How do you feel about your significant other watching porn w/ you in the same house?

[Kkristine]

I've heard mixed reviews from friends & from online about porn in general.

 

I don't mind porn, when I'm not around. However, I had this occur this past week & it has taken a toll on my relationship.

 

My boyfriend went to the bedroom to masturbate to naked pictures online, while I was in the living room, doing nothing. He never glanced my way, just chose the porn route. I found out later when I used his computer.

 

I'm not asking for advice on my relationship, just asking for opinions.

Thanks!

[Balzac]

I think your question is broad and I'm opposed to porn police. Your question with your setup implies ulterior motives. Absent the porn factor - would you hold a different opinion?

[Keenly]

You seem to have strong on securities about monopolizing your man's sexuality. But yet you try to make it look like you aren't by constantly throwing in " while I was in the house"

 

Which comes across as " I'm not being controlling, he just has to do what I say "

 

 

 

 

Its fine. Seriously its fine. If your going at it 2-20 times per week, it doesn't matter where YOU are. Porn is not a respect or lack of respect issue. Watching porn does not some how disrespect your partner. If you feel that way, then the issue is with you, not him.

[Eivuwan]

I've heard mixed reviews from friends & from online about porn in general.

 

I don't mind porn, when I'm not around. However, I had this occur this past week & it has taken a toll on my relationship.

 

My boyfriend went to the bedroom to masturbate to naked pictures online, while I was in the living room, doing nothing. He never glanced my way, just chose the porn route. I found out later when I used his computer.

 

I'm not asking for advice on my relationship, just asking for opinions.

Thanks!

 

Well how is your sex life in general? This is too vague to know if it's a serious problem.

[Grumpybutfun]

You live together, right? So, you are home quite a bit...so you are wanting him to wait until you are gone or not there to watch porn? Well, for me, and I am sure many men, I would be counting the seconds until you are out of the house or I would hope you picked up a lot of out of the house hobbies. A few years in, I would start to see that you are controlling a very basic urge of mine, the ability to release when I want to. This is controlling your man's sexuality.

 

If you do not like porn, just admit it, see if he agrees to stop and move on. Porn is porn whether you are there or not and has very little to do with respect for you unless he replaces you with porn all the time.

 

It seems he is afraid to communicate the truth to you because he knows that you want him to behave the way you want him to behave. Good luck with that for long term relationships.

 

Committed for 20 years,

Grumps

[CarrieT]

You seem to have strong on securities about monopolizing your man's sexuality. But yet you try to make it look like you aren't by constantly throwing in " while I was in the house"

 

Which comes across as " I'm not being controlling, he just has to do what I say"

 

Its fine. Seriously its fine. If your going at it 2-20 times per week, it doesn't matter where YOU are. Porn is not a respect or lack of respect issue. Watching porn does not some how disrespect your partner. If you feel that way, then the issue is with you, not him.

 

^^^ THIS ^^^

 

 

Seriously, OP - why start a second thread about this issue? Because you weren't getting the answers you wanted in the first thread?

 

This is YOUR issue and a communication issue with your partner. My fiancé knows that I enjoy occasional porn; sometimes when he is in the house and sometimes when I am alone. He doesn't care for it at all which makes us an anomaly (the woman liking it and the man not caring for it).

 

But because we communicate openly with each other about our sexual needs, it is not an issue.

[Archanaart]

If my boyfriend was doing that, I would be mad he didn't ask me to join him to watch porn

[Keenly]

If my boyfriend was doing that, I would be mad he didn't ask me to join him to watch porn

 

And you are an awesome girlfriend.

[runningfar]

Could not possibly care less. I'd be annoyed if we weren't having sex and he was masturbating to porn all the time, indeed, but on occasion or prior to some fun, it's fine

[runningfar]

You seem to have strong on securities about monopolizing your man's sexuality. But yet you try to make it look like you aren't by constantly throwing in " while I was in the house"

 

Which comes across as " I'm not being controlling, he just has to do what I say " .

