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I'm getting nervous for my 'date' tomorrow, I'm not sure about this


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Posted
Hockey DC tickets for good seats for two - $750-$850

Food and Drinks - $20-$25

Gas - $50-$60

Becoming "prince of doormats" - Priceless!

 

 

 

Sorry to thread jack but as a new user, I don't have PM privileges yet. Without any disrespect to the OP, Prince 69 that is just too funny.

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Posted
I can sort of understand if she wanted to go to her parents' after the game instead of all the way back to school, since they lived closer. It's a little weird, but fine, whatever. And you absolutely did the right thing by driving her there instead of letting her take the train alone.

 

But I think it is so, so rude of her to expect you to drive back out to her parents' house the next day to bring her back to school. I mean, WTF? You are a prince for doing that. If her parents were so concerned about her, why couldn't they drive her back to school the next day? I can't even conceive of expecting a guy to do that without even asking him if he minded. It seems so entitled. And she didn't even kiss you!

 

Ugh...I feel for you. I don't blame you for feeling shocked about it all.

 

Two things to consider

 

a) we never explicitly talked about our journey back to school (we go/live at the same college), I just kinda preferred to have that unscripted so you know what happens, happens. But BLEEPING ask/tell me your parents want you home (see dangerous, DC) instead of me finding out essentially by accident.

 

b) it was and seemed way more innocent that sinister/manipulative. She thought I lived a lot closer than I did, I had told her before but she had misunderstood the geography and thought my parents' town was on the closer side of a few places. Also she had suggested it, and told me, because she didn't want me to do all that driving, even when she had the wrong geography of where I lived.

 

So I can give her the benefit of the doubt as it seems a couple things summed to a whole.

 

But I'm still confused. Do I just let it die? I mean all that and nothing? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills right now, this was basically a night that 99.9% of people would assume she was my legit and cared-about gf if they had to guess. But she's not. And I feel like its my fault. Is that wrong?

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Posted
Hockey DC tickets for good seats for two - $750-$850

Food and Drinks - $20-$25

Gas - $50-$60

Becoming "prince of doormats" - Priceless!

 

This chick is an entitled princes complex bitch ass ho. Never talk to her again, she used you and abused you, bro.

 

Before people start going crazy in assumptions. The tickets were basically free. My dad's friend from work gave them to me provided I pay the $10 transfer fee to put them in my name.

Posted
You do realize that she never saw it as a date. That she wanted to take train home because she did not want to be "owed" to you, since you are not making her wet. She insulted you with $10 for the entire night of wasted time and money. You wasted 7 hours of your life, risking traffic accidents and driving tired.

 

You got friend zoned in the worst way. I bet she would suck some bad boy druggy near campus with muscles and tattoos, for free.

 

Dude, i feel for you and your pain. But she used you and you let her....

 

 

wow...lol.....you been hurt lately..........deb

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Posted
But I'm still confused. Do I just let it die? I mean all that and nothing? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills right now, this was basically a night that 99.9% of people would assume she was my legit and cared-about gf if they had to guess. But she's not. And I feel like its my fault. Is that wrong?

 

 

You like this girl . . . . presumptuous behavior about the ride / distances etc. notwithstanding.

 

 

You don't have to take "crazy pills" when it comes to matters of the heart. Love & lust will make you nutty naturally.

 

 

Because this girl is in college we'll give her the benefit of the doubt & assume for the moment that she has a brain in her head. Therefore, she has to have some idea that what you did for her was way above the norm. Think about how many people are on these boards complaining that people don't even text them back let alone inconvenience themselves over what was essentially a first date. She therefore has a lot of evidence that you are a genuinely good classy guy.

 

 

Even though we are giving her the benefit of the doubt, the rest of us are more suspicious of her motives & intentions than you are, I'd give her a few days to cool off & think about what she's done. It's a little game-playing but I wouldn't call her or text her until next week. If you bump into her, be cordial but let her come to you. If she calls you before then, you're golden.

Posted

Damn this happened to me so many times in college. Drove me nuts. She's one of those girls that like attention from guys, but don't want to date any of them because she is not ready, and she is perfectly okay with hanging out with nice dudes.

