Wester89 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Hello, all. I apologize in advance for the extremely long post. My ex-girlfriend dumped me 5 months back. It was sudden, and out of nowhere. For the longest time, I thought of her as the 'bad guy.' There was no indication that a break-up was imminent, or even on the horizon for that matter. We were happy, and always got along. We shared a lot of interests, and we often contemplated our future together. We went through so much together; it felt like we were opposite sides of the same coin. I was practically a part of her family. They all loved me, and I fit right in. We dated for just under four years. I never cheated on her; even though we never even had sex. She was always evasive when I would make advances. That said, I always stuck by her. I loved her so much, and I still do just as much. I could never knowingly do anything to hurt her, and no sex was fine with me as long as I was with her. Certainly, the time for that would come. I owed her money. Way back in 2010, she loaned me $1000. It was for a new apartment with my siblings; we were forced out of our house when our aunt sold it. So, with only a part-time job supporting me, I was MORE than unprepared. I struggled to support myself for two years. I took on an additional part-time job to make rent, and our days together whittled down to Saturday nights and Sundays. Two years later, I got a promotion to full-time in the one company. I was able to slowly start building back up between the f/t and p/t gigs. Now, because the f/t job was in an office setting, I began to become lazy. I started to eat more junk food and exercised less. I grew a tummy, and got out of shape. I knew she was losing attraction for me... I finally started to eat better around April , as well as exercising. I began to get into visibly better shape, and she seemed not to care. So, I gave up and became worse. Our last month was rocky. Started off with me finally beginning to pay her back. My finances were finally coming together to eliminate struggle. Gave her $200. Her birthday was the 12th of May. We were going to a festival to celebrate her birthday the following day, and a band I like happened to be playing a free show at it. I prioritized seeing the band, and her family agreed with me. So, she tagged along and saw them with me. She was uninterested & disengaged; straight-up ruined it for me. So, I was mad at her. Tried to hold my hand on the way out, and I pulled away. She really seemed upset. To make matters worse, I never got her a birthday present. A week later, we went to my church's Grecian Festival. I was more concerned with my own needs, and apparently couldn't give two ****s that she saw a scarf she liked. See, I seldom had extra funds to buy stuff. So, it wasn't often that I bought her gifts. This was a perfect opportunity, and I was selfish. I paid her back another $100 that week, as well. Our last Saturday together, I went to her house. They were eating dinner, and I didn't want to be rude, so I texted her to say I'd be right back. I went to the store, came back and picked her up. Went to my apartment, and I set to cleaning my vestibule. This left her to do her own thing. I began to drink a bit of liquor (I never, ever drink, by the way). I got drunk and ultimately slept on the couch, leaving her to sleep alone. We went up to my sister's house the next day, and she seemed fine. Nothing to predict what would come. Monday was a holiday, and I had it off. She did, as well. I didn't text her because she said she had a lot to do. So, I didn't hear from her all day. Next morning I texted her, and said, 'It was nice hearing from you yesterday =P' Her response was, 'yeah...well Saturday we REALLY need to talk.' And Saturday she dumped me... In hindsight, I have done a lot of things wrong. This is clearly indicated by all that I have posted above. I did not value her; I never gave her enough attention, appreciation or romance. She gave her all; bought me furnishings for my newest apartment, and spoke out of genuine concern for me. I met-up with her on four separate occasions to finish paying her back. At some point after the third meeting, she drunk-texted me; this was a shock because she NEVER drank when we were together. She asked if I was 'still mad at her.' I assured her that I wasn't mad, and she said 'you seemed mad last time and I really don't want you to be.' The last occasion on which we met up was extremely painful. We met at her workplace, albeit in the parking lot. She acted like nothing was wrong; like I was just another person to shoot the breeze with. Started bragging about how many dates she had gone on since our break-up...how every guy at her workplace lined right up when they found out she was single. I know that part is true, because I know for fact that a lot of guys fancied her there. As we conversed, a male co-worker drove by and yelled, 'Hey, beautiful!' It really, really hurt. I had been almost over her at that point, and that thrusted the knife right back into the wound and twisted it around. We said our goodbyes soon after. That aside, I have not retained ANY form of contact with her. The last meet-up was 3 months ago. Not once did I even remotely acknowledge the break-up on Facebook. I never texted or called her unless it was business. Since paying her back, I have not seen nor spoken to her. In addition, I almost never talked it out with anybody or vented. I told few people, and mostly only if they asked. I vented to my big sister once for 10 minutes, and I've confided in my one co-worker whom I trust more than anyone. Other than that, I haven't really been your typical 'dramatic dumpee.' I resisted temptation and never checked her Facebook, although we remained friends on there. Then, I went out to a club one night, got drunk and ended up checking her page. I got emotional and deleted her and all of her acquaintances off of my friend list. Here I am, just about 5 months to the day. I cannot stop thinking about her. I miss her so much, and although she hurt me deeply, I know that I probably hurt her even more in the long run. I wish I could turn back time and fix all of my wrongdoings; wish I could just hit 're-do' and she'd be back in my arms. The main reason I've not reached to her isn't necessarily tremendous resolve. More so, it is embarrassment and fear of what she would think of me. I keep telling myself that she probably got over me instantly and isn't wasting time on thoughts of me. I'm pathetic. Why should she? Why should I waste mine? And then I get even more depressed. The main thought that crosses my mind is this: How can you go through so much together, and it suddenly means nothing to them? Part of me wants her back, but I know that isn't plausible. The other part of me is ashamed of everything I've done and wishes that he could just erase every last trace of the relationship; make it like I never existed to her. And perhaps, if I leave her alone, she'll do just that. In fact, she probably already has. I'm not sure if I'm ready to date anyone else. I can't help but to feel that I have nothing to offer. I don't make a lot of money, and I'm still in suspended animation as far as where I want to go in life. Most of all, I am lonely. I am going to be 24. I am still a virgin. Whether it be going out to a club and trying to land a girl for a one-nighter, or dating somebody new, I retain the same thought; I am a 24 year old virgin and I'm going nowhere. Who the **** would want me? The break-up has severed my confidence to the point where if I catch a pretty girl looking at me, I'll look away and avoid them instantly. Finally, the whole reason I typed this up; should I apologize to her? I do not expect her to take me back, nor do I wish to come off that way. I just know how wrong I was and can't help but wonder if it is dishonest of me to withhold an apology when I could certainly admit to owing her one? Any advice is very much appreciated.
Sneaky Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 You can apologize as long as you're cool with not expecting anything in return. (Which is pretty much how an apology should be anyway.) Don't expect forgiveness, reconciliation, don't even expect a reply back; but apologize if you feel guilty and want to get it off your chest. Don't expect a reply. Second, no one cares about your virginity and if they do, they're not the type of people you want to be associated with anyway. Try to stop worrying so much about what other people think and just keep moving forward. 1
Salvatore85 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Ahh don't blame yourself bro. Trust me I look back at all the things I could've done differently but my god I gave her so much it's ridiculous. I'm sure it's painful and honestly it was petty for her to brag about all the guys lining up, my ex did the same thing and it pissed me off. It will get better man but you've really gotta stop putting such an emphasis on the fact that you're a virgin. Do you think sex makes it hurt less? I've had sex a lot and it still hurts like a bitch.
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