Did GF manipulate me into getting her pregnant?

[Balzac]

I think the OP checked out of this thread several days ago...

 

There has been no response in pages of comments.

 

Not the 1st time OP has checked out! No consequence to checking out on LS.

[veggirl]

Yes she trapped the OP.

 

It is clear as freaking day.

 

How is this defensible? Lol gimme a freakin break.

 

She depended on his stupidity and she got what she wanted because he didn't look into things further. That doesn't mean he "deserved" it, he stupidly believed his GF of 3 yrs when she said she couldn't get preg and wouldn't have a baby in the chance that she did. Yeah he could've done some research but yes she absolutely planned/hoped for this. Gross. And like Ninja said, now there's one more baby to grow up in a single mom household because some lady just HAD to have a baby.

 

Threads like these are stupid anyway though cause basically women will defend the woman in whatever way they can, and vice versa.

[Balzac]

At 111 posts and counting, I disagree that the discussion is so easily written off as "stupid anyway". Posters of all ages and experience levels read and post in LS. I believe that more than a few gain insight from this discussion.

[WhiteButton]

This might be a little off topic but its still related...i am wondering about the ladies and their mindset about doing this type of tactic. Ok great you succeeded in trapping the guy and got pregnant. You got your wish and the baby. But what about the baby now that will grow up without a father? This will have huge impact on the child. I find this a very selfish thing for a women to do. You can not force a guy to be a father if he has stated that he doesnt not want to be or is not ready. Best thing you can do is move on and find the man that will.

[Balzac]

Your calling attention to the ethical questions about fathering. In the end though, no test for parenting exists. One can ask whether poor parenting skills outweigh the damage of a man "opting out". In most jurisdictions, the burden of child support is rather low as a percent of income.

[Keenly]

This might be a little off topic but its still related...i am wondering about the ladies and their mindset about doing this type of tactic. Ok great you succeeded in trapping the guy and got pregnant. You got your wish and the baby. But what about the baby now that will grow up without a father? This will have huge impact on the child. I find this a very selfish thing for a women to do. You can not force a guy to be a father if he has stated that he doesnt not want to be or is not ready. Best thing you can do is move on and find the man that will.

 

It doesn't matter to them. They don't care about the baby not having a father. They don't care about how it affects the man. They get so smitten with baby fever once they find out they are pregnant that all logic, rational thinking goes right out the window.

 

They will defend these women to the death because they love the power. They love how the legal system is on their side too.

 

I will always consider it stupid that one person has so much control over what happens to another person, an its early just another reason we have as men in society to not trust women and not get emotionally close to them.

 

I today's society, women are capable of ruining men's lives and leaving a path of obliteration and destruction in their wake. They can cheat on you and then get alimony at the divorce. They can fake an entire relationship and wedding just to get half your stuff. they can stop taking birth control without telling you for a month and then claim " oops, forgot to tell you I stopped taking it, oh well this baby is your fault.

 

 

What possible reason to men have to trust women these days? There is maybe 1 percent that are faithful, non malicious, keep their word, and actually give a damn about how their decisions affect the lives of others.

[soccerrprp]

I think the OP checked out of this thread several days ago...

 

There has been no response in pages of comments.

 

He received enough sound advice, so up to him to respond. The critical/verbal whipping he also received is the likely reason he's not back....

[veggirl]

Fine, not "stupid anyway..." but definitely "typical".

[man_in_the_box]

This might be a l...

 

...and find the man that will.

 

 

Your avatar totally looks like a rolled-up condom with holes poked in it. What a clever joke!

[WhiteButton]

Do you know any sane normal healthy women who would ever think to do this sort of thing to herself, a child or a man? I haven't met or heard of one.

 

The mindset of a crazy person is CRAZY. Therefore, you are never going to get a rational explanation that will make any sense to you, me and most everyone else.

 

I am not sure what i would call these women maybe they are crazy but they also know what they are doing they are not stupid. They will manipulate, lie to trap a guy.

 

And i think there is a lot of this going, more then you think. I know a close friend that was married but was not ready for the baby and his ex wife was trying to do this to him. But he was smart enough to figure it out and eventually they ended up divorced.

 

I know that this is slightly different then OP situation since he was not married, but the principle is the same. When you are talking about babys both parties have to be in agreement.