 

This was NOT a date. You guys went to a hockey game, and had a good time. There was no hand holding or kissing. No expression of romantic interest. Just 2 kids having fun. Innocent enough.

 

If you are interested in her, be bold and ask her on a real date, with no confusion. Kiss her. Hold her hand! Have sex if possible! You will feel a sense of clarity once you two have sex. Why torture yourself? Isn't it better to know instead of being stuck in a mental friend zone?

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Posted
You like this girl . . . . presumptuous behavior about the ride / distances etc. notwithstanding.

 

 

You don't have to take "crazy pills" when it comes to matters of the heart. Love & lust will make you nutty naturally.

 

 

Because this girl is in college we'll give her the benefit of the doubt & assume for the moment that she has a brain in her head. Therefore, she has to have some idea that what you did for her was way above the norm. Think about how many people are on these boards complaining that people don't even text them back let alone inconvenience themselves over what was essentially a first date. She therefore has a lot of evidence that you are a genuinely good classy guy.

 

 

Even though we are giving her the benefit of the doubt, the rest of us are more suspicious of her motives & intentions than you are, I'd give her a few days to cool off & think about what she's done. It's a little game-playing but I wouldn't call her or text her until next week. If you bump into her, be cordial but let her come to you. If she calls you before then, you're golden.

 

I understand completely. If anything I feel really stupid over all of this. I mean, maybe I wasn't as 'aggressive' as I should have been. But hearing that in the car ride just threw me off so bad, it went from really clicking and feeling it on the ride there with a girl I really liked before a big event to uhh...wait...what? uhh let's go with damage control. Just as like a gut reaction to keep things fun. Essentially went with trying to be a good person and keep it cool. It was a sequential series of decisions I had to make, rather than a total 'White Knight' mentality/goal

 

I mean I just can barely come to terms with the fact this ACTUALLY happened over the past 24+ hours.

 

Like damn, how can someone be ok with this? (assuming she is completely finished and achieved her goal of going to a exciting hockey game) I do concede the fact that I let it happen, it makes me feel like crap. I did all of that last night and this morning, mostly out of sequence based decisions, not even really trying for an end goal, just went with how I was raised (to treat other the way you would like to be treated, regardless of why) and got exactly $10. A peck on the cheek would have meant the world, even if it was just to be nice and nothing else.

 

Why do girls wonder tons of guys don't want to lift a finger or even attempt to give two craps for them? (I am NOT saying this to make an argument of any kind over what one gender or the other does wrong or whatnot - both do plenty wrong). But this is a perfect example of when you give a girl an inch, they take a mile and a half and most likely gloat about it to their friends.

 

We met in class, I don't even want to show up anymore (in 100% seriousness I don't need to lol, this particular class is essentially over). Out of embarrassment for my actions and the resentment I feel towards this entire thing.

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Posted

Well after meditating on this for the past few hours, and letting what actually happened sink in for a day,

 

I have decided never to see her or talk to her again. Didn't even get a text today saying anything about last night. Got out of our remaining class together for the rest of the semester (only like 4 more times) with some well placed bs to the professor. And its a very real possibility she wouldn't even get in contact regardless.

 

Maybe a little bit childish since we are both 22, but I just can't do it. Its my fault this happened but like I said before, I didn't intend for this to happen. Just got used. I don't even know what I would say to her if I saw her again. A night that had a lot of potential ended up with me being humiliated and I have no one to blame but myself. Awesome.

Posted
Well after meditating on this for the past few hours, and letting what actually happened sink in for a day,

 

I have decided never to see her or talk to her again. Didn't even get a text today saying anything about last night. Got out of our remaining class together for the rest of the semester (only like 4 more times) with some well placed bs to the professor. And its a very real possibility she wouldn't even get in contact regardless.

 

Maybe a little bit childish since we are both 22, but I just can't do it. Its my fault this happened but like I said before, I didn't intend for this to happen. Just got used. I don't even know what I would say to her if I saw her again. A night that had a lot of potential ended up with me being humiliated and I have no one to blame but myself. Awesome.

