Ex review thread

[Riou]

Give an honest review of the kind of person your ex is and rate them out of 10. This can serve as a venting thread as well as a thread for participants to really look at their ex in an objective manner.

[Katie197888]

Ex #1 - Is there a negative 00? Abusive jerk

Ex #2 - 10/10 Never wanted to leave him but we just weren't made for each other. We still love one another and talk regularly.

Ex #3 (Current situation) - 7/10 - Great guy but he smokes pot and hasn't told me he loved me yet after wanting each other for 6 longs years and 3 months of dating.

[Riou]

Ex #1 - Is there a negative 00? Abusive jerk

Ex #2 - 10/10 Never wanted to leave him but we just weren't made for each other. We still love one another and talk regularly.

Ex #3 (Current situation) - 7/10 - Great guy but he smokes pot and hasn't told me he loved me yet after wanting each other for 6 longs years and 3 months of dating.

 

You break up with ex #3 because he hasn't say he love you?

[tinktronik]

Ex #1: Super exuberant, fun, impulsive baby boy of his family. Completely relaxed about where life would take him, but needing to figure out who he was in life. 6/10

Ex #2: Handsome, quiet thinker, reliable and honest. Something about him was mentally naive and just kind of slow on the uptake. 8.5/10

Ex #3: Good looking, sexy, knew how to work life to his absolute advantage. Was diagnosed as a sociopath at the end of our relationship. Really defined himself only by what he could project onto himself though usery of other people. Abusive. 3/10

[Katie197888]

You break up with ex #3 because he hasn't say he love you?

 

 

Not necessarily. We had a few problems and it's hard for me to try to work through them when I'm in love but he's not.

[travelonic]

ex #1: More of a firend than a GF, hard to find affection and not feel like being paraded around, etc a lot.

 

Ex #2: two words: Holy ****. Also new to dating at the time, but a different ball game - like me in a lot of ways, different in others - but similar in enough of the right ways where I didn't need to explain the habits I had [and trust me - being aspies+ADD+slight OCD leaves you with a LOT of that stuff], where we learned a lot about ourselves, and on top of it all, it felt like a real relationship, a level of trust, affection, compassion shared equally. Too bad she was so immature - hope she, regardless of who she ends up with, learns from her mistakes at some point instead of entering a vicious cycle of repeating herself.

[movingbackwards]

6/10. Absolutely stunning but has some really bad anger issues. She was very fun loving and we had a very close relationship but we're just too different, I think. She is rarely happy. I hope she's really happy one day.

[im_thedude]

1/10 total bitch

[ponchsox]

1/10 selfish and controlling bitch. Got what she wanted and no longer needed me. $&?$ her.

[melell]

4/10 ...8 years together

 

Addict

Bipolar disorder

Cheater

Anger problems

Only child

Negative

Zero patience

 

He had a lot of good attributes though, kind, would help anyone, never judged me or anyone else. Very loving and considerate when in the right 'head space'. Unfortunately the uglier things listed above seriously overshadowed the good things. He would flip personalities in a heart beat, and destroy everything.

[Riou]

4/10 ...8 years together

 

Addict

Bipolar disorder

Cheater

Anger problems

Only child

Negative

Zero patience

 

He had a lot of good attributes though, kind, would help anyone, never judged me or anyone else. Very loving and considerate when in the right 'head space'. Unfortunately the uglier things listed above seriously overshadowed the good things. He would flip personalities in a heart beat, and destroy everything.

 

What's wrong with only child?

[Toddbt12y1]

-10000-10.

 

An explanation would take more time than I care to give

 

I could past it all from a thread long ago, ha.

 

But it's not worth remembering

[Haydn]

All of these plus.

 

Major trust issues

Physical violence

 

Not only child but a brother who disappeared.

 

Hmmm....miss her. Insane i know!

 

 

 

4/10 ...8 years together

 

Addict

Bipolar disorder

Cheater

Anger problems

Only child

Negative

Zero patience

 

He had a lot of good attributes though, kind, would help anyone, never judged me or anyone else. Very loving and considerate when in the right 'head space'. Unfortunately the uglier things listed above seriously overshadowed the good things. He would flip personalities in a heart beat, and destroy everything.

[melell]

What's wrong with only child?

Don't get me wrong, I love only children. One of the people closest to me is an only child!

 

My ex was an only child to the extreme though. Very little time with other children, played by himself most of the time. Very little comprehension of how to interact on equal ground with someone his own age. I mean in home life, never had to compromise.

So he always picked which food to get, what to watch, what to do etc.

Any compromise he would see as threatening his independence/who he is/controlling him.

[melell]

 

Hmmm....miss her. Insane i know!

 

Miss my ex as well! Def do not want to be with them, but still miss them. Maybe not so insane.

[Riou]

Don't get me wrong, I love only children. One of the people closest to me is an only child!

