777doom Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 So we have been broken up for almost 2 months now, we were together for 9 months and it began as a normal relationship before she had to move back to her own country and so it turned into a LDR. She broke it off at the end of my last trip to go and visit her, saying that she couldn't support the relationship, she has since started university there in her own country. She would send me messages every couple of days on whatsapp but I told her that I needed to stop talking to her for a while as I believed it would help. I lasted 4 weeks before breaking this NC as it felt like it wasn't actually doing me any good. I asked if she was still on whatsapp etc and then her questions came flooding in, asking what I had been upto and everything. But there were 2 things she said which I wasn't sure how to react to. First was just that she had really wanted to speak to me all the time I had stayed NC. Second was that 3 weeks previously, 2 guys had been aggresive to her on a night out and tried to 'touch' her 'and more' apparently, but she said she had really wished that I could have been there. I really am not sure what to make of this. We broke up because she couldn't handle the circumstances (starting university in a LDR and feeling like there was too much pressure) so this makes it harder to shake off the feelings of love I had/have for her. Maybe she is missing me too but it's not fair for her to say these things surely? In my mind I hope that she regrets breaking it off but obviously there were reasons and underlying causes to it. I want to be able to tell her I miss her but feel like this would be emotional suicide, so I am holding myself back and if anything I probably come across as a bit cold atm, however at the same time I can't help but still feel like there is this small glimmer of hope and it is hard to let go of this... Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated
aybc123 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 (edited) It sounds like you're both pretty young and with her going to university in a different country she didnt want to be tied down in a relationship that she wouldnt even get the benefits of often and that it had been probably too short of a time (compared to 2 yrs or so) for her to be really attached enough to think its worth it (basically she wasnt imagining her future marriage etc with you yet so it was easier to just let go). Basically she wanted to be able to play the field a bit and not worry about someone hundreds of miles away, which tbh, is perfectly legit imo. Though it sounds like university nightlife/ dating has not been what she imagined and shes missing the emotional connection you had, dont think this means she wants to get back together (she may if you're local again at some point) and she will definitely drop you like a ton of bricks if she finds someone she can get that emotional satisfaction from where she is. Is she planning on coming back to your country? How long is she abroad for? If it's just for a year or something and shes coming back then I would maybe suggest waiting it out, if she doesnt meet anyone then maybe something could be rekindled because yeah she obviously still cares about you. Buuut, if shes planning on staying in her home country and will be at uni several years then id say it isnt worth the heartache and that you should let go, whether this means more NC or just LC (basically just replying politely if she contacts you) until you've moved on and find something that isn't long distance. Edited November 3, 2013 by aybc123
ponchsox Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Move on, sometimes things don't work out, you don't need to wait around and worry about someone who may not come back.
Author 777doom Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Thanks for both your answers. I'm not gonna lie, it is a very tricky one. She permanently lives in her country (still can get there in about 2-3 hours though) and whilst she is just starting a long course at university, I have finished all my training and begin work next year (I am 20, she is 19). Whilst I see what you say about her wanting to play the field, she was quite adamant when we broke up that it wasn't for that reason and it was because of the pressure of university etc blah blah blah. Of course I realise that if another love was kindled I would be straight out the door... Actually about 30 minutes after I started this thread, she texted me and we did speak for a while during which she said she still loved me (I told her it wasn't fair to say that) and that she had still cried when people spoke about things which reminded her of me. Even her best friends said she was making the biggest mistake of her life and she was angry at them for not supporting her (why she is telling me that, I don't know). I feel like the whole decision was made with her head and little consideration for the heart but this had often been her approach. I'm trying to stay realistic here but this has throw a spanner in the works :/
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