Starbuck Queen Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Hello All, I first wrote into the site a few months ago after my bf cheated on me with friend of his. She got pregnant but later had an abortion. We decided to try to work it out. I though we were doing fine. My bf helped me through a family tragedy and we seemed to be getting closer. However late one night he snuck out of the house at 2am to meet a friend. I awoke in the middle of the night to find him gone. When he returned he said he was just driving around the neighborhhod to get some fresh air. I later found out he went to meet this guy he met on the internet. I had to work Thanksgiving. We have a baby who stayed with her grandparents on thanksgiving. He spent thanksgiving with this guy. And did not call me until 9pm. Now thanksgiving has special meaning for us. I waited 25 years to lose my virginity and I lost it to him on Thanksgiving 3 years ago. You can guess what happened...he had sex with this guy on Thanksgiving. So this wqas the final straw and we finally broke up for real this time. I asked him to move out of our apartment but he is dragging his feet. He says he wants to be with his family and no one is more important than his family but he still wants to be friends with this guy. I say no friggin way!! The holidays are so hard. It is our baby's first christmas so no contact does not work for us. I am so lost. Part of me still loves him veyr much. But I know he is untrustworthy,etc I know deep down I cannot be with him esp when he won't give up his male friend for me. I am so crushed that his month with his lover means more to him than our 3 yrs together. I would run and hide if i could. What do you do when you can't do no contact?
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Hoo boy. Sounds like a hard situation. What you do entirely depends on compromise and the willingness to change things that need to be changed - not necessarily in your favor, but for the happiness of your family unit as a whole. If you can't keep no contact, and you want to stay with him on some level, then you will need to come to terms with the fact that you are with a man who, if 'bi' - is leaning toward the 'gay' end of the spectrum. You will need to have him talk to you honestly about this. If he is coming to terms with being gay, then you will need to also come to terms with that if you want to have him in your life as a part of your family. Cheating on you is not ok, no matter what the reasons - he will need to come clean with you about his dishonesty, and agree to be honest with you from here on out. I'm sure he does love his baby. I'm sure he cares for you - but if he is sexually attracted to males, then the love you share as parents and friends will probably always be only that: the love shared between parents and friends. I don't see you two having a truly romantic relationship if he is leaning toward the "gay" end of things instead of the "bi" middle. If he won't budge, and you won't budge, then nothing says you can't adjust the parameters of the relationship so that your kid can continue to have two loving parents - parents who act as partners and friends rather than as boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. You two will need to be crystal clear about it though - set firm boundaries and expectations for this type of relationship and do not violate them. Separate beds, if not separate apartments - no sex. If you can't work it out as romantic partners, then hopefully you can work it out as friends and parenting partners.
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