Author bigred0489 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 First don't overthink everything, just decide what you want: a) a super cute booty call? b) a relationship? If you are going for a relationship, first and foremost be YOURSELF, don't be nervous because probably she will also, so try to keep a friendly and fun atmosphere, LISTEN to her and let her guide the conversation, if she ask you about yourself, be confident, and ask her for advice on matters that concern to both.... example, let say you are worried about some laws that will be passed and you have problems with, ask for her opinion..etc How do you feel when a woman ask for your opinion on a baseball or football team? .... Never underestimate the power of attraction and confidence, when you see a regular or even ugly guy with a stunning woman, most of the time is because of that... Good luck! I definitely don't view her as a booty call, I would like to see where it goes on a more long term basis. I'm hoping that the conversation should flow, we were having a laugh on Saturday morning after the night out and have been in touch every day since. I'm not too worried about topics of conversation and such, more just hoping that she's at least a little interested!
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I'm not too worried about topics of conversation and such, more just hoping that she's at least a little interested! In anything that has happened so far, where do you see concrete evidence of lack of interest? I hope you are not so insecure IRL as you are on this thread, b/c your continued focus on perceived problems when there aren't any, is making me think you are too insecure / high maintence (need a woman to prop up your self esteem) to be worth the effort. Please, have a little faith. Even if you don't know what you are doing, it sounds like she has a good handle on things. Just go with it.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Enjoy this stage. Things are up in the air. Neither of you know what's going to happen next. Make it last. If she wants a relationship, she'll let you know somehow. She seems assertive enough to drop hints or even tell you. Until then, relax.
Author bigred0489 Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 In anything that has happened so far, where do you see concrete evidence of lack of interest? I hope you are not so insecure IRL as you are on this thread, b/c your continued focus on perceived problems when there aren't any, is making me think you are too insecure / high maintence (need a woman to prop up your self esteem) to be worth the effort. Please, have a little faith. Even if you don't know what you are doing, it sounds like she has a good handle on things. Just go with it. Enjoy this stage. Things are up in the air. Neither of you know what's going to happen next. Make it last. If she wants a relationship, she'll let you know somehow. She seems assertive enough to drop hints or even tell you. Until then, relax. The good news is that we met up on Wednesday and had a great time. A few G&T's, plenty of chatting and reminiscing about the party we were at and how we finally started talking and so on. As the night progressed we got closer, she got quite touchy feely, grabbing my arm and what not. I was busy trying not to act awkward! She asked if I wanted to go out for a dance, but having work the next day meant this was not an option. She asked me back to hers and things got a little, crude, shall we say. She couldn't believe that I wasn't making a move on getting her to bed, when I told her that it wasn't on my agenda on the first date she couldn't believe how nice I was...! But, I went back to hers and stayed again. We slept together a couple of times. But she isn't/wasn't as cuddly as I had expected. She did say she doesn't enjoy sharing her bed, so maybe she genuinely just likes her space, maybe she didn't want to. There was cuddling, and the following morning she lay there stroking my back. I left for work after asking if I would see her again, she said yes and told me to text her. She initiated the conversation that day, just a teasing sort of "Im still in bed, he he, have fun!" sort of thing. I asked if she wanted to go for a drive sometime, scenic route into the country. Figured it would be a good way to talk without alcohol being involved. She said yes and that that sounded good. Problem is, her work schedule is mental, some days its 6am to 4pm, others 12pm to 10pm and she doesn't really know far in advance what she works. Me, I work 8-5 monday to friday. So we cant do anything requiring a whole day off this weekend and next weekend she heads up north to see her family, but she said "im sure i'll have an early finish soon though". I suggested that we take a shorter drive to a town not far away for ice cream on a day where she finishes early'ish to which she said "sounds good as long as they have chocolate ice cream...". I got that in the middle of the night so haven't replied yet. Im not good at this, I over think. Most girls I've dated have been the ones to initiate, they ask me over, make plans. With this girl its all, "soon" and "soudns good" but no actual "how about Friday?" or anything along those lines (with the exception of meeting for drinks this past wednesday which she suggested when I asked her out). Does it sound like she's unsure/hot/cold or am I being an idiot who needs to slow down and stand back...? It turns out she's not long out of a long term relationship. I knew it had ended, but not as recently as I thought. It also turns out that she had been trying to get her friends to set us up all night at the party before it finally happened. The attraction must have at least been there then...!
