The key to NC

[ponchsox]

Is you have to have zero reason to contact your ex. Unfortunately, I had to get into a nasty argument before I realized how much I despised them. Stand your ground.

[lindsay1990]

On the flip side, the nasty argument has it's advantages: they know they are not welcome to contact you, and you the same.

 

 

That's my case at least. Break up was so, so horrendous that we both know it's best to stay the heck away from each other for the rest of our lives.

[ponchsox]

My ex was very cruel and said some mean things after our breakup like I was loony and needed therapy. I like to think I'm above that but I finally had to tell her to go $&@& herself. Pretty sure that ended contact on both sides. Not how I wanted to end it, but I can finally move on.

[rec88]

I like to think I'm above that but I finally had to tell her to go $&@& herself. Pretty sure that ended contact on both sides.

 

Hehe had a good laugh at this one! I'm sure she had it coming.

 

I'd like to think that when they break it off, they are removing any reason to contact them. Unfortunately my ex is the one doing the contacting. Having trouble respecting my boundaries, that one is... Very frustrating.

 

I guess I'm still figuring out the key to my NC.

Edited November 5, 2013 by rec88

[lindsay1990]

So since I blew up at ex and made sure I wouldn't write him ever (and made sure enough that he wouldn't write me), my NC was basically waiting out the following weeks (months? ha) still waiting for contact.

 

I think what I was waiting for was an apology not necesailly a change of heart but anyway. If I ever had the urge to break NC what helped me was CONSTANTLY reading all my NC sources.

 

Seriously, I devoured books and articles and websites about NC, about breaking up, about dignity, about abuse, anything that helped. But specially, the sources that advocated NC. Didn't matter if I knew them by heart I would just re-read them again, many, many times a day (was unemployed at the time).

 

So like this, time would pass and whadyaknow? I had not broken NC.

 

And eventually, what led me to realize that I would NEVER break it now was to see that months had gone by and HE hadn't reached out to ME, so obviously he was not sitting around devastated, reconsidering or missing me and then it hit me. The thought that "How dare he not be?"

 

And that was that. What I'm saying I guess is that a certain point if you feed yourself enough material on the advantages of NC you go from "I can't break NC, I can't break NC, I can't break NC...." it will shift to "Wait a minute... I can't believe it's been xxxxx long and they haven't contacted me".

 

This is my case at least. Everyday leaning towards the latter, so I guess if you're having a hard time sticking to NC, just completely throw yourself into the materials.

[Arty54]

The key to NC in my case was spend some time in the USA and have your cell phone service cut off by the service provider albeit by accident. Ha ha....she had been texting me but now I have no idea whether she is or not!

[Mariposa10]

So since I blew up at ex and made sure I wouldn't write him ever (and made sure enough that he wouldn't write me), my NC was basically waiting out the following weeks (months? ha) still waiting for contact.

 

I think what I was waiting for was an apology not necesailly a change of heart but anyway. If I ever had the urge to break NC what helped me was CONSTANTLY reading all my NC sources.

 

Seriously, I devoured books and articles and websites about NC, about breaking up, about dignity, about abuse, anything that helped. But specially, the sources that advocated NC. Didn't matter if I knew them by heart I would just re-read them again, many, many times a day (was unemployed at the time).

 

So like this, time would pass and whadyaknow? I had not broken NC.

 

And eventually, what led me to realize that I would NEVER break it now was to see that months had gone by and HE hadn't reached out to ME, so obviously he was not sitting around devastated, reconsidering or missing me and then it hit me. The thought that "How dare he not be?"

 

And that was that. What I'm saying I guess is that a certain point if you feed yourself enough material on the advantages of NC you go from "I can't break NC, I can't break NC, I can't break NC...." it will shift to "Wait a minute... I can't believe it's been xxxxx long and they haven't contacted me".

 

This is my case at least. Everyday leaning towards the latter, so I guess if you're having a hard time sticking to NC, just completely throw yourself into the materials.

 

At the beginning, I did the complete opposite. I looked for material that would encourage me to keep in contact. Whenever I would feel like I was dying (because according to this material, I had to pretend I was doing fine. I had to swallow all the pain) I would re-read the article, so I could keep putting on this mask. However, this same material also said at some point I would have to move on. So, as soon as I realized I had to take care of myself, and I had told my ex everything I needed to tell him and found out the damage has been done. Let's not forget how I wanted to keep some of my dignity, I decided to go NC.

 

Why I won't break NC? Because the damage has been done. The thought of holding my ex's hand makes me sick. Now that I've been NC, I have discovered all the red flags in our relationship and really accepted that we did need this breakup. Let's not forget I'm not getting physically ill anymore.

 

I'm even starting to understand my ex's perspective, he was afraid I would leave him at some point because of all the problems we were having (and my immaturity only fed those fears even more), so he took the first opportunity to latch onto someone as soon as he could. In a sick way, I'm "happy" I stayed in touch until the very end to find out it didn't work out between them. Maybe if I had gone NC sooner, I would've been wondering what had happened between them.

 

To summarize things, the breakup was needed and NC as well.