Jay C Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 (edited) so heres the thing. me and my ex gf share a dog. it was a surprise i gave her a while back and we shared it. when we broke up, and i moved out, she let me see the dog only a couple of times. when we talk, i ask her if i could take him for the weekend because my niece misses our dog as well. but now she won't answer any questions about it, when ever i ask. like shes punishing me. she can tell me everything else, like how she doesn't want to be with me, or whatever, but always downplays the dog situation. i have the right to see OUR dog. i'm not going to lie, i'm attached to our dog, and i just can't let it go, because it is mine too. just because it lives with my ex. so how should i handle this with her?? i want to ask her why i can't see him.... Edited November 3, 2013 by Jay C
barky2 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 My dog is my life. When we broke up I got her. I didn't let her see the dog because it wasn't healthy for me. Visa versa. You going and seein the dog with her around is not healthy You need to grieve the loss of both her and the dog. Take a breath, maybe soon in the future you can see the dog again. But the dog is in a weird way, a piece of YOU TWO, that you're holding onto. Let go and grieve for her and the dog. Barky
Salvatore85 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I suggest getting a new dog. My ex and I had two dogs together and a rabbit. When things ended I took my Pitbull but I still miss our other dog and the rabbit, I just deal with it. It sounds harsh but it's a small price to pay to be able to heal. Not to mention she will start claiming you're using the dog as a means to contact her.
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Unfortunately, because you gave her the dog as a gift & although animal lovers know our pets are people, the law sees them as stuff. The dog is hers & you need to mourn it's loss too. Perhaps you can volunteer at a shelter or rescue until you are ready for a new dog all on your own. I'm sorry.
Author Jay C Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 My dog is my life. When we broke up I got her. I didn't let her see the dog because it wasn't healthy for me. Visa versa. You going and seein the dog with her around is not healthy You need to grieve the loss of both her and the dog. Take a breath, maybe soon in the future you can see the dog again. But the dog is in a weird way, a piece of YOU TWO, that you're holding onto. Let go and grieve for her and the dog. Barky really just let go? that's like if we had a kid, would i just let her have full custody and me having no visitation rights??
Author Jay C Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 Unfortunately, because you gave her the dog as a gift & although animal lovers know our pets are people, the law sees them as stuff. The dog is hers & you need to mourn it's loss too. Perhaps you can volunteer at a shelter or rescue until you are ready for a new dog all on your own. I'm sorry. i mean, it was a surprise for her, but we shared it. i moved out, and i couldn't bring it with me.
barky2 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 really just let go? that's like if we had a kid, would i just let her have full custody and me having no visitation rights?? But you don't, it's your dog. That dog is a symbol of your relationship. I'm not trying to be a jerk bro I'm trying to get you to open your eyes. You need to let go of the dog ,as well her,and the relationship you once had. That's just it. She's in possession of the dog, you have no control over it. Deep down she AND I know why you want to see the dog. Let the dust settle, and maybe take the dog on the weekends or something. But for right now dude, she knows that's a last ditch effort to see her, and every time you contact her about it, it pushes her away. You right now op, don't have a damn choice. You have to GRIEVE THE LOSS OF THE DOG ALSO! Barky 1
Author Jay C Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 this sucks big time. but do you guys agree that she's being scandalous? all i'm asking is to spend some time with our dog. not asking to get back with my ex or anything.
HeartDesires Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 You have made it 100% CLEAR that you are not interested in getting back with her - would that be an accurate statement ? If that's the case then I think she's being unfair...
lollipopspot Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 really just let go? that's like if we had a kid, would i just let her have full custody and me having no visitation rights?? It's really unfortunate and I hope that in time it will be changed, but animals are still classified as "things" in our society. There are a lot of industries working to keep it this way (factory farmers, vivisectors, Sea World, circuses, breeders, etc.). Because of that legal standing, children are not a good comparison for this. In the human relationship with animals, only the legal "owner" has any rights - not even the animal him/herself. Maybe write her a simple letter about it. Don't express any entitlement! Because you are not legally entitled. Just say you know you aren't going to get back together, you know the dog is hers, but you'd love it if every now and then you could take the dog for a bit. If you frame it in terms of you and how much you love the dog, and leave your relationship with her out of it, she may feel it's best for the dog too to be with more people who care about him/her (at least that's the way I'd feel about it).
