Did GF manipulate me into getting her pregnant?

[Fondue]

Oh, and when this male pill comes out? And I'm with a guy who is desperate to have kids, but I'm done with all that? And he tells me "don't worry, I'm on the pill?

 

Yeah, I'll still be down the doctors surgery with my legs in stirrups getting fitted with something that looks like a fishing rod.

 

I'm sorry, I have no idea what you just said.

 

Are you upset that male birth control pill is a possibility? Is that it? I honestly didn't understand. Please elaborate.

[tinktronik]

Miss, you're saying all that as if we're arguing against condoms. No one said that. I, for one, think he DEFINITELY should have wrapped it up.

 

Please don't turn this issue against the men.

 

Birth control pills/IUD/etc. are all much more effective than condoms. LIke I said, male birth control pill is quite necessary.

I completely agree with you. I an so sick of using BC, and I HATE condoms. I can't wait until my spouse get's snipped.

[ascendotum]

With that said, male birth control pill can't come soon enough. They keep saying "5 more years," but where the hell is it? I'll be the first in line to purchase a pack. So many of these "oooops" babies would not happen if both parties had access to near perfect birth control methods.

 

From what I've observed it seems to me so many of these oops babies happen much often to women who don't have a degree/career to those that do. Contraception is not that complicated and I don't know that scholastic women are less religious, though I believe they would have a greater propensity to have an abortion to take greater control of their destiny.

 

Yeah the male birth control pill has always been coming soon. Testosterone implants were supposed to be pretty effective at shutting down sperm production but had side effects and needed a 2nd drug to counteract. not straightforward for men so it was dropped. Not sure what the latest development approaches are targeting.

[Mascara]

I'm sorry, I have no idea what you just said.

 

Are you upset that male birth control pill is a possibility? Is that it? I honestly didn't understand. Please elaborate.

 

I will not take a partners word for it that he is on the pill. I will still take control of my own fertility. He can still take the pill if he chooses.

 

I agreed with much of what you said, apart from the last bit. My other comment was directed at that latter part of yours. You said that a lot of oops babies wouldn't exist if both partners had access to good birth control.

 

Both did. He chose not to use his. Whilst not near-perfect, condoms are as good as most other forms and CERTAINLY better than the rhythm method.

[Madman81]

First, a statement of principle. If she manipulated you into getting her pregnant, that would be a deal breaker, to me at least.

 

However, that's a pretty sizeable "if", and it's very difficult to be sure if she manipulated you into getting her pregnant or not. Was there a good reason why she couldn't get a new IUD, or had to get off the old one? What were the specific health reasons for not being able to use the pill? Were those reasons valid? I'd want to know the answers to those, because the answers will be illustrative.

 

She's certainly not the only woman who hates condoms, so let's assume that's true. However, her stated objection to coitus interruptus makes my BS-O-Meter go off. And it strikes me that somebody who's gone to the trouble of using an ovulation calendar would probably have read something about the likelihood of pregnancy arising from unprotected sex. Like, SOMEwhere along the line. Again, her insistence that there's "no way" she can get pregnant sounds like BS. Coupled with her assurance that she'd get an abortion.

 

In short, there's a lot about this that bothers me, from a perspective of trustworthiness on her part. And assuming that she DID basically trick you into getting her pregnant, that's a really crappy thing to do to somebody.

 

Unfortunately -- and sorry if this sounds excessively harsh -- you fell for it, and there's very little you can do except hope for a miscarriage. I'm not going to comment on whether or not you should stay with her -- that's too personal a decision to make based on anonymous internet comments.

 

If a baby does come of this whole business, I strongly suggest a vasectomy, so that this can't be done to you again.

[ascendotum]

It is a 3 years relationship; not some short 3 months stint. So 3 years later, she is being treated like his love to her is on a temporary lease. How do you feel if a woman treats you like you are on a lease. It's no wonder she felt like a hooker; felt cheap after she was willing to waste 3 years of her life with this boy.

