momoxoxo Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 (edited) Ok, I don't even know how to write this down because I'm confused as ever, but here goes.... So, I'm 21 yrs old, and I met this guy back in April who is also 21. He approached me, we talked, exchanged numbers, and it started from there. He lives an hour away from me so we mostly text, phone call, FaceTime, and IM everyday. We would meet up in person at least once a week or sometimes every other week. In general, we wouldn't let more than two weeks go by without seeing each other. We started off going slow for two months, getting to know each other, until we finally kissed. Since then, month after month, our feelings for each other gradually grew. Aside from hanging out, we go on dates here and there. Although we've become very affectionate towards each other (Kissing, hand holding, etc.), we both agreed we would wait until the time was right to make it official and start a relationship. That way, we could focus on strengthening our friendship and trust first. The past couple months have been great: we grew more comfortable around each other; our friendship grew; our trust for each other grew; we learned a lot about each other, the good and bad, and the more we saw each other, the more we liked each other. I started off really infatuated with him. I like almost everything about him. He's different from other guys I know. He's sweet, he always goes out of his way to make sure I'm happy, he knows how to make me smile. I love his personality and I feel like we've had soo much chemistry. We're at that point now where we're ready to talk about if we want to take it to the next level and start a serious relationship. I've felt pretty confident that I'm ready to call him my boyfriend....until recently. I honestly don't know what happened, but lately I've felt..disconnected. I don't know if this is something that has been starting slowly awhile ago, I honestly don't even know when it started or where it's all coming from. But yesterday when we met up to have a lunch and movie date, I felt completely disconnected from him. Since the day started, I've felt turned off by him. I wasn't attracted to him at all yesterday, like everything from the clothes he was wearing to his smile came off as unattractive. A lot of the innocent things he was doing, like him laughing, joking, the way he walked, or even just talking irritated me. I found myself pushing away everytime he would try to lean in for a kiss yesterday, and everytime we did kiss, I wouldn't fully kiss him. I would just give him a short, dry kiss and then quickly end it. It got to a point where when we had our goodbye kiss at the end of the day, it felt like I was forcing the kiss. I wasn't completely there at all; he was more into it then I was. It got so bad that I finally pulled away, shook my head, apologized, and said I had to go home. He noticed that I was attached and asked me numerous times throughout the day what was wrong with me. Each time I responded with "I don't know" or "I'm fine" or "I'm not in a good mood" or "I'm tired". But it's really hard to explain to him what's actually wrong with me because I'm not even sure of it myself. I have no clue what's wrong with me. I don't want to enter into a relationship with him if I'm still feeling like this. I don't know if I could break things off with him though. My heart breaks just thinking about how hurt he would be if I did. Plus, my feelings have grown so much for him. He's become almost like a best friend to me and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I've been really excited to start a relationship with him, but now I'm not even sure anymore. I don't even know what to do or what my mixed feelings even mean. I've even found myself finding reasons why we shouldn't be together. I would list every little thing I could think of.. Has anyone else gone through something similar like this? Am I losing interest? Is this a bad sign? Should I get in a relationship with him or not? I don't know what's going on and I don't like feeling like this. It's getting really frustrating, to a point of tears. Can someone please give me insight on this. I'm open to any advice or opinion. Thanks!! Edited November 3, 2013 by momoxoxo
devilish innocent Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 It sounds like it could be fear of commitment. I don't think you should get any more serious with him if you continue to feel this way. Before you give up, though, you might want to ask where the feelings are coming from. Has he done anything to annoy you recently? Have you gotten hurt from being in a serious relationship before? Do you have a history of avoiding being in serious relationships with guys? Are you becoming attracted to somebody else? If you can figure out where your feelings are coming from, then you can figure out what to do about them. In the end, though, it's possible you may have just liked the anticipation of being in a relationship with him, and once the reality of it drew closer, you are finding he's not what you really want.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I am commitment phobic and I have felt like you described EVERY SINGLE TIME things progressed to a more serious relationship. It's so bad that I just don't want to be in the guy's presence, everything about him repulsed me and it was so obvious I couldn't even fake it. I pushed myself through this a couple of times my telling myself this over and over again: "It's not like we are getting married. I can break off this relationship any time. Even this moment. Why not wait till tomorrow?" - that got me over the hump. But at your age I would simply walk away.
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