Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 You might like this study a bit better. It found that couples who had troubled relationships and waited a while to get married were more likely to get divorced soon afterward. But it also found that couples who rushed into marriage too quickly after 18 months or so were also more likely to run into trouble and end up divorced. The ones that waited closer to the average of 25 months were the most successful: 25 months makes a lot of sense. 12 months - propose. Next 12 months, plan the wedding, get married. That's 24 months, but close to making my point.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 A year is plenty of time to know if you might want to marry someone... another year to seriously flesh out any major deal breakers and test out mutual life plans... but if they don't know after a year whether they want to get married?? the answer is maybe... but likely not to you. Move on. Exactly. Anyone who argues this doesn't want to admit the person they're with for more than a year is holding out on marrying them.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 Are they dead? No. Goldie Hawn is still holding up. Major MILF.
Dark_history Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Have I hit a nerve? I say you're in denial, as are others, who say any woman doesn't want her big wedding day. Deep down inside, you would love to walk down the aisle knowing there is a man waiting for you. I'm sure lesbians would agree with this statement..... oh wait......
youaremysunshine Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Married or not? What is the difference? I just want a partner.
Treasa Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Hi. *waves* Been with someone for a very long time. He asked me to marry him the other day, like he asked me to marry him 10 years ago. I don't want to get married. Sorry I busted your "facts."
Author truth_seeker Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Hi. *waves* Been with someone for a very long time. He asked me to marry him the other day, like he asked me to marry him 10 years ago. I don't want to get married. Sorry I busted your "facts." 10 years together and both of you have been faithful? Tell the truth.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Yes they do. That's why they should date instead.
serial muse Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Is this still about that Facebook chick? Time to let go of that. It's my experience that when people make grand sweeping pronouncements about others' romantic experiences, it's because they are a) really young and lack much experience of relationships; b) actually talking about one particular person in their own particular past who hurt them somehow and they're now lashing out in a generalized way; or c) both. So, since this is the Dating forum, enlighten us. No more hot air; it's boring and too easy of a target. What's really going on in your dating life, that you feel compelled to share this wisdom with strangers of whom you actually know nothing?
Titania22 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Some people build lives together without marriage at all. I know couples that spent 30+ years together without marriage, until one of them passed. These relationships had no less commitment or love than any I've witnessed with married couples. My grandmother was with her boyfriend for 50yrs until he passed away at 95yrs old. He did ask her to marry her more than once, but she didn't want to marry again after my grandfather died.
RedRobin Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 When I was in my 20s. I dated and had several LTRs with girls I would of / could of married if the timing was different. Problem was... That wasn't an option for me because I was working on my career and still had some "Wild Oats To Sow". In all those cases, the girl (even if she was a Victoria Secrets Model) was NEVER the problem. I simply was not in a place where I thought it was wise or prudent to make that type of commitment so I didn't / wouldn't. Guys do not generally decide / marry due to a woman. They want / become ready to settle down and open to marriage all on their own. In fact most of my friends who became that way dumped whoever they were with (many were in LTRs) and went and found someone else who they later married (and still are). I agree with this too... Which is why those who are relationship/commitment minded shouldn't waste any time with those who are not. 2
Treasa Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 10 years together and both of you have been faithful? Tell the truth. Yep. Telling the truth. He never leaves the house except for work and is ALWAYS with me when he's not at work, and I know him so well that I know if there's even a tiny thing off.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 He never leaves the house except for work and is ALWAYS with me when he's not at work, and I know him so well that I know if there's even a tiny thing off. Talk about being suffocated. Sounds like he is prisoner and you are the warden.
man_in_the_box Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 If you are in love, within a year or at the 1 year mark, you will know if the person is for you. Period. If they are, expect the man to give you a ring. I think you're totally deluding yourself with fairytales.
