devianceisus Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Hello everyone, I have been in a relationship for five years with my girlfriend. A month and a half ago she went to another country studying for one semester. This was the second time we went to LDR but for the first time it worked like a charm so I tought that everything is going to be fine. However, after some time there she started to get distant and I asked her what's happening with her and that was the moment I asked her if she cheated on me and she said yes. She said that she is very sorry but she needs some time to evaluate what she wants in life and that she is extremely sorry for what happened. I'm feeling pretty down lately bacause I just can't forget that she slept with someone else and didn't tell me. We had a loving and emotional relationship for such a long time. We travelled to several countries and had lots of fun. She told me she wants to break up bacause of her behavior and she also said she needs time to see what happens next. I didn't want to break up with her bacause I love her very much and she also said she loves me more than ever and misses me a lot like I miss her. The main problem is we agreed before she did that I would come and hang at her place a few weeks but she said she doesn't think that's agood idea anymore after she cheated. A few days ago she drunk texted me she misses me and loves and that she is really hurt for doing this to me. I believe her and I know she feels the same as i feel. We are in contact almost daily but I really don't know what to do next. I forgave her but it doesn't help because she said she wants to stay for another semester and wants to travel the world. She said she is happy there and doesn't know if she wants to come home ever again. She has some mixed emotions like I do lately but I would really like to atleast see her again. I know some of you will say I have to man up and let her go but I care too much about her and she cares about me but doesn't show me like I wanted to. She also hid our relationship status on FB thinking I won't find about it... We didn't have an actual break up but it's really hard for me to understand what exactly happened. I'm so crazy that I am evern considering to go to this country and come to her front door just to see her and solve this situation. If anyone of you have any goof suggestions I would be very happy to hear them. Tnank you very much in advance
Philosoraptor Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Dude, she cheated on you then dumped you. Why in the world are you still after her? Do you not think you deserve someone better than a cheater? Drop her completely, heal up, and move on with your life. 5
Author devianceisus Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Yes I know man but it's quite hard after all this time. I would really like to forget about what happened but it's impossible. Maybe I should tell her to stay away from me from now on because as I can see our relationship is not going anywhere for the last few weeks...
xUnknown Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Yes I know man but it's quite hard after all this time. I would really like to forget about what happened but it's impossible. Maybe I should tell her to stay away from me from now on because as I can see our relationship is not going anywhere for the last few weeks... Give it a week for things to settle in before making any decision to do anything. Let things sink in. If she texts/drunk texts/calls. Don't respond. If she leaves you a VM, listen to it..but don't respond. Let everything sink in. You say you want her back now, but you're emotional. I was the exact same way. I still do partly want my ex back, but not nearly as much as I did after we ended it. You're in shock, just like I was. Sit on it and in a week, most likely you'll realize what she had done and how it hurt you. Sure, you'll still miss her and part of you will want her back, but you would have accepted the breakup and accept that she did something terrible to you, then, you'll understand that she doesn't deserve you.
Author devianceisus Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Thank you for the advice but do any of you think it's worth saving our relationship? I mean, I really do want to but I don't know the way how to do it. Any suggestions? xUnknown what happened in your situation because I see that maybe something similar happend to you too...
