MabyDreaming Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) Hi everyone (also thanks in advanced. for any solid advice) I have been tossing and turning for almost 1month now about my firstlove/girlfriend & questioning whether I am making the right decision. (here it goes sorry if its to long ) We were together for 3-4years it was a long distance relationship. Out of the years being together it wasn't until the last year that I visited her 3times out of the year. She broke up up with me almost one year ago. (She felt the relationship wasn't good anymore i also believe she may have fallen in love with someone else causing the breakup) It destroyed me I rather not getting into much details about it but it (hurts thinking about it) In first 2 months of the breakup. I still kept in contact with her (call here a txt here) but I tried to give myself distance from her hoping she will reconsider. After a few more days I couldn't take it anymore so I drove up to her city to try to win her heart back. (with her permission of course) and ( try to win her heart back) i mean by being the boyfriend without the long distance. Idid everything I could do try to win her heart back. (taking her to school movies dinners playing working out hanging out spending overall alot of quality time.I felt like we had a great time. We did things I saw her smile back we would even kiss sometimes. but then i saw it and the more and more I notice I felt like she resented me. I believe it had to do with my weight and my ability of not being able to be the boyfriend she may have desired when i first visited. somebackground of myself ( i was about 5'11 240lbs) I was out of shape. (disgusting) Shes about 5'0 and in pretty great shape. I lost 10lbs before seeing her. (Didnt make any difference) (i hated short girls) (She hated fat guys) Ironic isnt it? After 3weeks I told her I wanted an answer whether she would take me back. She first said yes then no then finally yes. (when she said I felt my world was completed and the piece of me was finally whole) then her conditions came. She said she will only take me back if all over again as no more kissing no more holding hands. I would have to re earn everything back. I said yes but I became frustrated and starting blaming the person who I believe she fell in love with that was causing this. I brought it up time after time That Its because of him were like this. It pull her further away from me. As the days went by I try to leave on a good terms.I gave a kiss goodbye. and made her promise that she will come see (her first time seeing me) after her school was done. (2-3weeks) When I got home. We had an argument and she broke up with me. I pleaded with her too still come and see me she said she would think about it. but when the day came she never did. (our 2nd to last conversation was on the phone) I called her back after a few days and asked why she didn't come. she said that I was to blame because of my actions that cause the relationship to end( i did my play my part in ending the relationship of course I NEVER cheated on her. just putting it out there) She then would say thats its over and I will find someone else and I will move on her. and then told her that I will always love her and I promise not to ever bother her and contact her. (I Hung up) When the cold months went by (always thinking of her in my back of my head) I starting working out and found myself where I began without her. To join the Marines Corps. it has been a dream of mind since I was a little kid. I hired a personal trainer I lost 40lbs in about 1-3months I am 190 now. (with some muscle on me) I feel good but I still have ways to go) About a month ago. I log-in to the facebook account we share. I saw her bashing me with her facebook friends that we share. things like I wish (I would have broken up with him earlier (try to win my back ya right just personal attacks on me) I ignored them and went back to my training.After a few days I continued to think about her. I felt like she hated me because I wasn't able to win her heart back. So I decided to call her up.and catch up and maby figure out why she hated me.During the conversation that lasted 3hours I asked her whether she was with the guy I suspected of being with her. She would then say no were just friends. i would also hear her quiver over the phone. I felt like she wanted to cry. after a few minutes later of catching up i hung up and told her i would contact her another time. (my heart starting racing giving itself false hopes) I called her the next day the conversation gets shorter.) (the next phonecall would be our last conversation) I couldn't take it anymore. I asked her too come see me before I leave for Bootcamp. she said maby then no. I then would ask her If it would be alright for me to visit her during my 10days off leave after bootcamp. she said it would be okay for me to write letters to her. but she would not want to see me it crushed me. and I haven't talk to her since then. I love her with all my heart and would give the world to have her back in my arms. I still haven't stop loving her. even despite all the hurtful things that has happen. I don't want to give up. I don't know whether joining the Marines is the right move for me. My original "plan" was to see her after bootcamp (of course with her permission) by writing letters and in hopes she would then say yes to let me visit her rather than finding that person she broke up with. she will find a Marine(New person) and hopefully will be able to win her heart right this time. please any advice..... (& please no moveons I won't until I am able to see her one last time even if its goodbye. I love her and always will. (if things don't make since i am sorry please point them out and I will try to correct them) I also cannot stress enough for thanking somebody for reading. Edited November 4, 2013 by MabyDreaming
Kate9292 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 We were together for 3-4years it was a long distance relationship. Out of the years being together it wasn't until the last year that I visited her 3times out of the year. Wait, so you were in LDR for 3-4 years? And you didn't even visit her until the last one? And even then it was 3 visits a year? And she doesn't want to see you now, there are other guys in the picture. It's over, if it ever begun in the first place.
Philosoraptor Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 She's just not that into you. She wanted out of the relationship, and ended it multiple times. Then she publicly degraded you and said how much better her life is now that you're out of it. Take care of yourself, figure out where you want to go from here as a single man, and move on with your life. You're doing nothing but hurting yourself by keeping in contact with her, as you'd be that much further moved on had you went NC.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) It's not your looks that drove her away, it's your actions. You went to see her to win her heart but then you bring up the other guy she was with. How did that work for you? If she wasn't already thinking about him you made sure that she was now thinking about him. But now she was feeling defensive about it causing the resentment that led to her talking about you on facebook. You should have been trying to get her to fall in love with you by being a stronger person. Instead you were a jerk to her and you think it's not fair that she's upset. Her relationship was none of your business after you guys broke up. You disrespected her by questioning her about it. Taking her out on dates doesn't fix that. If you think showing up with some muscles will make her jump into your arms, you are bound to be disappointed. She thinks you are pathetic as a person. And now you are going to pursue her again by being pathetic. Edited November 4, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus
Author MabyDreaming Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) thanks for everyone's feedback I am trying to get the best info out all of it. & happy to receive any good or bad. As I mention before I will not give up until i see one her last time I already made up my mind about it. To be clear about whether I am doing the right thing I don't know anymore I am hoping someone will give me advice rather than bashing/pointing fingers/me throwing in the towel. at the time when i first met her i was about 245 the 2nd time was 240ish 3rd final time it was 230. I am (190lbs with some muscle) now I don't also believe my weight played all the importance on why she broke up. But I do believe it will help me a handful into trying to see her/maby be with her. (if you disagree with that. I respect that) Love comes in all shapes and forms. I am not losing weight just to make her attracted to me or too have sex with other women. (anybody can do that) I am losing because I want to join the Marines and its been my dream for awhile. I want to see her & I don't know whether I am doing the right by seeing after or maby should I try before? I am hoping someone could just show me or tell me what things to do. In order to be able to be with her again. Once I joined the marines its a 4year active commitment. I just want her to see me the best I can be before I leave (thanks again for reading) Edited November 4, 2013 by MabyDreaming
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Sorry if I seemed harsh before. I wish someone had told me brutal truths when I was younger. Would have saved a mess of trouble. Just try not to ramble about your feelings to her. It may not be productive, but it doesn't seem like you will have closure without a final meeting. As long as you look at it as a final meeting, you might not be as disappointed. Expect to tell her how you feel, without a long speech, and she will say goodbye. Don't beg, don't cry, just say goodbye like a man. Don't make it negative, your last impression is all you get. Leave on a positive note.
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