Rick Posted January 16, 2001 Posted January 16, 2001 Why do we practice fidelity? I mean, why do we sleep with only one person? In theory anyway, you get into a relationship, and after awhile, you begin having sex with each other, and then, *only* each other. I'm very aware that there are people who don't follow these rules! But I'm not concerned about them right now Anyhow, so we mate with one partner while we are with them. For me, that makes sex, special. My GF has sex with me, not anyone else, and she does so, because she loves me like I love her. I guess I'm thinking sex needs some prerequisites, like love, FOR ME at least... Anyhow, I was kind of tricked. When I first met my GF six months ago and we were having fun, we had talked about our sexual past because we were going to make our relationship physical, and wanted to know, because of STD's and all. I had told her how many people I had been with, and she told me hers, everything was fine. So come lately, I'm learning a few things. Such as, she has actually slept with at least five times more people that she had told me to begin with. Oh yeah, you know when your in a relationship, you never care for the "guy friends" she has? Because, they seems like a threat, or often they have ulterior motives?? Yeah yeah, I know, its usually BS jealous crap, but anyhow, in this particular relationship, she has actually had sex with 98% of her "guy friends". She said she wasn't honest with me in the beginning because she didn't think I'd understand... Well, she's right there, I would have bailed. Of course, now I've got the L-word hanging over me lol. I love her, but its creeping me out to think about her just sleeping with anyone, pretty meaningless. Heck, I guess she had two different partners the week before we met. Gack, that alone scares me a bit, I'm getting an HIV test done asap. I've never liked it when we would occasionally run into a partners ex, always makes everyone a little uncomfortable. With this relationship, they seem to be everywhere! Now, I know people can have sex and just be friends if they are mature about it. Eek, but she has like dozens of these people. I'm sorry, but it seems to me like she's being used by these guys, err, WAS being used by these guys, and either A.) she didn't know it, or B.) she knew it and liked it. Not sure if I like either, either ignorant, or easy. So, I kind of learned that all it took to sleep with my GF before me, was to know her, thats it. I feel kind of cheap. And I don't like all these guys hanging around that have been in bed with someone I'm involved with. So, that's it for my jealous post, I just had to get that off my chest. Oh yeah, and for whoever is going to trash me for being a pig or something, I'm giving you the 'bird'. Whats the purpose? I kind of feel like I should leave her, and start over. But we really are happy together contrary to what you may think from my little post. So I guess this means I'm immature. Sigh, love is sticky.
Tony T Posted January 16, 2001 Posted January 16, 2001 I won't trash you but it's not because I'm afraid you'll give me the bird. I get that all the time around here. Immune. Your feelings are perfectly understandable. Yet, you are an intelligent guy and you know perfectly well that you can't judge your lady for screwing her brains out before she met you. I mean, it is fun...and for some, it's downright addicting. There are organizations to help people recover from screwing their brains out. I think you should be quite honored that your lady has had a chance to sample a lot of guys out there...and finally, she has found YOU, one who she can be both emotionally and sexually fulfilled with. I think that's great. Hopefully, you'll get over your hang-ups about this. Believe me, her sexual past doesn't even come close to scoring like some others I know...men and women. About these guys hanging around, I wouldn't like that either. I'm assuming they're not buddies of yours. In time, they will sort of disappear from your lives unless you live in a town of 50 population. If you really care for her and get along, give yourself some time and try to stop obsessing about this. If it would be of some help, you could write a book entitled: "Trash me, I'm Giving You the Bird Anyway." Or how about: "So My Girl's Been Around, Dare to Say Something." Or: "I May Be From Mars...but My Girl's From All Over" Maybe This: "Fifty Ways to Love Your Liver" I don't think you should leave her as you say you have considered. People come into our lives for many reasons. She has come to teach you that we are all human, we all go through various stages of learning in our own unique way on this planet, and real love is accepting the package without shaking it too hard. I don't think you're immature at all...and I totally agree with you...love can be pretty darned sticky. Yes!!!