Chi townD Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) Hello everyone, I have been in a relationship for five years with my girlfriend. A month and a half ago she went to another country studying for one semester. This was the second time we went to LDR but for the first time it worked like a charm so I tought that everything is going to be fine. However, after some time there she started to get distant and I asked her what's happening with her and that was the moment I asked her if she cheated on me and she said yes. She said that she is very sorry but she needs some time to evaluate what she wants in life and that she is extremely sorry for what happened. I'm feeling pretty down lately bacause I just can't forget that she slept with someone else and didn't tell me. We had a loving and emotional relationship for such a long time. We travelled to several countries and had lots of fun. She told me she wants to break up bacause of her behavior and she also said she needs time to see what happens next. I didn't want to break up with her bacause I love her very much and she also said she loves me more than ever and misses me a lot like I miss her. The main problem is we agreed before she did that I would come and hang at her place a few weeks but she said she doesn't think that's agood idea anymore after she cheated. A few days ago she drunk texted me she misses me and loves and that she is really hurt for doing this to me. I believe her and I know she feels the same as i feel. We are in contact almost daily but I really don't know what to do next. I forgave her but it doesn't help because she said she wants to stay for another semester and wants to travel the world. She said she is happy there and doesn't know if she wants to come home ever again. She has some mixed emotions like I do lately but I would really like to atleast see her again. I know some of you will say I have to man up and let her go but I care too much about her and she cares about me but doesn't show me like I wanted to. She also hid our relationship status on FB thinking I won't find about it... We didn't have an actual break up but it's really hard for me to understand what exactly happened. I'm so crazy that I am evern considering to go to this country and come to her front door just to see her and solve this situation. If anyone of you have any goof suggestions I would be very happy to hear them. Tnank you very much in advance Lets touch on the bold shall we? She wants time to "see what happens" Which tells me that she wants to sleep with this guy again, but wants to do it guilt free. She wants to be free to see if she might want to start a relationship with this new guy. She texted she miss you and loves you......yet, not enough to make things right. Not enough to come home and fight for you. Wants to stay there for another semester and to travel the world. She doesn't want to come back. Hence, she doesn't want to come back to you. You are not a priority in her life anymore. She hid your relationship from Facebook tells me that she didn't want someone seeing that she was in a relationship. This wasn't an accident, she planned this out. If things were awesome on your relationship and you were the best boyfriend in the world, she would NEVER have tried to hide you. Unless she was planning on betraying you. Dude, it's time to move on. She's stringing you along as a possible back up plan. The harsh truth? She doesn't want you anymore, she made a choice to have you out of her life. So, why are you trying to hang out with someone that doesn't want you? It's time for a hard NC. I would ignore all texts and let all calls go to voicemail. Cancel your Skype account. Block her on Facebook. Hell, change your number. You're trying to hold on to someone that WANTS to travel the world and sleep with other guys. How is that fair to you? Cut and dry? She made a choice and, unfortunately, it wasn't you. SO, time to go dark. Bow out and move on with your life. We do NC to heal and move on, but you also have to make positive changes in your life as well. Time to heal and move on dude. XUnknown is right. Right now, you are in shock of what happened and are willing to hold on to anything to make things go back to the way things were. But, give it time. Your feeling and emotions are going to be all over the place. And you may not feel the same way in a few weeks. If what I wrote seems harsh, well. it is. Sorry! But, sometimes, you need to get wacked in the head with a 2x4 to open your eyes and see things a little differently. Edited November 4, 2013 by Chi townD 7
xUnknown Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Thank you for the advice but do any of you think it's worth saving our relationship? I mean, I really do want to but I don't know the way how to do it. Any suggestions? xUnknown what happened in your situation because I see that maybe something similar happend to you too... Things have been off for a while..Always blamed it on school, finding a job, then when she did, it was moving and her job. She moved to MD - 3 hrs away from me. We both were going to make it work. I started House Arrest for a **** up of mine 2 years ago, she stood by me the entire way. 1 week in, she tells me she feels all the pressure is on her to fix things because I can't go see her, we have 2 separate lives -me here, her there-, she isn't happy with herself and the weight shes been putting on since we started going out, New area and new life and zero friends and I deserve someone who is willing to work on things and right now she isn't willing to. Ended it on "good" terms. No emotions on my end, calm and collected, no tears. She said we have our own stuff to work on and wanted to remain friedns and see where we are at in 6mo (go figure, the duration of my HA). She texted me 2.5 weeks after BU on our would be 2yr anniv saying She was thinking about me today, and that I'm never far from her thoughts...a bs breadcrumb. Next day calls me about a problem she was having with her headlights (HID kit I installed). I responded and regret it. Although I see it as me tying up the only loose end that there could be. I knew I would get contacted sooner or later for the problem. She ran into my cousin at a college football game this weekend. He mentioned She needs to figure her **** out. I replied with she is needy and I can't be there for her, even though I am. My cousin said "I think she got that this weekend" He said his gut feeling and the expression on her face when she saw him made him think that and it looked to him like it all clicked for her. He said, you may get a text, you may not, but know it definitely hit her then. The part that misses her and associates the memories, music, movies, things we did together wants her back...logically thinking and remembering everything we've been through and how she left me while I'm at my worst, makes me realize I don't need her, I deserve better. Thats my story in a nutshell.