[lollipopspot]

...just another reason we have as men in society to not trust women and not get emotionally close to them.

 

I today's society, women are capable of ruining men's lives and leaving a path of obliteration and destruction in their wake...

 

What possible reason to men have to trust women these days? There is maybe 1 percent that are faithful, non malicious, keep their word, and actually give a damn about how their decisions affect the lives of others.

 

You need a vasectomy. I don't see how you can do anything else, given your reality.

 

Also, what if you had a child and it was a girl? That would be pretty screwed up.

 

It seems like your mother must have a been a very mean person, and perhaps you've generalized that to 1/2 the population.

[melell]

I kinda of think females often justify getting pregnant with the whole 'once the baby is here he will be happier than he has ever been, he will see it as the best thing that has ever happened to him'.

 

People constantly say it is the best thing that has ever happened to them. Even my ex would say 'I don't think I want a baby, but everyone is always going on about how great it is'.

 

I know three guys with children who were previously party animals and didn't have kids in their scope at all. They all say 'best thing that ever happened to me'.

[Keenly]

You need a vasectomy. I don't see how you can do anything else, given your reality.

 

Also, what if you had a child and it was a girl? That would be pretty screwed up.

 

It seems like your mother must have a been a very mean person, and perhaps you've generalized that to 1/2 the population.

 

My mother is actually one of the nicest people you could meet. My hatred for humanity doesn't come from my parents, it comes from everyone around me. Everyday people. They are all awful. My life has been one of many bad events.

 

I don't NEED anything. I have the freedom to do with my body as I please. So what if I had a girl? You are mistaking my disdain of people for me hating women. I don't hate women, I hate everyone. That's what happens when everything you've ever known is just one bad thing after another, another person taking advantage of me, another person lying to me, another person stealing from me, etc. You can think whatever you'd like about me. It won't affect me any. If you knew my life story, you might understand why I have no love for anyone. Because I don't know what love is. I've never experienced what it feels like to be loved.

[lollipopspot]

My mother is actually one of the nicest people you could meet. My hatred for humanity doesn't come from my parents, it comes from everyone around me. Everyday people. They are all awful. My life has been one of many bad events.

 

I don't NEED anything. I have the freedom to do with my body as I please. So what if I had a girl? You are mistaking my disdain of people for me hating women. I don't hate women, I hate everyone. That's what happens when everything you've ever known is just one bad thing after another, another person taking advantage of me, another person lying to me, another person stealing from me, etc. You can think whatever you'd like about me. It won't affect me any. If you knew my life story, you might understand why I have no love for anyone. Because I don't know what love is. I've never experienced what it feels like to be loved.

 

Thanks for explaining.

 

Your mother loved you though, right?

 

The problem I see in feeling the way that you do, is that you will be pushing away people who do have the capacity to care. But you won't realize it.

 

In my experience, when someone has a firm mind-set about "the way the world is," they can't help but make the world fit that. It's not that the world ISN'T "like that," but that that is not ALL the world is, if you see what I mean.

 

For example, there are some females who say that they never get along with females. I'm someone who gets along well with females. But when I meet another female who tells me that, I nearly always experience trouble down the road. I have experienced with these women that eventually, they will find some issue that will confirm their bias that females can't get along - and even with me there will be a stumbling block where they walk away confirming their bias, while I would be more than happy to work things out.

 

It's true as you say that there are a lot of crappy people in the world, and many of them. But they don't necessarily need to color your entire experience of the world.

 

But it's also o.k. if you don't find someone to be partnered with. It's not for everyone, and you can have a nice life without it

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Did GF manipulate me into getting her pregnant?

 

 

 

No, of course not, you were fully complicit.

[damien201]

Never trust that! - and that seems obvious, unless someone is adamantly child-free (and even then...). It's a different proposition for many people to intellectually think they will terminate a fetus, than to actually be faced with the decision of ending their fetus' life themselves. On so many issues I've seen that people respond differently when something becomes a reality than when it is just an idea. People often have a lot of difficulty projecting themselves into a "what if" situation and do something different than they thought when the "if" gets here. Many people start to think of the fetus as a "baby" right away, and all the social pressure and verbiage about "child murder" etc. kicks in.

 

That's why I have a problem with it.....