 

I haven't read her other posts but if he is regularly not giving her the chance to have a go, when neither have anything else going on, I'd see that getting frustrating and starting to feel unattractive or what have you... It's not necessarily controlling. He didn't even offer sex, or ask for a bj or anything, just slipped quietly away... which is fine, on occasion, but I'd be frustrated if it was an all the time thing or we were not having frequent enough sex for my liking.

[Keenly]

I haven't read her other posts but if he is regularly not giving her the chance to have a go, when neither have anything else going on, I'd see that getting frustrating and starting to feel unattractive or what have you... It's not necessarily controlling. He didn't even offer sex, or ask for a bj or anything, just slipped quietly away... which is fine, on occasion, but I'd be frustrated if it was an all the time thing or we were not having frequent enough sex for my liking.

 

 

I believe the original thread stated something like 2 to 4 times per week? something like that?

 

And the issue all started because she was asleep, and he watched porn. She felt disrespected because he either didn't "wait" until she was ready, or that he didn't wake her up saying lets do it. I'm not really sure.

[runningfar]

She felt disrespected because he either didn't "wait" until she was ready, or that he didn't wake her up saying lets do it. I'm not really sure.

 

I appreciate sometimes being woken up in such a pleasant manner, but I can see not doing that depending on circumstance. But the post here only said she was hanging out doing nothing and he slipped away. And sometimes, yeah, you want to orgasm but don't want to go through any effort to do so, but regularly doing that would seem weird to me. I'm not sure what level I would start to be bothered, but I can imagine it starting to at some point.

[StanMusial]

Call me crazy but I prefer my gf to photos 1000 times over.

 

Seems strange.

[Grumpybutfun]

Call me crazy but I prefer my gf to photos 1000 times over.

 

Seems strange.

 

Me too, but by focusing, calling attention to his using porn when she was at home in a negative way, it will become an issue where she is trying to control him, and that would turn most men off. As I understood this, it was one time that he did this so it isn't interfering in their lives as far as sexual relations go.

G

[Grumpybutfun]

How do you feel about your significant other watching porn w/ you in the same house?

 

I feel nothing about it. She has a right to do what she wants to as she is an equal partner in this relationship. We ironed out all the things that bother us before marrying. Maybe that is what you need to do...talk about what your expectations are.

Grumps

[Ninjainpajamas]

Why would he look at just pictures when there is video? maybe he was trying to keep it on the hush hush.

 

Anyway, personally this would be something you have zero say-so in, it's non-negotiable...does it mean I would ignore or not address your concerns or feelings? I would communicate and try to compromise to a degree just like any other problem but like many men would just become irked by the fact that you're trying to control what I do with my time and make it about something that it is not...it's porn, it's images on a screen with women whom most men don't even individualize as much as objectify for the sake of sexual release/pleasure, it's not about "replacing" you or exchanging masturbation for sex...there's time for that, just because he doesn't have sex with you every time he masturbates doesn't mean he doesn't mean he prefers it over you, they're two separate things.

 

Now if there's other issues within the relationship, like lack of sex/intimacy then of course he could be gravitating away from you for emotional issues among other things if he's dissatisfied or disconnected in some way for other relationship reasons which is obviously a separate problem not the real issue.

 

IMO it's just another compatibility thing, I personally don't know why some men would even put up with the criticism or guilt-trip of watching porn..If someone was trying to make me feel bad about doing something that was satisfying to me with my personal time/space like watching porn, movies, whatever it was then that relationship wouldn't last much longer.

 

Also If my sexual needs/drive is higher than my partners (which is normal for me) then porn helps me balance out the demand of sex, but its never impeded my desire for them or desire it less so.

 

Now if you want my "general" man advice which is what I mostly give to what I feel is practical then I'd say you need to talk this guy, instead of making him feel bad about it, or even embarrassed like he did something wrong, you need to learn how to express yourself and how you feel and then realize that you need to work out those emotions partly on your own and compromise as well....because you can't expect him to understand your needs and feelings if you're not willing to do the same.

