FitChick Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Why do you think Catholic families are so big? Rhythm method and pull out. 2
melell Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 While most people ovulate around a certain time, people have gotten pregnant while menstruating. People can have quite irregular abnormal cycles. I've known people who got pregnant on the pill, on the Depo shot, on the nuva ring, and condoms... and that's far more effective than natural family planning even in best conditions Pregnant while menstruating is very very rare. It happens when the sperm has made it to the fallopian tube, and then the person ovulates early, with the sperm still waiting. Natural family planning works incredibly well if the person is doing it right, because it means they know exactly what is going on with there body- temp changes, cervix position changes, fluid changes, ovulation pain etc. Women trying to get pregnant have this down to an art, even those with long irregular cycles. Because they KNOW when they are fertile. I have known people to ovulate on day 50+ and conceive, only because they knew they were fertile then. 1
Treasa Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 My entire cycle changed when I went vegan. It also changed when I had an accident that caused some internal damage. There's no way to prove that she did this intentionally. Only SHE knows if this was intentional or not. I'm not saying she didn't do it intentionally, but no one knows for sure. 4
Balzac Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 She intentionally removed the iUD. If it was spontaneously expelled - she chose not to have another placed. Female barrier devices exist.
lollipopspot Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 She intentionally removed the iUD. We don't know the reason though. There may have been some problem with it, which happens not uncommonly. But the fact is that he knew it was gone. She didn't just take it out and lie to him. They weren't using protection that either one of them had any good reason to believe in, and just a minute or two of research would have shown either one of them that. 2
Balzac Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 "she" has no authority to put his name on a birth certificate.
WhiteButton Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 SHe played you - i am just surprised that you were not able to see through it, it seems so obvious to me the way you described the situation. Having said that, you obviously want her to go with abortion. Your best bet is to sit down with her and flat out tell her you will not be there for the child. The child will not have father in his/her life. Maybe you can scare her a little bit get her thinking that she would have to rasie the kid on her own etc. I had a girl that i was FWB with and she started falling for me and i was getting the same story like you, lets not use condoms, birth control makes me sick blah blah, no condoms no sex! Take it or leave it. Needless to say i stopped seeing her soon after. Good luck! 2
Nyla Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I don't understand women who don't use condoms. Hello STIs?? 1
clia Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I love it when men agree to have unprotected sex and then blame the woman when she gets pregnant. Surely you researched the effectiveness of what you were doing before agreeing to use it as your sole form of birth control? Repeat after me: "I'm sorry, but I am not ready for a baby and I don't think monitoring your ovulation provides me with sufficient confidence that you won't get pregnant. So, it looks like we will have to forgo sex for now." See? 11
Janesays Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I'd dump her because she's obviously not very trustworthy. But that isn't the kid's fault, so if she goes through with the pregnancy, I hope you do right by your baby. If I were in your place, the ONLY way she could save the relationship was with an abortion. That is the ONLY way I'd believe it was accidental. No matter what happens, I hope you've learned that birth control is YOUR responsibility ultimately. Man or woman, NEVER put your reproductive future in some one else's hands. 2
happydate Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Very brief background: EXTREMELY trustworthy GF of 3 years who I live with. She is easily the most honest and trustworthy person I've dated (doesn't lock her phone/email/etc, never has cheated on me, etc). She's in her 30s and wants to get married and have a baby. I told her I'm not ready yet. She said fine. She got off of IUD birth control recently. She can't go on pill for health reasons. Fine. I wanted to start using condoms. She said no becaue she hates them. I said OK but I want to pull out before ejaculation and she got furious when I did saying it makes her feel like a hooker. Meanwhile she was using an ovulation calendar and swore by it saying there is no way she could get pregnant if we simply follow the dates. When i would show skepticism, she would get mad saying "there's NO WAY I can get pregnant using the calendar." And she promised she would get an abortion if she god forbid got pregnant. So I trusted her and went with her plan reluctantly and didn't pull out anymore. The incident: She's pregnant. But now she's saying she might not want an abortion. And that she could take care of kid on her own and so on. Now I'm furious because I told her that a) she insisted, despite my questioning and skepticism, that the ovulation calendar was foolproof, b) she would get furious that I wanted to use birth control, and c) that she promised she would have an abortion, which now she says she's not sure she will because at her age women don't get abortions and she's getting to the age where she won't be able to have kids. Questions for you: 1. Did I get played? Or was it an honest mistake on her part? 2. What would you do if you were me? It's interesting how many men here are extremely selfish and self-centered about their own self and own advantages. You do know you can get a Vasectomy and is considered a permanent birth control for men. It's a non-invasive procedure. Takes about 30mins to do it and the recovery rate is like a day's rest. Within a few days, you can have tons of creampies with your girlfriend or wife without risking pregnancy. Why then men refuse to do this? Because this procedure IS NOT easily reversible. I think because you never treated her as your lover. You treated her like a convenient cum bucket you can creampie into and never meant to have a baby with her. You didn't man up and put your foot down and say, heh wait a sec I don't want to have a baby with you so if you don't allow me to wear a condom, I will leave. Instead, you went along because you enjoyed creampies for your OWN entertainment and never consider her well being and the consequences. Now the baby. You all the men here said it is her fault. If you love sex and sex only guys, have a Vasectomy and wear a condom if you think she's not clean of STI. Otherwise, some people I know who had it done had no worries about getting girls pregnant. 2
stillafool Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Yeah OP, she tricked you. There is no way she wouldn't want to use some type of protection if she knew she could get pregnant. Don't marry her whatever you do. Just hope she follows through with her promise, otherwise get ready for 19 years or more child support plus being there for your baby. I don't know that I would ever speak to her again.