Sandy Posted January 17, 2001 Posted January 17, 2001 I Think that young people should sleep around before they get serious about anyone, it makes for a great marriage in the future because they know whats out there and they chose you . They won't marry and five years later start thinking about what they might have missed . As long as its safty first I say sample all . As for being around people she slept with , they will as tony said disappear , i don't agree about going into details about past sex partners , it should be did you practice safe sex at all times? and that is all . I don't think you should point out him, him, oh yea him, that is not being mature and makes it cheap. Are you sure she slept with all of them ? I know my boyfriend had in his mind that I slept with everyone I ever dated and that was just in his mind. If she did , You must really have somthing special ,and you should be honored because you are probably the envy of all the guys ,bc you have her exclusively. lighten up :-)
Laurynn Posted January 17, 2001 Posted January 17, 2001 You wrote: "I Think that young people should sleep around before they get serious about anyone, it makes for a great marriage in the future because they know whats out there and they chose you . They won't marry and five years later start thinking about what they might have missed . As long as its safty first I say sample all ." Sorry but I find that completely ludicrous, to promote young people to be promiscuous. There are increasing numbers of people being infected w/ HIV, Hepatitis C and non-curable STDs like Herpes and Genital Warts (some strains cause cancer of the cervix in women). There is truly no such thing as "safe sex"...there is "SAFER" sex..where you use a condom (and/or spermicide...though recent studies show that many women react to Non-Oxynol-9 spermicide, which increases their risk of contracting Herpes).......but there really is no such thing as 'safety' these days. As well, there are several STDs that women can get and not even know they have...which can lead to PID (pelvic inflammatory disease)...which can cause infertility (scarring to/and blockage of fallopian tubes). Screwing around these days is careless and risky. As well, even married people with little past sexual experience can learn to have a very exciting and rewarding sex life......it just takes effort, love, imagination and an openmindedness.
Rogue Posted January 17, 2001 Posted January 17, 2001 There could be another explanation to her sexual past that may make you feel better. A lot of young women go through a phase when they realize they are attractive , at the same time have low self-esteem. Her sexual past could have been a result of her looking for attention by sleeping through a tons of guys. It's not hard to believe if you think about it-- how many guys you know have their confidence built up when they slept with someone? It's only natural that some women( wrongfully so) use sex as a form of establishing their 'worth'.They might think to themselves "If so many guys are after me,and I land a lot of them, I must be something special." Or at least try to feel special.And since they are attractive, they can easily get as many partners as they want, and not chase them like a guy would have to. It's kinda sad ,self destuctive behaviour.This might not have been the case with your girlfriend, but some women go through this.
Rick Posted January 17, 2001 Posted January 17, 2001 What you said, makes alot of sense. I mean, I already knew it, but its good to have someone give a little feedback just to make sure your not crazy! Your right, they arent buddies, and they will fade from the picture I'm sure. As for my hangups, yeah, I'm sure that will pass too. I may not be immaature, but I still wish I could be more mature and sensible about my feelings. They are kind of silly sometimes. Yeah, there are two sides of the coin, the "eww, she slept with this half of the state?!" and the "She slept with this half of the state... and picked me! Aha!" I guess that means I'm living proof that size doesn't matter! I won't trash you but it's not because I'm afraid you'll give me the bird. I get that all the time around here. Immune. Your feelings are perfectly understandable. Yet, you are an intelligent guy and you know perfectly well that you can't judge your lady for screwing her brains out before she met you. I mean, it is fun...and for some, it's downright addicting. There are organizations to help people recover from screwing their brains out. I think you should be quite honored that your lady has had a chance to sample a lot of guys out there...and finally, she has found YOU, one who she can be both emotionally and sexually fulfilled with. I think that's great. Hopefully, you'll get over your hang-ups about this. Believe me, her sexual past doesn't even come close to scoring like some others I know...men and women. About these guys hanging around, I wouldn't like that either. I'm assuming they're not buddies of yours. In time, they will sort of disappear from your lives unless you live in a town of 50 population. If you really care for her and get along, give yourself some time and try to stop obsessing about this. If it would be of some help, you could write a book entitled: "Trash me, I'm Giving You the Bird Anyway." Or how about: "So My Girl's Been Around, Dare to Say Something." Or: "I May Be From Mars...but My Girl's From All Over" Maybe This: "Fifty Ways to Love Your Liver" I don't think you should leave her as you say you have considered. People come into our lives for many reasons. She has come to teach you that we are all human, we all go through various stages of learning in our own unique way on this planet, and real love is accepting the package without shaking it too hard. I don't think you're immature at all...and I totally agree with you...love can be pretty darned sticky. Yes!!!