Lizrd3000 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Guess what happens when you do get her back? She'll cheat on you again, or not respect you in the way she should, because she knows she can do whatever she wants and still have you (she cheated on you for christs sake) 1
Author devianceisus Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Ok, thanks for the suggestions. I can see there is no future or maybe I haven't explained myself good enough. But your comments made me realize something I've been missing or I was hoping I was wrong. She is torturing me and spinning me around in a circle because I have been to good to her. Like deangello once said: "Who cares the least controls the relationship"... I would like not to care but eventually I'll come to that state of mind where everything is alright... I have read a few books on relationships and I understood what I did wrong but also realized what she did wrong. I just want to resolve this completely be it good or bad because I've been abusing myself lately with alcohol and cigarettes and ofcourse nothing good came out of that so I stopped finally. I hope I can last it. The main problem I feel is that I can't stop thinking all day long what she did to me and turned in a completely different person in one night. I also have been in situations I can could cheat on her but I never did it because no matter how drunk I was I always thought about her. As I can see she didn't care at all. She became a slut I can't bear with it. It's actually very interesting how people change just like that. I'm not that kind of person but some women are, like her. Very unthoughtful and disrespectful from her side. Like nothing happened between us for the last few years, just brutal
Chi townD Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Yeah, don't really care what relationship books say, some dudes on here try to sell people on a book he read to get your Ex back through texts...crap... Look, if there were problems in the relationship, fine. You can own up to 50% of the problems in the relationship and she can own up to the other 50%. But, her cheating was 100% on her. THAT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! You didn't want that and you didn't ask for that. So, do on blame yourself for this at all. You weren't the weak one. She was. 1
Author devianceisus Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Yes I know but I can see life is not fair. Damn, I wish I did it before her when I had a chance with a girl who is more beautiful and caring than her because it is really disrespectful to do it in another country, try to hide it, then reveal it and start crying, being sorry and not trying to save what we had. Why is she crying anyway? I was willing to pass through cheating but searching the web I found that is not possible, but even if possible she doesn't want that anymore. I am completely dissapointed in a person who I once knew and loved for nothing. I spent my best years doing everything I can with a person who just did something so wrong that I can't even say it anymore. Today is the first day of NC and I hope it stays that way
aliveagain Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Friend, she wants a break to try out new man. Everything you wrote says she wants out of her relationship with you. The big hint is she's never coming back to your country. Wish her a good life and tell her to loose your number because your not waiting around for her. The best you would be is her back up until someone else comes along. You can do a lot better than settling for a cheater. Don't waste anymore time on this one, Miss right is out there waiting for you, go out and find her. 1
fancy feast Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Drop her ass. Stop letting her dictate the terms after she ****ed up. 1
fancy feast Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Yes I know but I can see life is not fair. Damn, I wish I did it before her when I had a chance with a girl who is more beautiful and caring than her because it is really disrespectful to do it in another country, try to hide it, then reveal it and start crying, being sorry and not trying to save what we had. Why is she crying anyway? I was willing to pass through cheating but searching the web I found that is not possible, but even if possible she doesn't want that anymore. I am completely dissapointed in a person who I once knew and loved for nothing. I spent my best years doing everything I can with a person who just did something so wrong that I can't even say it anymore. Today is the first day of NC and I hope it stays that way Hold your head high for not cheating, man. That makes you the real winner
Frank13 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I like how she is pretending to be a martyer and telling you she is breaking up with you because she cheated, like she is punishing herself or doesn't deserve you. That's one I haven't heard before. I guess she is trying to let you down easy. But don't' believe her. She wants out and doesn't want to be with you.
Author devianceisus Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 I understand what you guys are saying. Today is the second day of NC and I am feeling completely crazy because she is liking stuff on my FB profile but not contacting me. I don't know how to cope with this feelings. It's quite harder than I thought
Philosoraptor Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I understand what you guys are saying. Today is the second day of NC and I am feeling completely crazy because she is liking stuff on my FB profile but not contacting me. I don't know how to cope with this feelings. It's quite harder than I thought Block her on facebook, block her phone number, and every other way she can contact you.
Chi townD Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I understand what you guys are saying. Today is the second day of NC and I am feeling completely crazy because she is liking stuff on my FB profile but not contacting me. I don't know how to cope with this feelings. It's quite harder than I thought The reason why you're feeling crazy is because you're not in NC. She's still making contact with you even if it's indirectly. She can see your facebook page; therefore, she can see a glimpse into your life and you into hers. That's not NC. Dude, the hardest thing you need to do is block her from your Facebook.
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