Did GF manipulate me into getting her pregnant?

[happydate]

Reading threads like this. Guys are horny enough not to wear rubber and yet stupid enough to trust a stranger that she has no STI. Just because you pull out or creampie inside of her does not mean you can not contract any of the 5 common STIs either plus having a baby. And why are you attracted towards needy and clingy girls who justified needing a man for her family plans and is under her control. If she's in control, she's also in control of sex and getting payments from 2 dufus.

 

The moral of this story is this. A lack of Self-Control. I'm also a guy and I'm horny too, but I exercise self-control and if it comes down to learning the lesson the hard way to teach you to respect self-control, then so be it. All of this is really simple common sense.

 

People here are basically instilling common sense. Only your inflated ego tells you that they are mean to people who are in this situation.

[Socalidude20]

Poor Baby

 

I'm more concerned what he is gonna do with his unborn baby?

 

Me too, I really don't get why people don't consider adoption more often. It's as viable of an option if not more.

[vanek26]

Reading threads like this. Guys are horny enough not to wear rubber and yet stupid enough to trust a stranger that she has no STI. Just because you pull out or creampie inside of her does not mean you can not contract any of the 5 common STIs either plus having a baby. And why are you attracted towards needy and clingy girls who justified needing a man for her family plans and is under her control. If she's in control, she's also in control of sex and getting payments from 2 dufus.

 

The moral of this story is this. A lack of Self-Control. I'm also a guy and I'm horny too, but I exercise self-control and if it comes down to learning the lesson the hard way to teach you to respect self-control, then so be it. All of this is really simple common sense.

 

People here are basically instilling common sense. Only your inflated ego tells you that they are mean to people who are in this situation.

 

I acknowledge that it was a terrible mistake on my part. I understand I lacked self-control, was immature, impulsive, reckless, and stupid. But there's nothing more that can be done there. I've learned my lesson. Do you think I'll ever do something like that again? Of course not.

 

Playing captain hindsight and picking on things that are already obvious is pointless. The discussion is better served talking about what the next steps the OP should take are.

[vanek26]

Me too, I really don't get why people don't consider adoption more often. It's as viable of an option if not more.

 

Adoption requires a mother to be completely, wholly selfless. She needs to go through the grueling trial of a pregnancy and then give the baby to someone else when she is done. I can only see adoption becoming viable when someone has some silly moral hangup about abortions but truly, 100% does not want to be a mother. And I would wager that most women would change their mind anyways as the pregnancy progresses.

 

Our culture pretty much celebrates single young mothers as rock stars anyways. Picking out names and playing dress up is way too enticing for most women to pass up.

[man_in_the_box]

You're in an awful, helpless situation and there's no need to pile on guilt with these Captain Hindsight "It's your fault! You shouldn't have had unprotected sex!" posts.

 

Well that's exactly the point of this thread. The OP asked whether he was 'trapped' in this pregnancy and there seems to be a large consensus that it was pretty stupid to rely on the rhythem method. It's like walking around with your wallet protruding from your backpocket and then complaining that you got pickpocketed - well duh!

 

This whole thread is doing a disfavor to men who are actually being trapped in pregnancies that really was the result of malicious intent. Simultaneously it does a huge disfavor to every woman who actually wants an abortion for a proper reason instead of too stupid to fix reliable birth control. The only person I feel sorry for is the unborn kid. He just got into all of this because of some guy so naive to trust the friggin rhythm method (TOTALLY different scenario from guys being lied to about birth control - which is still stupid to trust with a virtual stranger - I mean, didn't you ever hear of STD's?) and a girl agreeing beforehand that they will rely on abortion to deal with their incredible irresponsible form of birth control. It's absolutely loathsome how much these people have been involved with their own benefit and not being accountable for any sort of consequences of their own behaviour.

[vanek26]

Well, here's my 2 cents on whether he was trapped or not:

 

I really don't think he was. I don't think his girlfriend mapped out this plot to get herself pregnant and sucker him into 'playing house.'

 

I'm obviously giving her the benefit of the doubt here, but most of what he said makes sense. A lot of women really don't like condoms. Fewer women (but still some) like the feeling of a guy finishing inside of them. She probably really did think "I'll just get an abortion."

 

But getting pregnant changes things. There's a certain stigma about getting an abortion that a large vocal group of people won't let go of.