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Sounds like you're doing fine...just don't think negative/insecure thoughts, just assume everything is going fine and you have nothing to worry about. Personally I would have told her taste in ice cream was a deal-breaker, I don't date girls who choose chocolate over vanilla. Other than that, just set up a date, ask her if she's available and play it cool....you already slept with her and she's showing interest so it's not like you're going off a kiss on the cheek and a hug or anything like that. I'm a little worried at this point how unsure you still are, hopefully you're not the jealous controlling type just a bit nervous and inexperienced. But if you're just a decent guy who doesn't know a good thing when he sees it i think you've got little to worry about...if she's in rebound mode then it's nothing you can do about it anyway, she probably likes the fact you are apprehensive and a bit "nice" and inviting her out on these little innocent things. You're already scoring big points when you're not just shooting for the vagina. Don't over-think it, think less do/feel more.
Author bigred0489 Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Sounds like you're doing fine...just don't think negative/insecure thoughts, just assume everything is going fine and you have nothing to worry about. Personally I would have told her taste in ice cream was a deal-breaker, I don't date girls who choose chocolate over vanilla. Other than that, just set up a date, ask her if she's available and play it cool....you already slept with her and she's showing interest so it's not like you're going off a kiss on the cheek and a hug or anything like that. I'm a little worried at this point how unsure you still are, hopefully you're not the jealous controlling type just a bit nervous and inexperienced. But if you're just a decent guy who doesn't know a good thing when he sees it i think you've got little to worry about...if she's in rebound mode then it's nothing you can do about it anyway, she probably likes the fact you are apprehensive and a bit "nice" and inviting her out on these little innocent things. You're already scoring big points when you're not just shooting for the vagina. Don't over-think it, think less do/feel more. Thanks for the response, very helpful! I'll get in touch with her again, I had planned on mocking her choice in flavour, and I'll leave it with her to figure out when she's free. I just wasn't (still not!) sure if the "sure I'll get an early finish soon" type of reply means "maybe, maybe not, I'll leave it with this and decide later" or if in this case it's "I would like to, but genuinely don't know when I can". I think I'm just apprehensive/keen. It's been a while since I've met someone that I've had a genuine interest in. Most of the time I know immediately that I'm not interested in anything long term and so don't play them along. This time however, its as if roles have changed. I've met someone I really want to get to know but can't really figure out (not that you can simply figure out) what she wants/thinks. Im not inexperienced per se, I've had two LTR's, starting when I was 16. 16-21 and 21-24. The most recent one ended about 6 months ago and the girls involved were totally smitten and making all the moves/showing the interest! I have been waiting for this for months, it's more confusing and scary than I thought!
InnocentMan Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Cancel the date and be vague about the reason. It will drive her crazy, and make you seem mysterious. It's an advanced strategy and not be used lightly, but if applied correctly, you will have more than a few weeks with her. Playing women outwith your league with a straight bat doesn't usually last very long. Think outside the box.
