Rock12 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 My fiance and I have been together for the last 4.5 years. We started dating when we were both 16 and are now living together attending the same college. This is the first serious relationship either of us has been in. Recently though I have been feeling distant and not sure if I feel the same way anymore. We have been fighting a lot lately, and just not really agreeing on anything. I'm not sure anymore if I would be happy in the long run if I stay in this relationship, or if I would feel like I jumped feet first way to soon. Ever since we have been dating she has been insecure about herself and the relationship. She is always saying how I could do better, talking bad about the way she looks, and always asks about any girl I add on Facebook, etc. Whenever I try to talk about something serious, her first reaction is to ask if I'm breaking up with her. I would think that after 4.5 years together and me proposing to her, she would be more confident in the relationship at least. I have done everything I can to make her feel better about herself, but at this point I think any change there is going to have to come from her. I guess recently it has just started to bug me more. I was fortunate enough to have parents that are able to pay for my college and most of my expenses while I'm here, while hers are not able to. I feel like if we did break up she would be stranded. When we moved here we sold her car so that she wouldn't have to worry about payments/insurance for it, and in addition to that she has had trouble finding a job around campus. Since we live in a student community, the rent is billed by the room. To help us adjust to the new environment my parents pre-paid until end of January for both rooms. With all of this, at this point I am not sure if what I feel is still love or a sense of obligation to her and to my parents who have put so much money down for us, whether it is the rent, taking us on family trips, and all of the family that we have taken her to meet. Since most of my family lives several states away this took a lot of time and money to do. I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't even know how I would explain all of this to her. Any advice welcome...thanks.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Guess you just have to decide how much she means to you. Spend a night imagining she dumped you, she's gone out your life forever, you'll never see her again. How would that make you feel.
aybc123 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 So your gf is insecure because she thinks you're thinking about breaking up with her? Well, to be fair, you ARE thinking about breaking up with her! Chances are she can probably sense this. Joking aside, sounds like the relationship is unbalanced and maybe always has been? This can really mess up both peoples feelings, intensifying them and making the person needy for the one who finds themselves chasing, and distancing for the one being chased, so bear in mind how you actually feel about her is likely more than you think right now and her less, just because of how lopsided it is and how humans respond to push-pull. Anyway you need to be having this conversation with her not with us, although its good to get an outside opinion first. I would first try discussing with her why she feels so insecure about your relationship, see if you can do things to help improve that (get her some hobbies and friends outside of your relationship, lose some weight etc). I've felt the same as you before and i ended up regretting not working at it, i now take the approach that you should work at fixing a significant relationship (2+ years) until it's completely gone, if only so you never look back and wonder about it. 1
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