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How do you just stop the what if thoughts?


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Posted

I know people say you're supposed to block out that "what ifs" But it's simply not possible or realistic to expect anyone who's going through a break up to do that.

 

That being said, i try to strike a balance between allowing them to run through my mind, but trying to reign them in when they get to be too much. Usually I do this by forcing myself to think of something else. Or by trying to distract myself - - be it with a chore or looking up something (non-relationship/ex related) on the internet, etc.

 

Sooner or later the thoughts because so intense that they just start to die off. Not to mention, the longer I go without hearing from him, the more I just start to accept the fact that he's not coming back :(

 

At that point the what ifs start to feel like a valuable waste of time and energy

Posted

Ja it's not easy. Those thoughts seem to have a life of their own and they come and go as they please. I know from previous break ups that they do eventually subside. I try and step outside my head when those thoughts arise, acknowledge them for what they are and then dismiss them. Like all the advice says, the longer you dwell in the past the longer your recovery will take but there is no easy way just to switch them off.

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Posted

and the worst part is just around the corner..xmas for people like me that the BU is fresh it will be a total nightmare.some times even the silence from ouside the house make it worst. like RDawg said Those thoughts seem to have a life of their own.. i totaly agree with that

Posted

I just think about all the reasons why our relationship wouldnt work in the long run. Why i wouldnt want to marry him.

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Posted
Have you found your answer dumped85? I find it so hard to control my thoughts, and they are so random at times. And they also can get very intense. I get anxiety and when it gets bad enough panic attacks. But thats cause there is other stuff going on.

 

I have seen the advices, and have also seen some posts you made, you seemed to have felt things very intensely and I can relate to that.

 

Yeah, I think I have. I think I just need to let them pass and not think to much of them. Its been suggested that I should also do meditation.

 

The bull**** thing is, my ex was good to me. I had so much love to give her, but I didn't know how to express it. I don't blame her for ending things with me. I can really see where she was coming from. She wasn't feeling loved towards the end, I think she felt objectified. That was really not my intention. My what ifs are based on those things mostly. :(

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Posted
Yeah, I think I have. I think I just need to let them pass and not think to much of them. Its been suggested that I should also do meditation.

 

The bull**** thing is, my ex was good to me. I had so much love to give her, but I didn't know how to express it. I don't blame her for ending things with me. I can really see where she was coming from. She wasn't feeling loved towards the end, I think she felt objectified. That was really not my intention. My what ifs are based on those things mostly. :(

 

I just regret not being there as much as I shouldve been, id sleep half the time we saw eachother. We saw eachother every day. So you'd think itd work. So much regret for not meeting her needs.

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