todreaminblue Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 you do need to relax,she seems to make it pretty easy for you...i don't see why you are stressing you know she likes you so why stress.....be confident.....have fun.....deborah
todreaminblue Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Cancel the date and be vague about the reason. It will drive her crazy, and make you seem mysterious. It's an advanced strategy and not be used lightly, but if applied correctly, you will have more than a few weeks with her. Playing women outwith your league with a straight bat doesn't usually last very long. Think outside the box. why do men want a crazy woman...thats a red flag isnt unless you want sex...... so dont send women crazy and then regret it later on when you totally turn her off.......be honest ...be compassionate ...be kind.....show true emotion and thought, be who you are not some fake wanna be a negger ....deborah
Author bigred0489 Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Cancel the date and be vague about the reason. It will drive her crazy, and make you seem mysterious. It's an advanced strategy and not be used lightly, but if applied correctly, you will have more than a few weeks with her. Playing women outwith your league with a straight bat doesn't usually last very long. Think outside the box. She's busy enough as it is with work, if she has a free afternoon or weekend I plan on taking the chance. The next chance, if there is/was one could be far off. you do need to relax,she seems to make it pretty easy for you...i don't see why you are stressing you know she likes you so why stress.....be confident.....have fun.....deborah why do men want a crazy woman...thats a red flag isnt unless you want sex...... so dont send women crazy and then regret it later on when you totally turn her off.......be honest ...be compassionate ...be kind.....show true emotion and thought, be who you are not some fake wanna be a negger ....deborah That's my problem! Is she making it easy and I'm not seeing it? Or is she being nice and looking for company and nothing else...? I hope she likes me anyway, and I know that she was interested to ask about me/get introduced. If a girl isn't interested, would they just tell you, or would they be inclined to be nice and agree to dates with no intention of going? She turned up to the first date and as I have said, it went well! She has said the latest idea "sounds good" but that's as far as we are.
Versacehottie Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I'm of the belief that not many girls hang out/spend time/text every day with a guy that they are not interested in---not normal, worthwhile ones. Safe to say she is interested in you. As far as "leagues" go, you sound like you have it together & leagues are "created" by much more than just looks. You sound equal in leagues for sure and if anything, you may be above her league. Right now I think you just need to relax and enjoy it and challenge yourself to be more of the initiator--both of those things display a great amount of confidence to a girl which also raises your value in our eyes. The confidence that you are RIGHT where you're supposed to be will get you farther with her. Though it's all probably a non-issue: she already slept with you--what more assurance do you need! Maybe the REAL question is whether or not she is really the type of girl you imagine her to be: a dream girl, quite the catch who also has the personality you vibe with AND wants a relationship of the sort you want. That remains to be seen. You probably don't know her well enough yet. Enjoy getting to know her and remind yourself it's a two way street. Make sure she is showing you that she meets what YOU are looking for. If you focus on that, you will mellow out on feeling like she is out of your league AND make a good choice on whether it's good for you to move forward. Good luck!
Author bigred0489 Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 I'm of the belief that not many girls hang out/spend time/text every day with a guy that they are not interested in---not normal, worthwhile ones. Safe to say she is interested in you. As far as "leagues" go, you sound like you have it together & leagues are "created" by much more than just looks. You sound equal in leagues for sure and if anything, you may be above her league. Right now I think you just need to relax and enjoy it and challenge yourself to be more of the initiator--both of those things display a great amount of confidence to a girl which also raises your value in our eyes. The confidence that you are RIGHT where you're supposed to be will get you farther with her. Though it's all probably a non-issue: she already slept with you--what more assurance do you need! Maybe the REAL question is whether or not she is really the type of girl you imagine her to be: a dream girl, quite the catch who also has the personality you vibe with AND wants a relationship of the sort you want. That remains to be seen. You probably don't know her well enough yet. Enjoy getting to know her and remind yourself it's a two way street. Make sure she is showing you that she meets what YOU are looking for. If you focus on that, you will mellow out on feeling like she is out of your league AND make a good choice on whether it's good for you to move forward. Good luck! I keep telling myself that the fact that she's still in touch and seems relatively interested must mean something. But then the pessimism kicks in. Maybe she's just trying to be nice, maybe she's just looking for carnal fun and so on so forth. I know I just have to play it by ear and see what happens. I'm well aware that it's early days yet, what I really want is the opportunity to get to know her better. So far there's been a drunk party hookup/morning fun, and a date night at a bar with a fair few G&T's followed by more fun. That's why I suggested the drive/ice cream, some time alone in the car where conversation can flow. She has said "that sounds good" but I need to wait until she knows when she has time off. Again, maybe she does know but doesn't want to say..! < see what I mean!?
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