 

My ex was an only child to the extreme though. Very little time with other children, played by himself most of the time. Very little comprehension of how to interact on equal ground with someone his own age. I mean in home life, never had to compromise.

So he always picked which food to get, what to watch, what to do etc.

Any compromise he would see as threatening his independence/who he is/controlling him.

 

I see.

 

All of these plus.

 

Major trust issues

Physical violence

 

Not only child but a brother who disappeared.

 

Hmmm....miss her. Insane i know!

 

Are you missing her because of the drama?How long has it been?

[Haydn]

Thats the 1000000 dollar question. I don`t miss the drama. When she didn`t need her ego fed she could be quite wonderful (For a few hours). Its been nearly 4 months now. Ive stayed no contact despite some close shaves. I miss her but i don`t need her anymore. Shes asked around after me but thats all. But i will not do anything to damage my healing. Small things can set you back a lot (As i am sure you know). Getting there.........

[LivingDeadGrl]

Ex #1 - Father of my one daughter. Major anger issues. My opinion didn't matter. Pot smoker. Has not been in a non-toxic relationship since me. We are much better as friends, even though he does not pay his child support on time. 5/10

Ex #2 - Psycho. We had fun but he stalked me for 2 years after I broke up with him in 2009. I still once in a while get a Facebook message from one of his made-up accounts. 2/10.

Ex #3 - Thought he was the love of my life. We would have had a perfect life together had it not been for his religious beliefs. He was married and although he spent 3 years of his life with me after leaving her, he couldn't shake the guilt. He wouldn't get a divorce so it was time to say goodbye. 6/10 only because he chose his dead marriage over me and my daughter.

 

There are other exes but these are the longer term, significant ones

[Riou]

Only going to review the longer relationships.

 

Ex 1: Fun,cheerful and interesting,truthful about what she thinks and romantic. 7/10.

 

Ex 2: Nothing much on this one. 5/10.

 

Ex 3: Blames me for break up,does not communicate,insecure and

lacks depth. 1/10.

[Lizrd3000]

Ex #1: she thought we werent compatible at this point in our lifes, but wants to try again in a few years, I told her I'm not waiting, she said she doesnt expect me to. besides this, our relationship wa sintense due to her past and me not being able to cope with her problems. All in all though, she is a kind girl, even after the break-up. she wants me back, but knows we can't be together.

 

7/10 I guess, I do love her alot, but her past is relationship-breaking, untill she fixes those, she'll remain a 7.

[AnyaNova]

Okay. To come up with my score, I'm going to come up with some categories, give a number for each one, explanations for each one, and then average them at the end. I have no idea right now, what that number will turn out to be.

 

Some of these behaviors I would not have put up with or given a second chance to in someone who had much relational experience, but despite being 32, he hadn't had a relationship since high school, and the longest one he'd had was a month long.

 

Intelligence -- 10/10 (took me awhile to see it, because he is an S and I'm an N, but once I did, it was obvious).

 

Overall sweetness-- 10/10

 

Emotional maturity-- 2/10 (There should have been several signs that he wasn't psychologically mature, but what he showed that last night was so intense, confusing, and out of control, I think that this is the right score).

 

Sexual maturity -- 0/10 (This has nothing to do with "that" and everything to do with essentially blaming his ED issues on me and my "attractiveness"--tried to backpedal later and said that I was pretty and all, but still when you say that you're "losing attraction" to us, you are basically laying the blame at our feet, and btw, it turned out to be related to mono. Also, and I think this relates to the emotional maturity as well, saying that this is, "hot" in a really long drawn out adolescent way when making out, really contributed to (though it was a little cute later on when he switched it to, "romantic" but you could tell he still meant, "hot." :-))

 

Relational maturity 5/10 -- The five is for the growth that I saw over the time we were together. He still broke up with me after one night of "not feeling it" essentially. One night.

 

Emotional availability 5/10 -- He would get a 10 on this, but since I'm certain that once he did reach a critical mass of vulnerability, he sent me away to prevent me from ever being able to hurt him. While we were together though, he was able to share doubts and fears and joys and all.

 

kissing 4/10--This score would have been lower when we first got together, but some intelligent strategy on my part helped raise this, and he did start to get a little more creative towards the end, and I did really feel safe and secure while we were, so even though the kissing wasn't phenomenal, I really did enjoy it.

 

cuddling--10/10--He was a great cuddler, and loved to cuddle.

 

confidence--5/10--Every time we got together, it was like the first 30 or 60 minutes he acted all unconfident, like he was afraid I would have stopped liking him in the meantime.

