aaron11892 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Say your ex decided to make contact with you somewhere down the line months later, how would you respond? If my ex came back, I would think long and hard about getting back together but she would have to do 99% of the work if it was ever to happen again. To the question though, how would you respond? Would you be nice and cheerful or cold and distant? Being overly cheerful would suggest you're still hurting and are just trying to hide it and being cold would also suggest you're still not over them. How would you guys go about it?
Philosoraptor Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 "Who is this? I'm sorry, you have the wrong number." Really though, all depends on where you are. If you are ok with the contact, there is no reason to be rude. But don't overthink it, just do what comes natural. No need to put up a front for someone who doesn't matter anymore anyways. 2
greenfairie Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 It depends on what happened… Did you guys leave it off being on good or bad terms? How long were you guys together? What was the reason for you guys breaking up? For my situation, I would never respond to my ex. I'm going six months strong and he still texts me once in a while. We were together 4-5 years and now he's dating my old best friend, so I honestly see no point in trying to maintain contact because I still do love him but I've moved on, I just don't feel comfortable with his situation dating my old friend.. Do what you feel like is right. I've heard by not responding, that even shows that you're still hurt and aren't over that person but I disagree…. I just know if I reply, I'll expect a response back and I'll end up feeling that raw pain I felt months ago. I don't want to go back to that place, it was a horrible place to be in. By not responding for the past half year, I now feel renewed and amazing. I feel strong for not responding. But everyone's situation is different, do what you feel is right. 3
headinthecloud Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) If or when your ex contacts you, post here for advice before you respond. Some dumpers never reach out. I was forced to contact mine after 4wks bc he hadn't returned my key - we exchanged a couple cordial texts which he tried to reengage contact but I didn't bite, I cut him off and he's never reached out to me since...and I never received my key, even after sending a self addressed return envelope. Some people aren't who you thought they were. Edited November 4, 2013 by headinthecloud
Fufu Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Say your ex decided to make contact with you somewhere down the line months later, how would you respond? If my ex came back, I would think long and hard about getting back together but she would have to do 99% of the work if it was ever to happen again. To the question though, how would you respond? Would you be nice and cheerful or cold and distant? Being overly cheerful would suggest you're still hurting and are just trying to hide it and being cold would also suggest you're still not over them. How would you guys go about it? I think by the time you will eventually know how to answer. For now, don't over stress on how you will respond to an ex. 1
aloneinaz Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I think there's a couple of ways to answer this. If it's during the first 6+ months of a break up, my opinion is to simply ignore them especially if they were jerks during the break up. Hopefully after 6 months, you won't care anymore anyway and would naturally not care to engage with them again anyway. My girlfriend was treated pretty bad during the break up of her last relationship that lasted almost two years. He contacted her again at almost a year after the relationship and she ignored him and has no desire to have any contact with him again. I'm on good terms with all my ex-girlfriends that I ended it with. I was very kind and respectful when ending the relationships. My last GF ended our off/on relationship 5 months ago and was just a miserable human being. I'd NEVER respond to her nor do I care to ever communicate with her again. Even 5-10 years from now.
KCCK Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 no contact... unless u have already move on happily with your new life which I doubt will happen so fast... so just ignore, until the time when the past is just the past..And u will definitely be happier... my ex of 2 years break up 3 months ago and I went NC for more than a month already... one day, I read on her blog (I was stupid for stalking her) that she loves me the most and regret for leaving me but she is however happy with the guy she dumped me for.. I stupidly broke NC and asked her for a second chance and the reply I got from her is quite humiliating and totally destroy my pride and dignity and I wish I did not emailed her... lesson learnt the hard way and all I want to say is No contact is the best form of contact... =)
Sugarkane Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I'd be tempted to say why is it ok for a dumper to contact months/ years later? But if a dumpee does theyre psycho?
