truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Are You Ready? Here it is... If you are in love, within a year or at the 1 year mark, you will know if the person is for you. Period. If they are, expect the man to give you a ring. If you are dating for multiple years, then you are not truly in love. You like each other - big difference. You like the idea of having a "go-to companion", ie, hang out, sex, make yourself look attractive to the opposite sex by being in a relationship. You're holding on to this "relationship" until someone better comes along, and also it allows you to have your cake and eat it, too (you can cheat and argue that you're dating and get away with it because you're not married). There are many mental loop holes when dating and not married. If you do not find someone better, you stay in the relationship and fake the love. Seriously, if you've been dating someone for more than 2 years.. lets say 3-5 have both of you or one of you been faithful the entire time? I doubt it! That's not love! That's "I like you being around but I'm not in love with you..." It's quite sad and many people put up with it because of fear of being alone and pressure from their family and friends to get married have start their own family. If both people are into having an open relationship, then I guess what I'm saying goes out the window, but you got to be insane to share the person you love with other people. That's gross and bizarre. I know I'm right. Who wants to argue this? Lets hear it! 1
KatZee Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Yeah I don't agree with this. You're leaving out one HUGE factor here. Age. Do you really think people who are in early to mid-20s are financially ready to settle down and marry after ONE YEAR? No. It's just not feasible in today's world anymore. Student loans, kick starting your career. More people than ever are delaying engagement and marriage due to the high cost of it, and other things that need to come BEFORE getting engaged. A guy typically wants to be established in a career, free of debt, and able to provide for a family. If a guy is just finishing school, and settling himself, do you expect that all to happen in 12 months? Absolutely NOT. People will remain together for 2, 3, 4 or even more years before getting engaged and it doesn't necessarily mean it's because one or neither of them are not in love, or just settling. 2
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I think it really depends on your situation in life. Under age 20, everything you said has no validity. Just because you dated your HS Sweetheart since sophmore year is no reason to get married immediately after graduation. If you are older, have kids from a 1st marriage & just don't want to deal with everything that goes along with a second wedding especially if that has financial consequences for one party, you can still be in love & committed. Other people move more slowly. If the 1st year was an OLR / LDR I'd discount the passage of time. With love & Marriage one size does not fit all 1
tinktronik Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Times have simply changed, and many people's attitudes and goals along with it. Not all situations are one size fits all. Pretty sweeping statements here.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 People will remain together for 2, 3, 4 or even more years before getting engaged and it doesn't necessarily mean it's because one or neither of them are not in love, or just settling. Age I will give you - I should have put mid-20's to early 30's No way they are monogamous. I know way too many people dating for more than 2 years, and even the ones who still got married after dating for 5 or more years -- all cheated and some still do.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 I think it really depends on your situation in life. Under age 20, everything you said has no validity. Just because you dated your HS Sweetheart since sophmore year is no reason to get married immediately after graduation. If you are older, have kids from a 1st marriage & just don't want to deal with everything that goes along with a second wedding especially if that has financial consequences for one party, you can still be in love & committed. Other people move more slowly. If the 1st year was an OLR / LDR I'd discount the passage of time. With love & Marriage one size does not fit all You can't take "dating" seriously until at least the age of 25.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 It depends on many factors. If it's been close and intense relationship, you are in late 20s or above then yes - you should know. That's the time line where I seriously ask where is this going? Usually I got some some wishy/washy answer of not being 100% sure. Now if there is genuine practical reason to why not then it's less of a problem. I have to say this - from what I have seen in couples in real life - most "in love" couples were engaged in a year or less. 2
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 I have to say this - from what I have seen in couples in real life - most "in love" couples were engaged in a year or less. YES! This is what I'm talking about! I bet if there were a survey out there it would probably show the people who commit to marriage in a year or less versus people who date for years and years, then finally decide to marry, have a better success rate, healthier more loving relationship. Those out there who haven't gotten a ring, and are still dating for more than a year, you're probably upset because you know deep inside that ring ain't coming soon. 1
KatZee Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 (edited) No way they are monogamous. I know way too many people dating for more than 2 years, and even the ones who still got married after dating for 5 or more years -- all cheated and some still do. You're still making very broad generalizations about relationships here. Just because the people YOU KNOW have cheated, doesn't mean that EVERYONE cheats in long term relationships. I've had four long term relationships. All over two years. I didn't cheat on any of them. And only ONE of those guys cheated on me. So your "facts" don't really hold weight. Anyone who's getting engaged after under a year of being together are OUT OF THEIR MIND in my opinion. The people I KNOW who have gotten married? - Three years together - Five years together - 10 years together - Seven years together - MANY at the two year, 2.5 year mark Edited November 3, 2013 by KatZee
Mascara Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 What on EARTH makes you think everyone's goal in life is to get married? 4
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 Anyone who's getting engaged after under a year of being together are OUT OF THEIR MIND in my opinion. The people I KNOW who have gotten married? - Three years together - Five years together - 10 years together - Seven years together - MANY at the two year, 2.5 year mark 1) Only out of their minds if they are under the age of 25. 2) All of those relationships you mention - not one I bet were faithful.
