Body odor problems? Excuses or something else?

[nescafe1982]

 

He also started off the conversation saying he wanted to focus on his career and didn't want to fall in love with me. Basically he's pushing away from me and needs me to know that. .

 

Grumps is right. This guy is manipulative. The above clearly demonstrates it. Don't give him another second of your time.

[kumar123]

Egh I made the mistake of sending him a "goodnight, still processing everything you said and what it means to me but I'm glad we got to talk about things and clear things up" text. I realize this was too nice, far too nice. Should I just leave it there and never contact him again? Should I send a followup text saying he's insensitive? Rude texts really aren't my thing. They are often taken out of context but I don't want to see him in person any longer nor talk to him on the phone. Given that he's manipulative he may just twist things around or be apologetic and loop me back in.

 

I know I made a big mistake sending him that but I'm tired of being played for a fool. I just want to move on from this. Is ignoring him after that text okay?

[scorpiogirl]

You should've just ignored him after your last "talk". That last text was really silly to send and now he thinks you're ok with the way he schooled you.

You've been given advice. Why not follow it?

 

What more does this guy have to say to you to get you to forget him?

 

Step away from the idiot.

[MalachiX]

Kumar, I'm very sorry to hear how badly this guy has treated you and I hope you stop seeing him immediately.

 

That said...

 

I'm so relieved that he doesn't have AS and is just an ass hole. I was beginning to doubt my ability to spot ass holes and this was really messing with my mojo.

[tinktronik]

Girl run like your heels are on fire. Block this guys number and stay away.

[nescafe1982]

Egh I made the mistake of sending him a "goodnight, still processing everything you said and what it means to me but I'm glad we got to talk about things and clear things up" text. I realize this was too nice, far too nice. Should I just leave it there and never contact him again? Should I send a followup text saying he's insensitive? Rude texts really aren't my thing. They are often taken out of context but I don't want to see him in person any longer nor talk to him on the phone. Given that he's manipulative he may just twist things around or be apologetic and loop me back in.

 

I know I made a big mistake sending him that but I'm tired of being played for a fool. I just want to move on from this. Is ignoring him after that text okay?

 

Don't beat yourself up over a too-nice text. If I were in your shoes I would got no contact from here on out. You don't owe him an explanation--- what you guys had that last "chat" about how he was not available.... he was breaking up with you for all intents and purposes.

 

Leave it at that, block his number, and move on. No need to send him any more texts at all, rude or nice. Just give him silence. Silence communicates volumes after how he's treated you.

[Zahara]

 

If some assclown said this to me, I would have left and never, ever spoken to him again.

 

After all that, you laid with him, and then when you told him that you were hurt by his insensitivity, he tried to lift your dress and touch you? And THEN, you send him a nice text about how you are processing what he said and that you are glad you both talked?!?!

 

Find your self-respect. Good god. What does he have to do for you to say YUCK and F OFF?

[NYC-BigKat]

Okay the title is a bit weird haha, but I've been dating a guy for almost 3 months. Things are overall getting serious. We definitely like each other but we are doing a bit of a push-pull game which is fine. I'm making a big life change soon and am not entirely sure what the future of our relationship will be and he's slowly getting back into relationship mode since he's been casually hooking up for the last 2 years. However, a couple of things happened that really upset me and I'm starting to wonder if these are excuses. I know he likes me but I can tell he does have fears about commitment and falling in love with me. He's vocalized his fears of getting hurt.

 

A few weeks ago he didn't see me for a week because during our first sexual experience he complained about an odor downstairs. Now I had just gotten done working out and had no idea he was going to start fingering me. Apparently this caused him to be less responsive to my texts, not want to see me, and so on. He admitted it was stupid and we moved on and I've made sure to shower, wet wipe and all the fun stuff before getting involved. Never again a problem. But I have been disturbed that he could ignore me for a week about this rather than just communicate it with me.

 

Last week we got really close. He's invited me over every night which is unusual. I slept over every night and one night I didn't come over and he texted me saying he missed me and wanted me to come over. Last Friday I flew to visit a friend but before then I slept at his place and we had a really amazing sexual encounter and he seemed floored by it. He texted me during the weekend saying he missed me and was thinking about me. I hang out with him all day and things are going really well and I ask him if he wants me to sleep over. He says no because of how my hair smells! No guy in my entire life has ever complained about the smell of my hair. I do wash it a couple of times a week. I have frizzy, curly hair and am mixed ethnicity. Stylists recommend washing it no more than twice a week and I keep it very clean. He knows I'm clean but says the smell sometimes bothers him and he'd prefer I not sleep over unless I wash my hair the night of....?!

 

Then to make it weirder... he begged me to stay the night. He said I could sleep on the bed or the couch (he'd sleep elsewhere), didn't matter, but he wanted me there. I declined then he asked me to stay longer. He knew he hurt my feelings and told me not to be offended he was just being honest. He then kissed me a bunch to try and make me forget about it, but I just kissed him back, wished him goodnight and left.

 

Is this normal? I'm very hurt honestly. My hair is very clean and he knows this. I can't wash it more than twice a week. It damages my hair. It always smells pretty and nice. And again, no guy has every complained. My last ex actually loved the smell of my hair and commented on it all the time. I have no idea how to handle this. I love sleeping with him, but I can't agree to sleep in separate rooms or feel like I have to inform him of when I wash my hair just to sleep next to him. Ideas on this? Is this something I need to be concerned about?

