imissyoudear Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Hey guys, there is a big story behind all this, but i'll tell you only what matters now to me the most. She cheated on me with my best friend, i forgave her, she then dumped me few weeks later and now they are sleeping together at her place. It goes for over a mounth now, and i kid you not, every day i cant sleep well because i am thinking of how he is probably doing my girl right now, my ex girl. Its sick maybe i dont know, it feels horrible, every night i feel betrayed and take pills to fall a sleep and then i see nightmares of how they do it and i wake up at 04:00 and need to take additional pills and wait hour for them to work... I am not angry at them, infact i kinda forgave them and we still talk, i just want her to be happy. The NC doesnt work anyway because we see us often in the university and she needs my help in some homework. What should i do...
headinthecloud Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Please find new friends. Neither of them care about you in the least. You are being a complete doormat. Stop helping your ex with homework and your "best friend" is not a friend at all or he would never have touched your ex - no matter how strongly he felt for her. I'm so sorry but you must have very low self esteem. There are much better people out there. Drop these two losers and surround yourself with people who love and respect you. You have to love and respect yourself above all else. Don't tolerate people who treat you poorly. 7
Lizrd3000 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 First of all, why the HELL would you help her with her homework? there's no excuse for not doing NC unless there are kids involved. Second, just go NC. it does work, even if you see her at college sometimes, you don't need to know how your supposedly ''best friend'' ****s your ex. 3
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 You need to find something fun to do, that has no memories of them. Join a club or something. Do something different to widen your circle & keep yourself busy. Also write a list of all the reasons you are better off without both of them. I'd start with they are liars, cheaters, disloyal etc. Read it to remind you that you don't need them. Above all DO NOT help with her homework. She can pay a tutor if she's that desperate. 1
greenfairie Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Oh no, betrayal is not a good feeling to have. I went through a similar experience. All it did was cause me pain and I felt no peace in my life knowing I was still associated with those two people that betrayed me. They lost your trust. There has to be trust in a relationship, even a friendship too. If there's no trust, what's the point of maintaining contact unless you guys have a kid together? I'm sorry, but to take care of yourself, it's best to cut off all ties with those two people that you once trusted the most. I know it ****ing sucks and honestly, they're probably doing you a favor. I believe everything happens for a reason, and this is the perfect opportunity to get out there, meet new people, start new hobbies you've been wanting to do for a while but haven't done yet, reconnect with old friends, and you'll be back to your newer, happy self. They're both missing out on you, trust me. Good luck and take care. 1
aliveagain Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Dump them both, a real friend wouldn't cheat by banging your girlfriend than start a relationship with her when she splits with you. Seriously your in for a world of hurt if you keep in contact with them. Learn the 180, use it to build yourself back up. No Contact with both of them. They are both sh*tting on your friendship. Neither of them deserve you in their life. 5
Chi townD Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Dude! Your best friend and your girlfriend BOTH betrayed you and you're okay with that?!?! You are probably the most passive person I have ever met in my life! You have every right to be mad, to be angry at them. And to continue to interact with them? Don't you see what that's doing to you?!?!? Time to cut them out of your life. Campuses are big enough to avoid each other and keep it to a minimum. She has a new boy toy. He can help her with her homework. Geez, you went from boyfriend to tutor. Can't you see how messed up that is? Go NC, if they wonder what happened to you, oh well! Let them wonder. If they corner you, just tell them, "Look, I'm finally realizing the pain that the two of you put me through for your own selfish reasons. I think it's best that I just move on with my life and please don't contact me anymore. BYE!!!" 6
Mcscooter Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 If that was me. I would probably have taught your "best friend" a lesson, Hell even two. That's just my opinion though. Well you came out straight and cold Your best friend is f*cking your ex. He and she also went behind your back while in the relationship, yes? F*ck that dude and F*ck her. If you don't know any shape, type or form of martial arts. Go take some classes and go hit the gym. I'd beat his f*cking a$$. That some sh*tty morals. If you can pull that off i'm sure he will never f*ck his best friends girlfriend again. Some people deserve to die, but sometimes just an a$$ beating does the job. I'm real violent lol, just try to understand me. Don't be a doormat and don't give out forgives like Oprah gives out donations. I'll be the first to admit this, but a real women would want an alpha male who can defend his territory just as well as he can protect her. You need to change is what. Start improving yourself I would say. Start with the looks and start new hobbies that you would like to try. Open yourself to this world. This world is huge by the way. Show her that you can do better than her. Make her regret leaving you. By becoming something better. I didn't say become something she wants. You just got to be a better man. You said you aren't angry? You can start changing by getting angry because you should be. 2
Scoot Scoot Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 taking drugs isn't always the answer, but it does help ease the pain. i'm not going to lie, smoking weed helps me get my mind of my ex. i think you should find someone loyal.