ponchsox Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 If an ex makes contact, it's out of arrogance and selfishness. If a dumpee makes contact, they are unstable and psycho (in the mind of the dumper) 1
faithfully Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I'd be tempted to say why is it ok for a dumper to contact months/ years later? But if a dumpee does theyre psycho? Yeah actually why is this?? Ok for dumper to contact for soo long but if dumpees then they psycho?? I would love to know the answer
aybc123 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Not sure, last time i was dumped i initiated NC (though i didnt know what it was) and asked them not to talk to me for several months. When i heard from them i was feeling more or less fine and hearing from them was nice and didnt really set me back so i was just polite and friendly. This time around she broke up with me and then weeks afterwards also went NC on me so i'd have trouble being nice. But time can do weird things to feelings and i'd probably end up being polite, life is too short to hold grudges for petty things.
Philosoraptor Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I'd be tempted to say why is it ok for a dumper to contact months/ years later? But if a dumpee does theyre psycho? Yeah actually why is this?? Ok for dumper to contact for soo long but if dumpees then they psycho?? I would love to know the answer They're psycho too from any outsider's point of view. The only difference is how the person receiving the contact takes it. And moreoften the dumpee is excited to hear from the dumper, than the dumper is to hear from the dumpee.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I personally would not reply. I wouldn't reply because my EX was a total jerk when we BU so I don't want to get back together and I don't want to be friends....so what would the point be? why waste the time? I think if you have hopes of getting back together then reply but don't be overly enthusiastic and don't gloat about how great your doing. Just talk to them like an old mate. And if you want to maintain a friendship (why would you? no idea but some do) then yeah reply as if your talking to an old mate. I'm hoping I never hear from my ex again. I read stories on here how after 2, 6, 12 months, sometimes years they make contact. I couldn't imagine anything worse. That time is over and I don't want to go backwards. 1
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Say your ex decided to make contact with you somewhere down the line months later, how would you respond? If my ex came back, I would think long and hard about getting back together but she would have to do 99% of the work if it was ever to happen again. To the question though, how would you respond? Would you be nice and cheerful or cold and distant? Being overly cheerful would suggest you're still hurting and are just trying to hide it and being cold would also suggest you're still not over them. How would you guys go about it? And Aaron..i havent read you BU story but I do have a bit of experience about dumpees who come back. Mine did 3 times always claiming he had realized this or that and stupidly I kept taking him back. The truth was - and he admitted this to me - was that he only wanted to get back together those times because he was worried he wouldn't meet anyone else and was either bored or lonely - nice right? She's had her chance with you and she blew it - her loss. Think about this, the pain you went through in this BU, do you want to feel it again 2, 3, 6 months from now? Now no one can say if something will work out or not, but I do believe past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour. If she does come crawling back be sure to grill her about WHY she changed her mind? Don't just take her back because you are so happy she came back - that's what I did with mine - and I wasted 3 years on something that should of ended permanently 2 and half years ago.
Author aaron11892 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 And Aaron..i havent read you BU story but I do have a bit of experience about dumpees who come back. Mine did 3 times always claiming he had realized this or that and stupidly I kept taking him back. The truth was - and he admitted this to me - was that he only wanted to get back together those times because he was worried he wouldn't meet anyone else and was either bored or lonely - nice right? She's had her chance with you and she blew it - her loss. Think about this, the pain you went through in this BU, do you want to feel it again 2, 3, 6 months from now? Now no one can say if something will work out or not, but I do believe past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour. If she does come crawling back be sure to grill her about WHY she changed her mind? Don't just take her back because you are so happy she came back - that's what I did with mine - and I wasted 3 years on something that should of ended permanently 2 and half years ago. I wouldn't take her back with no questions asked. I'd want to ask why she left in the first place and why has she decided to contact me now. Probably will be all lies coming out of her mouth mind you...I'd also like to see if she has changed, become more emotionally mature and know what she wants. If there has been no change then I will not be going back because the same problems which caused the break up will arise again. 1
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