Michelle83 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Just curious if this is something that would be a cause for big concern? I found out tonight that my bf has friends who are part of a gang. It seems he's not too involved with them at all, but will see them 1-2 times a year. Things are going so amazing with us and I could see myself marrying him. But this took me a bit by shock. Is it something to get worried over? I guess I just don't know enough to make a sound judgement...so curious on what others think.
Valen Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 (edited) I dated a girl once who's ex is a notorious gang member and a few of her friends are also gang members. I remember one day, when I was visiting her. One of her friend came out and told me "Hey, you better leave, (the ex) is looking for you." I was like "You serious?" I didn't know what to do, then my girl came out and told me to hope in the car and go right now. So I ran. lol Needless to say, I broke up with her later. It was way too much drama. I was only a teenager and I didn't want to die so soon because of a summer fling. If he hangs out with them once or twice a year isn't too bad. Hopefully he can totally cut them out eventually. Because even if he isn't part of the gang, sometimes gar warfare can happen anytime and he might get caught in the middle of it. Wish you the best. Edited November 3, 2013 by Valen
TylerDurdenn Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Is this 'gang' the Mafia or some kids thinking that they're gangsters?
nescafe1982 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Dealbreaker. Even people who associate with dangerous people are dangerous. My brother got involved with a hood rat once upon a time, and months after that broke up, the girl's low-down friends broke into and destroyed everything inside my parents' home. My brother had lived there when they dated, but moved out before the break-in. Sh*t's messed up. But that's the cost of being even indirectly involved with people like that. You can control who YOU associate with; that's it. You can't control who he associates with, or what his "associates" are capable of. In that interest, this would be an unambiguous dealbreaker for me.
Woggle Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I have friends from back in the day who were and in some cases are in involved in major criminal stuff. A close friend of mine is a weed dealer who has connections from overseas and another friend from high school is doing hard time for his part in a bank robbery. I myself was in to some not great stuff back in the day though now I am not. Not saying it's right but sometimes it's hard to give up long time friends especially if you are somebody like me who believe brotherhood and loyalty are everything.
bubbaganoosh Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Your BF is playing with fire and someday might get burned and you might be there when it happens. Time for you to use some common sense and find a guy that you can be a bit prouder of. His gang friends can have an effect on your relationship. By the way, just how well do you know this guy? 1
phineas Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 1-2 times a yr? Unless he is lying about how often he see's them he isn't friend. He's victim waiting to happen. Only time people who know people are safe is if they are good friends of the family ect.
Woggle Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I am guessing you are not young Woggle. I don't know anything about gangs i just dated someone who was in one (i found out later). When we fell out big time, he became violent suddenly for the first time and slapped me in front of one of his 'gang friends' who did NOTHING to stop him and was not even apologetic to me despite knowing me for years. Instead he began to make matters worse for me when I nearly went to the police. I can tell you that these people have no morality, only to each other if you can call it that. It is a parallel universe. I remember listening to a phone conversation where one of the gang's girlfriends had dumped him before the wedding and the same friend was gonna go 'fix her'. My boyfriend was of similiar ilk. He admitted to me that he had witnessed several horrible things when he was younger and I just did not understand, that you do not tell. So that is what you are dealing with. Just my experience. It would be interesting (although i may not use that word, more astounding) though to learn about this other world. Just not be part of it. I am 34 and I agree that gangs are an entirely different thing. Most of my friends who were criminals were freelance.
crederer Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 What do you mean by "gang"? I mean, mafia? Street thugs? Biker gang? Just some freelance criminal? They're all very different and my opinion would change based on that. I know some bikers, they're not scheemers really, they wont mess with you as long as you don't step on their toes. Street thugs are unhinged and you never know what the hell is up. Mafia families are scheemers and will kill their own brother if it got them ahead. The ones I'm most familiar with are freelance guys, and they're really just normal people that can't do the 9to5 so they chop some drugs but you wouldn't even know they were criminals other than the odd time you see them making a sale.
Author Michelle83 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Thanks for all the replies. So from what he said, it sounds like it's more of a biker gang sort of thing. It seems his extent is getting together with them a couple times a year to go riding or else driving their cars (car meet up). He'd did say the police are after a few of them, for what I'm not sure. I'm just really naive when it comes to 'gangs' and what all that means. I'm going to talk to him more in person next time I see him and try and get a better understanding of his involvement, what they've done, etc. I really love this guy and have known him (as a friend) for a long time (been dating for 4 months now), but we are getting pretty serious. It's the first time in my life I've really clicked with someone, but he has been slower to warm up, which I understand it is how some people are. If I didn't feel the way I did about him it might be different, but it's just not so easy now. I really want things to work with him.
Recommended Posts