morichu Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Tell me this is a made up story? What is wrong with you? You're straining your back to help someone who cheated on you with your best fried, dumped you, and is still banging your best friend..... Hello?
Dinozzo925 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 If that was me. I would probably have taught your "best friend" a lesson, Hell even two. That's just my opinion though. Well you came out straight and cold Your best friend is f*cking your ex. He and she also went behind your back while in the relationship, yes? F*ck that dude and F*ck her. If you don't know any shape, type or form of martial arts. Go take some classes and go hit the gym. I'd beat his f*cking a$$. That some sh*tty morals. If you can pull that off i'm sure he will never f*ck his best friends girlfriend again. Some people deserve to die, but sometimes just an a$$ beating does the job. I'm real violent lol, just try to understand me. Don't be a doormat and don't give out forgives like Oprah gives out donations. I'll be the first to admit this, but a real women would want an alpha male who can defend his territory just as well as he can protect her. You need to change is what. Start improving yourself I would say. Start with the looks and start new hobbies that you would like to try. Open yourself to this world. This world is huge by the way. Show her that you can do better than her. Make her regret leaving you. By becoming something better. I didn't say become something she wants. You just got to be a better man. You said you aren't angry? You can start changing by getting angry because you should be. First off this ^ is just ****ing dumb. Kicking your friends ass is not going to do anything and can get you into legal trouble. That said I went through something very similar just two months ago (except I dumped her as soon as she cheated and she tried to win me back, she doesn't talk to the friend she had a one night stand with...I think my thread about it is still up...looks like from your account I made the right decision) and I burned all his journals and LPs which hit him harder than any punch. "Anger is a waste of energy...sometimes revenge is a good way to get over anger". If you're already past anger then good, depression is an easier beast to tame. Start by, obviously, cutting them out of your life. By seeing your ex you are just reminding yourself of your time together over and over again. She is an addiction, and when you see her you're feeding your addiction. If she or he asks, just tell them the truth...they are *******s and deserve each other. Trust me, if she cheated on you she is going to cheat on him, it's just a matter of time. Right now, though, you have only one thing, your principles, so stick by them because they are what will get you through this. Then sit down and confront what happened. Why didn't you leave her the first time? What is it about her that made you so hooked? What were the warning signs? Do you think she ever really loved you or did she just use you? You need to evaluate what happened and decide what lessons you are going to take away from the next relationship. Figure out what parts of her you liked and which ones you didn't and figure out what is going to happen next time, if you are placed into this situation again. Reflection is what will give you the tools to suppress these ugly thoughts in the future. Finally, start getting yourself back out there. You need your confidence back. Go to clubs, meet new people, flirt. I don't know if I would start a new relationship very soon, but sleeping with someone new will at least tell you a) yes, you can get laid again and are desirable and b) there are other girls out there that you want to, and can, have sex with. Good luck, I can imagine the hellish amount of pain youre feeling. Stay strong and keep moving. 1
jphcbpa Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 stop taking the pills get yourself tired naturally during the day, work out/run for miles, wear your body down, read boring books to fall asleep 1
Sugarkane Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 There's no way in hell I'd be helping her with her homework at all! She chose to betray you. That's her problem!