 

 

 

we all get humilated ellsip at oen time in life or another....i dotn think what seh did was fair but to tell the truth if i dotn liek a guy i wotn contact him if he contacts me then i explain ....my first and foremost thought with this hope he hates me thinks i am ugly in fact if i dont want to be with someone ill sabotage myself so they feel justified in not seeing me...i would rather think that they think they dodged a bullet with me because i am hard going........sick huh ...i dont want to hurt anyone...and i get upset when i do my guilt is horrendous with me why i dont date unless i really really know someone i have dated otu of sympathy not good to do this......made em really unhappy and when i tried to explain eh said he woudl commit suicidde........but if a guy asks me directly i tell him sorry i woudl rather he got angry and abused me than cry...... ......i let them know it wont work then i let him know that bullet thing one by one till he goes yep deal breaker.....i dont believe i will end up in a relationship........dont be humiliated the right girl is out there for you ...this girl wasnt the one....you are meant to keep looking.some one better more suited to you...... .....deb

Posted (edited)
Well after meditating on this for the past few hours, and letting what actually happened sink in for a day,

 

I have decided never to see her or talk to her again. Didn't even get a text today saying anything about last night. Got out of our remaining class together for the rest of the semester (only like 4 more times) with some well placed bs to the professor. And its a very real possibility she wouldn't even get in contact regardless.

 

Maybe a little bit childish since we are both 22, but I just can't do it. Its my fault this happened but like I said before, I didn't intend for this to happen. Just got used. I don't even know what I would say to her if I saw her again. A night that had a lot of potential ended up with me being humiliated and I have no one to blame but myself. Awesome.

Honestly why are you feeling used? You spent some time with a girl you like. Yes, you drove around a good bit more than it was necessary, but it's a nice gesture and showed some thoughtfulness. And you said you had tickets anyway for only a small fee, so what's wrong? You would go there anyway, right? If not with her, maybe you would take some friends, no?

 

It seems you had feelings for her and she didn't reciprocate. OK, that's not good. But was she even aware of it in the first place? If some guy took me to match like you did in a friendly manner and I thought we had a good time, suddenly going cold would take me by surprise. And I honestly would question your intentions...

 

And even if she's not interested, just because she went with you doesn't mean she wanted to use you. Are you kidding me? I surely wouldn't go places several hours away with any guy I barely know just because he supposedly has some cash. Common sense! I'd be worried about my own safety. Interpret the very fact she had no problem going with you as that she trusted you and felt safe enough with you to go places far away from home. How is that bad thing? Of course it doesn't mean she had feelings back, but she wasn't obligated to, was she? But she probably still enjoyed your company, even if in platonic way.

Edited by Kate9292
Posted

You are thinking too much. You should have just kissed the girl when they scored the first goal, instead you did nothing. She could have been just as shy as you were about this and was waiting for the guy to make the move. You didn't, you took her to a hockey game then took her home. She might be feeling just as friendzoned as you are right now.

 

And you're going to now cut all contact forever because you didn't make a move? Hell, if I were in her position I would be sitting there the same way... "why didn't he make a move? why doesn't he text me?".

 

You need to grow a pair, get her alone, and kiss her. If I were in your shoes I would just walk up to her and say "I forgot to give you something at the game the other night" and plant one on her. If you're never going to talk to her again anyways what do you really have to lose? I'd do it right after class in the middle of the halls in front of everyone... seriously... what have you really got to lose? She not return the kiss? People making fun of you? Who cares? To me that's worth peace of mind and removing all of these "what if" questions.

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Posted

I mean everything about this was my fault. I asked a girl that I really started to like, that probably didn't like me back, to a hockey game. Got unsure of how or even if I should make a move based on mixed behavior and talking. Caved and drove her way too much. Didn't even really feel appreciation or thanks on her end and got a pity $10 spot. All my fault.

 

Now its my fault that I don't want to talk to her again after this debacle? Why do I have to give her the time of day after this?

 

As for 'making a move' at this point. That seems incredibly forced, awkward, and asking for yet another bad chapter to this story,

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Posted

My reaction to the thread as a whole is that I am feeling your "anxiety" about everything. The way that you just decided to stop going to that class with her in it means that you have not developed the skills to be calm/non-reactive to other people's behaviours. YOU need to figure out how not to keep giving and giving with people.