 

And like I said, playing dress up and picking out names and setting up a nursery are all enticing. It certainly sounds more fun than getting an abortion!

 

I'm sure it is pretty common for a pro abotion girl to get pregnant and then sway herself into keeping the baby.

[man_in_the_box]

I'm definitely pro-choice but I most certainly think that 'without a condom feels better' is a terrible excuse for getting one.

[vanek26]

I'm definitely pro-choice but I most certainly think that 'without a condom feels better' is a terrible excuse for getting one.

 

Then you probably aren't pro choice.

[GorillaTheater]

Then you probably aren't pro choice.

 

Because he thinks the pill or a condom make a bit more sense than an invasive medical procedure?

[vanek26]

Because he thinks the pill or a condom make a bit more sense than an invasive medical procedure?

 

It certainly does make a lot more sense. I don't think anyone would argue that.

[lollipopspot]

Anyway.... whatever about me, back to this persons problems. My issue is a desperate topic.

 

I had the same experience with a step-parent so I understand that.

 

This thread has made me think about how much men trust me with birth control. I don't want children, never have done, and they completely accept that regardless how much they know me. It's up to me whether a condom is used or not and often they don't even know whether I'm on the pill or took other precautions.

 

I hear that all the time. It's a problem.

[Midnight_Princess]

Im getting tired of the blame falling onto the man for this. If a man trusts a woman enough to believe shes on birth control, doesnt want a baby, doesnt have std's and gets the ok to not use a condom why the hell does the blame fall on him? The lying silly little girls should be shamed just as much.

 

OP i do think she had some kind of agenda, but you should of been able to connect the dots. But that no longer matters, you cant change it and you both need to focus on the baby, Not resent eachother before its here.

[WhiteButton]

OP, I really feel for you. The people demonizing you in this thread are honestly pathetic. You're in an awful, helpless situation and there's no need to pile on guilt with these Captain Hindsight "It's your fault! You shouldn't have had unprotected sex!" posts.

 

I'm going through a very similar situation but it's honestly much worse than yours. Maybe you can draw some insight from my struggle.

 

Last November I was hanging out with a girl who I was kinda-sorta friends with. She was basically begging for sex and while I wasn't totally feeling it (she isn't very attractive) I went for it because... well.. guys are horny. She specifically told me she was on birth control and not to worry about anything. So, silly me, I didn't. And I left never really expecting to see her again.

 

You know where this is going: a month later she told me she was pregnant. I know nobody here wants to show any sympathy for how I felt, but OP... I understand your utter misery. There was just so much at stake. I begged her to get an abortion but she was set on keeping the baby. She honestly expected that I would consider trying to "make things work" with her. I swiftly shot that down. Rewarding her for trapping me into this pregnancy was in nobody's best interest.

 

I did however understand that this baby was my responsibility now. And I didn't take it lightly. I had no intention of running away, trying to dodge child support, or anything like that. I immediately began to research co-parenting plans and agreed to go to all of the doctor appointments with baby mama. I met with her family and explained the situation and how I would be there every step of the way.

 

But this isn't what baby mama wanted, was it? She didn't give a damn that I was willing to help with the baby. She wanted a boyfriend for HER. She wanted to play house and have her own perfect family. Suddenly, I was an annoyance to her. And so things took another grueling turn for the worse.

 

She (somehow) went out and found a boyfriend and immediately got super serious with him. She proceeded to phaze me out of her life, to which there was NOTHING I could do as a legal stranger. For the final 5 months of her pregnancy, I didn't see or here from here once. She decided her new boyfriend made a more convenient 'Dad'.

 

And then the baby came. As soon as she went into labor she blocked me on all social networking sites and blocked my phone number so I couldn't possibly contact her. I desperately sent her mother a message on Facebook and was promptly blocked by her, too. I guess the whole family was on board with keeping this child's father out of its life.

 

Of course, I was in too deep to just walk away at that point. My family, friends, co-workers... everyone knew I was expecting a child. How could I just say "nevermind!" and continue my life. How could I walk away from my own child? So I went through the absolutely awful family court process. I filed a petition to take baby mama to court to establish paternity. She has said awful things to me and tried to delay the process every step of the way.