odin673 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 It's interesting how many men here are extremely selfish and self-centered about their own self and own advantages. You do know you can get a Vasectomy and is considered a permanent birth control for men. It's a non-invasive procedure. Takes about 30mins to do it and the recovery rate is like a day's rest. Within a few days, you can have tons of creampies with your girlfriend or wife without risking pregnancy. Why then men refuse to do this? Because this procedure IS NOT easily reversible. I think because you never treated her as your lover. You treated her like a convenient cum bucket you can creampie into and never meant to have a baby with her. You didn't man up and put your foot down and say, heh wait a sec I don't want to have a baby with you so if you don't allow me to wear a condom, I will leave. Instead, you went along because you enjoyed creampies for your OWN entertainment and never consider her well being and the consequences. Now the baby. You all the men here said it is her fault. If you love sex and sex only guys, have a Vasectomy and wear a condom if you think she's not clean of STI. Otherwise, some people I know who had it done had no worries about getting girls pregnant. Wow, I'm a bit at a loss after reading this. You need some help. The OP wanted to use condoms, he wanted to pull out(ie not cum bucket). His mistake was putting reproduction in a girlfriend that may have had ulterior motives.
happydate Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) Wow, I'm a bit at a loss after reading this. You need some help. The OP wanted to use condoms, he wanted to pull out(ie not cum bucket). His mistake was putting reproduction in a girlfriend that may have had ulterior motives. It is a 3 years relationship; not some short 3 months stint. So 3 years later, she is being treated like his love to her is on a temporary lease. How do you feel if a woman treats you like you are on a lease. It's no wonder she felt like a hooker; felt cheap after she was willing to waste 3 years of her life with this boy. Usually after 2 to 3 years, there would come some sort of commitment from guys, unless those guys think that they can have an open commitmentless relationships with women for their own convenience. Again, she has her own faults too. I'm not saying she's a saint too. She got what she deserved being with a man who is not even committed 100% to her. She didn't even ask him where this is going and voice it. After all, it's 3 years long living together? Doesn't this make any woman wonder if there's going to be a commitment of marriage or family at the end of the road. But then, he's also getting what he deserves too and you approve of it? That's what happened if you play the non-commitment game and expect that she has to foot the whole risks. Wow, it's no wonder there are a lot of man haters with men who are shallow. Immature adults who are both getting burned from being immature and irresponsible of their actions. And who is the innocent victim here? The baby and people are treating this new life as nothing more than a thing; a defective product that they don't want. You can return a product to Best Buy, but you can not return a baby back. I'm more worried about the jaded views some men have here and you. Edited November 4, 2013 by happydate 3
soccerrprp Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 You do know you can get a Vasectomy and is considered a permanent birth control for men. It's a non-invasive procedure. Takes about 30mins to do it and the recovery rate is like a day's rest. Within a few days, you can have tons of creampies with your girlfriend or wife without risking pregnancy. Why then men refuse to do this? Because this procedure IS NOT easily reversible. Just wanted to clear up any misinformation here. After the procedure, it takes longer than just a few days before your sperm clears and the worries of pregnancy are over. It takes anywhere from 3+ months and/or 20-30 ejaculations. But, normally, sperm count is taken after 3 months to verify if sperm count is 0. 1
happydate Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Just wanted to clear up any misinformation here. After the procedure, it takes longer than just a few days before your sperm clears and the worries of pregnancy are over. It takes anywhere from 3+ months and/or 20-30 ejaculations. But, normally, sperm count is taken after 3 months to verify if sperm count is 0. Thank you for the clarification. I was just going from what I heard from planned parenthood in our area.