 

If you wanted to see if she was interested in you all you needed to do was say "hey, let's grab a drink" and if she made excuses/etc you would have your answer. Hard for people to resist an offer of a cool event like a hockey game regardless of their interest levels. Please note that I am not saying this to attack you or anything. I have the same issue as I tend to try to complicate situations in my head instead of just making it clear of my interest and inviting a girl on a one on one date.

 

In the future, I would really try to be less reactive though. I am more concerned with the fact that you got out of 5 classes just because you didn't want to see the girl anymore and that you are lying to your professors. I feel like you are doing it as a "test" too so that you can see if the girl cares if you are alive or dead even.

  • Like 1
Posted

ellisjp --

 

 

See her / don't see her. It's entirely up to you. My $0.02 would be to go to the class just to see how she reacts because that will be telling. Unlike people who just disappear on you after what seemed like a promising beginning, this girl, I'd want to tell off.

 

 

Regardless, whatever you do, please, please stop beating yourself up. You were raised right as you said. Doormat cracks not withstanding, you absolutely did the right thing regarding her safety! Even if she is a no good louse who doesn't deserve you, hold your head & high & (at least on behalf of your parents) be proud of your actions because you took the high road.

  • Author
Posted

Well for the sake of updating since I've done everything else. I actually had to go to class today. Had to pick up a test and turn in homework, before my option to leave 'kicks in'

 

Wish I wouldn't of. It would have felt way better disappearing and leaving her to wonder why.

 

Well I'm sitting down and she actually gets there way earlier than usual and sits right in front of me, thought it was a good sign, and I say hi, what's up and we chat for a few minutes. She kept glancing at me during class and seemed overall really fidgety. I was actually starting to think it was worth it to come.

 

After class we start walking and much to my dismay after a surprisingly good start on her part, our conversation was pretty awful. I smile and ask 'So after a day to recoup, what did you think of your first hockey game' She smiles and said 'I had a lot of fun, I'm glad I went, it was totally worth it'

 

WORTH IT!!??? Worth it, I've never been so disrespected in my life. I literally don't get it. We had gone out before this, like actual going out to places, I guess she had her own agenda or I am really just that much of a fck-up. I didn't show anything about it, just kept it going, but she really didn't talk much, claimed she was tired, resorted to me asking questions, and told her bye when we got to our junction to separate.

 

This was the biggest mistake I have made in a long time. All that time and effort and attempting to care about someone completely wasted, when I could have had a blast with one my friends. I feel so sick to my stomach I can barely think straight. Luckily I have the weekend to sort myself out, I feel like dog$hit

Posted

I wish I could send you a link or something that you could read that would help settle you down a bit but you really need to stop being so hard on yourself.. I don't think it actually helps you for me to say this though if you aren't able to deal with these emotions you are having.

 

I went out with this girl I liked once and she acted TOTALLY different. She was acting rude/unpleasant/etc... and I kept thinking "WTF?".. Anyway, it made me change my opinion of her and shatter the small pedestal I had put her on but at the same time I tried not to get mad at her.

 

This girl is done in my books... but, you need to think about your self confidence/etc for the next time around. You are really reactive to small things and focussing a lot of small word choices she makes. It was "totally worth it" for her to go to the game. She could have worded it differently but I think you are focussing too much on her word choices.

Posted

Is there any chance that you are misinterpreting her use of the phrase "worth it"? I kind of thought she meant that the outing was worth it because she had a good time & met a genuinely good guy who she'd like to see again. You're interpreting it to me that she got free hockey tickets, free food & R/T ride home for $10.

  • Like 1
Posted
Is there any chance that you are misinterpreting her use of the phrase "worth it"? I kind of thought she meant that the outing was worth it because she had a good time & met a genuinely good guy who she'd like to see again. You're interpreting it to me that she got free hockey tickets, free food & R/T ride home for $10.

 

Me too. I thought the same thing!

 

OP, I think she was fidgety because she LIKES YOU.

 

Yeah, the whole "come back and get me tomorrow" thing was weird. But outside that, it seems to me that she likes you.

 

Instead of getting angry and never talking to her again, why don't you ask her out again?

 

You are looking at everything negatively and shooting yourself in the foot here!

  • Author
Posted
Me too. I thought the same thing!

 

OP, I think she was fidgety because she LIKES YOU.