 

The baby is now 3 months old and I have only seen her once, briefly, when I got my mouth swabbed for the paternity test. I have no legal right to otherwise. Baby mama and her boyfriend bought a house and moved an hour and a half away from me. The only guarantee is that I will be paying them child support. Beyond that, I will have to fight with everything I have for a glimpse of my child.

 

So consider this when planning out your moves, OP. your girlfriend has you by the balls. As horrible as you feel now, I promise it isn't nearly as painful as seeing a picture of some other man holding your child with the caption "Daddy loves you"

 

Vanek, i really feel for you man! Have you though about moving to a different country and maybe avoiding the child support? I feel like its BS that she does not allow you to be part of the child life but yet want you to pay for child support. Sounds like she has a guy that makes her happy, he can provide for the child.

 

I am careful when it comes with sex, but reading your story makes me want to be even more careful. Keep your head up and good luck.

[tlegend]

OP, I really feel for you. The people demonizing you in this thread are honestly pathetic. You're in an awful, helpless situation and there's no need to pile on guilt with these Captain Hindsight "It's your fault! You shouldn't have had unprotected sex!" posts.

 

I'm going through a very similar situation but it's honestly much worse than yours. Maybe you can draw some insight from my struggle.

 

Last November I was hanging out with a girl who I was kinda-sorta friends with. She was basically begging for sex and while I wasn't totally feeling it (she isn't very attractive) I went for it because... well.. guys are horny. She specifically told me she was on birth control and not to worry about anything. So, silly me, I didn't. And I left never really expecting to see her again.

 

You know where this is going: a month later she told me she was pregnant. I know nobody here wants to show any sympathy for how I felt, but OP... I understand your utter misery. There was just so much at stake. I begged her to get an abortion but she was set on keeping the baby. She honestly expected that I would consider trying to "make things work" with her. I swiftly shot that down. Rewarding her for trapping me into this pregnancy was in nobody's best interest.

 

I did however understand that this baby was my responsibility now. And I didn't take it lightly. I had no intention of running away, trying to dodge child support, or anything like that. I immediately began to research co-parenting plans and agreed to go to all of the doctor appointments with baby mama. I met with her family and explained the situation and how I would be there every step of the way.

 

But this isn't what baby mama wanted, was it? She didn't give a damn that I was willing to help with the baby. She wanted a boyfriend for HER. She wanted to play house and have her own perfect family. Suddenly, I was an annoyance to her. And so things took another grueling turn for the worse.

 

She (somehow) went out and found a boyfriend and immediately got super serious with him. She proceeded to phaze me out of her life, to which there was NOTHING I could do as a legal stranger. For the final 5 months of her pregnancy, I didn't see or here from here once. She decided her new boyfriend made a more convenient 'Dad'.

 

And then the baby came. As soon as she went into labor she blocked me on all social networking sites and blocked my phone number so I couldn't possibly contact her. I desperately sent her mother a message on Facebook and was promptly blocked by her, too. I guess the whole family was on board with keeping this child's father out of its life.

 

Of course, I was in too deep to just walk away at that point. My family, friends, co-workers... everyone knew I was expecting a child. How could I just say "nevermind!" and continue my life. How could I walk away from my own child? So I went through the absolutely awful family court process. I filed a petition to take baby mama to court to establish paternity. She has said awful things to me and tried to delay the process every step of the way.

 

The baby is now 3 months old and I have only seen her once, briefly, when I got my mouth swabbed for the paternity test. I have no legal right to otherwise. Baby mama and her boyfriend bought a house and moved an hour and a half away from me. The only guarantee is that I will be paying them child support. Beyond that, I will have to fight with everything I have for a glimpse of my child.

 

So consider this when planning out your moves, OP. your girlfriend has you by the balls. As horrible as you feel now, I promise it isn't nearly as painful as seeing a picture of some other man holding your child with the caption "Daddy loves you"

 

Are you in the United States? Have you already gone to court to establish a parenting plan / custody of the child / visitation rights?

 

Depending on the answers to the previous questions, you have every right to see your daughter, regardless of what that woman feels is right or not right.

 

I know this because I was in a very similar situation and had to read up / research what I was allowed to do, what I wasn't, and what rights I have as the biological father.

 

If you live in the United States and was not summoned / filed to a custody hearing, you have equal rights to the daughters parenting as much as the mother, regardless of what misinformation you were told.

