McMike Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Hi guys, I was in a 2 year LDR and my girlfriend recently ended it because she couldn't stand the distance any longer, (we have approx 2 years left to go until she finishes uni and she can move here) and she wanted to try new things and wanted a boyfriend physically with her there. Needless to say I was shocked, hurt and broken. It was a very hard decision for her as she loves me very much and if we were within close proximity, she wouldn't even think about separating. The thing is, she has her eyes on another guy, she says its strictly superficial and she basically wants to sleep around. She's known this guy for a while before me and he used to flirt with her all the time but she they never slept together, she barely talked to him during the duration of relationship either. This pissed me off, and I started calling her names in my fit of rage. She didn't say much, as she felt she deserved it. She asked if it was possible that after she finishes uni we could get back together, at first I said "dream on, you're dead to me" but after a day to cool off, gather my thoughts and read some advice from forums, I decided to apologise for all the name calling and I didn't want to end on bad terms. I said something along the lines of "If we're meant to be together, maybe we'll reconnect in the future, if not, so be it." I'm going to live my life and date other people and she can do the same. I somehow feel like she's using me yet I understand that the distance is hard and we're still young. I never thought this day would come as our relationship was strong. I told her to cut off all contact and she seemed really reluctant but agreed. I feel like I let her off too easy but I was trying to do the honourable thing. Should I even consider getting back with her if we make contact again in 2 years? She hurt me really bad and I understand the distance is the main cause but the thought of her getting ****ed by some other guy makes me want to throw up. We connect really well and I thought we'd have a bright future together. Am I letting my pride and ego get in the way if she does contact me in 2 years time and ask to get back together and I refuse? I'm really pissed off at her and this whole situation. Sorry if it's abit incoherent, I'm pretty dazed and confused right now.
madjac74 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Hi guys, I told her to cut off all contact and she seemed really reluctant but agreed. I feel like I let her off too easy but I was trying to do the honourable thing. You let her off the hook by reacting the way you did. It isn't your fault at all. It is her fault for pressing you like this. Maybe that was her motive
Solcita2 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Do you two know each other in person? How often did you see each other? Either way, I think you should move on... DO NOT WAIT FOR HER.
Author McMike Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Yes we've seen each other about 4 times in 2 years, once was 3 months in one hit. We have the best times together in real life. I'm going to improve myself and take up new hobbies as well as continue with old hobbies and date other people. Just still shocked that we're over. And I feel cheated that she's already planning to hook up with other people. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) In my opinion, she didn't end it because of the distance, that's just the best excuse she could use to justify the '2 year itch', it is likely a whole number of other reasons too. You mentioned 'she has her eyes on another guy, she says its strictly superficial' (one of the other reasons no doubt). When it comes to people (perhaps women in particular), I wouldn't pay much attention to what they say (strictly superficial?), more attention should be placed upon what they do and all of their actions. I think she would like to have you as a fallback guy so she has time to try 'new things'. She wants you as her safe backup plan just in case the 'new things' she tries don't work out. That in itself is highly disrespectful. If she wants to sever this link to embark on new experiences, then fine but having the nerve to expect a guy to be a fallback is a joke. Your gut instinct has already tried to tell you that she is using you, listen to it, always listen carefully to that. You asked whether you would be letting your pride and ego get in the way if she asked you to get back together in 2 years. No, you would be letting your self respect, common sense, logic, masculinity and self esteem get in the way. Reverse the situation. If you truly cared for someone, respected them, cherished them and loved them, would you break up with them, 'try new things' and then get back with them after you had 'finished'. Would you take someone for granted like that? would you reject their love to potentially go on a quest to sample no strings or sleep with others. Potentially, she is planning to make a similar mistake many women do at such times in life that they later regret (when 30+) but that's another story altogether. Accept her back into your life at your peril, detriment to your self respect, esteem and masculinity, not only in your own eyes, but her eyes too. Of course, all of the above are merely my thoughts, I could be completely wrong. I suggest you listen to your gut and look within towards your self esteem levels. Edited November 4, 2013 by OnlyHonesty Alien ship 1
Author McMike Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 Good points. Told her don't bother trying to get back together, if she loved me enough she wouldn't put me through this and I won't be able to trust her again. Time to move on.
emi Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I think you are at best of your mind when you tell her to '' Dream on, you're dead to me''. This girl is just selfish and disrepsectful. I wouldnt break up with my boyfriend to ''sleep around'' ( my ex now). Thats just bull****. In 2 more years, even she come back, dont take her back 1
ThisGal Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 It's good you ended the relationship, one thing I will NOT tolerate is a cheater. It's horrible. Stop worrying about 2 years from now. We don't know what will happen in 2 years. When it comes, it'll come and you can think about it then. We don't even know what will happen tomorrow, let alone, in 2 years. Life is full of surprises. Just worry about now. The relationship is over (for good reason) and you need to accept it and move on. She is not committed to you and does not respect the relationship. Focus on yourself and when you feel ready you can start dating again but in the meantime, don't regret the breakup, trust is everything in a relationship, especially a long distance one. I know it burns to the core but you made the right decision. You'll be OK. 1
Author McMike Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 Yeah thanks guys, the more I think about it, the more I know I made the right decision. Still don't have an appetite and can't focus though. Exams are coming up and I'm stressing.
Fufu Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Yeah thanks guys, the more I think about it, the more I know I made the right decision. Still don't have an appetite and can't focus though. Exams are coming up and I'm stressing. Focus on your exam, it is more important 1
umirano Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 In two years your mind will be on something completely different. I doubt you'll even notice when the 2 year mark passes by. You got nothing to worry about since you got rid of that toxic girl. Rock on. 1
Author McMike Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Focus on your exam, it is more important Yeah I'm trying to, but it's so hard, my mind keeps wandering off. It doesn't help that I have a short attention span. In two years your mind will be on something completely different. I doubt you'll even notice when the 2 year mark passes by. You got nothing to worry about since you got rid of that toxic girl. Rock on. Yeah planning to do a lot with my old friends after my exams, hopefully speeds up my recovery by a ****load. Rock on mate \m/. Speaking of rock on, gonna pick up the guitar again after putting it down for a year . Thanks guys, you've been a great help. 2
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