FrustratedGuy91 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Hey I've been in a long distance relationship with this girl for years. We drifted apart for a year because I couldn't make it to where she lives but we've gotten back together recently and I'll be seeing her pretty soon. The thing is she lives with her dad, not because she wants to but because he's broke and he couldn't keep his house if it wasn't for her. This girl had abusive parents and they used to do awful things to her when she was a child, and now while they don't physically abuse her they still treat her pretty bad. It's a lot like a Cinderella story. I don't know how to help her, she lives in the US and I don't although I'll be working there for 5 months but in a different state. I was thinking maybe she could live with me and when I return to my country offer her to come with me. But I don't know, I just want to help her. What can I do?
runningfar Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Never, ever try to save somebody who isn't at least in the process of saving themselves. It doesn't end well. 4
Wirenut Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I've been in a similar situation as you. Had a girl friend and her father use to treat her like crap and she always came running to me in tears. Thought I could save her but it really doesn't work out that way. She had no desire to save herself, and eventually she turned on me since I got so tired seeing her being mistreated so horribly.
Author FrustratedGuy91 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Well she does want to change it. She's just a people pleaser but she wants to change this situation. So any advice?
jba10582 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Issues that arose during her upbringing will likely arise again during the course of a long-term relationship when you live together. She will go through her own healing process over time. If you cannot stay calm and collected or cannot handle all emotions that come with it, things could turn for the worse. Be aware of these things and have some understanding that certain issues and fleeting thoughts of hers may have nothing to do you with you
nescafe1982 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Well she does want to change it. She's just a people pleaser but she wants to change this situation. So any advice? Emotionally support her as she moves out of her father's place. If this is what she has to do, she will need someone to help her through all the doubts, drama, and toxic volleys that her abusive father will throw her way to keep her from moving out. She will need you to remind her that she's doing what's best for her and sometimes the right thing doesn't always make everyone happy. She will have to be strong enough to make the decision to move. You will have to be strong enough to hold her up when she feels like caving on that decision. That's probably the best thing you can do right now. Once she has some physical distance from the abusive father, she can start her healing work more effectively.... hopefully with a professional. It's a long road to deal with this kind of thing (been there), but that you're there to care about her probably means a lot. Good luck!
Author FrustratedGuy91 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Emotionally support her as she moves out of her father's place. If this is what she has to do, she will need someone to help her through all the doubts, drama, and toxic volleys that her abusive father will throw her way to keep her from moving out. She will need you to remind her that she's doing what's best for her and sometimes the right thing doesn't always make everyone happy. She will have to be strong enough to make the decision to move. You will have to be strong enough to hold her up when she feels like caving on that decision. That's probably the best thing you can do right now. Once she has some physical distance from the abusive father, she can start her healing work more effectively.... hopefully with a professional. It's a long road to deal with this kind of thing (been there), but that you're there to care about her probably means a lot. Good luck! Yeah that's what I was going for, Thanks.
Dark_history Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 As others have said, the best thing you can do is offer for her to stay with you. She has to be willing to leave and help herself in order for anything to get through. Expect to hear a lot of "but if I leave, my parents will be homeless" type excuses, her parents will guilt her of this and she will believe this to be the case. Also prepare for the fact you may not be able to save this girl, no matter what you do.
FitChick Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 She can't just come to live with you legally in another country unless you are married. Do some research. If she is financially helping pay for the house, tell her to get her name on the title so in case he drops dead the house is hers.
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