Ex is sick

[Jack Dingo]

My ex started seeing another man (2 days after we went on a break) she didn't tell me about this other guy until months later (we were on/off again for 3 years, but in that time it was only ever her & me, during the intervening months she still treated me like her bf, she just wasn't putting out. I now know why)

 

After this time, she contacted me, telling me she was sorry, and she still loves me and other sh*t, but she's still sleeping with this other guy.

 

I spoke to her a few more times, and eventually she tells me she doesn't love me.

 

Specifically "I do not love you."

 

I know she worded it like that to make it as painful as possible.

 

Since we had gone on a break, she's started having symptoms of cancer.

 

I have not told anyone this, not even her.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

Since she said she doesn't love me, I've just ignored her, I've blocked/deleted her from everything, the only thing I haven't done is move house (yet), or change my phone number.

 

Unexpectedly she called me about her health problems, I didn't answer, I just listened to the voicemail.

 

The next week she told me (texted, she hasn't called me again) she had had a seizure, and was getting blood tests / an MRI.

 

She asked if I didn't want to be kept informed of her health anymore.

 

I didn't reply.

 

I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks now.

 

If there were no health problems, I would just be getting over her. She's acted unbelievably slutty (she actually cheated on the guy she left me for, with a guy that had abused her). She also lied to me immensely, and less that, I don't even know if I'd ever be able to forgive someone for taking advantage of my emotions like this.

 

But I think she's seriously sick.

 

And I don't know how to act.

 

I can't shake the feeling that this is all my fault..

 

She wouldn't be sick if I could've been a better person / bf.

 

She's been through some horrible things in her life, and I swore I would be the one to show her not all people are bad..

 

And now I'm abandoning her.

 

So my questions:

Is this my fault?

Should/could I do anything for her?

Is it wrong that I switched off when she said she doesn't love me?

Is it wrong that I won't be there for her whilst she's ****ing some other guy?

During our relationship she told me many things, when will I / will I ever be able to ask her for the truth about them?

Why does it seem like she's trying her hardest to make this as hard as possible for me? (I told her if she wants to break things off for good, to just tell me, I'll learn to cope, but if she lies to me.. And then she lied to me)

[loveofhorses1970]

Being a "bad bf" does not make someone else sick. This is not your fault. You've every right to keep NC with her after all she put you through and never look back. She is not your responsibility.

[AnnaAnna]

What are cancer symptoms? Please explain!Also, you said she lies so how do you know she's not lying about being sick?

Maybe she's just trying to get your attention.

[Jack Dingo]

lol, I never said it was a reasonable conclusion to make, but I did not want to say it out loud. But, symptoms include:

 

• headaches
  
• nausea and/or vomiting
  
• difficulty speaking or remembering words
  
• disturbed vision, hearing, smell or taste
  
• general irritability or a change in personality – this is sometimes noticed only by family or friends
  
• drowsiness.
  

Plus, that's easier to deal with than "She just doesn't love you anymore"

[d0nnivain]

You aren't abandoning her. You can't abandon somebody you are not with.

 

Send her a get well card & move on.

[AnnaAnna]

lol, I never said it was a reasonable conclusion to make, but I did not want to say it out loud. But, symptoms include:

 

• headaches
  
• nausea and/or vomiting
  
• difficulty speaking or remembering words
  
• disturbed vision, hearing, smell or taste
  
• general irritability or a change in personality – this is sometimes noticed only by family or friends
  
• drowsiness.
  

Plus, that's easier to deal with than "She just doesn't love you anymore"

 

Let's just say yes, she's going through some tough times right now and she's really sick. Why would you think you had something to do with that? Why would it be your fault? She left you to be with somebody else.

 

 

I agree with previous poster. "Send her a get well card and move on."

[Jack Dingo]

Now she's invited me to her graduation.

 

This was a very important event for me, and I'm not sure of what I should do.

 

She's really stopping me from moving on, but god damn this event is important to me.

 

Advice?

[d0nnivain]

Why is her graduation important to you?

 

If you go you will be sucked back into a relationship with her so you better decide if you are in or out. I recommend remembering why you broke up when making the decision

[Jack Dingo]

To me, her graduating meant she had finally escaped her past, she had acheived something she wanted to do, for herself, even though nobody thought she could.

 

I made it possible for her to go to school, and I tried to be there for her all throughout her course.

 

I don't know why she doesn't love me anymore / why she decided to move on.

 

About 3 months ago everything just, stopped working. I see now it's because she liked this other guy, but that doesn't help me understand why, or how, somebody could just throw everything we had away.

 

And that's the situation, there was a time when I would've given anything to go to her graduation.

 

As of now, I've been NC for 3 full weeks, she's called / texted several times. The last time I spoke to her it was for her birthday, and I know she was only speaking to me because she was bored / lonely / she just doesn't seem to understand how much she's screwed me / how much things have changed.

 

I'm worried contacting her, even just to ask her when her graduation is, is going to ruin all my progress. Even now she continues to play games, she didn't say "Hi, my graduation is this wednesday, could you please come" she said "are you going to come to my graduation, a yes/no would be appreciated". She's given me no details, this is the first i've heard of it.

 

I don't know why she's decided to invite me after all this..

 

The worst part is, I don't know if I even could go.

Edited November 4, 2013 by Jack Dingo
deetails

[AnnaAnna]

She's playing games with you and I bet you will fall for it because you are looking for all the reasons why you should go.