RedHawk08 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 After 7 months of separation, I was beginning to accept my wife's want for a divorce. I had done everything she wanted, but I was resigned to call it a day. I agreed to meet up with her at a pub we always hung out at, to discuss our plans for divorce. This would be the second time we had met in 7 months. We started talking happily about what we had been up to for half an hour, then came the part I was dreading, "So you've seen legal advice?" She said I told her that I had, and we had been advised against it. Due to us receiving no counselling, and the fact that we were still "early days" in separation, when few reconciliations occur before 6 months. We discussed the legalities too. "I never asked for you to seek advice" she said. I was confused. I thought this was what she wanted?! Now she didn't seem interested in discussing it at all. Now comes the surprise! She just burst into tears. Telling me how our marriage had gone down because of nothing more than bad communication on my part. I let her rain on me gladly. She was venting everything. I couldn't let this opportunity to do this slide. During my depression that I had for the last two years, all our communication had disappeared. I had no idea that was all it was. I had ideas of an EA or PA, and an absolute mess of other ideas fed to me by supposed friends of ours. So. It seems that my wife's love for me maybe just buried under a mountain of resentment. She said that she wished she could stay longer and asked me if I would walk her to the station. A far cry from her coldness at our last meeting a few months ago. She said that she didn't know if she still loved me like she did. An improvement over her flat out denial of any feeling and desire for divorce. So how do I chip away at the resentment? We are talking more now, and meeting up doesn't seem as difficult for her as before. I'm sure once we can get past all this resentment she has built up we can begin to reconcile hopefully.
Janni Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 It seems to me, that the obvious answer is: Communicate! Communication on your part was what ruined your marriage, so start communicating. Tell her what you feel, what you think, how you see things and so on. If it's difficult for you, tell her and involve her as much as you can. Btw. I am happy for you, that you might get another chance. I wish you the best! 2
Woggle Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 She is acting this way because you sought legal advice. The one and only way to bring a walkaway wife back is to truly start to move on. If you hadn't told her that you sought legal advice the whole conversation would be different. 1
Author RedHawk08 Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 Thank you! Yes it does seem an obvious answer, but it's something that we haven't had much opportunity to do over the last 7 months. She can appear and act like a hard woman on the phone, but I knew that she wouldn't be able to keep that up face to face. I hope that after all this nightmare rollercoaster of a year, that we can watch the fireworks in London on New Year's Eve together like we have both wanted to do for some time. 1
Woggle Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Thank you! Yes it does seem an obvious answer, but it's something that we haven't had much opportunity to do over the last 7 months. She can appear and act like a hard woman on the phone, but I knew that she wouldn't be able to keep that up face to face. I hope that after all this nightmare rollercoaster of a year, that we can watch the fireworks in London on New Year's Eve together like we have both wanted to do for some time. Be warned that after you stop showing you want to move on that she might turn again.
Author RedHawk08 Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 She is acting this way because you sought legal advice. The one and only way to bring a walkaway wife back is to truly start to move on. If you hadn't told her that you sought legal advice the whole conversation would be different. That is an interesting point. I have long wondered if "calling her bluff" as it were wss a gamble I was willing to take. I ended up doing that out of sheer hopelessness.
Author RedHawk08 Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 Be warned that after you stop showing you want to move on that she might turn again. I have always maintained that I love her and want to save our marriage. However, I can see your point and may cool off on that desire to draw her a bit closer.
Woggle Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I have always maintained that I love her and want to save our marriage. However, I can see your point and may cool off on that desire to draw her a bit closer. If you do reconcile tell her that next times she asks for a divorce she better mean it because she will get one and have the guys to follow through on that if need be. You can love her with all your heart but you need to show you can live without her. 1
Author RedHawk08 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 My communication problems and the vast majority of our issues are as a result of a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I was diagnosed as suffering from this year. I'm a text book case. It was a shock to me 6 years later, but it does clarify everything. I'm about to confess this to her. Let's hope this is the first step to something better.
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