.......

.......

I'm more worried about the jaded views some men have here and you.

 

wow you read between the lines a lot more than the OP has said.

It's no wonder she felt like a hooker

but your reasoning is totally different reason then outlined in the OP and was quoted from his gf....the source.

 

unless those guys think that they can have an open commitmentless relationships with women for their own convenience. -

there are so many defacto relationships these days and huge % of children born out of wedlock....and also men getting screwed by the legal system. Its a two way street and it suits women to often. The situation is also partly accounted for women's crappy choice in men to have babies with often.

If she's not happy then leave and find a guy to marry her, not stooge her bf into marriage by deliberately getting pregnant. Not all relationships that go 3 yrs mean it has to end in marriage & baby otherwise it was a wasted 3 yrs.

 

But then, he's also getting what he deserves too and you approve of it?

No he's ****ing not. Just because a man has not proposed by 3 yr mark he does not deserve to be shanghaied into marriage by a double crossing gf.

 

That's what happened if you play the non-commitment game and expect that she has to foot the whole risks.

What risks did she have to burden all on herself. She changed the contraception rules with out consulting him on it so that the risks greatly increased. You can bet she is not footing all the risks & obligations of raising a child totally on her own now.

 

And who is the innocent victim here? The baby

It is only going to be this way by choice of the gf here. she knew he didn't want a child yet and she sucked him into believing it was the same with her. Now she has suddenly told him she really thinks differently on it...now. No victim if she does the right thing.

 

It's interesting how many men here are extremely selfish and self-centered about their own self

Yeah taking control of your destiny is really selfish. For me this is a lot worse than cheating. With cheating you can move on with your life (less so in a marriage). Not so when it comes to your gf pulling a oops I got pregnant (thanks to her unilateral decision to change contraception methods) and then a oops I change my mind about never having children. This potentially involves the next 20 yrs of his life in terms of time & money & where he lives or his career choices. Its a ****ing big deal to have that major life choice taken out of your hands by a lie. She's being the selfish one pulling this and not taking into account his wishes.

 

You treated her like a convenient cum bucket you can creampie into and never meant to have a baby with her.

lol. wow you read a lot more into the OP than was there. 'cum bucket' WTF. She pulled the 'how dare you' on him when he tried to mitigate the risk during intercourse by not cuming in her. She wanted to be the cum bucket and increase the risk of this incident.

 

you went along because you enjoyed creampies for your OWN entertainment

Yeh sex is such a one way event. Its all entertainment for men, and a burden and obligation for the poor woman, who just gets used.

Edited November 4, 2013 by ascendotum

[damien201]

My biggest issue with situations like this is that she said she would get an abortion if she got pregnant.

 

Having a baby should be a big deal for a couple, that both parties have agreed on. From a biological perspective women get to make the final choice because it is their body.

 

But I do not understand why a woman in a relationship with a man she has agreed not to have a child with can make this huge decision for both people and have it be alright from a moral perspective.

 

 

There's not really much I can compare it to, since it's a human life. The closest I can come is telling your partner out of the blue that you've sold the house, quit your job, and decided to move the family out of the country. Then forcing them to comply through the power of law.

 

And even that's not as drastic as forcing someone to take part in bringing another human in to the world.

[lollipopspot]

I love it when men agree to have unprotected sex and then blame the woman when she gets pregnant. Surely you researched the effectiveness of what you were doing before agreeing to use it as your sole form of birth control?

 

Repeat after me: "I'm sorry, but I am not ready for a baby and I don't think monitoring your ovulation provides me with sufficient confidence that you won't get pregnant. So, it looks like we will have to forgo sex for now."

 

See?

 

That about sums it up. I feel the same about a woman who lets her man convince her not to use a condom, and finds herself with an unwanted pregnancy. People really need to take personal responsibility for their sexual choices!

 

With that said, male birth control pill can't come soon enough. They keep saying "5 more years," but where the hell is it? I'll be the first in line to purchase a pack. So many of these "oooops" babies would not happen if both parties had access to near perfect birth control methods.