tinktronik Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 That came across as a bit snarky. I don't see anywhere in her post where she said none of these men proposed.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 What on EARTH makes you think everyone's goal in life is to get married? Every woman wants her big wedding day. She's a LIAR is she says otherwise.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 That came across as a bit snarky. I don't see anywhere in her post where she said none of these men proposed. She wrote: So your "facts" don't really hold weight. My point in the original post was that dating for more than a year with out commitment, ie, ring, usually means there will be no ring. She is saying my facts don't hold up, but then mentions having 4 long term relationships and not one resulting in a man proposing. She is actually backing up my "facts" ... 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 YES! This is what I'm talking about! I bet if there were a survey out there it would probably show the people who commit to marriage in a year or less versus people who date for years and years, then finally decide to marry, have a better success rate, healthier more loving relationship. Those out there who haven't gotten a ring, and are still dating for more than a year, you're probably upset because you know deep inside that ring ain't coming soon. And if a ring does eventually come it's more like "ehhhh I guess I am used to you, I can't be bothered dating again, might as well. sigh" 2
StanMusial Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I agree for the most part. Just make sure you know that person, their background, their upbringing, values, etc. As much as you possibly can.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 And if a ring does eventually come it's more like "ehhhh I guess I am used to you, I can't be bothered dating again, might as well. sigh" Not sure if you're being sarcastic or not, but I think people do settle because they are used to people and feel they won't meet anyone else.
Mascara Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Every woman wants her big wedding day. She's a LIAR is she says otherwise. Er no, you're wrong. 3
tinktronik Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 She wrote: So your "facts" don't really hold weight. My point in the original post was that dating for more than a year with out commitment, ie, ring, usually means there will be no ring. She is saying my facts don't hold up, but then mentions having 4 long term relationships and not one resulting in a man proposing. She is actually backing up my "facts" ... 1. She didn't say anywhere in her post that none of the men proposed. 2. As to your "facts" she was making the point about your claim that there is infidelity standard in these relationships. Reading comprehension is important in this context. Your "facts" really don't hold water. LOTS of relationships lead to marriage when a proposal comes after a year. And plenty of people who marry quickly see their relationships suffer through infidelity or divorce along the line. 2
tinktronik Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Every woman wants her big wedding day. She's a LIAR is she says otherwise. Nope. Sorry. Not every woman wants her big wedding day. You're making some pretty broad assumptions for ALL women. How funny that you think you can read minds. 4
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 I've had four long term relationships. All over two years. I didn't cheat on any of them. And only ONE of those guys cheated on me. So your "facts" don't really hold weight. I wasn't trying to insult you. One of my points is that if you're dating for over a year, and it's becoming 2-3 years or more, and there is no ring, it means the guy doesn't want to marry you. He is holding onto you in case he doesn't find someone else. Women also do this - look to upgrade... but will hold onto a guy in case they can't.
KatZee Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Every woman wants her big wedding day. She's a LIAR is she says otherwise. LOLOLOLOLOL. Yeah, Okay. I can't take this thread seriously anymore. Every woman wants her big wedding day? Says who? You? Who are you to tell ME what I WANT from my life? As of this moment, I have zero desire, or interest in being married. Marriage to me is a death sentence or life imprisonment. I do not envy any one getting engaged, and if on the off chance some guy does wind up proposing to me, I could care less about "a big wedding day." I could give a crap about wedding planning. If anything, I would find that part of it highly annoying and would most likely just tell someone to plan it for me. I'll just show up. Oh and for those relationships I told you about, only one of those involved infidelity. You have some pretty large balls to project what you think are "absolute truths" onto the entire population. 5
KatZee Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I wasn't trying to insult you. One of my points is that if you're dating for over a year, and it's becoming 2-3 years or more, and there is no ring, it means the guy doesn't want to marry you. He is holding onto you in case he doesn't find someone else. Women also do this - look to upgrade... but will hold onto a guy in case they can't. Two of those relationships were in early years so no ring WOULD have come. One guy did have a ring, and the other cheated on me and I wouldn't have married him even if he had asked.
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 You have some pretty large balls Thank you. They are quite spectacular!
Author truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 LOLOLOLOLOL. Yeah, Okay. I can't take this thread seriously anymore. Every woman wants her big wedding day? Says who? You? Who are you to tell ME what I WANT from my life? As of this moment, I have zero desire, or interest in being married. Marriage to me is a death sentence or life imprisonment. I do not envy any one getting engaged, and if on the off chance some guy does wind up proposing to me, I could care less about "a big wedding day." I could give a crap about wedding planning. If anything, I would find that part of it highly annoying and would most likely just tell someone to plan it for me. I'll just show up. Oh and for those relationships I told you about, only one of those involved infidelity. You have some pretty large balls to project what you think are "absolute truths" onto the entire population. Have I hit a nerve? I say you're in denial, as are others, who say any woman doesn't want her big wedding day. Deep down inside, you would love to walk down the aisle knowing there is a man waiting for you. 1
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