Mnda0616 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Ok so I am new to this kind of thing but I am learning that support from family is very one sided and I am struggling to move forward from everything that has happened. I have been married for 7 years but together for almost 10, me and my hubby have two young children together. Things have been rough the past few years financially and emotionally. Through our marriage it seemed like we always had a excuse for our problems and the constant change in our life between moving and change of jobs kept us together because we always said "this time things will be good". Well about month or two ago I found out he was cheating on me and he says it was because of our relationship and lack of attention. We talked about working on our marriage but in the end he chose her. I know that this is not my fault although what I am struggling with is letting go of him. It may be stupid but I really don't understand why I have this huge attachment to him. I feel like I should be so angry, which I am getting there...although the pain and fear is still there that I have lost the man I have loved for all these years. We did get married young which was probably the first mistake but I would never have disrespected him the way he has done to me. Through all this I decided to move out with my girls and he decided to move in with his new girlfriend. All this seems so surreal to me and it has all happened so fast. I hope by having this new place I will be able to truly let go of him but I still wonder what happens now? Is a divorce the next step? Yes I still love him but how can I ever look at him the same way? Things have been hard since he left and he shows that he still cares for me, which makes things harder for me but ultimately he loves the girl he cheated on me with more!! I feel like I need to get a divorce and just cut my ties with him but really afraid I am making a harsh decision to quick. We do have children together and maybe a few years of separation will do us some good. I really don't know, as you can see my thoughts are everywhere and I have no clue what the real answer is... I appreciate any and all feedback, seems like everyone gets some good advice on here.
AZtragedy Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Hi there. I understand what you are going through, as I am going through a very similar situation right now, too. My wife of 6 years (16 years as a couple) suddenly left me, and moved in with her affair partner/new boyfriend/coworker. She has chosen him over me, and there is no reconciliation. I can relate to what you are feeling about having a hard time letting go, and still feeling attached or even still in love with the wayward spouse. I still feel a strong love and attachment to my wife even though I have been treated with the utmost disrespect by her cheating and leaving for someone else. The only insight I have gained so far is that it is important to take care of yourself, one day at a time and try not to think too much about the future. I do not have any children, but if I did, I would try to focus on them as much as possible for awhile (even more than usual). Every day is going to be a struggle and an uphill battle, all the time. What your husband did is a terrible thing to do to someone you love and care for. An affair and then playing house with a new lover is a gut wrenching thing to put another person through, and is a very selfish, shallow way to live. Even if our spouses declare it is 'love' with their affair partners, keep in mind, as I have been trying to, that is it really love if it takes hurting and damaging another person to get it? I wish you well and hope you keep posting here....it really has helped me to express a lot of things I could not otherwise - I only have a couple family members to talk to, as well. There is a lot of good advice and insight here.
Betrayed21 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I have been going through a similar situation. No kids involved, but my heart is still broken and quite honestly, I would do anything to have my spouse back. Even though logically I know it is probably all for the best. I don't know why he did this to us, because we were really good together- and like you and your husband, we also had problems regarding jobs and finances. But I always thought we could get through everything together. I guess he didn't see it that way. I guess the big questions are, do you want him back? Can you forgive the affair? I know most people will say he should just be kicked to the curb, but if this is the only time it happened, it's likely just a symptom that he was unhappy. It doesn't make it right, or excuse it. And there's no way that he loves this woman the way he loved you- she's just something shiny and new and different. He'll likely realize it at some point. But it makes it hard because he's living with her now and I know because it's the same situation with me. I worry he'll forget about me. I can't really give you any good advice though because even though my spouse cheated, I just want him back home with me more than anything. But I understand how you feel.
LuvsTrucks2 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I too am going through a similar situation, however, no children are involved. I agree with the previous posters, you need to let your heart catch up to your brain, unfortunately, that takes time. I still love my STBXH but I also know that he wasn't treating me the way a person deserves to be treated. You have to decide if you can get past the affair. I also agree that you should put all your concentration on your children right now. I wish I had children so that I could focus on them instead of all of my thoughts and feelings. I wish you the best.
Recommended Posts