 

I am speaking on behalf of personal experience. I fought extremely long and hard to even have my boy carry my last name.....hyphenated. Custody was not established and when she tried to play games, I politely let her know how much I know about what rights I have as a father, and that I would not play her games. Should she ever feel the need to threaten my livelihood as a father, I will pursue custody and I will win 50/50 rights to my child. (or 100% if I have my way.)

 

Most men give up before they reach that point with their baby momma. It is NOT an easy task, and it WILL take a long time to win. But winning in court to protect your God-given ability to parent your own child is very easy, especially with a crazy mother who you know you can use her abrasiveness in court to prove she is trying to phase you out of your own daughter's life.

 

Do not accept this behavior, and don't chalk it up to "I made a mistake, this is my consequence."

 

Your consequence is raising your child (which is really a blessing in disguise...isn't it moms and dads???). Your consequence lies with the responsiblity of your child, not whether or not you can "legally" see her. You have ever right to see her just as much as the mother, and that my friend, is the truth about the law.

[Treasa]

I don't think either one should be blamed nor do I think that she necessarily did it on purpose. So he gets to be just uneducated, but she's malicious. Maybe she's just uneducated, too. Maybe he subconsciously wanted to knock her up.

 

No one knows for sure. Honestly, the point is that everyone has control over their own reproductive future. If you don't want a baby, don't put yourself in a position where you can make a baby. It's really that simple.

 

There are ALL SORTS of things I have managed to avoid over the years because I don't put myself in those positons. Eating meat. Pregnancy. The Kardashians. I could go on and on.

[lollipopspot]

Are you in the United States? Have you already gone to court to establish a parenting plan / custody of the child / visitation rights?

 

Depending on the answers to the previous questions, you have every right to see your daughter, regardless of what that woman feels is right or not right.

 

I know this because I was in a very similar situation and had to read up / research what I was allowed to do, what I wasn't, and what rights I have as the biological father.

 

If you live in the United States and was not summoned / filed to a custody hearing, you have equal rights to the daughters parenting as much as the mother, regardless of what misinformation you were told....

 

Most men give up before they reach that point with their baby momma...

 

You have ever right to see her just as much as the mother, and that my friend, is the truth about the law.

 

I think all of the misinformation out there - "custody is always given to women" does a huge disservice to those fathers who actually want to be involved with their kids. It makes some men give up before they even fight for it. You are entitled to parent your child too.

Edited November 6, 2013 by lollipopspot

[tlegend]

I think all of the misinformation out there - "custody is always given to women" does a huge disservice to those fathers who actually want to be involved with their kids. It makes some men give up before they even fight for it. You are entitled to parent your child too.

 

150% correct.

 

Extra 50% for emphasis.

[happydate]

I acknowledge that it was a terrible mistake on my part. I understand I lacked self-control, was immature, impulsive, reckless, and stupid. But there's nothing more that can be done there. I've learned my lesson. Do you think I'll ever do something like that again? Of course not.

 

Playing captain hindsight and picking on things that are already obvious is pointless. The discussion is better served talking about what the next steps the OP should take are.

 

Don't quote yourself as being healed so quick after this. There is an underlying reason why you are attracted to this type of girl. If this is a one-off thing, then fine you learned your lesson. In my past experiences however, it's not a one-off thing. These girls come in different packages, so it's going to be hard for you to prevent stuff like this from happening the next time.

 

What you need to develop is "INNER" confidence. You probably have the outer confidence for her to drop her panties and let you creampie inside her. BUT, if you would put your foot down and insist on a condom, you might still get lucky with her. But then, she won't get pregnant right?

 

What I meant by self-control is to control your urges to cream her too soon. With women; if they like and love you so deep and a lot; that is the natural progression that they want you to cream them eventually. Just that when the time comes, at least you guys are ready and got checked for STI and you know what type of BC she's on. You have to be really patient playing with these women, because you don't want to come across desperate wanting to get laid. Once she knows she can control you with her vagina, the ball is in her court.