Author Jay C Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 You have made it 100% CLEAR that you are not interested in getting back with her - would that be an accurate statement ? If that's the case then I think she's being unfair... i do want to get back with her, but i told her i'm respecting her decision not to be in a relationship, so i'm letting go. she said she agreed for us to arrange something in regards of our dog. now when i bring it up she ignores it.
Author Jay C Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 It's really unfortunate and I hope that in time it will be changed, but animals are still classified as "things" in our society. There are a lot of industries working to keep it this way (factory farmers, vivisectors, Sea World, circuses, breeders, etc.). Because of that legal standing, children are not a good comparison for this. In the human relationship with animals, only the legal "owner" has any rights - not even the animal him/herself. Maybe write her a simple letter about it. Don't express any entitlement! Because you are not legally entitled. Just say you know you aren't going to get back together, you know the dog is hers, but you'd love it if every now and then you could take the dog for a bit. If you frame it in terms of you and how much you love the dog, and leave your relationship with her out of it, she may feel it's best for the dog too to be with more people who care about him/her (at least that's the way I'd feel about it). here's the thing, she refers to our dog as our son, don't ask, lol but anyways we got into an argument about the dog last year and she said something like "when we have kids, how are you going to take care of them, if you can't take care of our son right now.." so i should say something to her like "our family is broken, can i please see our son again?"
HeartDesires Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 i do want to get back with her Oh, I see. Well then I'm changing my opinion, and agreeing with the other posters who say it's unwise to try to see the dog. It just sounds like a pathetic attempt on your part to see her again...and she knows it.
Author Jay C Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Oh, I see. Well then I'm changing my opinion, and agreeing with the other posters who say it's unwise to try to see the dog. It just sounds like a pathetic attempt on your part to see her again...and she knows it. well there is a reason i'm wanting to see him, my ex threatened me a month ago saying "if you don't cooperate, you'll never see our dog again." the story is i was in no contact and i was ignoring her when she was asking for a favor of me... so she used the dog to manipulate me into talking to her.
30andsad Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I've got a similar situation. We got our dog together, at my behest actually, 3 years ago. She didn't want a dog at first, but I really wanted one and we eventually got it. We both love the dog dearly and, stupidly (during potty training days out of frustration), very early on I said she could have the dog if anything ever happened between us in passing, a statement I regret ever saying. Anyway, time went by and that dog is the best dog I've ever been around and love it to pieces, so does she. I paid $1,000 out of my pocket when we bought our house to put a hidden fence around the yard, we split all vet bills over the years, food, heartguard, flea meds, etc. Even though I am keeping the house with the 1 acre yard hidden fenced in and it is the house the dog has lived in for nearly 2 years, she won't give full custody of the dog to me. She will be staying a small apartment/duplex with a small fenced in yard. She, however, is open to sharing the dog, but I am having a dilemma. I miss the dog like crazy, but I also miss her like crazy. I got to keep our two cats, but that's because they were mine before I met her and I always paid for them, cleaned litter, etc. for them. I figure, if I did go the share route, the best way might be in larger chunks of time. I definitely don't want to share weekly, but maybe monthly. She gets the dog a month, I do a month -- that's only 12 points of contact per year. Then again, hard to tell how well I will be able to handle that. I might try it temporarily for my love of the dog, but in the end, I might just have to suck it up and let my beloved dog go for my own well being. It's a crappy position to be in for sure...