 

Parental differentiation -- 2/10 -- He gets the two for never answering his mom's calls while we were making out. He would answer, however, if she called date night (which she had a marked tendency to do) and we weren't (though, to his credit, he wouldn't stay on very long). Also, his parents had goals for him that were less about him and who he was (very family and relationally oriented) and more about financial success and upward mobility and keeping up with the Joneses, (this is not to say that doing well at his career wasn't important to him, it was) but he was too willing to take on their panic and self-depricate because he didn't have his career path all mapped out to upper management in 5 years, or whatever. Basically, he was unable to either separate out his own needs, wants, and desires from them, or unable to act on them when different from theirs and socially appropriate (to clarify, he wouldn't obviously act on those that weren't).

 

Overall, then, 5.3/10

Edited November 6, 2013 by AnyaNova

[Riou]

Okay. To come up with my score, I'm going to come up with some categories, give a number for each one, explanations for each one, and then average them at the end. I have no idea right now, what that number will turn out to be.

 

Some of these behaviors I would not have put up with or given a second chance to in someone who had much relational experience, but despite being 32, he hadn't had a relationship since high school, and the longest one he'd had was a month long.

 

Intelligence -- 10/10 (took me awhile to see it, because he is an S and I'm an N, but once I did, it was obvious).

 

Overall sweetness-- 10/10

 

Emotional maturity-- 2/10 (There should have been several signs that he wasn't psychologically mature, but what he showed that last night was so intense, confusing, and out of control, I think that this is the right score).

 

Sexual maturity -- 0/10 (This has nothing to do with "that" and everything to do with essentially blaming his ED issues on me and my "attractiveness"--tried to backpedal later and said that I was pretty and all, but still when you say that you're "losing attraction" to us, you are basically laying the blame at our feet, and btw, it turned out to be related to mono. Also, and I think this relates to the emotional maturity as well, saying that this is, "hot" in a really long drawn out adolescent way when making out, really contributed to (though it was a little cute later on when he switched it to, "romantic" but you could tell he still meant, "hot." :-))

 

Relational maturity 5/10 -- The five is for the growth that I saw over the time we were together. He still broke up with me after one night of "not feeling it" essentially. One night.

 

Emotional availability 5/10 -- He would get a 10 on this, but since I'm certain that once he did reach a critical mass of vulnerability, he sent me away to prevent me from ever being able to hurt him. While we were together though, he was able to share doubts and fears and joys and all.

 

kissing 4/10--This score would have been lower when we first got together, but some intelligent strategy on my part helped raise this, and he did start to get a little more creative towards the end, and I did really feel safe and secure while we were, so even though the kissing wasn't phenomenal, I really did enjoy it.

 

cuddling--10/10--He was a great cuddler, and loved to cuddle.

 

confidence--5/10--Every time we got together, it was like the first 30 or 60 minutes he acted all unconfident, like he was afraid I would have stopped liking him in the meantime.

 

Parental differentiation -- 2/10 -- He gets the two for never answering his mom's calls while we were making out. He would answer, however, if she called date night (which she had a marked tendency to do) and we weren't (though, to his credit, he wouldn't stay on very long). Also, his parents had goals for him that were less about him and who he was (very family and relationally oriented) and more about financial success and upward mobility and keeping up with the Joneses, (this is not to say that doing well at his career wasn't important to him, it was) but he was too willing to take on their panic and self-depricate because he didn't have his career path all mapped out to upper management in 5 years, or whatever. Basically, he was unable to either separate out his own needs, wants, and desires from them, or unable to act on them when different from theirs and socially appropriate (to clarify, he wouldn't obviously act on those that weren't).

 

Overall, then, 5.3/10

 

This is really in-depth.

[AnyaNova]

This is really in-depth.

 

TMI?

 

I thought it was a good exercise that might help me put him in perspective and maybe knock him off the pedestal a bit.

[Lokie]

Ex #1: First love. Super sexual relationship. Sweet. Left to get his masters elsewhere - met someone else. Had a FWB a few years later. After finding each other on FB, we are now great friends. 7/10

 

Ex #2: Connected intellectually, playfully and enjoyed the same activities. Very unisexual. Drank like fish together. 7/10

 

Ex #3: Very intense relationship. Nearly married, still have ring. Postponed marriage, then stayed together for 4 years. Great sex. Left for GIGS. FWB'd for a while after that. 7/10

 

Ex #4: Total tool. Flirted with other women. Walked in front of me. Fairly unisexual and bad in bed. (I was hitting a self esteem bottom, clearly!) 3/10

 

Ex #5: Lord, have mercy! Funny, smart, charming, sweet, playful, sexual, goofy all wrapped up in a relapsing crack addict with BPD. Left with major GIGS (after I stupidly stayed with him until he got sober for reals). Broke up many times. After GIGS didn't provide what he thought he wanted, pursued the hell out of me for a year, to which I had the courage to FINALLY say no and have NC. That one left me a mess, but I learned a ton after LOTS of time passed (years). Shut down my love/sex vibe for 4 years until I just dipped my toe back into dating recently.

[Lokie]

Ex #5 Rating? 4/10 - In retrospect only. Would have been 0/10 for those four years afterward until now.