lovenotwar Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Look, I secretly "fall in love with" a lot of the girls I meet or who are in my life, and it's not that big of a deal. I wouldn't waste your guys' time if that's all that was going on here. But I am seriously, overwhelmingly, painfully, smitten by this girl. A few months ago, when I started having occasional reasons to work with her at work (in an office), my first thought was, "whoa, this girl is hot." But given that this is a professional situation, I mostly ignored that. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I'm not anywhere near her hotness category myself; I'm not even in her category's category. So we started to work somewhat more together, although still mostly fleeting interactions. I'll admit that I may have gone out of my way sometimes to interact with her when it wasn't really that necessary. She is pretty friendly, and you could almost call it flirty, but no "smoking gun" or anything like that. Lately, we've hung out at lunch or after work together, always with other people, and never specifically as anything more than just hanging out with people at work. In general, I think we've had a good time, but nothing has really happened. We have some similar interests, and we have non-committal plans to do a few outdoorsy things together and fun trips--again, always with other people involved. She's asked me a few times, and I've asked her, and everything seems OK. In the past week, I've been away, and so I haven't seen her; but for some unclear reason I've started to think about her constantly, all the time. Thus my "yeah, I get random crushes on girls a lot" graduated into "holy god I am obsessed." Seriously, all I think about is her, even why I try to focus on other things. So, I have a girlfriend, who I live with; that relationship is really rocky, and might have even ended by now, if it wasn't for the fact we live together. The girl also has a boyfriend, although (due to moving) it's long distance, and they only see each other some weekends, or something like that. I don't really know the details. (If I were that dude, I'd man up and straighten out my priorities and do what it took to move to be with her.) Reciprocity: She's very friendly, but I think it's more than that's just how she is, than that it's directed at me specifically. She initiates friendly (non-work) contact with me sometimes, so that makes me think it's not just all in my head. I think there's probably only a 10% chance she'd be in to me; it would be 0%, except every now and then I'm wrong about this sort of thing, and massively surprised to find out someone is/was interested in me. So here's the punchline. I'm starting to feel so strongly about her that I don't feel like I can legitimately continue to be friends with her. I really hate that asymmetric friendship thing; it's disrespectful to everyone involved, and a little dishonest. Should I just start avoiding her? I would hate myself forever for this. Seriously, there would be eternal regret. Should I just deal grit my teeth, and never say anything, and keep pursuing friendship with her nefariously? Should I tell her the truth and prepare myself for the inevitable rejection and possible consequences at work? By the way, I wish I could post a picture so you guys could get a feel for the industrial-strength hotness I have to deal with here. But obviously that would be inappropriate. So you'll just have to take my word for it: she is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever known.
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Can you simply put more distance in your friendship without writing her off altogether? Also, if you think you are done with your current romantic relationship, end it.
Author lovenotwar Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 Can you simply put more distance in your friendship without writing her off altogether? Also, if you think you are done with your current romantic relationship, end it. If my current situation, this sounds insane. I am way, way, way too infatuated for that to be practical. But maybe if I let some time pass, things will be OK? Thanks for the advice about my current relationship. I am actively working on what to do about it right now; there are a few messy problems that make it difficult to end immediately.
Lansing Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I think part of the crush can be because your current situation is not great so you are fixating on a new girl and really putting her on a pedestal. If I were you, I would just not put in efforts to hang out with the other girl that has a BF. If you guys all go out in groups, you don't have to "ignore" her but just don't put in as much effort to talk to her/etc. 1
FitChick Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 You won't know for sure if she likes you as more than a friend until you leave your girlfriend and see what her reaction is. She might want someone closer than her boyfriend if long distance is frustrating to her. Ideally, you would find a different job because dating someone you work with, especially if it doesn't work out, can be your worst nightmare and you'd have to find another job. You also have to deal with office gossip.
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