KatZee Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 this sucks big time. but do you guys agree that she's being scandalous? all i'm asking is to spend some time with our dog. not asking to get back with my ex or anything. It doesn't matter if she's being scandalous or not. There's nothing you can do about it. If she's choosing not to see you, whether it be out of spite, or because she wants to be in complete NC then you have to just suck it up and move on. Pets in the eyes of the law are "things" and property. They aren't kids so you really can't fight for "custody." If this was a gift to her, it's hers. Even if you lived with the dog, bonded with the dog, etc... the dog is her property. You have no legal rights. If you adopted the dog together and only HER name is on the adoption papers? That's her dog, and you have no legal rights. One of my exes did the same thing. I had an apartment when I was going to school and he moved into my place and after my older cat passed away, I wanted to get a new kitten. I adopted a kitten and since he lived in my apartment, he like assumed the cat was partly his. The cat was most bonded to me, and it was MY cat. Well, my lease in that apartment was up, and I had to move back into my parents house. I asked if he could take care of the cat at his place while I got established, and he said OK. Soon there after I dumped him and he kept the cat from me, refused to see me, and said there was "no point" in letting me see the cat. I haven't seen my boy in 4 years and I only pray he has a happy life, that he wasn't given to someone else, and that he's OK.
Cream Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 It doesn't matter if she's being scandalous or not. There's nothing you can do about it. If she's choosing not to see you, whether it be out of spite, or because she wants to be in complete NC then you have to just suck it up and move on. Pets in the eyes of the law are "things" and property. They aren't kids so you really can't fight for "custody." If this was a gift to her, it's hers. Even if you lived with the dog, bonded with the dog, etc... the dog is her property. You have no legal rights. If you adopted the dog together and only HER name is on the adoption papers? That's her dog, and you have no legal rights. One of my exes did the same thing. I had an apartment when I was going to school and he moved into my place and after my older cat passed away, I wanted to get a new kitten. I adopted a kitten and since he lived in my apartment, he like assumed the cat was partly his. The cat was most bonded to me, and it was MY cat. Well, my lease in that apartment was up, and I had to move back into my parents house. I asked if he could take care of the cat at his place while I got established, and he said OK. Soon there after I dumped him and he kept the cat from me, refused to see me, and said there was "no point" in letting me see the cat. I haven't seen my boy in 4 years and I only pray he has a happy life, that he wasn't given to someone else, and that he's OK. you're ex told you straight up, "there's no point." with my ex, she told me herself "the dog is ours, 50/50. he's your responsiblity too. we can arrange something so you can still see him." my niece really loves the dog too, and my ex knows this, and told her she can babysit him for a week. but now, she is ignoring anything i say when it comes to the subject.
Janesays Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 People do realize there are pet taxi services that will pick up and deliver a dog just about anywhere. So if you're serious about sharing this dog, you can easily come to an arrangement that doesn't require you to ever lay eyes on each other again. 1
KatZee Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 you're ex told you straight up, "there's no point." with my ex, she told me herself "the dog is ours, 50/50. he's your responsiblity too. we can arrange something so you can still see him." my niece really loves the dog too, and my ex knows this, and told her she can babysit him for a week. but now, she is ignoring anything i say when it comes to the subject. Before he told me, "there's no point" he had told me that the cat was mine, that he was going to give him back to me, that my cat missed me, that he wanted me to see the cat. Once he realized I wasn't coming back to him in a relationship capacity is when he got nasty, spiteful, and vindictive and that's when he completely told me "no" and basically stole my cat from me.
Haydn Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Should i get my fish back? Very costly aquariaum. Let it go......
lollipopspot Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Before he told me, "there's no point" he had told me that the cat was mine, that he was going to give him back to me, that my cat missed me, that he wanted me to see the cat. Once he realized I wasn't coming back to him in a relationship capacity is when he got nasty, spiteful, and vindictive and that's when he completely told me "no" and basically stole my cat from me. Maybe you can try again now, if some of the heat has gone down from your break-up. I would have the same concerns as you, and wonder if the cat was o.k. or given to someone. Say you're still thinking about the cat, and would like to take him back if that is possible, or at least know how he's doing.
Sugarkane Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Coincidently I was reading an article about this on the weekend. About how this is becoming a much more common thing in today's society, but the laws haven't been changed. I'm not sure what you can do? If you aren't using the pet as an excuse to see the ex, I can see why this would be painful.
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