 

Isn't that the entire premise of trust, promises and loyalty? That you'll hold your word in the face of hardship or unexpected circumstance?

 

 

 

"I know I agreed to have an abortion because we're not ready as parents....but now, having this baby, it's all just so beautiful! dontcha think!!!?????"

 

Please.

Edited November 6, 2013 by damien201

[ascendotum]

Oh for feck's sake.

 

Let's say a woman comes here and says, "My boyfriend of 3 years told me that even though he has HIV, we can have sex without protection and I won't catch it because he's on antivirals. So I did that and now I have HIV! What do I do? :("

 

Do you really think there wouldn't be any, "Why the feck did you not spend 5 minutes reading up on HIV transmission!?!?!?" responses?

 

There is trust, and then there is complete lack of initiative to even do your own research on scientific facts that anyone with a high school cert can look up. I'd like to think that most reasonable adults would take some modicum of control over their own lives and actually do that, especially considering the possibility that even if their partner was 100% trustworthy, they might have been misinformed themselves.

 

Your analogy is too extreme...HIV/AIDs!! Yeah its not like one visit to the doctor will take care of that. If your example had used something like the the bf having a parasite/fungal infection and he told his gf she wont catch it because he is on this herbal treatment, but if there is the small chance she can go to the doc and get a 1 week course of penicillin (which he cant take coz he is allergic to) and her problem solved, then you would have been closer to the mark.

While pregnancy is a much bigger issue than getting a parasite infection, and its worthy of making yourself more informed about, the fallback option is a visit to a medical clinic, which his gf assured him was what she would do prior to getting pregnant. HIV is not dealt with, with an afternoon visit to a doctor. The consequences for the gf trusting the bf in your example is much greater than the gf getting it wrong in this situation....but as it turned it for the OP the consequences are huge, but only because the gf deceived him...twice (likely on her BC safety and then on getting an abortion as promised).

 

I personally would have been curious on learning more on the calendar method. Yeah this guy's guilty of being lazy and naive for sure. He did initially take steps to increase safety but she complained or shamed him on it (warning bells would have gone off for me here), but he also relied on her promise to get an abortion as a fallback insurance. He's naive but she comes off as treacherous.

 

And saying he wants a baby because he had sex is the same logic as saying you want those speeding tickets and parking fines when you drive.

Edited November 6, 2013 by ascendotum

[serial muse]

And saying he wants a baby because he had sex is the same logic as saying you want those speeding tickets and parking fines when you drive.

 

Well, presumably you know enough and are master enough of your own driving to stay below the speed limit and park where properly designated. That's the personal responsibility aspect.

 

Sorry, couldn't resist. Otherwise, staying out of this minefield of a thread.

[Socalidude20]

Is it natural to not want to stay with this person anymore? I feel like she destroyed the trust between us.

 

Well I'd think so. She's not really considering you and what you want. She's only considering her own desires it seems if she does chose to keep it. That's not fair and I really think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with her it seems like she's always getting her way. There needs to be more of a common ground in a relationship. Also if I were you I'd leave her but that would be after whatever decision she finally makes. Leaving right now likely will just make her more deadset to keep it I think. Overall she doesn't seem like good relationship material IMO.

[happydate]

wow you read between the lines a lot more than the OP has said.

It's no wonder she felt like a hooker

but your reasoning is totally different reason then outlined in the OP and was quoted from his gf....the source.

 

unless those guys think that they can have an open commitmentless relationships with women for their own convenience. -

there are so many defacto relationships these days and huge % of children born out of wedlock....and also men getting screwed by the legal system. Its a two way street and it suits women to often. The situation is also partly accounted for women's crappy choice in men to have babies with often.

If she's not happy then leave and find a guy to marry her, not stooge her bf into marriage by deliberately getting pregnant. Not all relationships that go 3 yrs mean it has to end in marriage & baby otherwise it was a wasted 3 yrs.

 

But then, he's also getting what he deserves too and you approve of it?

No he's ****ing not. Just because a man has not proposed by 3 yr mark he does not deserve to be shanghaied into marriage by a double crossing gf.

 

That's what happened if you play the non-commitment game and expect that she has to foot the whole risks.

What risks did she have to burden all on herself. She changed the contraception rules with out consulting him on it so that the risks greatly increased. You can bet she is not footing all the risks & obligations of raising a child totally on her own now.