shy country girl Posted January 17, 2001 Posted January 17, 2001 I've been with 6 people which to some, isn't many but I've also contracted 2 STDs while having "protected sex", one that I'll never get rid of. And these guys weren't ugly or dirty looking guys. You never know who has something just by looking at them and condoms are a pathetic excuse for protection. I'm not proud of my past but thank God it's in the past. Besides the worry of AIDS and STD's, sex should be something special given between husbands and wives. I know that sounds old-fashioned but today people are giving it up as easily as a handshake and that's really sad.
Laurynn Posted January 17, 2001 Posted January 17, 2001 It astonishes me, in this day and age, where there is so much education out there about STDs and AIDS...and you still have people who think it's just swell to have multiple partners. Scary stuff. Your post was good, and I agree! I've been with 6 people which to some, isn't many but I've also contracted 2 STDs while having "protected sex", one that I'll never get rid of. And these guys weren't ugly or dirty looking guys. You never know who has something just by looking at them and condoms are a pathetic excuse for protection. I'm not proud of my past but thank God it's in the past. Besides the worry of AIDS and STD's, sex should be something special given between husbands and wives. I know that sounds old-fashioned but today people are giving it up as easily as a handshake and that's really sad.
Sandy Posted January 17, 2001 Posted January 17, 2001 There are marriages that break up simply from not knowing what they have missed , and I DID NOT SAY sleep with a hundred people , but more then just one saves alot of marital problems in the future , I am very aware of what risks are out their and beleive you should put your safty first.I know couples that had a very loving relationship and couldn't help going outside the marriage, because they were never with anyone else and thought their was something better out there , so because of the lack of experience they destroyed a otherwise wonderful marriage . All I am saying is yes each has its consequences. I beleive that this person and anybody these days who has slept with a good amount of people should be tested. That way when they do get into a commited relationship (after they experimented)they know they are no risk to that person. Always put safty first !
David Posted January 18, 2001 Posted January 18, 2001 one that I'll never get rid of. And these guys weren't ugly or dirty looking guys. You never know who has something just by looking at them Of course they weren't ugly, why else would you, and who knows who else, have unprotected sex with them? I bet ugly guys are way cleaner!
David Posted January 18, 2001 Posted January 18, 2001 I'm glad u posted about this Rick, it's an issue that has troubled me too. They're much better with this type of thing in Europe. Less Christian influence. Ultimately, we're all animals, full of normal drives and desires. Unfortunately, these perfectly normal things, when viewed from a moral sense, cause contradictions. Hence the long history of sexually repressed Americans.
~Mike~ Posted January 18, 2001 Posted January 18, 2001 I totally agree with you! I think that intercourse should be a sacred thing that if for Husband and Wife only. And I think that is it sad that some people do go around and sleep with everyone on the block. I've been with 6 people which to some, isn't many but I've also contracted 2 STDs while having "protected sex", one that I'll never get rid of. And these guys weren't ugly or dirty looking guys. You never know who has something just by looking at them and condoms are a pathetic excuse for protection. I'm not proud of my past but thank God it's in the past. Besides the worry of AIDS and STD's, sex should be something special given between husbands and wives. I know that sounds old-fashioned but today people are giving it up as easily as a handshake and that's really sad.
Deejette Posted January 18, 2001 Posted January 18, 2001 One thing that I don't think was totally cool of your gf was the fact that she lied to you about it. So, from that point of view, I can see why you are ticked off. That is why it is really important to get to know the person before you think you are in love and have sex with them. There are STDs that don't even show up to the naked eye (one case is trychomoniosis, which a man can carry around for years and not even know he has it, and infect others with it). Part of being young is the mindset that death and disease happen to other people and that we are immortal. That is why there are lots of teen skateboarders but very few in their 30s and 40s. Before STDs became so predominant, sleeping around (in the 60s and early 70s) did not have the consequences it has today. So really check out the girls you will be getting physical with and don't jump in too fast. I totally agree with you! I think that intercourse should be a sacred thing that if for Husband and Wife only. And I think that is it sad that some people do go around and sleep with everyone on the block.
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