 

If come in there like the inquisition and start "condemning" his acts of relationship "terrorism" then of course you're going to get some negative feedback and also since you kind of snooped on him to figure out what he's been doing that also not the best way either...I for one hate when women go through my personal things, especially If I trusted you in the first place to use that/share it...do I accept that you're going to look through it? of course I do, you're a woman, it's what you'll do....you see a piece of paper and you can't help but unfold it and read it...but don't try and throw in my face if it was just porn in my browser history....that's your own damn fault.

 

But I guess some women even consider looking at porn borderline cheating, if not cheating. At the end of the day like all things, it's something you need to compromise on or it's just never going work out in the long-term. This will just be one of many things.

[Archanaart]

And you are an awesome girlfriend.

 

Haha thanks! and usually I am the one that's hey let's watch some!!

[d0nnivain]

Honestly, I wouldn't be thrilled about. Porn as a substitute / outlet, OK fine but I'd be concerned that my BF wouldn't even both with the real thing in favor of some solo time.

[crederer]

How often do you have sex? Do you turn him down often? Maybe he just assumed it was going to be a "no" based on your mood that day and just went for it.

 

I've never done that with my most recent ex because I know she didn't like it. But I had another ex who could care less. I'd usually try to make a move on her but if she wasn't in the mood I'd just go watch some porn.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I would have zero problem with it since I like watching it myself

[jayta78]

I just think there is such a wrong attitude about porn. No, porn shouldn't matter. It doesn't degrade your relationship. No it doesn't make your relationship a little harder.

 

What porn is, is the desire to fantasize about doing something with someone. Perhaps you may even plaster your gf's face in the fantasy. I understand there are gf's who actually believe that it's all right.

 

I personally think that masturbating to porn takes away from a relationship. If you have needs, you as a partner in the relationship are there to fulfill it. Yes, I have seen porn. So it's not that I am a prude. But when it comes to something like having your partner get off on something else than the person you supposedly love and are attracted to, then I would think there is an actual issue.

 

If you as a guy want to jack yourself off, go ahead. But why have a girlfriend? So she can fulfill everything else? It seems ridiculous.

[StanMusial]

I just think there is such a wrong attitude about porn. No, porn shouldn't matter. It doesn't degrade your relationship. No it doesn't make your relationship a little harder.

 

What porn is, is the desire to fantasize about doing something with someone. Perhaps you may even plaster your gf's face in the fantasy. I understand there are gf's who actually believe that it's all right.

 

I personally think that masturbating to porn takes away from a relationship. If you have needs, you as a partner in the relationship are there to fulfill it. Yes, I have seen porn. So it's not that I am a prude. But when it comes to something like having your partner get off on something else than the person you supposedly love and are attracted to, then I would think there is an actual issue.

 

If you as a guy want to jack yourself off, go ahead. But why have a girlfriend? So she can fulfill everything else? It seems ridiculous.

 

I guess I'm the only guy on here who sees this as a potential problem. Everyone is different I guess. When I was single I did the bachelor thing and single guy hijinks. It just seems weird to me for some dude to whack off in the other room while his gf sits on the couch.

[lollipopspot]

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I don't mind porn

 

 

 

There's a wrong answer.

[Ninjainpajamas]

One thing Ive never understood about porn is guys get so pissy if their gf masterbates to another man, yet they feel entitled to porn. Its a big double standard.

 

If you weren't home, were sick or something and he used porn it wouldn't bother me that much. If he had the opportunity to have sex with you and he choose to jerk off to porn instead, then yeah that's a bad sign.

 

Hey go ahead!...squirt yourself all over the tv if you can range it to a 24 inch long black man for all I care who looks like he has sewage pipe for a penis...just don't be surprised if I burst through the door on you like a wild rottweiler ravaging a stuffed bear.

 

It's just sexuality, I'd rather have someone who is comfortable with it in a relationship than jealous over it...probably means my sex life is going to be pretty shetty and dull.

 

There's nothing preventing a man from doing both, if he's choosing porn over you consistently then you've got other problems and if you're jealous over women on the tv/internet then it likely as well and as usual has nothing to do with me but your own insecurity.