 

I'm not sure how many men would take the side effects of chemical birth control. It gives some pretty bad ones for many women - weight gain, moodiness, hair loss, etc. There seems to be a "temporary vasectomy" on the horizon which would have fewer side effects than messing around with hormones, and that would be pretty great. I'm not sure why more men don't just opt for the permanent vasectomy though. It seems as though a fair amount of men don't have a big desire for children, so why not just make it permanent.

 

My biggest issue with situations like this is that she said she would get an abortion if she got pregnant.

 

Never trust that! - and that seems obvious, unless someone is adamantly child-free (and even then...). It's a different proposition for many people to intellectually think they will terminate a fetus, than to actually be faced with the decision of ending their fetus' life themselves. On so many issues I've seen that people respond differently when something becomes a reality than when it is just an idea. People often have a lot of difficulty projecting themselves into a "what if" situation and do something different than they thought when the "if" gets here. Many people start to think of the fetus as a "baby" right away, and all the social pressure and verbiage about "child murder" etc. kicks in.

Edited November 5, 2013 by lollipopspot

[FitChick]

I completely agree with you. I an so sick of using BC, and I HATE condoms. I can't wait until my spouse get's snipped.

Now you know what to buy him for Christmas.

[Ninjainpajamas]

It is a 3 years relationship; not some short 3 months stint. So 3 years later, she is being treated like his love to her is on a temporary lease. How do you feel if a woman treats you like you are on a lease. It's no wonder she felt like a hooker; felt cheap after she was willing to waste 3 years of her life with this boy.

 

Hey you know what you do when you "invest" 3 years with a man that isn't giving you the "commitment you deserve" like it's some kind of temp to hire position where advancement is expected but hardly discussed or communicated...you're just "hoping"?

 

YOU MOVE ON!!!

 

Yeah, you put your grown-up shoes on and take responsibility for your own future...you set a time-limit or whatever it is of your expectation and if Mr random potential husband baby maker that is supposed to fulfill all your childhood idealistic dreams of a perfect life, doesn't make it all "happen", then find another guy! and, hey, communicate along the way while you're at it...that might be a good idea too!

 

Don't set him up for having a baby, don't try and push the guy into a family and marriage...why is it ok for so many women to think in this twisted @ss way? who's the one being selfish here if you're forcing a man to do something he said he didn't want to? he said he doesn't want to get married and have a child, he's not ready for it..is he doing his own BS there? maybe that's what needs to be discussed before popping out your IUD, guaranteeing you won't get pregnant with your magic calendar then finally agreeing to an abortion based on the trust of the relationship but no upholding it.

 

Sex is mutual, not making a baby...

 

You know, this would all be a lot easier if women simply had three holes in the nether region....one for poo, one for sex, and the other for farting out babies...but unfortunately that's not the way it's made down there, can you imagine how many men would avoid that pregnancy hole? and if they did, bam...case closed, now they're screwed.

 

But you know what truth is? some women would loathe for it to work that way, because then they'd feel like they'd never get what they wanted from a man. Women trap men or attempt to by getting knocked up all the damn time, thinking it'll lead to this perfect life they want so bad, not to be lonely have a family, feel loved...any fool knows that reality it's so damn common.

 

Unfortunately for some reason so many women feel that because men desire sex mutually they should be agree to bring a life into this world, and desire to make an actual human being who lives it's potential life for many many years to come...how the f@ck can you even compare the two? Who's the one thinking about the baby the most, the woman trying to have a baby with a man who doesn't want one or the man who doesn't want to have one (yet) because he understands the commitment and the responsibility it will take because it's not just having a dog or some animal, it's human being!

 

You mutually decided to have sex, not make babies. Oh but since you have the rights over the belly you play the hand of god, clearly you have the moral and honorable decision because you're the one the holds the key and final say so not by morality but by chance...and that's really the only thing that gives you any more "right".

