darkchocolatecherry Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I am in graduate school and the guy I am interested in is a classmate in his early twenties. One month ago, he broke up with his girlfriend. He seems to show signs of interest when he is sober. He would suggest things for us to do after finding out about my interests ("oh, you like this book? let's watch the movie adaptation!") but not set specific dates for it. He would seek me out - ex: when he found out i read and study at certain places and he started coming to study with me and we would just end up talking and laughing a lot. he'd end these sessions with "will you be here again tomorrow?". he once skipped a party his friends were trying to make him go to in order to hang out with me (he asked if i was going and i said no. thirty minutes after we parted, he knocks on my door and says he isnt going either despite the fact that his friends were still outside and asking him to go) but a third friend ended up joining in with us, so it wasn't really a date. whenever i see him during the day, he has a huge smile, he actively tries to talk to me, he asks questions about my life, my family, myself, and really tries to get to know me. but at parties, when he is drunk, he doesnt seek me out. if i approach him, we talk for a bit but he leaves the conversation and talks to other people. he is also not his usual smiley self around me. we end up not hanging out together very much at all, even if the reason i *thought* he came to the party was because I told him i was going and suggested he should go (in one particular scenario, he decided to skip out on going to a party his friends were going to in order to come to a party my friends and i were going to). also, all of this has been going on for three weeks. while he asks me to hang out with his friends (none of whom i know) and seems to be interested in me, he has not asked me out on a real date yet. does it usually take so long for a guy to ask a girl out, or is not interested in s relationship and just likes to flirt and hang out with me? could it be that he isnt ready yet since he only broke up with his girlfriend last month?
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Maybe he wants to party when he's drinking vs be romantic when he's sober. Next time he mentions a vague possible date, corner him with a place & time. When he says let's watch the movie made from your book sometime, you say "how about next Wednesday at 9? I'll make popcorn you bring the milkduds" or something.
truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Mixed signals sometimes can be fear of putting yourself out there and getting rejected. This is why lots of women drop subtle hints, so the man will take the risk and ask them out. Other times mixed signals mean not interested really. Looking to get away and hope you go away.
lovenotwar Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Mixed signals sometimes can be fear of putting yourself out there and getting rejected. This is why lots of women drop subtle hints, so the man will take the risk and ask them out. Other times mixed signals mean not interested really. Looking to get away and hope you go away. I agree here. As someone with major issues with rejection and social anxiety and who knows what else, I've been majorly guilty in the past of this sort of thing. Even now, I have set up nebulous plans with some chick that I'm into, that I'm not really following up on concretely (even though she's agreed repeatedly to doing it), because I'm worried about rejection, or being too forward, or some other nonsense. Of course it could mean anything. And it might just be that he's not interested. Have you considered asking him out more directly? I know some girls aren't comfortable with that, but it can really put this matter to rest quickly, which is better for everyone. If he's not yet sure about you, perhaps a date would help. If you aren't willing to ask him out, and he isn't making a move, there's always the more sketchy indirect ways that girls use to make guys do stuff. For instance, you could ask a girlfriend to basically let him know what's up, and basically tell him to ask you out. I think games like this are sort of a bad idea, but it's better than letting lingering uncertainty continue forever. Good luck!
Author darkchocolatecherry Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 i feel like i'm making an effort to show i like him. i asked to join him when he told me he was doing work at this outdoor patio area (not our usual study location) through text yesterday. the other night at this party, i also made an effort to talk to him, even though it didnt seem like he was making an effort to talk to me. that threw me off as well. normally, it feels very obvious that he likes me when we talk; he generally pursues conversation with me and acts all smiley and laughy in that i-have-a-crush sort of way. at parties though, that vibe is gone; it feels like he doesnt really care.
truth_seeker Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 If I like a girl, I can get nervous, but man up when I need to. When I'm flirting and speaking carefree with a girl, most of the time I'm not interested in them. There's no sexual tension so I'm relaxed.
Author darkchocolatecherry Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 i am uncomfortable asking him out. i also feel like if he really likes me, he should be able to ask me out. from the sounds of it, he isnt too interested. i wonder if i should stop trying altogether (and if he comes around, great, if not, whatever) or if i should put in more effort
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