 

And who is the innocent victim here? The baby

It is only going to be this way by choice of the gf here. she knew he didn't want a child yet and she sucked him into believing it was the same with her. Now she has suddenly told him she really thinks differently on it...now. No victim if she does the right thing.

 

It's interesting how many men here are extremely selfish and self-centered about their own self

Yeah taking control of your destiny is really selfish. For me this is a lot worse than cheating. With cheating you can move on with your life (less so in a marriage). Not so when it comes to your gf pulling a oops I got pregnant (thanks to her unilateral decision to change contraception methods) and then a oops I change my mind about never having children. This potentially involves the next 20 yrs of his life in terms of time & money & where he lives or his career choices. Its a ****ing big deal to have that major life choice taken out of your hands by a lie. She's being the selfish one pulling this and not taking into account his wishes.

 

You treated her like a convenient cum bucket you can creampie into and never meant to have a baby with her.

lol. wow you read a lot more into the OP than was there. 'cum bucket' WTF. She pulled the 'how dare you' on him when he tried to mitigate the risk during intercourse by not cuming in her. She wanted to be the cum bucket and increase the risk of this incident.

 

you went along because you enjoyed creampies for your OWN entertainment

Yeh sex is such a one way event. Its all entertainment for men, and a burden and obligation for the poor woman, who just gets used.

 

 

Read carefully my friend.They were already having unprotected sex and then she didn't want to use BC anymore and rely on calendar and the OP suggested pull out technique. Pull out technique is not as effective because you always have pre-cum which is premature ejaculation you don't feel. And this cum can contain sperm. Again, we heard from Planned Parenthood that PU technique can only become effective if you have experience timing it properly! How then is a guy who's used to cum fully to time it exactly on the first try? Just like, how can you run a fast marathon if you haven't practised for awhile?!? I personally had similar experiences myself dating a similar woman like the OP -- 2 actually. They are so sweet, nice, trustworthy blah blah blah.. According to what I learned from Planned Parenthood, whatever she said is not entirely true and they would have received professional counselling and guidance so they would still have been childless today and still enjoying sex if that's what both want.

 

And you know what happened to the 2 women when I put my foot down and said back to condom? 2 of them; one dumped me within a week and the other a month and the sex went from passion to one two done. The last one ended up adopting a baby from China and is now a single mom. Perhaps the OP was afraid that if he puts his foot down; then not only he won't get anymore creampie, he's afraid she'll leave him. Have you thought about that?

Edited November 6, 2013 by happydate

[Socalidude20]

Read carefully my friend.They were already having unprotected sex and then she didn't want to use BC anymore and rely on calendar and pull out technique. I had similar experiences myself dating similar woman -- 2 actually. According to what I learned from Planned Parenthood, whatever she said is not entirely true and they would have received professional counselling and they would have been childless today and still enjoying sex.

 

And you know what happened to the 2 women when I put my foot down and said back to condom? 2 of them; one dumped me within a week and the other a month and the sex went from passion to one two done. Perhaps the OP was afraid that if he puts his foot down; then not only he won't get anymore creampie, he's afraid she'll leave him. Have you thought about that?

 

You do know there are other forms of birth control that are less invasive and more agreeable to the body. All of this can be resolved through Planned Parenthood! And this actually showed the OP CARE about her, care about her mentally and physical well being as many thousands of men who visit the centre we go to. Why then he went ahead with it and then now blame her entirely as though he's not responsible for any of this is beyond me.

 

Honestly she doesn't seem healthy for him anyway. Maybe her leaving would be a good thing in disguise. She doesn't seem to care about him and how this has affected him.

[Keenly]

Thanks for explaining.

 

Your mother loved you though, right?

 

The problem I see in feeling the way that you do, is that you will be pushing away people who do have the capacity to care. But you won't realize it.

 

In my experience, when someone has a firm mind-set about "the way the world is," they can't help but make the world fit that. It's not that the world ISN'T "like that," but that that is not ALL the world is, if you see what I mean.

 

For example, there are some females who say that they never get along with females. I'm someone who gets along well with females. But when I meet another female who tells me that, I nearly always experience trouble down the road. I have experienced with these women that eventually, they will find some issue that will confirm their bias that females can't get along - and even with me there will be a stumbling block where they walk away confirming their bias, while I would be more than happy to work things out.

