you weren't, that's something you can use to strengthen yourself going forward. "I'm a great guy, I was honest with her, etc. She made a mistake." That's what I've had to tell myself over and over. As far as she's concerned, though. Nothing you say or do can change her decision. Not right now. Maybe eventually she'll realize the mistake she made. Maybe she won't. If she does, it's a decision she has to come t i feel you on that. i told her before the mistakes she made with us when we use to fight. my words really got to her, it made her realise some of the problems she needed to work on. i was hoping if i talked about it now, maybe she'll realise that she made a mistake, and think twice about us.
AlmostFrench Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Maybe she has realized she made a mistake, maybe not, but if she hasn't come forward and told you without you asking her, she has not realized it to the extent that she wants to get back together.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 I read your other threads. The only insight I can give is that she does not know what she wants! I gather this from what you said about her sending you a msg saying you should be chasing her and fighting for love, showing her she is a queen etc, and then saying she needs space. You will never get any clear answers from her, I promise you that. If you contact her you will not get any answers, and even if you get some, you will end up with more questions and the cycle starts again. Do you have an obsessive personality? I do I think to an extent. But you are obsessing about the same thoughts to which there are no answers. Turn that obsession into something positive, a new hobby or interest for example. Read a lot on a topic you have always wanted to learn. You will never get answers. You cannot be friends while you still have feelings for her, it will only hurt you when you find out she is with someone else. you know what, i think i am obsessed. believe me i've tried to take my mind of of her, i try new hobbies, travel, or whatever. but my heart is broke, i feel like nothing seems to do it for me. its like i have no inspiration to thrive in life. it sucks because the holidays are coming up, me and my ex's anniversary, and each others birthdays. its going to be hard this winter.
AlmostFrench Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 It's ok to admit that, me too with my ex. I can't help talking about him or wondering why this happened. But I am finding that by forcing myself to stop and take my mind off it for a bit, by watching movies, going shopping, going out for drinks etc, the obsessive thoughts get fewer and further between. Do you have a best mate or family member you are really close to? Have you been talking to them? I find for me, the best thing is to talk to them (someone who is patient and will listen to you talk again and again, but will also give you a good slap - not literally of course lol - every now and then and tell you to stop). Invite them over for a few beers and pour your heart out all you want, then stop and talk about something else. The obsession period can not last forever though. You could also try counseling, if you can find a cheap or free service near you (even one of those free phone lines to call) when you are feeling like you cannot stop to think about it. If after this, in a couple of weeks, you find you are still obsessing, why not divert the topic a bit? Read some books on relationships, not ones on how to get your ex back or anything like that, but ones on dating, getting over a break up, women psychology etc. Maybe after reading all that, you will realize you want to use your new knowledge for a woman who knows what she wants
Author Scoot Scoot Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 It's ok to admit that, me too with my ex. I can't help talking about him or wondering why this happened. But I am finding that by forcing myself to stop and take my mind off it for a bit, by watching movies, going shopping, going out for drinks etc, the obsessive thoughts get fewer and further between. Do you have a best mate or family member you are really close to? Have you been talking to them? I find for me, the best thing is to talk to them (someone who is patient and will listen to you talk again and again, but will also give you a good slap - not literally of course lol - every now and then and tell you to stop). Invite them over for a few beers and pour your heart out all you want, then stop and talk about something else. The obsession period can not last forever though. You could also try counseling, if you can find a cheap or free service near you (even one of those free phone lines to call) when you are feeling like you cannot stop to think about it. If after this, in a couple of weeks, you find you are still obsessing, why not divert the topic a bit? Read some books on relationships, not ones on how to get your ex back or anything like that, but ones on dating, getting over a break up, women psychology etc. Maybe after reading all that, you will realize you want to use your new knowledge for a woman who knows what she wants my friends and family don't care about my situation. all they say is "she's a bitch, move on." doesn't really do anything for me, because they overlook the bad then the good. i've read all types of things to help me move on. even trying to be with other girls but none of them i'm interested in. the thought of being with someone else just makes me miss my girl even more. i don't really no what to do anymore. i'm lost, like the only thing that would make me happy is winning the lotto, my ex coming back or the perfect girl comes into my life.
faithfully Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Listen to your friends and family. The world is not over and you have to carry on. They shift the blame to everybody else but fail to acknowledge their own fault. Use tiny excuse as a wayy out. Sad selfish prople. Plenty of fish in the sea. You will find somebody better, who will love and cherish you for you 1
faithfully Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Darling from a girls point of view. You need to go NC and stay NC. If you are obsessive women are just gonna be nasty to keep to **** you off. You know as people say ive asked them nicely and they dont listen so she will take the nasty route. There are beautiful womrn in this world. Your ex aint nothing special if shes treating you like ****. Beside you cannot force somebody who doesnt love you. We cant make people like us ot want to be with us. You have to move on to something better.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Listen to your friends and family. The world is not over and you have to carry on. They shift the blame to everybody else but fail to acknowledge their own fault. Use tiny excuse as a wayy out. Sad selfish prople. Plenty of fish in the sea. You will find somebody better, who will love and cherish you for you yes, she never wanted to acknowledge her wrong doing, always me, everything was my fault.
.thumb.jpeg.5825a9b15aa13c97d0e31f525ccd0fe2.jpeg)
Recommended Posts