ftldrive Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Hi, I had a girlfriend once... year and a half ago. When we broke up I was crushed... I couldn't get out of bed for weeks, I cried everyday for months. Then I deleted all her pictures, every thing that reminded me to her. I was thinking that I can forget about her.. I heard that it may help but it didn't. Every time I close my eyes I see her... I miss her so much... everyone said that it will get better after a while but it didn't. I tryed everything... I dont know what to do now... I want to be happy again... I was thinking about suicide but I couldn't do it because I'm afraid... What should I do?
bedelgeuse Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Hi- that sucks how you are feeling. It took me a long time to get over my ex wife that cheated on me a bunch. I thought that pain would never end. But I did heal, and eventually someone better came along, and after 1.5 years together, she left me 15 days ago. It's brutal huh? Here I am NC again, my days still filled with anxiety and pain. Constantly thinking about her. I can't shut off my brain. I know it gets better. With my divorce I spiraled and drank and could care less for my self. The recovery process took longer. My confidence was delayed. This time I'm skipping feeling sorry for myself and being self destructive. Just do what brings you joy and solace. For me that is working out, creating music, and art. Take a "it's their loss" mindset and then prove it to yourself.
Author ftldrive Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 How do you do that? How do you say to yourself that it's her loss, when you suffer so much and she is probably happy right now?
flight E Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 You must have people that love you; will it be fair to them to end your life over someone that doesn't care abt u. There are at least 3billion women in this world will you kill yourself over one. So she can say thank God I dumped his ass I knew her was such a loser.that's wat she will say. She won't cry over you. Man up man. Don't be counted amongst the losers go for counselling if you have to. Just man up. It will get better
strive Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Hang in there. For me what made me start getting up from bed after that first week was obsessively reading these forums. Seeing how so many people in the same or even worse situations than I am made me stop feeling alone. Seeing them all get better gives me hope. People will tell you that it gets better, and IT WILL! Trust them (I'm learning to do that as well). It won't happen today, tomorrow, or next week. It might take months and even years. But it WILL happen. Don't ever give up!
Author ftldrive Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 I waited year and a half... how much longer I have to wait? I'm starting to think that all this "It will get better" is bull****... it's not working for me...
EllyM Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Ftldrive, you really need to see a counselor - or at least a doctor. If it has been a year-and-a-half since your break-up and you're still feeling this way, something is wrong. You obviously have depression, and you're not able to snap out of it. And that's OK. I've been through this myself. My husband had an affair, and I felt like I was sucked into a black hole that I couldn't escape. I finally broke down about 4 months ago and started taking Wellbutrin. I chose this one (after researching anti-depressants), because many people don't have any negative side-effects from it. It has helped me tremendously. My next suggestions are get out of your house, be around friends, go to a gym and work-out. Exercise really does help with depression. Plus, when you look better, you feel better and gain confidence in yourself. Talk to your friends and family and ask for their help. Tell them your goal is to get out of the house and do things again. I wish you all the best.
Author ftldrive Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 I can't go to a psychologist or talk with my family because they have more important problems than me ... it's always something ... emotional problems are like taboo. Noone cares ... if I say something my mother look's to me as I did something wrong... I have two friends, one went to study in Italy and the other is 200 kilometers away, always working and without any free time. I don't blame them, It's my live, my own problems and I don't want to bother them... this is my first year in the university, I'm studying software engineering and I burying myself into code, It hepls but I can't do it all the time... when I do to sleep all comes back to me and I'm feeling that I have to disappear...
Janni Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I can't go to a psychologist or talk with my family because they have more important problems than me ... it's always something ... emotional problems are like taboo. Noone cares ... if I say something my mother look's to me as I did something wrong... I have two friends, one went to study in Italy and the other is 200 kilometers away, always working and without any free time. I don't blame them, It's my live, my own problems and I don't want to bother them... this is my first year in the university, I'm studying software engineering and I burying myself into code, It hepls but I can't do it all the time... when I do to sleep all comes back to me and I'm feeling that I have to disappear... It really sounds like you've become depressed. And that happens. Sometimes heartbreak develops into depression. But what you have to realize is that depression doesn't just go away if you wait long enough. You have to go see your doctor or a therapist. You have to. It is a matter of life and death at this moment. Your friends may seem busy and it may seem like no one cares, but they do. My ex was depressed and left me because of it, while he also continued to hurt me in the worst ways. One of them was by cheating on me and choosing her over me. He kept telling me I'd be better off without him - It's been 6 weeks now and I am not better off. I have been through hell and I fight every single day to get out of bed. But he still thought I was better off. That is what depression does to people. I was depressed once too. I was doing horrible, but I realized that it wasn't because no one loved me and I wasn't worthless, I was sick. I was depressed and I could be cured. Because depression can be cured. So please do this for you. and if you won't do it for yourself, do it for everyone you know. Because they care. No matter how hard it is to believe or see right now, they do care. And we care.
Author ftldrive Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 (edited) What can some specialist tell me that I haven't heard before? I don't believe in magic. And I don't think that the pills are the answer ... I don't even know what I want... what my goal is... what can possibly make me normal again... happy, or just not sad. I'm feeling that I started complaining again and people don't want to talk with me when I do that. I'm sorry. Edited November 3, 2013 by ftldrive
Janni Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 What can some specialist tell me that I haven't heard before? I don't believe in magic. And I don't think that the pills are the answer ... I don't even know what I want... what my goal is... what can possibly make me normal again... happy, or just not sad. A therapist can talk with you about what you are going through. This is very efficient when dealing with depression. But only if you want to do it yourself. Be the change that you want to see. Only you can change your life. Let me put it this way: Do you want to stay like this? Do you like feeling this way? If the answer is yes, then be my guest and continue you life the same way you've done the last year. If the answer is no and you want to get better, then go see a doctor. Or a therapist. Or both. They are educated to help deal with depression. They're job is to help you and you can be sure they know a lot more than you do. But if you're fine feeling like you've felt for a long time now, then just go on the same way.
Janni Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I understand. Thank you. You are welcome. I just want the best for you and I truly truly hope you go to see your doctor or a therapist. Please keep me posted.
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