Author imissyoudear Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 I just woke up in the night again and started reading the replies Thanks guys for all the answers!! really i read them all, all the support and that makes me feel better! Thanks! Everybody said i should cut them loose, well i don't hang out with my bestfriend anymore, he has new friends too (and all in all he has everything including my gf). But here are some problems why i cant "no contact" her: - she needs my help at the university - we already build a group in the university, that means we have to do at least our homework together. This group was also my fault, i did everything we end up in a group because i missed her. - i don't want to hurt her with nc - it feels so good when she is around and we talk about our little things in the past, i see how she misses the time. Shows me that i wasnt that bad and she really liked me then. Here is what i try to do: - deny additional contact - i still really have to do some homework with her, but i try to keep it professional and limit it to the minimum. - find new friends, go to the gym - get laid maybe, but not that easy with my current attitude, i just look so sad.
Chi townD Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) But here are some problems why i cant "no contact" her: - she needs my help at the university - we already build a group in the university, that means we have to do at least our homework together. This group was also my fault, i did everything we end up in a group because i missed her. - i don't want to hurt her with nc - it feels so good when she is around and we talk about our little things in the past, i see how she misses the time. Shows me that i wasnt that bad and she really liked me then. Wow, dude. Awesome gameplan you got there. That plan sets you up to be the biggest doormat and cuckold in the world! Seriously dude. You are at the University. You are responsible to no one but yourself. Your education falls on no one but you! You are NOT responsible to a group. You are NOT responsible to tutor her or do her homework. So, you want an education? Here's a lesson for you. Your gameplan is only teaching her that it's okay to betray the ones that loved her. That there is no consequences to her actions (she still gets what she wants). She doesn't have a clue of the magnitude of pain that your in. Or the lack of sleep that's happening to you. Or maybe she does and really doesn't give a sh*t. You're giving her the best of both worlds. She has you to fill her emotional needs and to secure her a passing grade, and she has your Ex best friend to screw her brains out and get all of her physical needs met. And, due to your gameplan, she gets to do this all guilt free. Dude, you're making excuses to stay in her life one way or another. And here's the rub, YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!! You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve someone that will cherish a relationship with you and you deserve someone that won't betray your trust. She cheated on you with your friend. She left you for your friend. That should tell you she values this douche rocket more than you. Therefore, she made a choice and unfortunately, it wasn't you. So, remove yourself from her life. That was HER choice, not YOURS. But, she has to learn either she gets 100% of you or nothing at all. NOT bits of you that fits her immediate needs. Time to move on dude. There are other groups or clubs that you can join that you can form new friendships with. If you leave this group, there are other places to go. You are not isolated to one group. Find your self respect and your self worth, dude. Find your spine! Find your self confidence! TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT!!!! Find the courage to walk away. Edited November 5, 2013 by Chi townD 6
Salvatore85 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Please dude, get yourself away from those two. 2
reddragon588 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 If she needed your help so badly she shouldn't have cheated on you. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 This chick must have a golden p*ssy... 1
Fufu Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hey guys, there is a big story behind all this, but i'll tell you only what matters now to me the most. She cheated on me with my best friend, i forgave her, she then dumped me few weeks later and now they are sleeping together at her place. It goes for over a mounth now, and i kid you not, every day i cant sleep well because i am thinking of how he is probably doing my girl right now, my ex girl. Its sick maybe i dont know, it feels horrible, every night i feel betrayed and take pills to fall a sleep and then i see nightmares of how they do it and i wake up at 04:00 and need to take additional pills and wait hour for them to work... I am not angry at them, infact i kinda forgave them and we still talk, i just want her to be happy. The NC doesnt work anyway because we see us often in the university and she needs my help in some homework. What should i do... Re read what you typed again.. don't you think you are very silly? (Sorry to use this word, but I really have to) Why are you getting yourself depressed by your ex who obviously don't give a heck about you! Obviously, your so called "best friend" is a horrible person that you seriously need to get away from. Why are you forgiving them when here you are suffering and in misery? First of all, you need to cease all communication with them, severed any friendship ties because they don't deserve any sort of friendship with you. Secondly, please start to work on yourself because I really think you probably have some self-esteem issues here because you can't seem to know that this people are toxic to you. 4