 

Again, she has her own faults too. I'm not saying she's a saint too. She got what she deserved being with a man who is not even committed 100% to her. She didn't even ask him where this is going and voice it. After all, it's 3 years long living together? Doesn't this make any woman wonder if there's going to be a commitment of marriage or family at the end of the road. But then, he's also getting what he deserves too and you approve of it? That's what happened if you play the non-commitment game and expect that she has to foot the whole risks. Wow, it's no wonder there are a lot of man haters with men who are shallow.

 

She isn't a saint, but nobody is arguing that though because we have to "speculate" because we can't "know for sure" EVEN THOUGH the evidence is overwhelmingly on against her based on what was said...even just objectively taking into consider the facts that are present here some of you are STILL insisting it was an accident in spite of the chain of events...I mean how blind can you be? do you really need people to come out and say it to your face? good luck with that!

 

He never agreed to a baby, he made it very clear...that was no in question here.

 

You can wonder all you want as a woman, but I'd highly recommend opening your mouth or having a time limit to what you can realistically "invest" in with someone who doesn't want the same thing as you at this point instead of making the case you deserve it and therefore should push the situation along...it doesn't give you the right to take matters into your own hands by participating in a series of events that coincidentally result in a "pregnancy" after it was clear both parties were not on the same page....I have no idea why this is of no importance to you....oh you know, because YOU don't care.

 

I have no idea why people think pregnancy is a one person decision although sex is a mutual one....sex = life, eh no big deal! what's a life that grows up in a screwed up marriage that has to go to therapy for your twisted @ss decisions to bring a life into this world that pays the price for all of your issues and failures as a person? eh no biggy, that's cool.

 

And who is the innocent victim here? The baby and people are treating this new life as nothing more than a thing; a defective product that they don't want. You can return a product to Best Buy, but you can not return a baby back.

 

I'm more worried about the jaded views some men have here and you.

 

A new life that shouldn't be in question, but no..many women think that once it happens all the past is forgotten and she has every right take the higher moral ground in spite of her actions...I don't even know how anyone could feel proud of themselves for seeing things the way you do, it's so @ssbackwards and way more selfish than a man is ever being, you're willing to bring in a new life based on your own terms that will affect not you but someone else, for your own selfish reasons and viewpoints instead of a mutual openly agreed decision...now that's truly sad IMO, you're not thinking about this baby as an individual and what it will endure growing up, you're thinking about yourself and what you want.

 

In this situation it is clear what she wants....I am saying you, but referring to her/some women when presented with this situation.

 

Maybe a bit extreme but shes right. When men knock up women they always blame it 100% on the woman. Men on this site are very self oriented. Apparently the concept of it takes 2 people to make a baby isnt a popular opinion here. Men get to have the sex and women solely handle the consequences How convenient

 

They're in a relationship, this is not one of your random-hookups knocking on your door selling you off as the greatest thing since cake then walking out the door once you got a bulge in your belly.

 

They've discussed it already, he was clear about what he didn't want and was uncomfortable with the situation but stupidly went ahead with it anyway...he trusted her, for better or worse...you know, just like you trust some random douchebag who's clearly stringing you along then hate all men of the world for it? yeah like that, he asked if he was manipulated into getting her pregnant...and in spite of all factors present and evidence, like a typical biased jaded woman who wants to hate all men, you've chosen to make this as black and white as possible to perpetuate your own heart-broken spiteful views.

 

Go retaliate on the men who actually hurt you, instead of attacking men in general...maybe that'll alleviate some of your angst, plus they're the ones that should be wasting their time hearing it.

[lollipopspot]

He never agreed to a baby, he made it very clear...that was no in question here.

 

It's hard for me to read your whole post, because this just jumps out at me.

 

They weren't using birth control. And he knew it. *I* knew it after less than a minute of Googling, putting in their "birth control" method. To me, that's leaving it up to fate whether a baby is made or not. If he didn't want to have a baby, he needed to do *something* other than relying on abortion as birth control, which is what he did.