 

Yeah, the whole "come back and get me tomorrow" thing was weird. But outside that, it seems to me that she likes you.

 

Instead of getting angry and never talking to her again, why don't you ask her out again?

 

You are looking at everything negatively and shooting yourself in the foot here!

 

I don't know. I'm kind of sick of this. She can do more than grace myself with her presence. What else do I do? Take her out to dinner/drinks? Did that (albeit it was awhile ago, read OP) had fun. Some casual things and chit chat over the next month? Did that. Go to a big thing? just did that. During the game, after the shocker that was her idea to get home on the way there, I tried escalating but I can't really explain how she was sort of making it uneasy for a 'big move'. We high fived/touched a little/kept my hand on her in the crowd, but planting a huge kiss on her during the game would have been forced, if not awkward. Can't explain it any better than that. I was fully ready for a kiss after I took her home, I talked a little softer and looked her in the eyes, but she got out of the car.

 

Literally I have nothing else to do. If you have any ideas, let me know. Asking her to do anything else seems to be extremely pathetic

Posted

Do you want a relationship with her? You seem to be (understandably) vacillating.

 

 

Are you going back to class?

 

 

If so after next class, I'd ask to talk to her. Do not spend any more money on her.

 

 

Take her aside in the hallway or walk & talk . . . it doesn't matter as long as it's just you two.

 

 

Tell her some of what you're feeling. I say something along these lines:

 

 

I gotta tell you I'm feeling really confused after the hockey game. I was really starting to like you & I thought you liked me too but then the whole ride thing really threw me. Honestly, I feel used like you only went to the game with me to basically get a free ride home. When you made that comment last class about it was "total worth it", to me that came across as saying it was worth it to you to basically use me for a ride for the dirt cheap price of $10 & it made me upset.

 

Talk to me. Tell me what's going on here. If you just see us as friends -- or not even -- fine but I need to know what you think so I can either move on or see if we can figure out if there's something here.

 

 

Based upon her other socially awkward behaviors -- not talking to you in advance about her plan, expecting that you would drive her the next day & only giving you $10, I don't think has the social skills to appreciate a straightforward approach.

 

 

If in response to statements like what I suggested she does anything other than be totally embarrassed & gush heartfelt apologies, she doesn't deserve you.

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Posted
Do you want a relationship with her? You seem to be (understandably) vacillating.

 

 

Are you going back to class?

 

 

If so after next class, I'd ask to talk to her. Do not spend any more money on her.

 

 

Take her aside in the hallway or walk & talk . . . it doesn't matter as long as it's just you two.

 

 

Tell her some of what you're feeling. I say something along these lines:

 

 

I gotta tell you I'm feeling really confused after the hockey game. I was really starting to like you & I thought you liked me too but then the whole ride thing really threw me. Honestly, I feel used like you only went to the game with me to basically get a free ride home. When you made that comment last class about it was "total worth it", to me that came across as saying it was worth it to you to basically use me for a ride for the dirt cheap price of $10 & it made me upset.

 

Talk to me. Tell me what's going on here. If you just see us as friends -- or not even -- fine but I need to know what you think so I can either move on or see if we can figure out if there's something here.

 

 

Based upon her other socially awkward behaviors -- not talking to you in advance about her plan, expecting that you would drive her the next day & only giving you $10, I don't think has the social skills to appreciate a straightforward approach.

 

 

If in response to statements like what I suggested she does anything other than be totally embarrassed & gush heartfelt apologies, she doesn't deserve you.

 

I really don't know. I'm just going to cool off over the weekend. We saw each other 4 straight days in a row. Quick dinner on campus on Monday, game on Tuesday, the ride back on Wednesday, and the class today. So I'll just ponder at least for the next 24-48 hours what I'm going to do.

 

Before all of this, I really started to like this girl. Very smart, very cute, funny, and able to have a good time. The duality of the game (having a good time but logistics going to complete $hit at my expense) has left me really confused and as you said vacillating.

 

As for what you said about talking to her, yeah that would probably best, but I just got to think about it. I have a gut feeling i might be a little too little, too late. But who knows.

