SVP Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I really needed to let my true feelings out, and I joined this forum in order to do just that. We just broke up today, and I was the one to break up with him. We only dated for 2 months, in fact today was our two month anniversary, but I ended it. I feel guilty for it because it was so sudden, and I know that he's more than likely highly surprised about it. The worst part about it is I did it over a phone call, and looking back on it I just wonder whether I did the right thing or not. I want to put some context to all of this, but all I feel is necessary for the actual break-up situation is that we go to different schools, and my sister goes to school with him. She called me today and said it was about him. She told me that she had found out 2 or 3 days ago that he was cheating on me. I wasn't surprised, seeing as how 2 weeks ago I saw him get a text from a girl who was asking about them kissing and "another chance". I asked him about it, and he said that before we had gotten together that he was trying with her as well, but that she had lost her chance and he was only worried about me. I was really jealous and lightweight pissed, but I tried to handle it calmly by telling him my genuine feelings and suggesting that we talk about it the next time we see each other (We were coming from dinner with my mother and she was in the car so I didn't let it get to out of hand, but I definitely expressed myself as much as I could within that situation). I genuinely wanted to talk to him about it calmly because I understood that we were two separate entities with two distinct pasts, and all I wanted was for us to honestly discuss everything about those pasts, especially since there were things I needed to confess to as well. Needless to say we wasn't able to see each other within those two weeks, and so that situation was never properly resolved, but now here we are, two week's later, and my sister is calling to let me know about his cheating. I thought it was the girl, but it ended up being the ex-boyfriend of one of my gay acquaintances. Again, I wasn't surprised, seeing as how I'd recently found out that they were good "friends" in the past plus I already knew that my (ex) boyfriend was bi and had previously messed around with guys as well. My sister said that the gay ex wasn't aware that my (ex) boyfriend was dating me, and after figuring out who he was dating he confronted my sister and told her about him and my ex bf messing around. She said she didn't want to believe it, but then he apparently showed her some texts between him and my ex bf. She said they were mildly explicit (talking about how they were making out) and the texts were dated for two weeks ago. She said that the gay ex wouldn't have done it if he had knew that my ex was dating, and he felt guilty for it. I was upset, of course, but I took it relatively well. I wasn't really surprised, and I had made up my mind that I wouldn't tolerate this disrespect from him, so I made up my mind to break up with him. I sent him a message on fb and posted a pretty obscure status about it. My best friend immediately picked up on it and so she called and we talked about it for a long time. Next thing I know my bf is calling me, so I immediately answer. I asked if he saw the message and he was oblivious (he hadn't been on fb) so I confronted him on what was said. He went totally silent, and it felt like he was slowly shutting down by the way his voice sounded. All I wanted was for him to talk to me about it; all I wanted was for us to be totally honest, and I explicitly asked him for that. I said "I heard about you and K. All I want is for you to be honest, please". He said none of it ever happened, and I felt bad for bringing it up, but I trust my sister to much to believe she was lying. I asked again and he basically shut up. After that I said that we should probably just end it, and I haven't spoken to him since. It's only been a few hours so there's still (hopefully) a chance that we can talk in person about all of this. I really want to do that because I can understand that I more than likely pushed him into a corner with the phone call. I wanted to trust him, and I put tremendous faith in our relationship and what we could achieve through it. He's really sensitive and doesn't stand up for himself, and I wanted to basically help show him the way out of that behavior seeing as how I used to be like that too. I wanted to achieve that through pure honesty and a willingness to share with each other. I was beginning to do that, I was ready to do it, but we just never had the right opportunities to flesh it out in the real world, and I feel like this break up will either hinder or exterminate those chances for us to gain true intimacy. In fact I can feel that the chance is probably over, and I feel guilty for having been the one to ruin the chance. My only wish now is to talk face to face with him and to get as much out as possible, but I know how he can get, and I'm seriously scared that the chance is over. I'm ok with us not getting together, but I just really don't want him to be hurt because I know that he's already going through a lot emotionally. All of that just makes me feel guilty.
emi Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Dont date a cheater. I know you in pain but dont go back, its not good for you later. Rather u accept the pain, learn how to cope, and move pass this, 2months investment is way better than 2 years and end up getting cheated again 1
Author SVP Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 Dont date a cheater. I know you in pain but dont go back, its not good for you later. Rather u accept the pain, learn how to cope, and move pass this, 2months investment is way better than 2 years and end up getting cheated again Yes you're definitely right about that. I really don't want to get to deep into something that I know won't last. I'll get over this, but I still want some clarity about his true actions and feelings. Maybe I'm asking to much, but...ugh...oh well.
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