 

Someone who uses real birth control and has a failure with it, that I understand. This I don't.

[Ninjainpajamas]

It's hard for me to read your whole post, because this just jumps out at me.

 

They weren't using birth control. And he knew it. *I* knew it after less than a minute of Googling, putting in their "birth control" method. To me, that's leaving it up to fate whether a baby is made or not. If he didn't want to have a baby, he needed to do *something* other than relying on abortion as birth control, which is what he did.

 

Someone who uses real birth control and has a failure with it, that I understand. This I don't.

 

When it comes down to BC it's ultimately about trust between two people...even with the BC pill, even with condoms, do you not understand that there is always small possibility with every method of BC (that I'm aware) where this is a "chance" of pregnancy?

 

Therefore, why is the method of BC more important than the verbal agreement of trust you have between your partner and yourself? isn't that what is really important here?

 

Why are people so focused on the method? whether it's 5 percent, 10 percent 25 percent, does it make you feel better and morally obliged if the method of use was the lowest being used to prevent pregnancy? at the end of the day we're still talking about someone who wants a baby and someone who does not, so women "win" all the time by default or what? in spite of the crap we all are pretty much aware of what many women will do to keep a man and solidify a relationship?

 

Not to mention just human error...if you're having sex with someone, it's a possibility, therefore shouldn't the agreement, and trust take precedence over the outcome or is that only relevant based on the method of BC used?

 

Isn't the trust if not the the most, one of the most important aspects of a relationship to you?

[ascendotum]

Isn't the trust if not the the most, one of the most important aspects of a relationship to you?

 

You'd think so. This is what I wonder when I read these 'I think my gf got pregnant on purpose and changed her mind on kids' threads and the guy who's future is about to massively change despite his wishes otherwise seems to get piled on. It seems to be the much bigger sin, is with the guy for being stupid and trusting his gf and for not taking extra responsibility himself as well by always wearing a condom. It seems to be a much bigger sin than having one of the closest people in your life deceive you. And we are not talking about a white lie here or a lie by omission that women get up in arms about with some new guy they are dating. This is much more massive. This deception has huge repercussions for the next 18 years as well as also quite possibly disadvantaging the unplanned child by risking having it not brought up a loving 2 parent family.

 

Lots and lots of guys are having bareback sex with their gf/fiance/wife and trusting her that she taking BC and also having the 2nd fallback assurance that she will not proceed with any unplanned pregnancy. Seems like many people here would love to say to these guys 'dah you stupid and deserve it if she dupes you'. No doubt a lot of these guys would like to think... if you cant trust your loving long term gf/fiance/wife to do the right thing by you, then who the **** can you rely on.'

Edited November 5, 2013 by ascendotum

[Spots]

Can you be any stupider??? You only have unprotected sex with your wife. She trapped you and now your going to be a daddy. Women are sneaky. Good luck with court

[lollipopspot]

You'd think so. This is what I wonder when I read these 'I think my gf got pregnant on purpose and changed her mind on kids' threads and the guy who's future is about to massively change despite his wishes otherwise seems to get piled on.

 

He can say his "wishes" were otherwise than to be a daddy. But his ACTIONS say that he was o.k. with the possibility.

 

It seems to be the much bigger sin, is with the guy for being stupid and trusting his gf and also for not by taking extra responsibility himself as well by always wearing a condom.

 

He doesn't have to take EXTRA responsibility. He has to take ANY responsibility. They weren't using birth control! They weren't using birth control! At all! Literally less than one minute on the internet would have told him that. If he couldn't bother to do that, then I can't really feel that he cared.

 

The birth control he was relying on was abortion.

 

Lots and lots of guys are having bareback sex with their gf/fiance/wife and trusting her that she taking BC

 

This isn't one of those guys. She wasn't taking birth control.