Mascara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Yes, trust goes as far as "as long as she doesn't get pregnant". In other words "I trust you completely to not get pregnant on purpose". Which means that if she got pregnant, he has to trust that it wasn't on purpose. After using a method involving something that has a 25% failure rate. 1
Nyla Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I love it when men agree to have unprotected sex and then blame the woman when she gets pregnant. Surely you researched the effectiveness of what you were doing before agreeing to use it as your sole form of birth control? Repeat after me: "I'm sorry, but I am not ready for a baby and I don't think monitoring your ovulation provides me with sufficient confidence that you won't get pregnant. So, it looks like we will have to forgo sex for now." See? Too late to even do the easy thing.
odin673 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 It is a 3 years relationship; not some short 3 months stint. So 3 years later, she is being treated like his love to her is on a temporary lease. How do you feel if a woman treats you like you are on a lease. It's no wonder she felt like a hooker; felt cheap after she was willing to waste 3 years of her life with this boy. Usually after 2 to 3 years, there would come some sort of commitment from guys, unless those guys think that they can have an open commitmentless relationships with women for their own convenience. Again, she has her own faults too. I'm not saying she's a saint too. She got what she deserved being with a man who is not even committed 100% to her. She didn't even ask him where this is going and voice it. After all, it's 3 years long living together? Doesn't this make any woman wonder if there's going to be a commitment of marriage or family at the end of the road. But then, he's also getting what he deserves too and you approve of it? That's what happened if you play the non-commitment game and expect that she has to foot the whole risks. Wow, it's no wonder there are a lot of man haters with men who are shallow. Immature adults who are both getting burned from being immature and irresponsible of their actions. And who is the innocent victim here? The baby and people are treating this new life as nothing more than a thing; a defective product that they don't want. You can return a product to Best Buy, but you can not return a baby back. I'm more worried about the jaded views some men have here and you. I agree that she has a right to want commitment after that long of a relationship. Trapping him with a baby is not the way to do it. Dumping him and finding a man who wants the same things as she does is the right way. The OP was straight forward with his gf. She didn't like his answer so she decided to "change things" without his consent. You're right that the child is an innocent victim here. Hopefully the OP stays involved in the child's life. You're wrong in saying I'm jaded. I think you are. It's every man/woman's right to decide if they want marriage/children and the timing of these events. It's not right to try to take someone else's choice away from them. The morale if the story is that things like marriage/children need to be discussed early in a relationship so neither party is wasting time. 4
odin673 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Maybe a bit extreme but shes right. When men knock up women they always blame it 100% on the woman. Men on this site are very self oriented. Apparently the concept of it takes 2 people to make a baby isnt a popular opinion here. Men get to have the sex and women solely handle the consequences How convenient The OP wanted to use condoms and pull out. His mistake was trusting his girlfriend when it was raining red flags. There are consequences for both of them in this situation. He will have to pay child support for 18 years. She will be a single mom. The child will grow up with no father and a resentful mother.
Fondue Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Unfortunately, both are responsible for this "problem." While I do agree she may have "tricked" you, I honestly believe you could have been stronger and put your foot down about condoms. With that said, male birth control pill can't come soon enough. They keep saying "5 more years," but where the hell is it? I'll be the first in line to purchase a pack. So many of these "oooops" babies would not happen if both parties had access to near perfect birth control methods. 3
Mascara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Unfortunately, both are responsible for this "problem." While I do agree she may have "tricked" you, I honestly believe you could have been stronger and put your foot down about condoms. With that said, male birth control pill can't come soon enough. They keep saying "5 more years," but where the hell is it? I'll be the first in line to purchase a pack. So many of these "oooops" babies would not happen if both parties had access to near perfect birth control methods. Condoms will have about the same success rate... and certainly far more successful than the rhythm method used here. Why wait for the pill? All men need to do is WEAR A CONDOM EVERY TIME. Oh yeah. Men don't like using condoms. So they'd rather use nothing, pray that she's telling the truth and then complain about being trapped when it all goes wrong. And don't give me all this "oh but he tried to". No glove, no love. She didn't rape him. 2
Mascara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Oh, and when this male pill comes out? And I'm with a guy who is desperate to have kids, but I'm done with all that? And he tells me "don't worry, I'm on the pill? Yeah, I'll still be down the doctors surgery with my legs in stirrups getting fitted with something that looks like a fishing rod.
Fondue Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Condoms will have about the same success rate... and certainly far more successful than the rhythm method used here. Why wait for the pill? All men need to do is WEAR A CONDOM EVERY TIME. Oh yeah. Men don't like using condoms. So they'd rather use nothing, pray that she's telling the truth and then complain about being trapped when it all goes wrong. And don't give me all this "oh but he tried to". No glove, no love. She didn't rape him. Miss, you're saying all that as if we're arguing against condoms. No one said that. I, for one, think he DEFINITELY should have wrapped it up. Please don't turn this issue against the men. Birth control pills/IUD/etc. are all much more effective than condoms. LIke I said, male birth control pill is quite necessary.
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