Sugarkane Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Lol she need help with university. I'm sure she can get help SOMEWHERE else , shes a big girl. She wasted no time in replacing you, I'm sure she can find another tutor! I just woke up in the night again and started reading the replies Thanks guys for all the answers!! really i read them all, all the support and that makes me feel better! Thanks! Everybody said i should cut them loose, well i don't hang out with my bestfriend anymore, he has new friends too (and all in all he has everything including my gf). But here are some problems why i cant "no contact" her: - she needs my help at the university - we already build a group in the university, that means we have to do at least our homework together. This group was also my fault, i did everything we end up in a group because i missed her. - i don't want to hurt her with nc - it feels so good when she is around and we talk about our little things in the past, i see how she misses the time. Shows me that i wasnt that bad and she really liked me then. Here is what i try to do: - deny additional contact - i still really have to do some homework with her, but i try to keep it professional and limit it to the minimum. - find new friends, go to the gym - get laid maybe, but not that easy with my current attitude, i just look so sad. 3
McMike Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 The next time she asks you for help, tell her to get stuffed. Mate, she betrayed you and you still help her? Cut her completely out of your life. Make a stand. 3
nerdlingZA Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 But here are some problems why i cant "no contact" her: - she needs my help at the university - we already build a group in the university, that means we have to do at least our homework together. This group was also my fault, i did everything we end up in a group because i missed her. - i don't want to hurt her with nc - it feels so good when she is around and we talk about our little things in the past, i see how she misses the time. Shows me that i wasnt that bad and she really liked me then. This to me is bull**** , your reason are bull**** , but I can understand the way you don't wanna go complete NC , I too was the same as u many months ago , she left me for another guy (which is better than your situation) I couldn't keep NC , I wanted every second even minute to be with her , even if sometimes she would be cold I still wanted to be with her , I hoped that mybe there's something that I could do to make her come back .... But for your situation I'm not sure if u want ur Ex back or not but u are crazy dude , u have "crazy brokenheart symptoms" , cut all contact with her bro , trust me. Its gonna pay off. 2
Zahara Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I But here are some problems why i cant "no contact" her: - she needs my help at the university - we already build a group in the university, that means we have to do at least our homework together. This group was also my fault, i did everything we end up in a group because i missed her. - i don't want to hurt her with nc - it feels so good when she is around and we talk about our little things in the past, i see how she misses the time. Shows me that i wasnt that bad and she really liked me then. BS lame excuses: She needs help at the U? She found herself a new boyfriend, even one while she was with you, so I am sure she is smart enough to find someone else to help her at the U. Group? So there's more than just you two in the group? Pick another partner to do your homework with? Don't want to hurt her with NC? She ain't hurt. You think she was feeling hurt for you when she was banging the other guy? Nope! She was curling her toes and screaming like a banshee. NC only hurts her because she doesn't have her homework-helping-doormat to use. Get a grip man. It feels so good when she's around and you both think about the past and how great it was and she missed the time you both had together. Yeah, all so wonderful that she cheated on you and dumped you two weeks later. Feels so good when she is around but at the end of the day she goes home to someone else. Pretty good feelings there. 3
Dinozzo925 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Your reply made me flat out depressed. I know she ripped your heart out dude, but you didn't have to give her your balls too. 3
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