 

And by this time, seriously, everyone should know that the man ought best to take some responsibility and at least check that if she IS taking it (this guy's partner wasn't taking any and he knew it!), that she's taking it reliably. If it's that big of a deal, he'd best not be asleep at the wheel.

[man_in_the_box]

Is there anyone else that thinks relying on abortion as form of regular birth-control is totally unethical?

[Keenly]

Is there anyone else that thinks relying on abortion as form of regular birth-control is totally unethical?

 

No more ethical than going back on your word.

[man_in_the_box]

Well, yes, it's not a good thing either. Still, even if she sticked to her promise and terminated the pregnancy, I still think it's completely irresponsible use of abortion. Abortion is a last-resort method - not the solution to have unprotected sex.

[man_in_the_box]

While I agree that after conception its a difficult discussion I feel safe to say that anything before conception is totally irrelevant. After all sperm and egg cells get naturally destroyed constantly through ones life. So I don't see anything wrong with interfering or altering that process.

[Els]

Is there anyone else that thinks relying on abortion as form of regular birth-control is totally unethical?

 

I agree.

 

Frankly, I think the OP (who has just newly joined, only to agree with the first misogynistic post he sees) is just stirring the pot, but at any rate...

 

For all the dudes reading this, listen to old Grumpy. Think with your head, not your cock. You are capable of reading up on birth control methods on your own rather than 'letting her manipulate you'. You are presumably literate and have internet access. A quick search would show you how utterly unreliable the calendar method is, and it takes less than 5 minutes.

 

OP should have just insisted on condoms, and moved on if she refused both BC and condoms, given his distaste for paternity.

[Eclypse]

Is there anyone else that thinks relying on abortion as form of regular birth-control is totally unethical?

 

Definitely agree with this. It should only be used as a last resort after all other reasonable precautions have failed. For most people (unless they're very unlucky) they'll never have to go through with it.

[Els]

You'd think so. This is what I wonder when I read these 'I think my gf got pregnant on purpose and changed her mind on kids' threads and the guy who's future is about to massively change despite his wishes otherwise seems to get piled on. It seems to be the much bigger sin, is with the guy for being stupid and trusting his gf and for not taking extra responsibility himself as well by always wearing a condom. It seems to be a much bigger sin than having one of the closest people in your life deceive you. And we are not talking about a white lie here or a lie by omission that women get up in arms about with some new guy they are dating. This is much more massive. This deception has huge repercussions for the next 18 years as well as also quite possibly disadvantaging the unplanned child by risking having it not brought up a loving 2 parent family.

 

Lots and lots of guys are having bareback sex with their gf/fiance/wife and trusting her that she taking BC and also having the 2nd fallback assurance that she will not proceed with any unplanned pregnancy. Seems like many people here would love to say to these guys 'dah you stupid and deserve it if she dupes you'. No doubt a lot of these guys would like to think... if you cant trust your loving long term gf/fiance/wife to do the right thing by you, then who the **** can you rely on.'

 

Oh for feck's sake.

 

Let's say a woman comes here and says, "My boyfriend of 3 years told me that even though he has HIV, we can have sex without protection and I won't catch it because he's on antivirals. So I did that and now I have HIV! What do I do? :("

 

Do you really think there wouldn't be any, "Why the feck did you not spend 5 minutes reading up on HIV transmission!?!?!?" responses?

 

There is trust, and then there is complete lack of initiative to even do your own research on scientific facts that anyone with a high school cert can look up. I'd like to think that most reasonable adults would take some modicum of control over their own lives and actually do that, especially considering the possibility that even if their partner was 100% trustworthy, they might have been misinformed themselves.

[stillafool]

I think if I were a young man reading this thread the two things I would learn would be to always, always use a condom and to never trust a woman.

[Balzac]

Interesting that you tie this lack of trust to one gender. Acquisition of knowledge and a minimal understanding of statistical analysis enter into this. Condoms are not 100% effective at prevention of pregnancy.

[CarrieT]

I think the OP checked out of this thread several days ago...

 

There has been no response in pages of comments.