 

Something supposed to be so fun and simple just couldn't work out that way

Posted
After class we start walking and much to my dismay after a surprisingly good start on her part, our conversation was pretty awful. I smile and ask 'So after a day to recoup, what did you think of your first hockey game' She smiles and said 'I had a lot of fun, I'm glad I went, it was totally worth it'

 

WORTH IT!!??? Worth it, I've never been so disrespected in my life. I literally don't get it. We had gone out before this, like actual going out to places, I guess she had her own agenda or I am really just that much of a fck-up. I didn't show anything about it, just kept it going, but she really didn't talk much, claimed she was tired, resorted to me asking questions, and told her bye when we got to our junction to separate.

WOW.

 

You really take everything personal, analyzing every little word she says and getting offended over it! Relax! Maybe she just isn't the smoothest talker in the world. I know I'm not either especially when I'm nervous.

 

You know, maybe it's in your best interest to not see her? But that's not because she's some filthy user to leech you dry. It's for your own stability, because you overanalyze stuff to the point of absurd.

  • Author
Posted
WOW.

 

You really take everything personal, analyzing every little word she says and getting offended over it! Relax! Maybe she just isn't the smoothest talker in the world. I know I'm not either especially when I'm nervous.

 

You know, maybe it's in your best interest to not see her? But that's not because she's some filthy user to leech you dry. It's for your own stability, because you overanalyze stuff to the point of absurd.

 

I didn't think that specific thing was taking it personal, maybe a little because I was offended by the fact of possible meaning of word choice ('worth it' to spend time with someone who was actually doing everything - she might not of meant that, I do understand), but who isn't a little peeved when they get possibly slighted? I wasn't mean to her or called her out or pouted like a baby in the least. It made me think.

 

Maybe over-analyzing the whole of the situation, but its confusing, and deals with a girl who I like that either likes me more or less than a few days ago. I feel stupid for not 'making a move' but at the same time, other than force it, I can't think of a time during the trip where she really wanted me to. She passed up opportunities too.

 

Some people have said this was good in a sense that you didn't make her feel uncomfortable in a extremely new environment and focused on making sure she had fun at said environment, while some have said this was bad because she could be laughing with all of her friends (also possibly easily getting 'it' from elsewhere) about how a guy actually did this for her with nothing physical guaranteed.

  • Author
Posted (edited)

Well gotta keep updating on this until it really dies one way or another, don't I?

 

Had a few talks with some friends and sometime to take a step back from looking at my gas bill from the other night. I really just needed to cool off about the whole thing and some time to just distract me. Most of them pretty much told me to go for it, but also said that wasn't cool about her little plan, and to proceed with caution.

 

Well, earlier this (Saturday) afternoon I was at the gym and she called me. I obviously didn't answer and didn't even know for a few hours later, phone died while I was there and didn't immediately charge it when I got to my place. Along with the missed call notification, I had a text 'Sorry! I think I pocket dialed you haha'

 

And I thought hmmm "pocket dialed..." So I texted her back saying no worries asking what she was up to. Basically just doing hw chilling. Asked her to do dinner on Monday night, she said that should be fine, and I said cool and have a good Saturday night.

 

Well, I guess we are eating dinner on campus or somewhere very low key Monday evening. Any thoughts about what I should do or say? I was thinking something along the lines of "You know, what did you really think about the hockey game? Not just did you have fun or not. But I wouldn't take just anyone to one of those games..." Or idk something like that. Ideas? Does that violate the 'never, ever tell a girl your not serious with you like her' rule?

 

Obviously she was sort of thinking about me, if it really was a pocket dial, she still agreed to go to dinner on Monday...

Edited by ellisjp
Posted

Good to hear about dinner..

 

You need to decide on where to go for dinner, no "I guess we are going somewhere casual". You should lead and say you want to go to such/such spot/etc.

 

I wouldn't bring up the hockey game again either. That is done/over with. Do not ask her what she "Really" thinks... If she brings it up again and wants to talk about it you can talk about it but why talk about the past? Focus on moving things forward.

 

 

Really, I will put this as nicely as possible... I think you really need to work on your anxieties when it comes to relationships or interactions with women. I don't know where to direct you but you are taking things way to seriously trying to pre-plan what you are going to say/etc. Just be natural and talk to her like you would a guy friend BUT be flirty with her too..If she is accepting invites that is a good sign.

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