AnyaNova Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Relationships have become steadily more founded on the feelings of attraction. Yes, self-love and being "strong" are attractive, but they're not enough to build a real long term relationship on. Yet we try. Then those fail. I did it often in the past. My past self was an immature jerk who was more concerned with how someone made me "feel" than if they were compatible. I didn't want to settle for anything less than a romantic/passionate love (fueled by attraction) that lasted forever, and was under the impression that I should just "feel it" - working at a relationship just sounded so entirely...unromantic. Past Pfenixphire was an idiot. Don't get me wrong - I'm happy that it's easy to walk away from relationships nowadays. Too many stuck around in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships because of social expectations in decades past (my mother's parents are a profound example of this). Dammit, you! It is hard to stay jaded and low on trust when I read something like this. Seriously, where are all the dudes who want this sort of thing? Where are all the dudes who don't cut and run out of fear as soon as they realize that they have feelings for you? Where are all the dudes who believe that maybe some effort does need to go into relationships?
Never Again Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Dammit, you! It is hard to stay jaded and low on trust when I read something like this. Seriously, where are all the dudes who want this sort of thing? Where are all the dudes who don't cut and run out of fear as soon as they realize that they have feelings for you? Where are all the dudes who believe that maybe some effort does need to go into relationships? From personal experience: I'd say that these dudes are either: 1.) Lucky, and in a sucessful relationship with a girl that also realizes relationships and maintaining attraction/"in love"-feelings/spark/whateverthef*ckitis takes work 2.) Learning the hard lessons they need to learn to get to this point 3.) Getting dumped by girls who don't realize that relationships take effort and expect to "just feel the romantic connection" It seems that, no matter your gender, those that WANT to work on relationships...who realize that they should be built on firmer stuff than attraction/interest/"spark"...often get partnered with those that expect everything to just fall into place naturally. At least at first. Eventually that second group either grows up or ends up contributing to the outrageous divorce statistic when they make commitments based on the feeling of attraction instead of the emotion of love...and then bail when attraction inevitably fades. The first group? I guess we'll find something eventually...even if it's just a household full of cats. I'm shootin' for cats.
AnyaNova Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 From personal experience: I'd say that these dudes are either: 1.) Lucky, and in a sucessful relationship with a girl that also realizes relationships and maintaining attraction/"in love"-feelings/spark/whateverthef*ckitis takes work 2.) Learning the hard lessons they need to learn to get to this point 3.) Getting dumped by girls who don't realize that relationships take effort and expect to "just feel the romantic connection" It seems that, no matter your gender, those that WANT to work on relationships...who realize that they should be built on firmer stuff than attraction/interest/"spark"...often get partnered with those that expect everything to just fall into place naturally. At least at first. Eventually that second group either grows up or ends up contributing to the outrageous divorce statistic when they make commitments based on the feeling of attraction instead of the emotion of love...and then bail when attraction inevitably fades. The first group? I guess we'll find something eventually...even if it's just a household full of cats. I'm shootin' for cats. I have a beautiful baby boy kitty. :-) You could make a dating site for people like us and get mediocre rich. lovetakestimepatienceworkandismorethaninitialattraction.com :-)
Never Again Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I have a beautiful baby boy kitty. :-) You could make a dating site for people like us and get mediocre rich. lovetakestimepatienceworkandismorethaninitialattraction.com :-) Hmmm, not a bad idea. That may be next on my to-do list, after I successfully turn my heart back into a blackened lump of coal.
AnyaNova Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Hmmm, not a bad idea. That may be next on my to-do list, after I successfully turn my heart back into a blackened lump of coal. Tried that. Hasn't worked for me, so far.
Never Again Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Tried that. Hasn't worked for me, so far. I blame my ex for making my heart grow three sizes that day. This is just a return to my natural form. The pfenix burned upon his pyre, and is spending some time within his egg.
AnyaNova Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I blame my ex for making my heart grow three sizes that day. This is just a return to my natural form. The pfenix burned upon his pyre, and is spending some time within his egg. My ex made my heart grow, though I couldn't necessarily pin a size definition to it. :-p Well, Rhiannon here is stuck in the form of a horse, having to bear everyone to where they go. Eventually my captivity (or in my case, self-imposed isolation :-p) will be reversed.
felicity1 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Relationships have become steadily more founded on the feelings of attraction. Yes, self-love and being "strong" are attractive, but they're not enough to build a real long term relationship on. Yet we try. Then those fail. I did it often in the past. My past self was an immature jerk who was more concerned with how someone made me "feel" than if they were compatible. I didn't want to settle for anything less than a romantic/passionate love (fueled by attraction) that lasted forever, and was under the impression that I should just "feel it" - working at a relationship just sounded so entirely...unromantic. Past Pfenixphire was an idiot. Don't get me wrong - I'm happy that it's easy to walk away from relationships nowadays. Too many stuck around in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships because of social expectations in decades past (my mother's parents are a profound example of this). I think people who are "strong" are often emotionless, unfeeling, non-empathic. Yuk!!!! Loving oneself and being "strong" are incongruent!
Never Again Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 My ex made my heart grow, though I couldn't necessarily pin a size definition to it. :-p Well, Rhiannon here is stuck in the form of a horse, having to bear everyone to where they go. Eventually my captivity (or in my case, self-imposed isolation :-p) will be reversed. The size definition was a vague reference to Dr. Seuss's Grinch. I'm probably best suited to isolation, instead of trying to live down in Whoville. I simply don't "click" with people, and wanting open and overt communication about emotional needs and expectations is apparently taboo. I think people who are "strong" are often emotionless, unfeeling, non-empathic. Yuk!!!! Loving oneself and being "strong" are incongruent! Well, "strong" and emotionally unavailable are very different. I think "strong" just refers to self-sufficient. Reliable. Stable. People who are emotionless, unfeeling, non-empathetic are just as emotionally unavailable as their charming, socially adepts, high-energy, spontaneous and non-committal counterparts. In the grand spectrum of human behaviors, anyone that's too extreme in either direction is usually hard to reach.
felicity1 Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 My past self was an immature jerk who was more concerned with how someone made me "feel" than if they were compatible. /QUOTE] Blame it on the pheromones.
ponchsox Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 I was happy before my relationship, I was content but frustrated during my relationship, now I'm feeling alone and down after my relationship. I am trying to get to how I was before it started.
AnyaNova Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I was happy before my relationship, I was content but frustrated during my relationship, now I'm feeling alone and down after my relationship. I am trying to get to how I was before it started. You and me both.
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