I want to contact my ex!

[Marine0311]

I dated my ex for about 4 years, 2 year together everyday, the last two long distance (still saw each other a lot). We were on and off our last year. We broke up this past March, were NC till May. We were hanging out again for about three weeks from late May until early June when she called things off.

 

I was shocked and did not expect the breakup, but went NC right away. Ive been NC now for 5 months and am really starting to miss her. She goes away to college and I really think she is going through GIGS.

 

I have been wanting to contact her so badly the last couple days, but have stayed no contact. I am wondering if is because I got no closure from her after all these years of memories, or if I really want to get her back.

 

In the past 5 months, I have dated/slept with new girls, found interest in some hobbies I stopped doing when I was with her, and am generally doing okay. I still love her dearly, but am doing just fine without her. The thought of breaking contact and being shutdown scares the crap out of me and is the main reason I am not breaking it as of now.

 

She should be home for Thanksgiving, so I am lost! Help!

[I-Love-Liberty]

I don't really buy into the whole closure thing, it's just as simple as you miss her. Nothing wrong with that. But what do you expect when you contact her? Fact is she broke up with you and hasn't contacted you since. Right?

 

You should just remain as you are, maybe think about it again in a month or 2 if you still feel the need.

 

The truth is, if she was wanting to talk to you, she most likely would.

 

If you're okay with just being her friend, with no ulterior motive, then that would probably be the time, if any to contact her.

[Marine0311]

I don't really buy into the whole closure thing, it's just as simple as you miss her. Nothing wrong with that. But what do you expect when you contact her? Fact is she broke up with you and hasn't contacted you since. Right?

 

You should just remain as you are, maybe think about it again in a month or 2 if you still feel the need.

 

The truth is, if she was wanting to talk to you, she most likely would.

 

If you're okay with just being her friend, with no ulterior motive, then that would probably be the time, if any to contact her.

 

 

Thanks for the response. I agree, if she wanted me back I am sure she would have contacted me by now. Ive heard rumors of her being with an old friend of mine now and seeing some things on social networks it sort of confirms it. She must have moved on.

 

I could not be her friend, but the thing thats really making me want to contact her is that for the last year of our relationship, I was slowly driving her to hate me more and more each day by being so needy. I went from being an alpha male to a needy boy. Being on my own for half a year I feel like I used to; confident, strong, and sure of myself.

 

All in all, my heart tells me, "contact her, you are yourself again and she will fall right back in love with you." My brain tells me, "listen to yourself idiot, she finally moved on, forget her."

 

I plan to keep worrying about myself and when I feel I wont be as hurt if rejected, Ill contact her. My only worry is if she is dating someone new.

[AllTooWell]

Here are some things you need to ask yourself:

 

Why do you REALLY want to contact her?

 

You miss her. But contacting her isn't going to get rid of that feeling - contacting her won't make her miss you, won't make her want to be with you, it won't do anything but further illustrate that she doesn't want to be with you.

 

 

You are right with your brain and your heart - it shows great self-awareness to be able to know those kinds of things about yourself.

 

 

I can't stress enough that staying NC is important and that contacting her will NOT have the effect you wish it did; especially if someone else is in the picture.

 

Vent here but stay strong!

[MoooOinkBaaa]

if you contact her write about it here so it encourages me not to contact my own ex gf.