starla33 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 So me and this guy were on and off for a year. He didn't want to commit to anyone and made that really clear, but we never had any issues really. I did tell him I want a relationship and got out of it a few times, but he would always come after me (which now I realize was extremely selfish on his part). We had a really bad falling out this last time. He hurt me a lot and I told him I want nothing to do with him. Deleted him on all my social media etc. We still have some mutual friends and he also started working in the same office as me now. I kind of feel really uncomfortable because when we do run into eachother at this point it is going to be extremely awkward. Should I just get over it and ask him to lunch so we are eat least on decent terms when things like that happen?
Zahara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 So me and this guy were on and off for a year. He didn't want to commit to anyone and made that really clear, but we never had any issues really. I did tell him I want a relationship and got out of it a few times, but he would always come after me (which now I realize was extremely selfish on his part). We had a really bad falling out this last time. He hurt me a lot and I told him I want nothing to do with him. Deleted him on all my social media etc. We still have some mutual friends and he also started working in the same office as me now. I kind of feel really uncomfortable because when we do run into eachother at this point it is going to be extremely awkward. Should I just get over it and ask him to lunch so we are eat least on decent terms when things like that happen? There is no need to invite him to lunch to make nice. You said he hurt you a lot. Have clear and healthy boundaries. Keep your communication with him at work on a professional level. If you see him outside of work, be cordial and civil. 1
Author starla33 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 There is no need to invite him to lunch to make nice. You said he hurt you a lot. Have clear and healthy boundaries. Keep your communication with him at work on a professional level. If you see him outside of work, be cordial and civil. He did, but he apologized profusely. I just don't want awkwardness
Zahara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 He did, but he apologized profusely. I just don't want awkwardness Nothing to be awkward about. You both work together. It's a job, keep it professional. Outside of work, be cordial. The only reason I can think of you wanting to invite him to lunch is to show him what a great gal you are that you're extending the olive branch and making nice. Maybe that will spark his interest again.
Author starla33 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Nothing to be awkward about. You both work together. It's a job, keep it professional. Outside of work, be cordial. The only reason I can think of you wanting to invite him to lunch is to show him what a great gal you are that you're extending the olive branch and making nice. Maybe that will spark his interest again. We are not in the same office, just same building. Anyway I just don't like having awkwardness with people and being on bad terms.
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 You can minimize the awkwardness by being cordial and professional. Good morning. Can you please hand me that file? etc. Treat him the way you would a stranger in a work setting. 1
Zahara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Anyway I just don't like having awkwardness with people and being on bad terms. That's called having poor boundaries and lacking self-value, especially when they treated you badly. You're not on bad terms. He apologized and you accepted. It's done. Treat him like any co-worker that works in the building. You don't have to take him to lunch to avoid awkwardness. Again, you're wanting to do this to show him how nice you are in hopes you will receive validation. The man isn't even working in the same office. How many times a day do you believe you will be interacting with this man on a daily basis that would make it awkward? I understand if he was sitting next to you, was your boss, someone you had to train, etc. It's the same building. Let it go.
Author starla33 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 That's called having poor boundaries and lacking self-value, especially when they treated you badly. You're not on bad terms. He apologized and you accepted. It's done. Treat him like any co-worker that works in the building. You don't have to take him to lunch to avoid awkwardness. Again, you're wanting to do this to show him how nice you are in hopes you will receive validation. The man isn't even working in the same office. How many times a day do you believe you will be interacting with this man on a daily basis that would make it awkward? I understand if he was sitting next to you, was your boss, someone you had to train, etc. It's the same building. Let it go. That is the thing. I never accepted. I ignored his apology. He didn't treat me badly per say, he just said something really really hurtful and ridiculous when he was drunk. I guess I let him apologize and deleted him from everything when I was hurt which I feel was a normal reaction....but yeah.
Zahara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 That is the thing. I never accepted. I ignored his apology. He didn't treat me badly per say, he just said something really really hurtful and ridiculous when he was drunk. I guess I let him apologize and deleted him from everything when I was hurt which I feel was a normal reaction....but yeah. So, the next time you see him in the hallway, just nod, smile and say, "Hi, welcome aboard. Hope you're getting settled in. See you around." Walk away. That shows you're being cordial and everything else from the past is under the bridge. There is no need to take him to lunch.
Sugarkane Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 So, the next time you see him in the hallway, just nod, smile and say, "Hi, welcome aboard. Hope you're getting settled in. See you around." Walk away. That shows you're being cordial and everything else from the past is under the bridge. There is no need to take him to lunch. I wouldn't even say that much!
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