 

Many young women and men don't realize that it isn't easy to raise kids. It requires a lot of time and financial commitment,but all they think about is that kid is so cute. Until the baby gives you many sleepless nights, expensive med bills if somehow the baby has a genetic predisposition etc etc.. I have many male friends who told me that being a daddy is TOUGH, but with great rewards. It's certainly a different lifestyle and you really NEED to be ready for it. You have about 18 years to dedicate your life and sometimes misery with child support. Which is why women like her know which men they can pick on. The one that can easily have a guilty conscience because they lack inner confidence. Sometimes if you put your foot down from the get-go and you showed to her you can walk even with the prospect of her vagina, she will find you extremely attractive because you behave like a real man. She won't dare throw something like this on you because she knows you can walk. But you bent over for her and she got you. That's why some of us here are critical of some of you. There's no second place for sympathy, because you and the OP must deal with the consequences.

Edited November 6, 2013 by happydate

[NJtoDC]

This thread has made me think about how much men trust me with birth control. I don't want children, never have done, and they completely accept that regardless how much they know me. It's up to me whether a condom is used or not and often they don't even know whether I'm on the pill or took other precautions. I've never been pregnant but that has been pretty much down to me. Amazing really considering they would be financially tied to me and my child for many years if I decided to betray them.

 

I totally feel ya. My BF has no physical proof that I am on BC (he doesn't feel the strings of the IUD) but completely trusts me. I don't know that I would be so trusting if I was a guy.

 

Then again, a guy could appear to be trusting but sing a different song if an unexpected pregnancy happened. The pill has a typical failure rate of 9% and the IUD .2%. CDC - Contraception - Reproductive Health

 

Maybe the guys who trust us implicitly now will come start a thread about us if we become a statistic. A good swift kick in the teeth while we are already down.

[Balzac]

By choice!

[man_in_the_box]

Then you probably aren't pro choice.

 

If you think that pro-choice means trivializing abortion then you're just plain wrong.

[vanek26]

Are you in the United States? Have you already gone to court to establish a parenting plan / custody of the child / visitation rights?

 

Depending on the answers to the previous questions, you have every right to see your daughter, regardless of what that woman feels is right or not right.

 

I know this because I was in a very similar situation and had to read up / research what I was allowed to do, what I wasn't, and what rights I have as the biological father.

 

If you live in the United States and was not summoned / filed to a custody hearing, you have equal rights to the daughters parenting as much as the mother, regardless of what misinformation you were told.

 

I am speaking on behalf of personal experience. I fought extremely long and hard to even have my boy carry my last name.....hyphenated. Custody was not established and when she tried to play games, I politely let her know how much I know about what rights I have as a father, and that I would not play her games. Should she ever feel the need to threaten my livelihood as a father, I will pursue custody and I will win 50/50 rights to my child. (or 100% if I have my way.)

 

Most men give up before they reach that point with their baby momma. It is NOT an easy task, and it WILL take a long time to win. But winning in court to protect your God-given ability to parent your own child is very easy, especially with a crazy mother who you know you can use her abrasiveness in court to prove she is trying to phase you out of your own daughter's life.

 

Do not accept this behavior, and don't chalk it up to "I made a mistake, this is my consequence."

 

Your consequence is raising your child (which is really a blessing in disguise...isn't it moms and dads???). Your consequence lies with the responsiblity of your child, not whether or not you can "legally" see her. You have ever right to see her just as much as the mother, and that my friend, is the truth about the law.

 

People like to throw around fun phrases like "she's half yours!", "You have rights too!" but in practice it doesn't amount to anything. Yes, I live in the United States by the way.

 

I don't think I understand what you are hinting at with this post. Are you really saying that if I am established as a father I can just force her to let me see the child? And how does that happen exactly without getting the courts involved? It doesn't. She is under no obligation to give me any access to that girl.

 

I don't want to derail this thread too much though, but I would love to talk through PMs if you're willing

[Janesays]

People like to throw around fun phrases like "she's half yours!", "You have rights too!" but in practice it doesn't amount to anything. Yes, I live in the United States by the way.

 

I don't think I understand what you are hinting at with this post. Are you really saying that if I am established as a father I can just force her to let me see the child? And how does that happen exactly without getting the courts involved? It doesn't. She is under no obligation to give me any access to that girl.

 

I don't want to derail this thread too much though, but I would love to talk through PMs if you're willing

 

You answered your own question. You get the courts involved. It is against the law for her to deny you court ordered visitation. So go get court ordered visitation. Isn't your child worth the effort?