 

It's true as you say that there are a lot of crappy people in the world, and many of them. But they don't necessarily need to color your entire experience of the world.

 

But it's also o.k. if you don't find someone to be partnered with. It's not for everyone, and you can have a nice life without it

To answer your first question, as I'm still half asleep, my mother loved me with her everything. I was adopted after her and my father searching for almost five years for the right adoption. I guess I was the winner. Shortly after my mom and dad divorced.

 

 

So she loved me.... but she wasn't there. She was an alcoholic. Not a mean drunk, just a really stupid drunk. Combine that with an alcoholic violent stepfather and you had a kid that had to raise itself.

 

 

 

Anyway.... whatever about me, back to this persons problems. My issue is a desperate topic.

[Fufu]

Poor Baby

 

I'm more concerned what he is gonna do with his unborn baby?

[Emilia]

This thread has made me think about how much men trust me with birth control. I don't want children, never have done, and they completely accept that regardless how much they know me. It's up to me whether a condom is used or not and often they don't even know whether I'm on the pill or took other precautions. I've never been pregnant but that has been pretty much down to me. Amazing really considering they would be financially tied to me and my child for many years if I decided to betray them.

[vanek26]

OP, I really feel for you. The people demonizing you in this thread are honestly pathetic. You're in an awful, helpless situation and there's no need to pile on guilt with these Captain Hindsight "It's your fault! You shouldn't have had unprotected sex!" posts.

 

I'm going through a very similar situation but it's honestly much worse than yours. Maybe you can draw some insight from my struggle.

 

Last November I was hanging out with a girl who I was kinda-sorta friends with. She was basically begging for sex and while I wasn't totally feeling it (she isn't very attractive) I went for it because... well.. guys are horny. She specifically told me she was on birth control and not to worry about anything. So, silly me, I didn't. And I left never really expecting to see her again.

 

You know where this is going: a month later she told me she was pregnant. I know nobody here wants to show any sympathy for how I felt, but OP... I understand your utter misery. There was just so much at stake. I begged her to get an abortion but she was set on keeping the baby. She honestly expected that I would consider trying to "make things work" with her. I swiftly shot that down. Rewarding her for trapping me into this pregnancy was in nobody's best interest.

 

I did however understand that this baby was my responsibility now. And I didn't take it lightly. I had no intention of running away, trying to dodge child support, or anything like that. I immediately began to research co-parenting plans and agreed to go to all of the doctor appointments with baby mama. I met with her family and explained the situation and how I would be there every step of the way.

 

But this isn't what baby mama wanted, was it? She didn't give a damn that I was willing to help with the baby. She wanted a boyfriend for HER. She wanted to play house and have her own perfect family. Suddenly, I was an annoyance to her. And so things took another grueling turn for the worse.

 

She (somehow) went out and found a boyfriend and immediately got super serious with him. She proceeded to phaze me out of her life, to which there was NOTHING I could do as a legal stranger. For the final 5 months of her pregnancy, I didn't see or here from here once. She decided her new boyfriend made a more convenient 'Dad'.

 

And then the baby came. As soon as she went into labor she blocked me on all social networking sites and blocked my phone number so I couldn't possibly contact her. I desperately sent her mother a message on Facebook and was promptly blocked by her, too. I guess the whole family was on board with keeping this child's father out of its life.

 

Of course, I was in too deep to just walk away at that point. My family, friends, co-workers... everyone knew I was expecting a child. How could I just say "nevermind!" and continue my life. How could I walk away from my own child? So I went through the absolutely awful family court process. I filed a petition to take baby mama to court to establish paternity. She has said awful things to me and tried to delay the process every step of the way.

 

The baby is now 3 months old and I have only seen her once, briefly, when I got my mouth swabbed for the paternity test. I have no legal right to otherwise. Baby mama and her boyfriend bought a house and moved an hour and a half away from me. The only guarantee is that I will be paying them child support. Beyond that, I will have to fight with everything I have for a glimpse of my child.

 

So consider this when planning out your moves, OP. your girlfriend has you by the balls. As horrible as you feel now, I promise it isn't nearly as painful as seeing a picture of some other man holding your child with the caption "Daddy loves you"