 

I can understand pointing out vaginal odors if it's a problem sexually, but not being able to sleep next to me just because of how my hair smells? What's odd is the last time I did sleep over I had washed my hair the same day! He even commented that he didn't even notice the scent until I was gone this weekend.

 

This is what I mean about girls dating guys that treat them badly 'cause he is treating u mean & u still want excuses to see him & for what so he can treat u badly some more?

[kumar123]

Don't beat yourself up over a too-nice text. If I were in your shoes I would got no contact from here on out. You don't owe him an explanation--- what you guys had that last "chat" about how he was not available.... he was breaking up with you for all intents and purposes.

 

Leave it at that, block his number, and move on. No need to send him any more texts at all, rude or nice. Just give him silence. Silence communicates volumes after how he's treated you.

 

Thanks for the comment. I am leaving him alone. The text was too nice but what's done is done. And your right he was pretty much breaking up with me... so me moving on is pretty much fine. One less person to waste my time over.

[kumar123]

This is what I mean about girls dating guys that treat them badly 'cause he is treating u mean & u still want excuses to see him & for what so he can treat u badly some more?

 

Maybe you misinterpreted... I don't want to see him again nor am making excuses to see him again. I'm moving on. Thankfully I didn't fall in love with this guy so moving on wont be that hard.

[kumar123]

If some assclown said this to me, I would have left and never, ever spoken to him again.

 

After all that, you laid with him, and then when you told him that you were hurt by his insensitivity, he tried to lift your dress and touch you? And THEN, you send him a nice text about how you are processing what he said and that you are glad you both talked?!?!

 

Find your self-respect. Good god. What does he have to do for you to say YUCK and F OFF?

 

Zahara I did not lay with him. I did not sleep over and thankfully we have never had sex. We've done oral in the past (not last night) but it stopped there. The lifting my dress thing happened while I was leaving. It wasn't like I was laying around and let him touch me. He literally tried and I pushed his hand away and kept saying I was going to leave.

 

For the record, my last relationship was abusive (my ex was the abuser). I'm very careful about not physically pushing someone away and try to have control over my words. Hence why I did not forcefully push him off and felt saying F OFF would have been a little distasteful.

[Phantom888]

Smell is a big deal for me. This is body chemistry. I broke up with an gorgeous older woman because I didn't like her smell. After she slept over, all the sheets smelled like her, and I didn't like that. It's a deal breaker for me.

[Zahara]

Zahara I did not lay with him. I did not sleep over and thankfully we have never had sex. We've done oral in the past (not last night) but it stopped there. The lifting my dress thing happened while I was leaving. It wasn't like I was laying around and let him touch me. He literally tried and I pushed his hand away and kept saying I was going to leave.

 

For the record, my last relationship was abusive (my ex was the abuser). I'm very careful about not physically pushing someone away and try to have control over my words. Hence why I did not forcefully push him off and felt saying F OFF would have been a little distasteful.

 

When I said "laid with him" it pertained to you saying that he tried to cuddle and try to give you oral sex. You were close enough to him and in private for him to be with you that way. I know you didn't have sex with him.

 

What I don't understand is that after he said those disrespectful things to you, you stayed long enough for him to try and have his way with you and then after that you sent him a nice text about how you are glad you both talked. I would have politely gotten up (so as not to be distasteful to the douchebag) after listening to him and left. Instead you had to endure him being unkind to you with his dumb ass terms and then having him try and touch you.

 

In any case, I am glad to hear that you are done with this assclown.

[kumar123]

Smell is a big deal for me. This is body chemistry. I broke up with an gorgeous older woman because I didn't like her smell. After she slept over, all the sheets smelled like her, and I didn't like that. It's a deal breaker for me.

 

Phantom I'm not sure if this is true for him... maybe it is, but last night when I did absolutely NOTHING different with my hygiene... he said I smelled absolutely wonderful and amazing. I also brought up the body chemistry thing to him last night and he said it's definitely not that, because some days I smell good, other days I smell like nothing and some days I smell bad.

[Phantom888]

Phantom I'm not sure if this is true for him... maybe it is, but last night when I did absolutely NOTHING different with my hygiene... he said I smelled absolutely wonderful and amazing. I also brought up the body chemistry thing to him last night and he said it's definitely not that, because some days I smell good, other days I smell like nothing and some days I smell bad.

 

I think women feel and smell differently during different times of the month. But I can't imagine my woman ever smelling bad to me. Chemistry and compatibility is everything. What is bad for him may be good for someone else. That's my point.

[spiderowl]

Sounds like he's extremely sensitive to scent. I know someone like that who is mildly autistic and it is a sensory issue. He has problems with food because of the way it smells. It is an abnormal sensitivity.

 

However, this is not an easy thing to cope with and certainly would make one feel offended. You could try bathing and washing hair more often in the hope that this would resolve the over-sensitivity issue, but I suspect it would keep cropping up and hurting you (and it would hurt most people).

 

The person I know finds a lot of sensory things invasive - noises, smells, lights - and reacts quite dramatically sometimes. It is an attempt to control an environment he feels is constantly impacting on them. He can't understand how nobody else seems bothered by the high-pitched noise or the smell. Unfortunately, these sensitive people have little understanding of how hurtful it can be.

 

I don't know what the solution is. If you really like the guy, you could tell him you are not happy with his behaviour, which may stem from his sensitivity, and he either has to modify it or the relationship ends. He does like you, otherwise he wouldn't be so eager for you to be around. It's a really difficult situation and not something most people would want to cope with for long.

[nescafe1982]

Regardless of the scent thing, this guy was a terrible person. I think what he was smelling was his own bullcrap, honestly.