Keenly Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 A year? I don't think so. I didn't see my exs sociopathic tendencies until after year 2. So your advice I'll politely disregard. 2
Keenly Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Talk about being suffocated. Sounds like he is prisoner and you are the warden. Why don't you worry about yourself instead of trying to poke holes in some one else's happy relationship ? 1
veggirl Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 OP seriously why do you sound soooo angry about this? Like, there is making a discussion post and then there is this. You sound so pissed off. What are you mad about? I agree that once you're late 20s and older, around a year and DEF by 2 yrs both parties will KNOW if they want to be married AND (most importantly) if they are compatible enough to have a successful marriage but I don't agree they need to be married by then. Perhaps they are paying down debt first or finishing school or WHATEVER. I agree the intent better be there by a 2nd year but the actual walk down the aisle? Nah not necessarily, at all. But seriously why are you so ragey about this? I mean considering how many people get divorced why are you insistant people rush into marriage after a year?
clia Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Every woman wants her big wedding day. She's a LIAR is she says otherwise. LOLOLOL! Come on, you are usually a lot more level headed than this. I can tell you have I have never wanted a "big wedding day." I didn't even want it for my Barbie dolls. They always eloped in the Barbie Ferrari. Hell, I've never even wanted to get married. I'm only considering it now because my boyfriend wants it and I love him.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 OP seriously why do you sound soooo angry about this? Like, there is making a discussion post and then there is this. You sound so pissed off. What are you mad about? I agree that once you're late 20s and older, around a year and DEF by 2 yrs both parties will KNOW if they want to be married AND (most importantly) if they are compatible enough to have a successful marriage but I don't agree they need to be married by then. Perhaps they are paying down debt first or finishing school or WHATEVER. I agree the intent better be there by a 2nd year but the actual walk down the aisle? Nah not necessarily, at all. But seriously why are you so ragey about this? I mean considering how many people get divorced why are you insistant people rush into marriage after a year? Not angry at all. Just thought it was a good topic for discussion Recently, two people I know who happened to be at the 5 year mark of their relationships had the opposite outcome. Girl I know (family friend) left her boyfriend. She was expecting a ring along time ago and the boyfriend kept telling her it was going to happen but he needed time. She put him on the spot and he said he needed more time. She packed her bags and left. 5 years of her life gone. Now she is a mess at 32 years old. Guy friend of mine decided to pop the question. He's getting married to his long time girlfriend. Happy for him but the relationship is fraudulent. He cheated the whole time on her. His decision but why get married to someone you clearly do not respect? I just believe if there is true love you don't hold out for years. It leaves the door open to cheat or run off with someone else. 2
Author truth_seeker Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 LOLOLOL! Come on, you are usually a lot more level headed than this. I can tell you have I have never wanted a "big wedding day." I didn't even want it for my Barbie dolls. They always eloped in the Barbie Ferrari. Hell, I've never even wanted to get married. I'm only considering it now because my boyfriend wants it and I love him. Alright, the "big wedding day" I can concede not all women want the hooplah associated with it... but every woman wants their wedding day.
serial muse Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Alright, the "big wedding day" I can concede not all women want the hooplah associated with it... but every woman wants their wedding day. Still wondering what your personal story is. Way more interesting than trying to tell other people how they feel. You'll never be able to anyway; the urge to do so is just a control issue. I wish more people would use the Dating forum to talk about their personal stories rather than trying to ramrod humanity into boxes as a way of self-comforting. People are messy, such is life. I could pull several anecdotes out of my hat of female friends who actively do NOT want to get married. But I'm sure you won't buy those because you're invested in your "theory". And anyway, who cares? At the end of the day, protest how you will on LS, they're still not going to want to get married, because they don't care a fig for your theories and are living their own lives. Well, I say it's a waste of time to make up theories. Talk about yourself. That's why you're here, right? 1
man_in_the_box Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 A year? I don't think so. I didn't see my exs sociopathic tendencies until after year 2. So your advice I'll politely disregard. Very true, if I would have gotten married before the year 1 mark I would've made a huge mistake. If I would've done it during the 2nd or 3rd year that would be retarded as we were figuring out relationship issuess. Only now, approaching the 5 year mark do I feel ready to take this step - and for me that's fine. And no I've never cheated, the fact that OP assumes we automatically do is telling about his/her own standards. Just because you can't keep it in your pants doesn't mean wel all can't. 1
Author truth_seeker Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 And no I've never cheated, the fact that OP assumes we automatically do is telling about his/her own standards. Just because you can't keep it in your pants doesn't mean wel all can't. I can keep the animal locked in his cage. I just find it hard to believe people are faithful when DATING for years and years and years...
Treasa Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Talk about being suffocated. Sounds like he is prisoner and you are the warden. Ugh, I could not agree more. I keep begging him to please leave the house and go do something. He's such a homebody.
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